A/N: Annnnd just before the one-year anniversary of hiatus, WE RISE FROM PURGATORY! 8D
I bet you all thought this was dead, haha. No, but really I am truly sorry for leaving it off so long. I needed to take the time to finish up my other, much longer, much more serious fanfic, and I realized that if I did not devote all my time and energy to it then it would have taken far, far longer to complete. Therefore this fic was drafted to the wayside as I worked endlessly on that personal project. You can only imagine how much longer it would have taken had I tried to do both at once.
Anyway, now we're back!
"Alright everyone, we've kept you waiting long enough." Lucard called their "super-top-secret-immensely-important" meeting to order. It was about time. He himself had been getting impatient, waiting for when the mystery would finally be solved and the traitor revealed.
All of the officers that Neuro had requested were in attendance. Lucard could see Zelmia Dreadsting with her puckered, knobby face standing with her arms crossed. Hopefully she was just concerned and not annoyed. The demoness could have a killer temper. Lucard had been a bit surprised when Neuro listed her name, but if the detective suspected her then he could only imagine that there was a good reason. Brutus Sharpback was also among the demons along with a few of Neuro's assigned suspects. Balanusk Huskeater was the only other one to have been summoned.
"As you all know, Gastroslime was an old, valued contact of the HDAC, which is why the Order Branch has poured so much resources and attention into this string of cases," said Lucard. "Today I introduce to you our newest colleague for this investigation, given to us by the Executive offices with hopes of finally solving the mystery. This is 'Braineater' Neuro, our crime detective."
He pointed out the demon next to him. Neuro had entered the room before Lucard, and in fact had been the first to arrive, but this was his first official introduction to others in the field. Lucard felt the gathered demons shift and heard a few sounds of acknowledgement. Neuro stood with an even, unbothered composure, smiling faintly. He did not meet the others' eyes.
Lucard caught sight of an Evil Friday bug riding on the demon's feathered shoulder. There were two on his other side as well, and even one peeking out from behind the horns on his head. A whole pod gathered around his clawed feet. Lucard's ears picked up a soft whirring noise from the closest one, perched on Neuro's wrist. Was the puzzle-solver recording this meeting?
Bah. Lucard chose to ignore it. Who could tell, with that freakish brain of his? Maybe the feathered demon wanted to review the footage later.
"Care to share your brilliant deductions?" Lucard said with sarcasm.
After a few seconds, Neuro nodded. "Thank you all for coming," he addressed the room. "Your cooperation has helped to bring this mystery to the tip of my tongue. I promise you that today's meeting will in fact be very short."
"I have found the culprit," Neuro announced. He took a half-step forward and pointed at the assembled group with an outstretched middle finger. "The criminal is…"
Lucard tensed. He hadn't expected the bird demon to be so bold. Neuro was going to oust the killer right now?
Lucard glanced around at the gathered demons and allowed his fur to rise. He was itching to get his claws on whoever had the nerve to betray the Order Branch, tarnishing the banner of Enforcement and Asanteoh's good name. Lucard was one word away from lunging at the culprit to capture them and see them punished. Now, which one was it...
Neuro grinned and retracted his finger up towards the ceiling. "None of you!"
From his vantage point above, Neuro smiled. From what he could see, the Commander and others were just beginning to file into the room. Their meeting would begin shortly. He saw the dog go and stand next to his duplicate, leaving distance in between the two of them as Neuro had requested. Evil Blind, it seemed, required some space if he were to optimally carry out his plan.
There were some very useful gadgets among the 777 Tools, Neuro reflected. This one had taken less energy to summon than Evil Full Face and had provided him with exactly the kind of cover that he needed.
Neuro had entered the room long before anyone else arrived in order to set up his trick. First, he had used Evil Blind to cast a curtain of energy in a good-sized radius around him. Neuro had observed himself from the outside with a demon bug and concluded that it served to lower the 'conspicuousness' of his existence. It was not invisibility, but eyes would tend to slide away from him, people might carry on conversations without including him, and any newcomers entering the room likely would not even notice he was there. It was quite the interesting ability. Neuro had summoned the tool before during one of his numerous practice exercises, and this time he had imagined a fun way to take advantage of it.
Neuro had recorded a short film of himself using his servants from Evil Friday. There were two video files: one of him standing neutrally and one that would play when his true objective had been reached. The bugs had been arranged to record from all angles so that when he set them up again and instructed them to project the image onto Evil Blind it appeared as a 3D living, breathing Neuro. The decoy wasn't perfect, but Evil Blind's ability should be enough to keep the other demons from noticing. Hopefully.
It had all worked well. Each "suspect" passed below the real Neuro and focused on the fake image, oblivious of the brightly colored demon crouching overhead.
But Neuro had chosen to use Evil Blind for one reason: to put himself "on the same level" as the true killer. Who should be—Neuro's eyes flicked back over the expanse of the ceiling—according to his reasoning…
Right there.
Gastroslime's murderer hung effortlessly from the blackthorn wood. Their natural toepads securely gripped the craggy surface. With great googly eyes they looked down upon the assembled group of officers. No doubt they were listening intently to the officers' new plans.
It was a gecko-form demon.
It was slender and had seven pairs of legs. Its body was silver, overlaid with the colors of the ceiling, and had yellow rings down the back. The demon was also wearing a technical-looking jacket and helmet. Wires between the two pieces of equipment pulsed whenever it moved. A quick shimmer would flash across the affected surface. Neuro deduced that the items must be assisting its natural camouflage abilities. It was flawlessly hidden and seemed to have no trouble at all with keeping quiet.
The avianoid demon licked his beak. His long-awaited meal had arrived.
After a second of debate, Neuro called upon his powers of sense manipulation. He didn't like to use that particular ability; his talent for it was almost too weak to use it effectively, and with Neuro's intellect he never found it particularly necessary to force others' hands like a brute. Commanding Lucard's paw during their practice battle had taken more energy than Neuro could expend casually, and had only worked because the dog was taken by surprise. But today the power might serve him well.
He acted gently in order to avoid alerting those below. Neuro targeted the gecko-demon's hands, slowly softening the bonds between their pads and the wood. The demon flexed its fingers and pressed deeper into the wood, looking down in confusion when it was unable to find purchase. Finally it had to reposition its hand. It sank into a different position, stepping one hand out and to the side which caused its head to swing to the right..
It saw him.
Neuro reached out with the speed of a striking snake and grabbed the demon by the jacket. He pulled it towards him and into the range of Evil Blind. When the culprit opened its mouth to click at him, Neuro clamped its jaws shut with the talons of one hand. The message was clear: Keep quiet.
But the criminal was panicking now with the stress of being caught. The demon whipped its tail around towards Neuro. At the end of it was a lance along with other, smaller spikes. The mystery-eater ducked. Luckily, he managed to smack the appendage back before it could thump against the ceiling.
Neuro let the culprit struggle out of his grasp. It tried to hiss at him and got poked in the nostrils for its trouble. The demon staggered back, unused to the feeling of talons up its nose. Neuro grinned in childish amusement.
They fought on the ceiling underneath the cover of Evil Blind and a transformative jacket, invisible to the others.
You're not the only one who can defy the laws of gravity, Neuro thought. He was completely at ease in this upside-down environment. While his opponent had to use the pads of their feet to desperately cling to the surface, Neuro could use any body part that he pleased. He even used his hair, just to prove he could.
Neuro twisted easily underneath the demon's tongue. The fool had decided to swing it at him like a whip. Neuro was just bobbing back up, resolving to grab the next outstretched limb, when the demon turned tail and ran.
It skittered toward the edge of the tool's aura in a senseless attempt to escape. Only its lance-tipped tail was held up as a futile defense to cover its retreat.
Neuro frowned. The sight brought up unpleasant feelings within him.
Among demons, most held the belief that you were either born strong or born weak. Of course, there were many ways to be strong…but there were also just as many ways to be weak. Those who were weaker had to rely upon tricks, other weaklings, and their own minds in order to outsmart the better fighters. Fate did not favor them. Life had created prey to please the hunters, not the other way around. Nowhere was that more apparent than in Hell.
Weaklings had to struggle and run away for their whole lives until they were eaten or otherwise killed, never having the chance to improve. They were doomed to be beaten forever.
Neuro could picture it all clearly—this gecko demon slinking off to tell others about how they had killed again, a really impressive heist this time. He could imagined it boasting to friends, relishing in the feelings of strength that success brought. Neuro imagined how its string of crimes would boost its reputation; make it stronger in others' eyes. It was the only lifeline for the pathetic.
"Coward," Neuro said with disgust. He snatched the end of the demon's tail and pulled it back before they could escape the range of Evil Blind. They started another short tussle, but Neuro was done playing.
The detective plucked the criminal off of the ceiling. He held all seven pair of legs with both hands, having tied them up with the demon's own tail. It writhed while Neuro sat calmly and dangled it over the others' heads.
"'Every time that we see through their methods, they change strategies,'" Neuro quoted. "Wasn't that what the King said? Rather intriguing, hmm? Just like…a chameleon."
The demon wriggled in protest.
"Yes, yes, or a gecko. That would work too, I suppose."
The mystery had been solved, and the pent-up energy had been aching to escape from its host the moment Neuro's victory had been assured. Now all the negative thoughts and emotions were released into the air as if bursting from a dam. With the puzzle dismantled, there was nowhere in their creator's heart for them to stay. All of the work, all of the energy that their host had put into their nefarious 'riddle' was what Neuro would get out.
Neuro beheld the swirling, tumultuous light as a starving man would stare at a glistening steak. So beautiful…and delicious.
"Let's eat," he said. It was something he had fallen into the habit of doing whenever he got the chance to feed. He supposed it was his way of being thankful for another meal.
And eat he did.
Neuro swallowed the energy down into his stomach. The thousand knives of his hunger sliced a little duller as he relished the momentary feeling of "full".
The gecko-demon became limp in his grasp, drained of energy. Weak, thought Neuro. How very annoying.
"…Well then," Lucard struggled to control his temper. What the Devil did Neuro mean, 'none of you'? "Who is it really, master detective?"
For a moment Lucard thought he heard a faint thump from the ceiling. What were some idiots doing on top of the log? There was nothing to see up there.
The Neuro projection turned to face him. "You might want to duck, Commander."
Neuro dropped the gecko-demon onto Lucard's head.
For a moment Lucard appeared to have been crushed by an invisible force. Then the criminal's disguised fizzled away. Their equipment was damaged by the impact, leaving them with nothing but their usual camouflage. And that was not much good under the eyes of five surprised demons. A sharp tap was heard as their helmet cracked against the ground.
Everyone stared at the dazed demon on top of Commander Throatbane. Within seconds, the lupinoid shot back up to his feet and joined them in silently watching the scene, processing what lay before them.
"Mystery solved," said Neuro from the ceiling.
"…So the Neuro next to me was an illusion, and your plan worked perfectly," summarized Lucard. Oh, it had been a headache trying to get out of that meeting…
"Exactly." The bird demon looked infuriatingly pleased with himself.
"But you detected no suspicious behavior among our agents?" Lucard pressed. He had just called for a hearse to come pick them up.
"Nothing beyond normal," Neuro replied. "Although I may have gotten some lovely blackmail material in the process…"
Before Lucard could admonish him, the wolf demon's communications device beeped. He read over the new message. "The King wants a full report, especially detailing your use of the Tools, although he hears everything went as expected. You'll be officially recognized and given a badge next time at the office, blah blah-"
"Yes," murmured Neuro. "It was a satisfactory meal."
"Asanteoh also wrote some advice about Evil Friday." Lucard's red eyes narrowed and he read more cautiously. "Our records reveal that it can be used for more purposes than mere observation…as if you haven't figured that out already. Those purposes include recording and re-playing video, moving small objects, acting as remote bomb diffusers, generally being helpful, and distracting your senior officer so you can drop things on his head."
Lucard looked over to see Neuro with an amused expression. A demon bug from Evil Friday skittered over the talons on his right hand.
"The last bit was a joke, by the way. The King didn't really write that," said Lucard.
Neuro just kept smirking.
Soon their police hearse arrived. The demon-worm wheels squeaked in pain from having to cross the rough terrain. Lucard and Neuro ducked into the car, their combined weight only adding to the worms' burden. The inferno of a back engine roared as they set off for HDAC:OB HQ.
At length, Lucard spoke. "Hey," he said as if he had just realized something. "So all of the demons in that room were our fake 'suspects', right?"
Neuro looked incredibly bored with him, but nodded.
Lucard raised a finger and pointed at himself. "Does that mean I was a 'suspect' too?"
"Of course not," Neuro replied without missing a beat. "You're far too stupid."
He placed the demon bug inside his mouth and swallowed, sending it back to wherever it came from.