This story is about a very sensitive and serious subject: rape. Though this story is based on fiction, it is something that is very real to some girls. No one should ever be forced to have sex—or even be touched inappropriately by someone. It doesn't matter if you are wearing a skirt that's a little short, a blouse that emphasizes your cleavage, or if you're on the beach in a bikini. It's your body and no one else should touch it without your permission. PERIOD.
The beginning italics section of this chapter is quite graphic and may be distressing for some people to read. If you want to skip that part and go straight for the un-italicized text, you will not miss any important parts of this chapter—just a retelling of the story of what happened to Blair from her point of view.
This story takes place following the events of A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate. Concepts for later episodes are fair game.
"Look at her! Just look at her, S!" Blair slurred. "This is what happens when I'm not around. The fashion world suffers. Do you think I'd let her get away with wearing that? Nu, uhhhhh." Blair shook her head adamantly.
"You are absolutely correct," Serena nodded. "What was she thinking? Those shoes with that outfit?"
"And she's trying to… to…" Blair trailed off. "What was I saying?"
"Nothing important," Serena laughed. "Want to dance? Or maybe go? You've had a lot to drink."
"Drinking is goooood," Blair said. "And I'm going to drink damn it! Let me drink in peace." She looked at her glass in wonderment. "It's a good glass."
"Well, okay," Serena said, sighing. "But I have to go to the little girls' room. Will you be okay? I'll just be gone for a few minutes. Or, did you want to come with me?"
Blair glared at her best friend. "I said I want to drink!!"
"Okay, okay," Serena reassured, giving a small laugh. "Just stay right here. I'll be back."
Blair glowered after Serena for leaving her. No one else was there to talk to her. She had no friends anymore… except for this glass that had the most wonderful concoction in the world…
… but it was about to be gone! She was going to have to get a refill!
She sighed and finished the drink. Then she looked up and wondered where she'd have to go to get another one.
She was about to stand up when one appeared in front of her face.
"Buy the lady a drink?" came a male voice that she didn't recognize.
She turned to look at the glass. This one was just as pretty. And it was right here!
She snatched the glass from the big outstretched hand. "Mine."
The person laughed and sat down next to her. "Yours for sure."
She took a drink from the glass and sat in silence for a few moments before remembering that the person was even there. "Why are you speaking to me?"
"Well, I saw you over here, all by yourself, and couldn't help myself," he said
"I don't neeeeed your pity," Blair almost spat the words before taking another drink.
"It's not pity sweetheart. I couldn't figure out why such a beautiful girl was all alone. I knew someone would try to get over here before me if I didn't try first."
Blair drank a huge gulp of the new drink before glaring at him again.
The stranger laughed. "You are definitely not in the best mood tonight. Maybe I could change all that."
"Hardly seems possible," Blair slurred.
"You'd be surprised," he murmured, reaching across the table to take a hold of her hand.
Blair started at the touch, and oddly didn't push him away. In fact, her vision was getting slightly weird. Like little splotches in the corner, dancing in front of her.
She shook her head, but that didn't seem to help.
"Are you feeling alright? Do you need some air?"
"No," Blair finally managed to snap. "I need to finish my drink!" She snatched the glass off the table. "Bottoms up!"
She sat the empty glass down with a clatter and stared at the wobbling thing for a few moments before she dissolved into giggles.
"You're gorgeous when you laugh…"
Blair hardly paid any attention to his words now. Everything was starting to blend together. Everything around her was heightening and just… beautiful.
Idly, she felt a tug on her hand. She didn't even look down to see what was happening to her hand, she just staggered to her feet and went wondering through this weird world she had stumbled into.
She knew she was led to a taxi. She saw the outside of the car and thought that a cheetah might come off the hood and chase her. Fortunately, it didn't.
She stared out into the night for the entire ride, barely paying attention to the wetness at the side of her neck and ear as the other passenger kissed her. She didn't know what he was doing, but it was nice to look at all the wild things going on around her.
She felt her hand being tugged again, and she left the vehicle. Stumbling and giggling, she let herself be led into a building. She remembered nothing about the building except the halls were so long and windy. They took an elevator and Blair cringed against the stranger when it jerked and moved. The stranger wrapped an arm around her. "Almost there."
Blair settled down, deciding to stare at the floor. That made the world stop moving so strangely… or maybe it was because the elevator had finally stopped.
And then she was being led down another windy hall, until the hand pulled her to a stop. She giggled and waited.
And then the door opened and she was pulled into the room.
And all the lights in the room decided to sparkle against the glass and chandelier, crystallizing and vibrating in a low hum.
She never knew that lights could make sound. It was all quite fascinating to her.
So fascinating that when she felt the zipper at her back being pulled down, she didn't do anything but shrug out of the dress and let it pool at her feet.
"The lights…" she murmured, amazed. "They never did that before…"
And she was prodded backward until the back of her knees touched a bed. She laughed and fell onto the bed. There was a small chandelier over the bed, and if she laid back she could stare at it so much easier than tilting her head up. That was giving her a kink in the neck.
She could feel things like her strapless bra being undone and pulled off. She barely felt her La Perlas being tugged down along with her stockings too.
She squirmed a little, because it tickled, when she felt hands on her legs and thighs, and hips. But she was too fascinated by the lights and the explosion of color and designs going through her head to fully comprehend anything. She felt her legs being pushed apart and felt fingers pressing against that special place between her thighs, but she didn't pay attention.
She couldn't have paid attention. Her head was swimming. She was enjoying this place she was at in her mind, it was so fascinating. All she wanted to do was look at those lights forever.
And then the lights went away.
The fingers stopped their exploration of her body. She felt something firmer and harder lying between her legs, and then her vision was blocked as lips came crashing down on hers.
She tried to pay attention to this new feeling. In this weird world she was in, she never knew what to expect.
Except nothing was good about this part. She started feeling this creepy crawling sensation, she tried to move her head, to look down and make sure no spiders were crawling on her because that was what it felt like.
But she couldn't move her mouth away. She tried, but the lips followed her and bit at her lip when she kept resisting.
She tried to murmur, to tell the stranger about the spiders, but it was impossible.
And then it felt like the spiders were everywhere. She shrieked against the mouth and started to push. She finally broke her mouth free and cried out, "Spiders! Spiders!" She tried to push away from the body, tried to get away because surely the spiders were in the bed and that was why she could feel them.
No amount of pushing moved the insufferable blockade though. Instead, she felt a deep harsh pressure between her legs. It pinned her to the bed, and she wondered vaguely if the spiders were inside of her as she started shrieking and pushing.
She could hear cursing as she clawed at the body on her. She felt the body still for a minute, wondering if he was going to get up so she could escape the spiders, but he didn't. Instead, her wrists were grabbed and pressed firmly down together above her head.
She wiggled, trying to dislodge him, still screaming, but it wasn't any use. The pressure between her legs had become this insistent pounding, and it was starting to hurt. And it wasn't stopping.
Suddenly she caught sight of the lights again. He had removed his mouth from hers, so she could angle her head back to look if she wanted to.
But the fun of the lights was gone. They were black and smoky, and instead of the soft beautiful hum they had emitted earlier, the sound started as a dull shriek that grew and grew and grew until it started shrieking in her ears.
She started fighting like a wildcat against the sound, trying to tear her body away from the harsh pressure and the noise….
Never realizing that if she had just stayed still, all of it would have been over that much sooner…
Never realizing that her fighting him had managed to incite her rapist even further, making him rape her as harshly as possible, fighting her, rubbing her raw, even tearing her a little, as he used her body however he wanted to…
She didn't even know how many times she was used that night. After the lights shrieked through her head for too long a period, she zoned out.
She didn't remember well the part where he pulled her to her feet when he was finally finished and dropped her dress over her head. She would only discover later that he'd stuffed her under things into her small clutch bag, disposing of her stockings.
She vaguely recalled being escorted out of the building and deposited into another cab.
And she remembered that when she'd arrived at her building, all thoughts of what had happened had escaped her head as she stumbled out of the car and made her way home through a sea of newly rejuvenated lights, only to be intercepted by Serena and Chuck, who wanted to know where she'd been.
There was silence.
They were still in Blair's bed. After the tears had run out, the story had begun.
She had to tell it. She didn't want to, but now that she had remembered most of it, she couldn't keep it inside anymore… And amazingly, her mother was there for her… Her mother had nearly broken down her door to get to her. Her mother was lying in bed beside her, something they hadn't done in so long, Blair wasn't even sure it had happened before. But none of that had mattered before the telling.
Before she told her story, she'd just wanted all the poison out. As much as she tried to run from the truth, now that it was firmly encased in her head, she needed to get rid of it. Telling the story was the only thing she could think of to get rid of the poison.
"Mom?" she whispered tearfully. She wasn't sure how her mother would react. She hoped she didn't just tell her to get over it and stand up and go back to her own bed. She didn't think her mother would really do such a thing, but part of her was just so scared of being rejected and judged.
"Sweetie," Eleanor said finally reaching out and stroking the hair back from the side of her face. "I'm so sorry. So sorry." Tears were streaming down Eleanor's face. And she felt so much anger and rage that she couldn't think straight.
"That bastard is going to pay," Eleanor said firmly and angrily.
Blair couldn't control her shivers. "I don't want anyone to know…" she cried as the shame filled her.
Eleanor saw Blair's face crumble and knew that she needed to stop discussing this now. Blair was too distressed to see or hear reason. Eleanor didn't want the world to know what had happened to her daughter either, but there was no way she was going to let him get away with what he'd done.
"Hush, darling," Eleanor soothed, patting her back gently. "Just rest. Don't worry right now."
Blair was so rung out; it didn't take much for her to fall into a deep troubled sleep.
Eleanor stayed by her side the rest of the night, not sleeping a wink, as she tried to figure out what she was going to do.
She needed Harold, she knew that, but she also needed to decide if she would respect Blair's wishes or not.
Maybe if she could approach her lawyers about this, try to have this processed privately since Blair was only seventeen…
But surely the boy, whoever he may be since Blair hadn't mentioned his name—if she even remembered, would deny the allegation. The doctors should have retrieved enough proof of the attack before Blair's denial, but if the boy—who probably came from a rich family since he went to Regis—did deny the allegation and somehow got out on bail, there was no telling what this boy could say to further hurt Blair.
She didn't know what to do. But one thing was certain, somehow she was going to destroy him.
Chuck shifted uncomfortably.
He didn't know why he was here.
Scratch that. He knew why.
Blair hadn't been in school today.
He thought that as long as Blair was able to keep a strong front and pretend everything was okay, that she would be okay and would manage to hold things together for a little longer.
But when he realized that she wasn't in school, he'd had this overwhelming sense of dread. What could possibly have made Blair stay home?
So… he told himself that he wasn't being selfish. He wasn't going to see her this afternoon for himself. He was going to see her for her. Because even if she didn't want to see him, she'd already kicked Serena out of her life and she obviously wasn't doing okay. He had to do something. Well, do something more than what he was doing with the party.
He didn't care if he pissed her off. Hell, it would be a welcome change. If she got mad at him, she couldn't focus on other things, now, could she?
He was still a little wary about it.
And it looked like he might have to wait to speak to Blair though, if Eleanor was any indication.
He had walked briskly into the foyer, and made his presence known to the housekeeper who scampered up the stairs and disappeared for a few moments.
Eleanor, not Blair, descended the steps, and he started shifting uncomfortably again.
"Charles, what can I do for you?" Eleanor asked as politely as possible.
"I came to see Blair," he said, though he knew somehow that she knew that. She had come down instead of Blair for some reason. Maybe Blair had said she didn't want to see him, which was a definite possibility… maybe if he appealed to the importance of the matter, Eleanor would let him go up and see her anyway. "It's important that I speak to her."
"My daughter is not feeling well," Eleanor said haughtily.
"I assumed as much since she wasn't in school," he said as politely as possible. It was time to turn on the charm. "I wanted to check on her."
"And you couldn't have done that over the phone?" she asked condescendingly.
"I was in the neighborhood," he replied a little flippantly. He tried not to wince at his words. Of course he was in the neighborhood. In the Upper East Side, everyone lived on top of each other.
"She's not receiving visitors," she finally said, her eyes a little frosty.
"Just tell her I'm here," he said, even though he didn't think that would help. "I really need to see her."
Eleanor stared at him for a little longer with that frosty look.
He reached into the recesses of his charm arsenal and realized he'd forgotten something.
"Please," he finished.
Eleanor almost rolled her eyes at his blatant disregard for her words and his attempt to get around her with charm.
"Blair has had a very strenuous week and has come down with a cold," Eleanor fibbed. "She is resting now and I shan't wake her at your insistence."
Chuck looked at her and saw what he hadn't noticed before. Eleanor Waldorf, the embodiment of class, grace, and society, was looking a little rough around the edges.
She was wearing a simple silk blouse and trousers, but they were slightly rumpled and one side was on the verge of being un-tucked. She might have been wearing makeup at one point in the past twenty-four hours, but she obviously forgot to reapply when she woke up considering what looked like dark smudges under her eyes. Or, that could mean she'd spent a sleepless night and those were really bags. Her hair was pulled back haphazardly, as if she'd tossed it into a clip at the last second… to greet a guest who had just arrived five minutes ago.
"You know, don't you," he finally said gravely.
Eleanor lifted an eyebrow. "Know what, Charles?"
"You know what happened to Blair," he said. He knew she knew, he wouldn't have said that otherwise. He just had a sixth sense about reading the Waldorf women apparently.
"Please leave," she finally said, drawing herself up to her full height, and flashing him a glare that would put his to shame.
"I can't," he refused. "What happened? What changed?"
"I don't believe that's any of your business," she snapped.
"With all due respect Ms. Waldorf, Blair is my business," he said dangerously.
"Oh?" she remarked. "Humiliating my daughter makes her your business?"
He faltered. How did she know about that?
"I overheard the argument she had with Serena yesterday," she revealed.
He was momentarily at a loss for words. He knew Serena had told Blair that he knew what happened, but he didn't know what else was said.
"As far as I'm concerned, you should have nothing to do with Blair ever again," she said, eyes glowering.
"Look, I made a mistake, but that has no bearing on what is happening now," he finally found some words.
"Au contraire," she said icily. "If I am to understand, none of this would have happened if you hadn't made it possible."
His stomach dropped. The guilty feelings he'd been holding off for days rushed through him and he felt like that foreign object called a 'heart' was in his throat.
"She said that?" he murmured softly. Blair blamed him. Serena hadn't told him that part. Why wouldn't she tell him? That was sort of important.
"What was said is neither here nor there," Eleanor waved him off. "The point is, you are not welcome here. Do not return. That is all. Good day, Charles."
"I'm not responsible for this," he finally said. It was one of the most difficult things he'd ever said with the way he was feeling inside, but he knew that it wasn't fair to blame him for this even though he felt like it was his fault. "I didn't touch her."
Eleanor sighed. "Yes, I know."
Something in the way she said that clicked in his brain. "She remembered, didn't she?" Serena said that Blair was starting to remember and that's why she was so upset. The way Eleanor said that she knew… Blair had remembered and had told her mother everything.
"I told you to go," Eleanor said, trying to not show any reaction to his words.
"Who was it?" he asked, tight lipped.
"The question of the day," Eleanor said before she thought better of it.
"Does she remember a name? Anything?" he tried to say it with as much patience as possible, but this was what he'd been searching for all week so he probably came off as a little overbearing.
Eleanor looked down. "No, just a description." She didn't know why she was discussing anything further with the insolent boy, but she was still just as confused about what to do as she'd been earlier.
Chuck looked at the woman and realized that she appeared somewhat defeated. Maybe she was just as lost about what to do as Blair and Serena were. And given that Blair remembered what the bastard looked like, that would be much better for his plan than Kati and Is ever could be…
"I'm throwing a party tonight," he finally said.
Eleanor gave him an odd look. Why was he bringing this up now? And why would she care to know?
"Everyone who was at the last party is going to be there," he said. "All the arrangements have been made, with the intent to find the bastard who did this to her."
"And you are telling me this because?" Eleanor finally asked, trying to follow his reasoning.
"She should go," he said. "She can ID the guy. I'll be by her side the entire night. Serena too."
"I don't think that would be wise," she replied, her protective feelings rearing. "I don't want Blair anywhere near that… that… person again."
"Ask Blair," he said. "Give her the choice."
"Well…" she considered.
"I'll be here at seven," he replied. "Just let her know."
Eleanor finally nodded.
Chuck started walking toward the elevator, not wanting to leave but knowing he didn't really have any other choice at the moment.
"And, pray tell, what are you going to do when she identifies this person?" Eleanor asked.
He looked over his shoulder.
Eleanor almost gasped at the cold, volatile look that was in his eyes.
"I'll see you at seven," was all he said before he left.
Eleanor watched him get on the elevator and shuddered.
That boy was dangerous.
She gulped. She hoped the person was identified… but she was pretty sure he wouldn't fare well once Charles got a hold of him.
She didn't think he'd fare well if she got a hold of him either.
"Are you sure about this?" Eleanor asked shakily. She didn't know if her nerves were ever going to return to any form of normalcy, and the events of this evening weren't helping them at all.
"No, not really," Blair said quietly. She was still feeling rung out, but had rested well. The nightmares that had plagued her all week had surprisingly lain dormant after she'd told her mother the entire story as she remembered it.
She was shaking too, but she was trying not to show it since her mother was already exuding enough nervousness for the both of them.
"You don't have to go," Eleanor explained quickly. "It'll be too much for you."
"Mother, stop," Blair breathed out. "I… I need to do this."
She had been so scared when her mother first approached her and told her about Chuck's plan. She didn't want to see the guy who'd abused her ever again… and she really didn't want to see or talk to Chuck…
Except her mother had told her that she'd divulged the information to Chuck about Blair blaming him. Blair wanted to strangle her mother for telling him something like that. And when Eleanor went on to further explain Chuck's plans for that night, Blair realized the full extent of what he was doing for her, to protect her.
The fact that Chuck was trying to be there for her, even after her mother said something so disturbing, told her that he cared—no matter what he'd done to her before or said to her at their last meeting, he did care about her. There were so many things he'd already done to prove that, like how he'd waited in the emergency room all night to make sure she woke up. Like how he'd watched over her all week, as Serena had told her, and knew just by watching her that they had lied to him.
Like how he'd kept his distance because he knew that was what she wanted of him.
He didn't have to tell her any of that. She just knew it and understood.
She wasn't sure if she could get through this party. She was so scared. But… even though she didn't want to see the monster, if she knew who he was, then… She didn't know.
She almost threw her brush as she became overwhelmed with frustration, anger, and fear. She didn't know why she had agreed to go to the party. What the hell was she doing!!
Maybe she should just have Eleanor cancel.
"Okay, call him," she finally said after some time had passed. "Tell him not to come."
"Blair, it's almost seven," Eleanor said, looking at her watch. "He's surely almost here. I'll tell him when he arrives."
Blair looked away from the mirror.
Her mother had been helping her get ready. They had picked out a conservative black outfit, one with a little lace here and there. It wasn't very party-esque, but Blair could care less. She was going to be as covered as possible when she went out, and black made it easier for her to blend into the background.
As if on cue, they heard the elevator sound, signaling an arrival.
"I'll send him away," Eleanor said hastily, going for the door.
Blair sat stiffly at her vanity, staring at a mark on the wall. Was this really what she'd come to? Hiding in her room? Too afraid to go out? All week long she'd been looking around every corner for this guy. If she finally knew who it was, then maybe she wouldn't feel so blind… she would never be able to stand trial against him though. She knew that, deep down. She didn't want that to be her life. She didn't want to be known as that 'poor Waldorf girl who was raped'. She wanted to be known as 'Blair Waldorf: Queen Bee, nothing can touch her'.
"Blair…"
Blair spun around on her seat and gasped. Why was Chuck in her doorway? Why hadn't her mother sent him away?
Pain and shame raced through her. She didn't want him to know what happened. Part of her had been scared to death from the beginning of what he would do with the information, but another, larger part of her, couldn't face him if he knew. It was too humiliating. So she had hid. She made Serena lie to him, and she avoided him at all costs for fear that the shame would be too overwhelming.
The feelings were making her panic, and she was a heart beat away from running to the bathroom and slamming the door shut, locking the door and not coming out until she was certain he had gone—and never would return.
But looking at him, his eyes not filled with any anger or spite, his face showing nothing but the concern he felt for her—not pity, never pity—and his body shifting uncertainly, she couldn't hide from him anymore.
"Chuck…" she finally whispered.
He took another step into the room. "I'm sorry."
Against her will, her eyes filled with tears. Those were the first words he'd said to her since that night, the night that seemed so long ago now. The night when she felt like her world had been ripped apart and would never be the same again. She'd been so lost since that night. She'd lost everything, including him, including his friendship.
And yet, she hadn't… because he was here now. He was here for her. No matter how hard she tried to push him away, he hadn't left. He hadn't abandoned her to her fate again.
"It's long overdue," he managed to say. "But I really am sorry."
Blair shook her head against the tears that were still pooling in her eyes.
He walked closer, slowly. He saw the tears and he wasn't sure what to do or how to comfort her. Comforting wasn't his thing. Was he making her cry? Maybe he shouldn't have come up. Serena was downstairs with Eleanor. How she'd manage to convince the woman to allow him to come up was still beyond him. He guessed it was true that Eleanor was a bit of a softy when it came to her daughter's best friend.
"Do you want me to go?" he asked, wanting more than anything to stay right where he was, but if he was only going to upset her more, then maybe that was the best thing for her. "I shouldn't have come up…"
Blair shook her head again, adamantly. She really didn't want him to go. The longer they were in the room together, the easier it was to be around him.
He took her 'no' as a sign that it was okay to be there, and that he could close the gap between them further if he wanted to.
And then the tears she was trying to hold onto fell and he was right there, almost kneeling in front of her, and though she was so scared of everything and though somewhere deep inside she was terrified that he would reject her again, she still managed to reach out to him.
And he was right there.
He pulled her into his arms and just held her hard. He tried to remember to breathe; he was getting a little choked up himself.
She clung to him and laid her head on his shoulder, feeling so much relief in the familiar. She couldn't believe that he was letting her cry on him, but she shouldn't have been surprised, he'd let her do it once before.
She didn't even know why she was crying. She thought all her tears had been spent during the night. But now, maybe, she was crying because she didn't feel quite as lost. Because she actually wasn't as alone as she'd made herself believe. She had her mother, and she had Serena who had made it clear that she was never going away no matter how hard Blair pushed… and… now she had Chuck too.
And he wasn't turning away from her. He wasn't disgusted by what had happened to her. He wasn't making it possible for the shame that had plagued her since she woke up to learn the truth to rear its ugly head.
He still had no idea what the hell he was doing, but evidently he was doing something right. Although the way he was kneeling was giving him a kink in his leg. He shifted a little and was almost disappointed when she started to pull away.
She felt him move and thought he was done with the whole comforting thing; that he had decided that was long enough. So she pulled away before he could. She wanted to be the one to pull away first for some reason.
"Sorry," she mumbled and looked anywhere but at him as she wiped at her face, not wanting him to see the tears now.
"It's okay," he murmured and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She stilled and tried not to flinch when he rested his hand on her chin afterward, tilting her face up so she had to look him in the eye.
"Your mother said you don't want to go tonight," he finally managed to find some words. He could barely look her in the eye after everything he'd done; he didn't know why he was making her look at him. "You don't have to."
She was still too choked up to say anything.
He didn't know whether to be encouraged by her silence or not. He dropped his hand and wasn't surprised when she looked away from him immediately.
"Serena's here," he decided to point out. "Downstairs. You can go with her if you don't want to go with me…"
She thought that was an odd thing for him to say, especially after what just happened. She looked back at him, confused. And, looking at him, she finally understood.
She shook her head. "I don't blame you, for any of it," she said softly. "I was just angry and in the heat of the moment… It's not your fault."
And he thought that it was. She could see it in his face now. The way his mouth tightened and his eyes looked haunted. She'd never seen his face do that before. He was Chuck Bass, smirks and leers were the facial expression of choice. He lived his life without a care for anyone else, never thinking about what his actions might cause. She had accused him before of being guilty of that.
Apparently he had a conscience, somewhere deep inside and as hidden as his heart, and it had taken something this horrific for it to finally come out.
He started to shake his head, to deny her words, because he knew he was at least partially to blame; but then she reached out and pressed her small hand against his face, making him look her directly in the eye.
"You didn't do this," she said vehemently. "Don't ever think that you caused this. Okay?"
He knew that for once she wasn't pretending. And she wasn't lying. Blair had never lied to him.
And though he still couldn't completely shake this guilt, it was somewhat lessened at her words.
He nodded in answer. He believed that she didn't hold him responsible. That didn't mean he didn't still hold himself. He would have to work on that.
"Maybe I should go to the party," she said. "I'm just…" she stumbled on the words. She couldn't admit to him that she was afraid.
"I won't leave your side," he said, understanding what she couldn't say.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Could she do it? Could she really go out and be around all those people? Could she really face her fears? That was something she'd never really done before.
The only two things she had ever feared was being fat and ugly and social ruin. She still battled her eating disorder all the time, resisting the urge to purge, afraid that everything that passed her lips would go straight to her hips.
She had succumbed to social ruin, but she was still running scared and hadn't managed to face it yet—still moaning about having to get out of bed in the morning to go to school, still being shunned by classmates, still afraid of what people thought of her. Even more afraid of what people would think of her if they knew the truth about last Saturday night.
Could she really go to the party knowing that she would be facing that monster head on, just waiting to finger him in a crowd?
She opened her eyes, startled, when she felt Chuck take a hold of her hand. She looked at him and saw the reassurance on his face.
"Okay," she finally agreed. She would try. As long as he was with her, as long as Serena was with her, she could do this. She wouldn't be lost and alone.
He smiled and finally stood up, resisting the urge to wince at his left leg that had gone completely numb. He was not used to kneeling on the floor and hopefully wouldn't have to do it again anytime soon.
"Give me a few minutes," she said before turning back to the vanity and picking up her brush. "I'll be right down."
She needed to fix her makeup now that it had probably all either ran from the tears or been wiped on his suit jacket. It was a good thing he was wearing black. She actually felt a tiny smile twitching at the corners of her lips thinking that he was going to walk around all night with makeup ingrained on his clothes, though it probably wouldn't be the first time. She rolled her eyes at that.
"Waldorf," he said, pausing in the doorway.
"Bass?" she said, looking at his reflection in the mirror.
"It's a party, not a funeral," he said, looking her up and down pointedly.
She couldn't help herself. The corners went up hesitantly and she actually smiled.
"Noted."
"What's taking her so long?" Serena asked anxiously. Chuck had come down at least ten minutes ago. "Do you think she changed her mind again?"
She had mixed feelings about tonight. She wanted more than anything for Blair to identify the guy. But…she didn't know what Chuck would do if or when Blair did identify him.
She knew all too well the rage Chuck was hiding inside. He'd taken it out on her earlier when he'd shown up after his visit to Eleanor and tore her a new one for not telling him that Blair blamed him.
She had to keep telling him that Blair didn't mean it. She knew Blair and that she was only speaking in anger. Blair said a lot of things in anger that she didn't really mean. She said the things that would hurt the most because she was striking out with her weapon of choice—words.
Nothing she said had calmed him down. He'd even hit a wall. Fortunately his father owned the hotel and someone from maintenance came up to fix it immediately, no questions asked. Her mother would be none the wiser.
He'd finally calmed down on his own because he had to. He had to push it all away because the time for the party was rapidly approaching and he needed to cool down so he could see the rest of his plan through.
She didn't think it would be wise for Blair to come to the party, wasn't even sure if she would go, but she'd kept those thoughts to herself because he clearly didn't want to hear her opinion just then. All he wanted was to tell her that he was going to pick Blair up at seven and that Serena had best be ready and in the limo by six forty.
She didn't argue with him, just agreed and showed him out.
At six forty on the dot, they had traveled to the Waldorf reference in silence, not saying a word to each other the entire ride up in the elevator either.
When they'd arrived only to have Eleanor say that Blair decided to cancel at the last minute, Serena knew she had to do something. As much as she was afraid for Chuck, she couldn't let Blair keep hiding. And Chuck looked so defeated. It scared her. She'd never seen him look that way before. The entire situation was taking a toll on everyone around her. If the only way for them to get through to Blair was to force something to happen, then it was time for someone else besides Blair to call the shots.
So she'd appealed to Eleanor, almost begged the woman to let Chuck see Blair. Against Chuck's wishes for being left out of the loop, she pulled Eleanor to the side and… told her that Blair kept pushing everyone who cared about her away when what Blair needed the most right now was the people who loved her to show their support. That both she and Chuck loved Blair—though Serena wasn't positive about that fact, she knew he at least cared about her—and would do anything to help her and keep her safe. But they needed some help from Eleanor if they were ever going to be able to get through to her.
Shockingly, it had worked, and before she knew it Chuck was going up those stairs while she stayed below to soothe a frazzled Eleanor. She was afraid if she went upstairs as well, Eleanor would somehow manage to talk herself out of it and follow them up to kick them out before they made any break through with Blair. And leaving Chuck with Eleanor wouldn't be an option either, seeing as how well their conversation had gone the first time he tried to get up to see Blair that day.
The waiting had been brutal, but whatever had transpired in that room had definitely made a mark on Chuck because he returned looking more like himself than she'd seen in over a month. He even stood to the side with a slight smirk on his face as he waited, definitely more patient than he'd been all evening.
They all snapped to attention when then finally heard the heels on the floor as Blair ascended the staircase.
"Blair, darling," Eleanor began, "are you absolutely cert—" She stopped talking when she saw that Blair had changed out of the frugal black and lace for a much more fun and youthful black and lace dress. It had small capped sleeves instead of the long all encompassing sleeves of the former dress. And instead of flowing down to mid-shin—an awkward cut for a girl her age—it was just a smidge above her knee, a much more acceptable outfit for a night out.
"You changed," Eleanor stated the obvious in bewilderment.
"I did," Blair nodded. She wanted to look at Chuck and give him a small smile, but her nerves were going crazy again now that she had left her room. It was all she could do not to turn around and race back upstairs.
She was ever so grateful for his reminder, though. 'Waldorf', he'd said. She was a Waldorf, Blair Waldorf. And she had been a prisoner to the fear in her mind in not only action, but also in fashion. If she was ever going to face her demons, she needed to stop letting them dictate her life especially as far as the way she dressed was concerned.
So she'd found a different dress. She hadn't gone for sleeveless because she just couldn't do it. And the neckline was extremely modest as well, but at least the dress was much more fashionable and didn't suit that funeral Chuck had referred to.
She did make eye contact with Serena though. She felt awkward because the last time they'd been together—was it only yesterday?—Blair had kicked her out, telling her she didn't want to be friends ever again.
But Serena just gave her a reassuring smile and reached out to her.
Blair was in her arms in a second. The next best thing to racing upstairs to her room was racing into the arms of her best friend for a long, tight hug.
"I love you, B," Serena whispered softly, glad to feel Blair in her arms.
"Ready?" Chuck asked from behind the two best friends, slightly bemused. He knew it was only a matter of time before they made up. Serena had acted like it was the end of the world yesterday.
Blair nodded against Serena's shoulder and the friends parted. Serena held Blair's arm and escorted her toward the elevator.
The entire procession stopped when Blair came to a halt. "It's… chilly out, right?"
Eleanor immediately dashed down the hall. "I'll get you a sweater.""
Blair gave Chuck an apologetic look. He just gave her that reassuring smile from earlier.
At least she had changed the dress. That was a step in the right direction. Besides, it was cold out. Maybe they could convince her to remove the sweater once they got to the party.
One step at a time, he reminded himself. Then he scoffed. He didn't even know what he was thinking. All he knew was that he hated to see Blair be so unlike herself.
That was one of the many things that he held against this unknown assailant. He had no business laying a hand on Blair in the first place. But he also had no business trying to take the essence of Blair, what made her so perfect and different and so beautiful. Chuck wasn't going to let that bastard take everything from her.
She was letting him back into her life, letting him show his support, and he damn well was going to make sure Blair got through this as intact as possible.
He just needed to take care of this guy first.
The sweater had stayed.
Chuck hadn't said anything else about it, so Blair didn't feel bad about giving in to her discomfort. If she'd had her way, she probably would have brought along a pair of pants too… and maybe a hoodie. Anything to cover every single piece of skin.
She shook herself out of her musings. She needed to focus on the crowd, and not where the hem of her skirt stopped right above her knee. She needed to stop telling herself she should have gone with the other dress.
At least then she wouldn't have gotten some of the attention she seemed to be getting. She saw some guy that she'd never met give her the once over. She cursed him, and then she cursed the dress for being a little too form-fitting. And she cursed her mother for not finding a longer sweater.
Serena felt Blair twitch at her side and looked at her friend to see if she might have finally spotted the guy.
Blair shook her head at Serena's unasked question, but glared across the room at the guy who had done nothing more than attempt to show her a little interest.
Serena followed her gaze and glared at the poor guy as well.
He turned away looking a little dazed and confused, probably wondering what he had done, and wondering if he was really as repulsive as the looks Serena and Blair were shooting him seemed to convey.
Chuck saw the entire exchange and almost laughed. Half the guys were going to leave tonight with deflated egos if the girls kept that up. He didn't care though.
He was trying to remain as relaxed as possible. He even held a glass of scotch in his hand, but the stuff hadn't passed his lips at all. It was more for appearances sake at that point. He was waiting for Blair to give the signal. That was all he was waiting for… he just needed to keep his impatience firmly in check.
It was becoming harder and harder as the night wore on. He was the host of the party, so he was continuously being interrupted by guests who came by to greet him. He was also going to ship Isabel and Kati off to Greenland to freeze their little asses off in style if they came up to him one more time to harp about the Valentino's he'd promised them. Now that he wasn't using them to search out the guy, they were worried he wouldn't go through with getting the stupid dresses made for them.
He'd had to insist repeatedly that he was going to get the damn dresses, even though he was seriously re-thinking it by the time they came up to him a fourth time to ask.
"Look," he said with the most annoyed look, "if you want the dresses, stay as far away from me as possible for the rest of the night! Otherwise, forget about—"
"We think we saw him!" the girls said giddily.
"What?" he said, all of a sudden standing up straight and looking around even though he knew he wasn't going to be able to recognize anyone if he tried. "Where?"
"There!" Kati said, pointing.
Chuck grabbed her hand and pulled it down quickly. "Don't point! Describe!" He didn't need the guy to get spooked if he noticed a group of people looking at him and pointing.
"By that side of the room," Isabel nodded toward the right side. He looked.
"See the guy with the short brown hair? He's talking to Molly, I think," Kati said.
"In the blue shirt," Isabel finished.
Chuck saw immediately who they were pointing at, and he felt everything inside of him go hot. He forgot to tell Blair and Serena where he was going. He forgot to double check with Blair to make sure it was even the right person. He forgot everything but his single-minded need to get across the room to his prey.
"Where is he going?" Blair asked Serena when she realized Chuck wasn't at her side any longer. He'd promised he wouldn't leave, and he'd stayed right there the entire night until now.
"I… don't know," Serena said, just as confused about Chuck's leaving as Blair was. He hadn't been standing right next to Blair the entire night, but he never strayed that far away, not even when guest after guest came to him.
"S…" Blair said, suddenly feeling the fear spike inside of her. She could do this as long as she had Serena on one side and Chuck on the other, but Chuck's leaving was making her feel blindsided. The shivers almost shook her. "Make him come back."
"Blair, I'm not going to leave you," Serena said. She looked around. They were in their own private little corner. Sort of a VIP area Chuck had set up so that less people could bother them and the crowd wouldn't be on top of them the entire night.
"No!" Blair said quickly, clutching Serena's arm. "Don't leave. Just… call him back?"
"He'll be back in a minute, B," Serena said. "He's not going to hear a word I say over the music, no matter how loud I yell."
Blair nodded. She looked down and tried to focus on her Diet Coke that had been delivered to her in an unopened 20 oz bottle. She would take a small sip and try to stop feeling like someone was going to pounce on her any minute now from the side Chuck had vacated.
She took the sip and looked up, gazing around almost distractedly.
Then she saw him.
And she froze.
"Blair?" Serena asked when she felt Blair sink her fingers into her arm much too harshly.
When Blair didn't answer, Serena turned to look at her friend and gasped.
Blair's face was white as a sheet, and the look of fear on her face was almost painful to see.
"Where is he?" Serena asked, looking around frantically, trying to follow her gaze. She didn't need Blair to tell her that she'd spotted the guy. It was very obvious.
"Brown shirt," Blair managed to straggle out of her lips. "Over there… with that girl in last season's Prada."
Blair started shivering uncontrollably. "Where's Chuck? Where's Chuck?" she was getting really upset and couldn't hide the sob in her voice.
"Its okay, B," Serena said. "I'll keep watching him until Chuck gets back, okay? Don't look at him. I'll watch him."
"Serena…" Blair said, as she continued to watch the guy. "We can't wait…"
"Yes, yes, we can," Serena nodded. "Shhh, it'll be o—" she broke off when she realized why Blair was saying they couldn't wait. "Shit!"
"He's leaving with her!" Blair stood up awkwardly.
They could both tell that the girl was barely moving on her own accord. She was completely out of it. There was no denying what had happened to her.
"B, you can't go, I'll go," Serena said, jumping to her feet.
"But… but…" Blair looked back in the direction that Chuck had been heading just in time to see him punch some guy in a blue shirt. "Oh my God!"
"Get Chuck," Serena insisted. "You can do it. I'll go after the girl." She prodded Blair forward.
Blair was frozen; she couldn't move. She was so scared and she couldn't think straight.
"Blair!" Serena yelled at her. "They're almost out the door! If I don't go now, you know what's going to happen to her! Go get Chuck! Now! Move it!"
Blair nodded and her feet finally started to move. She could do this. She could go get Chuck. She would be walking away from the guy. That was much better.
She just kept concentrating on Chuck as she went across the room. She sped up when the fight started heating up and 'blue-shirt' managed to connect his fist with Chuck's face.
She went right up to Chuck and pulled his arm, like he wasn't even in the middle of a fight. He yanked his arm away before he realized who was trying to get his attention.
"Serena's going after him," she said softly, but loud enough for him to hear.
"What?" Chuck said, looking around, confused.
"I saw him," she flinched. "He was with another girl. Serena's going after him." She nodded toward the exit.
Chuck glared at Kati and Is for half a second before he registered that Serena was going after this guy on her own. He didn't even spare the wrong guy he'd just attacked a second glance. He took Blair's hand and went for the door.
Blair closed her eyes tight and let him lead her. The fear was clawing its way inside of her though, and she wanted to break away.
It was time to face the monster head on.
The fear and doubt combined inside of her again.
Images of that horrific night floated in front of her eyes.
Her insides were screaming at being led into the monster's presence.
Could she really do this? Could she face this?
And what… would happen when Chuck did catch up to him?
She was about to find out…
To be continued…