Moon Scars

Ch 6 – Finding Comfort in Solitude

…

Heroes and Thieves- by Vanessa Carlton

Well, disaster it strikes on a daily basis
And I'm looking for wisdom in all the wrong places
But still wanna laugh in disappointed faces
And you can't help me
I'm blinded by these

Heroes and Thieves at my door
And I can't seem to tell them apart anymore
Just when I figured it out
Darling it's you I'm without…

I'm without your comforting logic like,
These days are the ones I'll miss
And I seek a solitude
That I can't find without you

Seems like I'm getting closer somehow
A flicker of peace that I finally found
Thank you for believing in me now
Cause I do need it

…

"Well, that should do it." Dr. Cullen said after he finished wrapping my wrist. "I definitely think that it's at least fractured, but we won't know for sure until you go into the hospital tomorrow for an x-ray."

"Thank you so much Dr. Cullen. I'm sure fixing me up in your home wasn't something you wanted to be doing on your day off." I told him.

"No, I wish that my services were never needed at all, it would be nice if there wasn't a reason for doctors to do what they do, but as a doctor, I am on call twenty four- seven. I'm happy to help whenever I can, and please when you are in my home, call me Carlisle."

"Um Ok, thanks Carlisle" I smiled.

"So Bella, tell me, how did you get hurt?" He asked. I never noticed before that Carlisle had a slight accent, I wonder where he's from.

"Uh, I was hiking in the woods, and I tripped and fell."

"And, Edward just happen to cross paths with you?" he questioned.

"Well not exactly, we were both at the meadow and we were walking back together when I fell."

Carlisle nodded his head in understanding "Bella, I think you are a wonderful young woman and I love Edward, he's my son, but I really don't think it's a good idea for you to get involved with him. He has a negative history with your father and I really don't think Charlie would be very happy with you spending time with him."

"We're not involved" I said defensively "I have a boyfriend, Edward and I just happened to both be at the meadow at the same time, nothing more." I couldn't believe that Carlisle would come to a conclusion like that, it was utterly ridiculous and it kind of pissed me off a bit.

"All I'm saying is that Edward sometimes has a way of making people think that he wants to be friends, but it seems he always has an ulterior motive. He doesn't mean to be cruel to people, he's just a very guarded, very damaged person, and I've seen people get hurt because of it." I was really trying not to be angry at Carlisle, I knew he was just looking out for me, but I was mad and I wasn't exactly sure why.

"Thanks again, I should be getting home." I said quietly

"Of course." Carlisle led me out of his office and down the stairs. "Emmet, will you drive Bella home in her truck, and Rose can follow you in her corvette to bring you back?"

"Yeah sure." Emmet said and started to get up off the couch.

"No, no, that's Ok. I'm fine to drive myself, but thanks though." I didn't wait for them to argue; I just grabbed my keys and practically ran out of the door. For some reason I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. I had no idea where Edward was at the moment, but I wasn't about to ask Emmet or Carlisle where he was either, even though I really wanted to thank him and say goodbye.

I drove home and the whole way I just got more and more angry. Why wouldn't Carlisle want me to be friends with Edward? I mean, I heard what he said about Edward not being very nice to people in the past, but that had nothing to do with how he was with me. Edward could have easily yelled at me for invading his space in the meadow, or not shared his food and water, and just left me behind to find my own way down the mountain. But he didn't, and when I really thought about the day, I can't deny that Edward and I truly became friends.

I was relieved when I got home and my mother was nowhere in sight, but then Edward's voice came to my mind - 'Well, I'm not trying to tell you what to do or anything, but if my mother came and wanted to talk to me, I'd at least hear her out before I spit on her.'- And I actually decided that maybe I wanted to see her after all.

"Bella, thank god." Charlie said as I came through the front door. I hid my wrapped hand under my sleeve not wanting him to know I was hurt. "I have been worried sick about you, I called Jacob, I called your friends, and no one had any idea where you were."

"Sorry dad, I just needed to get away to think, I'm fine though." I tried to assure him, but it only seemed to piss him off.

"Oh, you're fine, that's all you have to say? You disappeared for over five hours and you don't have a better explanation than that?"

"Dad, I just went for a hike, it's not a big deal"

"A hike? Bella, I told you that there has been trouble with wolves in the woods lately, you could have gotten killed out there alone." Charlie said in a panic.

"Dad, I'm sorry, I forgot about that and I just needed some time to myself. Look it won't happen again, Ok."

He took a deep breath and sighed "Well I guess I understand why you needed to leave…just don't go into the woods alone again."

"So, did mom leave town again?" I asked not really sure what I hoped his answer to be.

"No, she's staying at the hotel with…with her new husband." He said slowly, afraid of what my reaction would be.

"She's married?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, and apparently she's doing pretty well, she seems happy enough."

"Well good for her." I said with a sarcastic attitude and I went upstairs.

The second I got in my room, my cell phone went off, and for some reason I thought it was Edward calling. My heart leapt out of my throat, and butterflies started racing around my stomach until I looked at the caller ID. I didn't understand why my body reacted that way and why I thought Edward be calling me when he didn't even have my number, but I couldn't help feeling slightly disappointed when I answered the call. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Hi Jake."

"Bella, god where have you been? Your dad's been worried sick about you." Jake said almost like he was scolding me.

"I just needed to be alone for a while that's all" I told him, annoyed by his tone.

"Bella, who are you talking to?" My dad barged in the room and demanded.

"Uh Jake, what's your problem?" I asked confused with his hostility.

"Say good night, I need to speak to you now." He said forcefully.

"Uh, Jake, I gotta go, I'll talk to you tomorrow." I didn't wait for a response, I just hung up the phone. "Why are you so mad now? I just told you that I won't be going in the forest without…"

"I just spoke to Dr. Cullen on the phone." He interrupted me. Shit.

"Ok, so?" I decided to play dumb.

"So, when were you going to tell me that you are friends with Edward Cullen?" He asked me angrily.

"I didn't know that I had to tell you about every single friend that I have." I told him bitterly.

"Edward Cullen is bad news Bella, I don't want you getting pulled into his dangerous life, in fact, I don't want you anywhere near him."

"First of all, he's not even my friend, we're just partners in a school project" I lied. "And second, you should trust me enough to know that I'm smarter than to let anyone pull me into anything." I had enough crap for one day, so I went back upstairs and slammed my door before locking it.

I wanted so badly to sneak out of the house and go see Edward, but now was not the time to be the rebellious teenager, so I went to bed instead. I spent the whole weekend sulking in my room; both Jacob and my mom kept calling but I refused to talk to either of them.

When I arrived at school on Monday, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to see Edward and just talk to him again. I knew that he understood me, and I could talk to him about my frustrations with my parents. Jacob didn't have a mom either, but at least his mother didn't chose to leave, she wanted to be there for his family, but she died, so Jake couldn't relate to how I'm feeling. Being abandoned meant that I wasn't wanted and that really sucks, Edward wasn't wanted by his mother either, so maybe I felt a connection to him through that fact.

"Hey Bells" Jacob was waiting for me by my locker. I pulled my sweatshirt further down my hand to hide my wrapped wrist.

"Hey" I said half heartedly. I knew he would be there and I was happy that he was, I guess I just hoped to see Edward first. The last thing I wanted was to talk to Edward with Jacob there, that would just be bad.

"I'm sorry about what happened with your mom, I'm sure that must have been hard for you." He said sympathetically.

"Whatever, I just don't care about her one way or the other anymore." I told him and I couldn't help but look around to see if Edward was anywhere in sight.

"Who are you looking for?" Jake asked confused with my distractedness.

"Huh? Oh, no one, I just need to get to class a little early so I can talk to the teacher."

"Ok, well I'll walk you." Shit, can't he just take a hint.

As we walked down the hall, I looked forward and saw Edward coming towards us. I wanted to say hi, pull him to a stop and talk to him, but I didn't. He looked at me briefly, but then turned his head and kept walking. I didn't know if he was upset at me about something, or maybe he just didn't want to talk to me with Jacob there.

I suffered through the day because of how painful my wrist was when I used it, but I was still trying to hide it so I never said anything and nobody really noticed the wrap. I became really anxious for art class to come and when it did, the butterflies came right back. The tardy bell rang, and Edward's chair was still empty. The teacher started her lesson and finally, a half of an hour into the class, Edward walked in looking very pale and red eyed.

He didn't look at me at all when he sat, but there was a strong smell of marijuana that was hard to ignore. Was he high? It was such a powerful smell that it actually gave me a headache and I really needed some fresh air. When the class was finally over, Edward left without a word and I spent the rest of the day confused at his behavior.

Edward never spoke to me all week and every time I saw him he was either smoking with different girls, or he smelled like pot and didn't look at me. It was almost as if us being friends, never happened. I tried not to obsess about it, but I couldn't stop thinking of Edward. It was like he was two different people, maybe he had multiple personality disorder or something, but either way, I felt a hole in my gut like as if we made some deep connection and now it was gone.

My mom didn't bother me for that week either, but she did call my dad every day to ask how I was. My dad eventually found out about my wrist and he forced me to go in to get an x-ray, and it was indeed fractured. I thought that it was very strange, and annoying, that Carlisle had called to tell him about Edward and I hanging out, but never mentioned my wrist, but whatever. I was grateful Carlisle wasn't available when I went in, because I really didn't need him and Charlie to get talking about me and Edward; Charlie was pissed enough as it was. The doctor that I did see, said that a cast wasn't really necessary because of where fracture was, and so he put me in a splint and ordered that it not be removed unless I was showering.

That Friday, I was driving home from school, and I hit a patch of black ice, spun out then slammed into a guardrail. My heart was pounding faster than it ever has before, and I was completely scared to death. I had never been in a car accident of any kind, but since Billy's accident, I've been terrified of them. I wasn't hurt in any way, but my car wouldn't start so I pulled out my cell, and called my dad.

My dad wanted me to go to the hospital to make sure I wasn't injured, but I wasn't in any pain and I really wanted to just go home. Again, because it was Friday, school had let out early, so my dad had to go back to work after he brought me home. He was having my car towed, so I was going to be stuck at home with no way of going anywhere for a while.

My dad's truck was sitting in the yard, but I was too shaken up to be driving at the moment, so I just sat there and stared at the walls. I tried to read, but my mind couldn't concentrate, I thought about finishing my painting because it was due the following week, but my wrist hurt too bad, and I knew I couldn't do any better anyway. But I needed to do something because my mind just kept going over the crash repeatedly and I knew that if I sat there any longer, I would lose my nerve to ever get behind the wheel again. I couldn't let this little accident make me a prisoner of my own fears, so I grabbed my dad's keys and decided to go for a drive.

This time, I knew where I was going to go, so I grabbed my backpack and filled it with snacks and water bottles. The first time that I went to the meadow, I didn't plan on ever going back, but the last time I was there, I tried my best to memorize the way so I could find it again. I had gone there alone before because I needed to escape life, and it definitely was the comfort that I didn't know that I was looking for, and now I needed that comfort again. Or maybe I just needed to see Edward and I was sure that he'd be there.

I got there quicker this time because I was more aware of which way I was going, and the first thing I did was look around for Edward, but he wasn't there. I told myself that it was Ok that I was there alone, but in truth, I had to fight the urge to go back home, this place just didn't hold the same magic without him. I sat for about an hour then decided to head for the truck, when a new fear tore its way through my chest. What kind of fucked up day was this?

"Nice puppy" I said in the calmest voice possible in that moment. A huge wolf was standing there watching me like I was going to be its next meal. This wasn't the first time that I saw a wolf in the wild before, but this one just looked so much bigger, probably because it had its winter coat on. He growled at me and barred its fangs, so I slowly backed up but when the second wolf came on the scene, I knew I was in trouble. I'd take a step back, and they'd take a step forward, then a third showed up. Wonderful, I was alone, miles away from anyone, and I was about to get eaten by a pack of wolves. And the worst part was the fact that my dad did warn me about this; damn, I hate it when he's right.

Then I heard more movement in the woods and I wondered how many fucking wolves could be in a single pack. I could tell that the alpha dog was ready to pounce on me and there was nothing I could do, so I closed my eyes and waited but for some reason I wasn't afraid, just a little ticked off that I was going to die like this.

"HEY!" Someone shouted and then I heard banging noises. I opened my eyes and there he was, my savior just like the last time, and the meadow became magical again. Edward was yelling at the wolves and banging some sticks together, but the wolves didn't look too bothered by it so he tossed the sticks down and picked up some rocks and started throwing them. The wolves growled, but after the leader was hit in the face, they all took off running. Edward watched their departure carefully for a minute before turning his attention back to me.

"Are you Ok?" He ran over to me to check me out. I was shaking from the ordeal, but as he grazed his hands over my shoulders and down my sides, checking for injuries, I immediately felt better. "Bella?" He asked concerned when I didn't answer him.

"I'm Ok, just freaking out a little."

He chuckled a bit. "Yeah, I'd say so."

"Should we leave, are they going to come back?" I asked quickly.

"Nah, they took off pretty fast, they won't be back for a while but we can leave if you're still afraid."

"No, I want to stay." I said too quickly.

I didn't ask him about his coldness in school because in this place, nothing else mattered. We stared at each other for a long time feeling as though I could get completely lost in his eyes, and for those few moments, I did.

"Did you at least bring food this time?" He asked with his crooked smile, breaking the intense silence.

"Yeah, are you hungry?" I pulled off my backpack and opened it.

"No, I have my own, I was actually just joking." He sat on the ground and pulled out his book that he was reading last time. I sat close to him and pulled out my own book, and we just read separately for a few hours. When the sun started to get lower in the sky, we both put our stuff away and walked down the mountain together.

We would talk occasionally, but it was so peaceful just being in his presence that words weren't really needed.

School the following week didn't go by much different than the week before, I turned in my art project but I wouldn't know my grade until the following week. My mom was like an ever present ominous cloud that hovered nearby, but was waiting for the perfect moment to unleash its storm. And like the previous two weeks, I went to the meadow on Friday and Edward was there. We never officially said, 'hey let's not speak in school, but meet here every Friday afternoon' but we just got in that routine.

We were both like two different people. At school, and every other time of the week, I defined myself as Charlie Swan's daughter, Jacob Black's girlfriend, best friend to Jessica and Angela, and pretty much the girl who doesn't do anything wrong. Edward was the slacker, who was rude to everyone and was stoned most of the time. But in this meadow, we could just be whatever we wanted without labels to define us.

In this place, no one else existed, not even each other. We acted as if we were both alone and when we talked, it was like we were talking to ourselves; here, we were like two halves of the same person. There was nothing to hide and no fear of judgment because when we left this place, we left everything that happened, every word, and every thought behind.

We both came here to be alone, separated from the rest of the world. It was our place to think and reflect on life, to let go of all our weeks problems and escape the 'real world'. But for some reason, we needed to be together in order to feel peacefully alone, like as if my solitude wasn't complete without him.

*Please Review*