~ Chapter 7 ~
"Mirror I am seeing a new reflection."
~ Rikki ~
Tonight was prom night, I was so excited. This was the one thing I had been waiting for, a good chance to dress up. I was a bit surprised at myself at my own excitement for such a small thing, but it was going to be amazing. It was a big chance to show off my weight loss and to show off my wonderful boyfriend of course. It was a good chance to be myself and not to worry about my weight for once. I smiled at myself in the mirror and nodded, we had school in the day as per usual but the night would be one non stop party. I looked at Emma who was still asleep in her bed and smiled, she was looking forward to this as well. She had been loosing weight in the hope that she would be thin for the prom and she was going to be. Even if she didn't think so, I think she looks amazing. "Morning." I look at her and grin as she slowly climbs out of bed "How long have you been awake for?" I shrug and look into the mirror again, "Ready for a run?" She rubs her eyes and gets out of the bed, I am already dressed and ready so I quickly run downstairs and grab our bottles of water which we put in the fridge last night. Grabbing them, I sit down on the settee and wait for Emma to come down, finally she does and I grin at her "Ready for tonight?" She smiles and then runs out the door. Running after her I chuck her bottle of water at her and manage to catch up with her. "Do you think we hit our weight target?" She looks at me and I nod "You sure look like you have."
"You do, and more." I shrug, "We will weigh tonight and see."
"Yeah, so no food all day?"
"Yeah, nothing at all. Just to be ready for tonight. Just in case they have food there."
"Yeah true. Good idea." She grins at me and sprints off onto the beach, rolling my eyes I follow her.
"That was fun."
"Oh yes riveting." I laugh, Emma rolls her eyes and then re-fills her water bottle, putting it back into the fridge. I quickly run up the stairs to get ready for school, today was going to be a long day. "What you doing?" Emma asked as she came through her bedroom door, I shrugged as I turned away from the mirror "Does this make me look fat?" She shook her head "No, you could never look fat."
"Hmm.." I turn back and then sigh, fat thighs, fat belly, double chin and chubby cheeks. It's all I see, people tell me it ain't the truth but if it's what I see then it must be true, right? After all, the mirror never lies. "I am going to wear all black today." Emma comes up behind me and grins "Ain't it a bit hot?" She shakes her head and I laugh at her "You're mad." She nods "Yeah, and you love it." She pats down her clingy top and then nods at herself in the mirror. I quickly grab my bag and follow her out the room. "You're doing well in school as well Rikki." I nod "I am doing okay, thanks to you."
"And Lewis."
"Yeah and him." I laugh, Lewis the school geek and my best friends boyfriend. He was so academically blessed, and so surprised when I asked him for help. After all and I quote "Rikki... but you're not the school type." People can change can't they? I want to change and I am doing something about it, I wish people would stop asking questions about it. Change is always good.
Emma runs out of school and laughs at me waiting for her, I roll my eyes and walk ahead of her "Ain't you excited?"
"Yes but not so much when I have been waiting 20 minutes for you to get out of the damn school." She shakes her head "Yeah sorry, was sorting out some stuff with Cleo."
"Like?"
"Her meeting us at mine and stuff."
"Okay.."
"She is going to share a limo with us, and Lewis is going to pick her up from mine. She will be there 10 minutes before Zane and Ash."
"Why isn't she getting ready with us?"
"Her Dad has arranged for someone to go to their house and do her hair or something."
"Fair enough, you ready then?" She nodded and then running off she grabbed my hand. "Emma come on, we look like freaks."
"I don't care."
"Well I do."
"Have some fun Rikki. Anyway think of the calories we are burning." I shrug my shoulders and laugh "True but can you possibly run like a sixteen year old and not a six year old?" She laughed "But it's more fun this way."
"And it's fun to do it the normal way."
"No, come on Rikki. Loosen up once in a while." Sighing I let her take me on her little crazy run which she was sure to regret soon enough when someone laughed at us or something. I was relieved when we arrived at her house, out of breathe and tired, we collapsed on the sofa and grinned at Mrs Gilbert when she walked in "Why are you two out of breathe?"
"Emma decided it would be fun to run all the way home." I tried to sound annoyed but really I was pleased we had managed to run twice already today. "It was really fun." Emma was in a little world of her own and I rolled my eyes, getting up I grabbed her hands and pulled her up as well "We need to start getting ready."
"We need to go for our run because when we get back it will be too late." I looked at my watch and nodded "Well come and get changed then." She nodded and then ran up the stairs, I soon followed and laughed when I saw her collapsed onto her bed "Move it lazy." I grinned at her and she got up and slowly put on her jogging bottoms from this morning, I did the same with mine and then looked into the mirror. "Come on then. Some sit ups when we get back and then we start getting ready?" She nodded and then walked out the room, I smiled as I thought this would be the third run of the day and it wasn't even 4pm yet.
"Quick weigh in and then we get ready then." Emma said as she got up off the floor when she was done with the sit ups and I nodded and got up as well "Shall I go first this time?" She nodded and then followed me into the bathroom, I sighed and then closed my eyes "I was 118lbs last time, right?" Emma nodded at me and I opened my eyes and looked down at the scales. "Have you done it?" I nodded and then Emma looked down as well "114lbs. Bang on target." I nodded and then grinned at Emma "Your turn." She nodded and then took off her trainers, slowly getting onto the scale she looked at me "I have to be 124lbs." She closed her eyes "You look for me." She whispered "What?"
"Please Rikki, I don't know what I will do if I haven't made it." She sounded like she was going to cry so I shook my head and looked down, "It's fine Emma, you are 123lbs. Well done." I grinned at her and Emma jumped off the scales and hugged me "Thank God for that." I nodded "Lets get ready now!"
"Wow! You both look so beautiful." Mrs Gilbert smiled as we walked down the stairs, we were both wearing elegant black dresses. Emma's was a shorter version of the dress I was wearing and our backs could be seen through the fabric on the back. I smiled shyly and looked down as Emma grinned and hugged her Mum. "We are just going to go upstairs and get the camera. When will Cleo be here?"
"In a moment hopefully." The doorbell rang and Emma ran to get it "Here she is." She said in a French accent, I laughed at her and shook my head as she ran to the mirror to put her earing's in "You're crazy." She nodded "Yep." I smiled at her and then at Cleo, she looked at us and then down at herself. She was wearing a sexy, green dress that came to just above her knees "You look amazing." I nodded at her and she smiled "You look so beautiful. Both of you do." I blushed and then looked in the mirror next to Emma. "You're both getting really thin." Cleo was staring at our backs and I shrugged and looked at Emma "You can never be too thin my darling." She said, still using her French accent. I giggled at her and then looked at myself in the mirror "We are fine Cleo."
"I can see your shoulder blades." She said and I shrugged "I have always been able to see yours. I got over it, I am sure you can do the same." I didn't mean to sound bitchy but it must have come out that way because Cleo looked as though she was going to cry. I shook my head "Sorry but really, we are fine and we eat loads. Don't we Emma?" I looked at her and she nodded "Yeah loads."
"Course you do." Cleo muttered, I ignored her and rolled my eyes. "Come on girls I want a group picture." Emma grinned as she saw her parents walk down the stairs with the camera "All together now. Emma got into the middle and put her arms around mine and Cleo's waist, I shifted uncomfortably and tried to smile at the camera. I quickly moved out of the position to run to the door when it knocked. I grinned when I saw Zane and wrapped my arms around him "Wow! You look amazing." He said as he handed me a small red rose, I kissed him gently on the lips and smiled "You look very handsome." He nodded "Well I do try." I laughed at him and then grabbed his hand, he looked down at me and then kissed me on the cheek. I felt myself blush but I distracted myself by staring at Cleo and Lewis and Emma and Ash. They each received a flower as well and then we were all made to stand together for another photograph. I rolled my eyes at Emma's parents, they were so proud of her. Would they feel the same if they knew what she did? Would they still love her? I wondered what they would do if she told them or if I told them. I would probably get the blame, even though she had bulimia before I even knew about it. I didn't even know how long she can been purging for, no one did. To be honest I think even Emma has forgotten the first time she did it. Sighing, I took one last look in the mirror before taking off with my friends and boyfriend into the large limo outside. Tonight was going to be perfect.
"Wow. You look amazing Rikki, have you lost weight?" A girl from my Maths class asked me, I shrugged "Only a bit." She smiled "You look really good."
"Thank you, so do you." She grinned at me and then walked off with her friends. I looked around at everyone eating and sighed, I wrapped my arms around my stomach and tried to ignore the hunger pains. "You going to eat?" Emma came over from the dance floor and I looked at all the food on the table "Nothing I like here. You?"
"I might have something and then go purge." I nodded, "Yeah. If I have something I will have to do the same." She nodded at me and then laughed as Ash pulled her back towards the dance floor, I rolled my eyes but soon cheered up when Zane came up to me "What took you so long?"
"I grabbed some food on the way back from the little mens room." He held up two plates and then grabbed one of my hands, I felt myself starting to shake. I couldn't eat all that disgusting, fatty food. It was horrible. I was going to get fat. We sat down at a spare table and I smiled at him, he put a plate down in front of me and then looked at me. He was challenging me to eat it and I wasn't going to accept the challenge. "You going to eat anything?" He asked, I shook my head "Me and Emma are ordering pizza tonight."
"Of course you are."
"You can ask her if you want."
"I am sure you can eat something before then." I shook my head "I would really rather save myself for the pizza."
"No! Just eat it."
"Why?"
"I have to know that you're okay Rikki. I have to know that you eat."
"I do eat, I eat all the time."
"Well I have never seen you eat."
"You're not around all the time."
"I will be if you want. Just to make sure you're okay." He pushed the plate in front of me and I shook my head, pushing it back I felt the tears fall down my face "Whats wrong?" He got up and put his arm around me "I don't feel well."
"Thats a lie. You just don't want to eat. Tell me why Rikki please." He was about to cry, I could hear it in his voice "I just.. I don't want to get fat again." I sighed as I said those dreaded words, he wasn't supposed to know how I felt, I just broke all the control I had. I told the one person I shouldn't have told and now he wouldn't love me anymore because he would realize what a fat cow I was. I sighed and looked down as the thoughts ran through my head, "You're not fat and you never have been." He lifted up my head and put my head in his hands, kissing me on the lips he sighed "Whatever." I muttered, "Just eat something."
"Fine." I grabbed a sandwich and nibbled on it, he smiled and sat back down and ate his own food. "I need to pee." I told him when I was done, he nodded and then smiled at me "Will you wait here for me?" I looked at him and he nodded "Then we can dance." I nodded and then ran off to the toilet, I had to get it all out of me. I had to do it soon, before all the calories stayed in me and made me fatter. Crying, I ran into the bathroom and locked myself into a cubicle. I sighed as I heard someone being sick next to me and I stuck my fingers down my throat "Rikki?" I heard after a while, I was done by then as was sitting on the toilet "Emma?" I heard a big sigh and then a sob "I am such a failure."
"No, it's okay. You got it out didn't you?" I sighed "Yeah but I shouldn't have had it in the first place."
" I had something as well."
"I saw, but Zane made you. Ash didn't make me, I just chose to eat it." She sighed and I shook my head, I got up off the floor and opened the door. I looked at Emma who was sitting on the sinks, I washed my hands and my face and looked at myself in the mirror. "We are going to be okay. Now lets go and dance." I said as I grabbed her hand and watched her jump off the sinks "Burn some calories." She laughed, I nodded and then walked out of the bathroom.
Burning calories
Starving yourself
Making yourself throw up
It's all part of the package
You just have to accept it Rikki,
You can't have it all without some effort..