Sorry this took so long to update :(

this is bad this is bad this is really really really bad because you know what I can picture all this getting written down right at this very moment and Doumeki reading it oh god please don't let him be reading it don't let him only two days left only two two two it can't possibly be two this the countdown to Armageddon yes that's right Yuuko you can stop making fun of me now

"Watanuki's plan got foiled!" Yuuko sang happily, draped over the swing in such a manner as to indicate that she had no skeletal system whatsoever. A glass of sake dangled from her long fingers.

"Foiled!" echoed Mokona in reply, causing Watanuki to grimace at the small creature.

"Yes, well, why don't you help me DO something about it instead of sitting there MOCKING me, huh?" He gestured with the feather duster toward Yuuko's prone position in annoyance. "Have you ever considered that you will be without a servant if I die of embarrassment on Wednesday? That means NO MORE SAKE FETCHING! And you won't be able to lie there in obscene laziness all the time because SOMEONE has to do all this work, and I'M the only one who ever even MAKES AN EFFORT!" He shook the cleaning implement at her to punctuate his point.

"Look," cooed Yuuko to the twins, who were seated off to one side watching Watanuki work. "Watanuki's doing the feather duster dance again!"

"Feather duster dance," the twins said solemnly, with the air of someone being bestowed with the ultimate knowledge of the universe. "Watanuki does the feather duster dance! Always dancing featherly."

Yuuko chuckled. "Very featherly. Just look at those arms go! Like a windmill, don't you think?"

"Windmill!"

"Featherly windmill!"

"WOULD YOU KINDLY LISTEN TO ME?"

"Watanuki, don't be so loud," his employer said in semi-drunk annoyance. "It's not good for my head."

Watanuki decided to overlook the fact that Yuuko had been the source of most of the noise for the last few minutes, and attempted to appeal to her (very limited) capacity for sympathy.

"Yuuko-san," he asked calmly, "Please help me. What would it take to get that book back? Just a simple movement from there to here? It can't be that much."

"More than you can pay, Watanuki-kun. We've been over this before, ne? Your dedication to preserving your relationship with Doumeki is to be admired," she said slyly. "But I would hate to be considered an enabler in your case of terminal shyness."

"It's NOT SHYNESS! THE DAMN BOOK IS LYING ABOUT ME, OK?"

"My, my! 'The lady doth protest too much, methinks'!"

"Have you gone INSANE?"

"It's a quote, Watanuki," Yuuko said tiredly. "But really, you shouldn't ask me to remove the book from Doumeki's possession. It's hitsuzen; it will just come back to him some other way."

"Ok, so how about you just make it invisible?"

"Sorry."

"Make it grow poisonous spikes?"

"No."

"Let Mokona eat it?"

"Absolutely not."

"FINE!" yelled Watanuki in exasperation. "Can't you just make Doumeki BLIND, then?"

"Is that a fetish, Watanuki?" Yuuko watched in delight as her employee did several convincing fainting imitations. The twins rushed over to fan him.

"Really, though, Watanuki-kun," said Yuuko thoughtfully, turning over on her stomach and propping her chin up with the one hand not occupied by a sake glass. Any other man would have gone right back down after being revived to the view that Watanuki was granted when he sat up. Yuuko adjusted the neckline of her robe. "I'm not so sure any of that will be necessary."

"Eh?"

"You see, Doumeki may have picked up... a few tricks from hanging around with you... and me."

"Such as?" asked Watanuki warily.

"Such as the principle of equal exchange," replied Yuuko with a menacingly sweet smile. "I do believe he'd make an excellent businessman."

"What are you saying, Yuuko-san?" The dimensional witch was notorious for her ability to create loopholes in the simplest of statements, and Watanuki had discovered that it was not only intelligent, but actually necessary to ask follow up questions in order to avoid getting stabbed in the back by his own boss.

"What I'm saying is that he may be able to offer you... rather better terms than I can due to his substantial bias in your favor."

Watanuki thought this was rather unfair as Doumeki seemed to have even less of a bias for him than Yuuko did, considering his recent behavior. And anyway, what sort of "terms" did Yuuko have in mind? Watanuki decided it was better not to know.

"You want me,"he spelled out slowly, carefully, "To go find Doumeki..."

"Yes!"

"...and then try to bargain with him..."

"Correct!"

"... in order to get back what he stole from me in the first place?"

"Mm-hm!" Yuuko looked pleased with herself. Watanuki was really very adept at figuring these things out when given the right clues.

"What kind of IDIOT do I LOOK LIKE?"

Ok, so maybe he could use some work on the acceptance bit now.

"It's hitsuzen, Watanuki," Yuuko said in annoyance. "You don't have a choice; you're going to do it. Now, go get me some more sake and I'll even let you off work early to go fulfill your destiny!" She gestured expansively toward him. "No need to thank me."

"Only because you'll charge me for it," Watanuki replied sourly.

"How very right you are," Yuuko giggled, balancing Mokona on the palm of her hand and petting it.

"Very right!" bubbled the creature happily.

Yuuko smiled in satisfaction as Watanuki stomped out of the room. He was much too worked up over all this. Hitsuzen was obviously doing its job.

Watanuki snorted in an extremely undignified manner and went off to fetch some more alcohol—preferably enough to give his employer a nasty hangover in the morning. Hitsuzen obviously had something against him

The melting snow dripped apathetically from the eaves and shingles of the temple, matching Watanuki's rather soggy mood as he stood before its painted gate. He could hardly believe he was doing this. But it was now only one day to go before ignition on the ticking time bomb planted in Doumeki's house, and Watanuki would be damned if he got taken out by the blast without at least attempting to disarm it. Operation Demon Book had failed. Yuuko had failed. Two more attempts to break and enter had spectacularly failed, falling flat with the force of a tripping elephant when Doumeki had confronted him less than three steps inside the house. So now, with nowhere left to turn, Watanuki was forced to consider the alternatives.

He decided that for all this talk about swallowing one's pride, the stuff was extremely unappetizing.

Watanuki squared his shoulders and walked through the gate.

"Again?" was all Doumeki said when he found a glaring, tomato red Watanuki standing on the doorstep for the fourth time in three days. "You're tracking in a lot of snow, you know."

"...'Msrygs," Watanuki mumbled. That was how Yuuko had told him to start out, by apologizing for his rude behavior.

"What?"

"I said I'm... srywhtvr." Sorry. Whatever. Damn, those words were hard to work with.

Doumeki raised an eloquent eyebrow.

"Well, at least you're not in my underwear drawer again," he shrugged.

"IT WASN'T YOUR GODDAMN UNDERWEAR DRAWER!" Watanuki exploded. "Jeez, I'm here to freaking APOLOGIZE and you can't even keep your mind out of the gutter, you IDIOT! Why do I even put up with you?"

"I didn't hear any apology," the archer pointed out. He tried to look annoyed but only ended up with a weary expression.

"You weren't listening," said Watanuki snidely, and stomped into the kitchen. He was scanning around for a place to put his coat when he saw the book laying innocently on the counter.

"No." Doumeki told him, following his gaze. He gestured at a chair. "Sit."

Several expressions of outrage and righteous indignation crawled across Watanuki's face in rapid succession. "Excuse me, I am NOT a DOG!"

"I know."

Watanuki seethed. "So don't treat me like one," he added lamely.

"I won't."

"You just WERE!"

Doumeki waited patiently.

"Fine, fine," Watanuki muttered, as though Doumeki had been pressing him for information (which he hadn't.) "I'm here because I want to get the book back. Which you know already. Yeah. And I want to... negotiate for it."

There was a pause. "With what?" Doumeki asked at last.

"I dunno. Bentou, maybe? I'll make you a weeks worth of bentou if you give it back to me, ok?"

"No, thanks."

"A month?" Watanuki said hopefully.

"No."

"A year?" Doumeki shook his head.

"What if I promise to make you whatever you want?"

"I don't want bentou," Doumeki said. Watanuki experienced an epic sinking feeling, rather like a large ocean liner plummeting down through the waves. He had guessed this might not work. "...I want you to tell me what the book says," the archer finished firmly. He stared at Watanuki.

There was a dead silence. The ocean liner suddenly morphed into a submarine and gunned its way into the depths at high speed. The color drained from Watanuki's so completely that Doumeki could have sworn he was a light shade of blue.

"Tell... you...?" Watanuki croaked at long last. His fingers drew vague, halfhearted diagrams in the air between them. "But... but... but... but..."

"Final offer," said Doumeki solemnly. He leaned forward so that close that Watanuki had no choice but to look him in the eye. The proximity had a rather serious effect on his mental capabilities. "Take it or leave it."

Watanuki's circulatory system was faced with a serious dilemma as it contemplated whether to turn his face red, or an even whiter shade of pale.

"Um," he said, in complete and total horror.

Next on this station: The Confession! -trumpets sound-