AN: Not much to say going in this time other then, my computer is still not fixed, but we are doing everything we can. I've seen the poor thing in pieces a few times already. Updates will be sporadic, but they will continue. Hopefully this decent sized chapter should hold you over. Though I really want to try and get another chapter out shortly. Look forward to it. No beta once again, sorry for the errors.
Padded feet paced across the carpeted room. Zuko turned on his toes and made the short walk to the end of his room before returning to his original spot. The walk around his small room was making him feel less like he was getting somewhere and more like he was trapped in a cage. He walked over to his bed and threw himself on it. The Fire Lord lay there with his face buried in the pillows trying to calm the buzzing thoughts in his mind.
"I didn't run away," He mumbled to himself as he rolled over.
The Fire Lord was not one to run away. It was more then that though; he was Zuko. Pride and Honor were two words that would forever go hand and hand in his mind. His pride had been one of the few things he had fought with every fiber of his being to get back. It took him so long to realize that he never lost it, just like his honor. Aang had been the one to show him that.
Zuko fidgeted restlessly as his thoughts circled back around to the Avatar. He knew there was no way to keep his mind off of the boy, not after what he saw. He reached his hand up and clutched his shirt just over his heart trying to sooth the pain that resided there. The very thought of Aang's eyes made his stomach clinch and his chest tighten.
Aang had always been a playful person. Zuko knew that even before they became friends. It was the constant playfulness even when he fought with him that had been stuck in his mind again and again before he had changed sides. The only time he could recall seeing Aang serious in those days was when he explained about his friend from the Fire Nation. The serious look on his face had given even him pause before attacking. When years passed and he saw Aang in meeting after meeting he knew that the Airbender could be serious, but despite that, you could see the constant driving fire in his eyes. The will and determination that drove him gave his silver eyes a hard glint.
With ease, Zuko could call to mind so many times that he remembered watching Aang's furrowed brow as he worked to solve one of the great many issues that followed the war. Aang's silver eyes turning steely with resolve and his brow knitted with the subtle frown marring his expression. Zuko had gotten into the habit of pinching his face and telling him to stop that lest it stick that way. He knew at this point he would trade his crown for that face now. Even that too worried and concerned look was better then what he had seen.
It was lifeless eyes of a doll. He shuddered. There was nothing there. They were blank and empty as if... Zuko didn't even want to think it. The pain in his chest grew as the words still formed.
"It was like he was already dead," he whispered to the empty room.
He tried to tell himself that he was merely over reacting. That the lighting may have been off and he just imagined it. He tried to tell himself anything he could that might let him think it was anything other than an empty shell of a person he cared so much for. Zuko knew the truth though. He knew that if he lied to himself now, that he wouldn't be the one paying the price, Aang would.
Action was what he needed. Zuko hated to admit the truth, but was also practical enough to know that if he didn't there would be fixing it. He would have to, that was the only answer. Their friends had come to him seeking help. At first he had blown it off and his hesitance to do anything had let things get to this point. His avoidance was making Aang suffer.
Zuko felt his stomach turning again and again as he made his way over to his desk to write out a few letters. He didn't know what to say to Katara. How do you tell someone that their break up had crippled and may have emotionally killed Aang? After starring at the blank page for a while, Zuko decided to put off writing Katara till he could figure things out better. He wrote his uncle instead trying to fill in everything he knew.
As he scratched across the parchment, his thoughts traveled. He needed to see Mai. He quickly finished the letter and got it sent out before slipping out as unnoticed as he possibly could. The lack of Fire Lord robes helped, but the scar was still a blatant giveaway.
He knocked on her door in hurried way. He was anxious to be off the streets. He was quickly ushered in by Mai herself. She led him to the living room and gestured to him to have a seat.
"Something on your mind, Zuko?" She asked.
"Yeah, a lot of somethings." He answered.
She didn't rush him. His appearance must have showed he was doing enough of that to himself.
"Aang is at the palace."
"That seems like good news, but the baby doesn't feel like making an appearance yet."
Zuko waved away her statement to show that that wasn't what was bothering him. He took a look around to gather his thoughts.
"Where is your husband?" He asked to stall.
"He is out trying to get me some shaved ice. The baby really wants some." Mai replied with a grin.
Zuko found the corners of his lips turning up in a smile. That was bound to be one very spoiled baby between its parents and Uncle Zuko.
"Zuko, you got something on your mind. What is it you came here to talk about?" Mai asked.
"It's about Aang. It's about Katara. It's about us. It's everything." He sighed and tried again, "Mai when we split apart, I knew it was coming. I was still in a lot of pain anyways. You were the closest person to me and you even went so far as to go against my sister to help me. I'd be an idiot if I couldn't feel the pain of losing you after that. It took me a long time to realize that I never really lost you though and what I really had lost was..."
He trailed off and stared at the floor.
"You can say it. I kind of figured it out a long time ago." Mai assured.
He continued, but didn't lift his eyes from the floor, "I lost a companion. I got used to the thought of having a girlfriend around. Someone to do all those things a girlfriend would. I was sad there was no one, but..."
He trailed off again, but this time Mai finished it, "But it was not me that you were sad about losing."
He looked up at her with guilt written on his face.
"Zuko, you said it yourself, it was more us splitting apart, not so much us breaking up. You and I had become a habit that neither of us really knew how to break. It was a routine. After the war it was so much more important for us to cling to one another simply, because we were all that we were used to. So much was changing then that it was only logical. I don't blame you." She said taking his hand in hers.
Zuko had to admit that it felt so much better to have that clear. He had felt that for so long now, but he never wanted to say anything, because he wouldn't risk the chance that it would hurt her. She at least deserved that much. For her to say the words herself, Zuko finally felt like one of the weights were lifting from him. He knew now that he could try and speak plainly to her.
"Thanks Mai."
"Maaaai! They only had strawberry, I really hope that is fine, because I think the ice will be melted if I have to go to the next town to try and get cherry," A voice called from the door.
Mai sat back on the sofa and scooted over to make room for her husband.
"Oh Fire Lo-... er, uh... Zuko, you're here. If I had known, I would have gotten you some shaved ice." Tezor said nervously.
Zuko shook his head, the captain would always be a captain. It had taken a lot of insisting that he call him Zuko, but he still messed up when surprised.
"I'm alright. Shaved ice just really isn't my thing." Zuko confided.
"That is just, because you don't know how to eat them without making a mess or getting a brain freeze," Mai admonished.
"Who wants to be sticky or have their head hurt? I'd rather not torture myself."
Mai grabbed hers from her husband's out stretched hands as he took the seat next to her. Zuko was sure from the rate she was eating it that she was bound to get a headache.
"I get the feeling that there is more to this talk then just that," Mai said between bites.
Zuko nodded and said, "There is trouble with Aang. I have never seen him like this. His break up with Katara must have been really horrible."
"How so?" She asked.
"He... well, he seems lifeless. He didn't meet my eyes for the longest time and when he finally did, its like an empty shell. I tried talking to him a bit, but he seems a pro at dodging almost anything I say. politics seem to have twisted him. He is all about "Neutrality". Can you imagine an Aang that only wears white? He actually told me that that was all the clothes he had now. I don't know how much of this is what politics have done to him and how much of it is from Katara," Zuko explained with his hand unconsciously gripping his shirt where his chest tighten.
Mai looked at him and seemed to be calculating something in her head. "Tell me more," She said at length.
"I don't understand it. I missed having someone there, I still do, but he is different. To be as hurt as he looks, he must really love Katara. All I can figure is that we never heard Aang's side. She could have lied about how they broke up. She must have done something bad to make him like this. He is trying to just bury himself in work and not face it. That has to be why there was no leveled city when she did it, because he is holding it all in. She probably made him think this is his fault!" Zuko said beginning to rush his words and sound indignant.
"Zuko, what makes you think this is Katara's fault?" Mai asked and tried to keep the amusement out of her voice.
"I don't know! I'm just sure it is." He snapped without thinking.
"Zuko, would you listen to yourself. You should see yourself too. What I think is that you are-"
Tezor stood up suddenly and headed towards the door saying nervously, "I'm heading to the kitchen to make some drinks. I'll be back."
"I'm what?" Zuko asked, trying to get her to finish her sentence.
Mai kept her mouth closed for a moment and stared again at Zuko calculating.
"Zuko, this may be from over work. He is still really young. He has had a lot stress on him. You said it yourself that politics have twisted him. Katara probably told the truth. Aang is most likely just so run over from work he seems lifeless. He probably couldn't take the stress of work with her and they broke up."
"This wasn't just exhaust from over work Mai. This is always happy and always joking Aang now looking like some twisted puppet. Katara just cut his strings. Come on Mai, you know how much he always played around. He was always goofing off. Can't you just remember the way he was always laughing about something, the way his eyes always looked like he just got away with something right before a prank? Can't you remember his smile?" Zuko almost pleaded.
Zuko was shocked at the look Mai was giving him. It was pity.
"I do remember those things, but not at all like you do. Yes, I remember a carefree boy that had a prankster side. Yet, I never spent years of my life hunting that boy and I never spent years locked in meetings with him and I never spent years growing close to him like you did. I suspect that your the only one who sees the problem like this. You are the only one that sees that side of him. Zuko, you're the only one that has that history with him."
He exhaled and said, "For so many years, I saw him as only the Avatar. Even when I became his ally, I still distanced myself at first and could still only see him as that, but there is something about him that doesn't let it stay that way. He became Aang to me. I can't go back to seeing just the Avatar. He is my best friend and I can't stand to see him like this. I can't stand knowing what he used to be like and seeing what he has become. I want to help and fix this."
"There really is only one thing you can do right now. Talk to him. If he tries to avoid it, talk to him some more. Don't give up. Find out what it is that has happened and what is bothering him. You can work out a plan from there. You just have to promise me one thing." Mai told him.
"What is that, Mai?"
"If it turns out that the cause behind all of this is not Katara, promise me that you will consider thinking about if you are actually in love with Aang."
Glass broke in the other room. It sounded suspiciously like someone had dropped a cup.
"Don't worry, I got it covered," Tezor's voice called from the other room.
Zuko just stood in shock. He didn't know what to say. There were so many dreams already and he had just blown them all off. It was still just a part of being lonely he had always told himself. It was to be expected after you've drunkenly made out with your friend. All of it, Zuko had just pushed it off, never once had he actually considered that there might be love. He already knew that there was some. He loved Aang as his closest friend and rival. Would it be alright to think of him as more?
"I'm leaving," Zuko announced.
"Good luck and Zuko please, promise me," Mai called to his retreating back.
He made it to the door and without turning said, "I will Mai."
His mind felt numb as he made his way back to the palace. Mai didn't know about the night of Avatar Day. She didn't know about his recurrent dreams. If she had, would she say she already knew the answer to her promise? Still, dreams and a few kisses didn't mean that he wanted to spend his life waking up to that person every morning. Maybe she was wrong.
Zuko had been caught up in thoughts and was used to people naturally moving out of his way that it came as a real surprise when he felt something bump into him and unbalance him. He felt the person grab hold of him as he tottered, but the person was equally unbalanced too and they toppled to the floor.
"Ow, ow, ow." The person under Zuko muttered.
Zuko opened his eyes that had been squeezed shut from the pain of falling as he recognized the voice. They snapped opened wide and he raised himself up a bit to look down on the boy beneath him. Aang's hand rubbed his head and finally his gray eyes moved up to meet Zuko's and widened to match. Zuko attempted to pull himself up, but found that his legs were oddly tangled with Aang's. He pulled one leg up in hope to free them, but the sudden gasp from the boy beneath him made him stop.
Zuko saw something flicker in Aang's eyes. Something very warm and inviting. Maybe Mai was right. Maybe, it didn't matter who was involved or what had happened. Maybe he could spend the rest of his life happily with Aang.
Golden eyes fell of slightly parted lips only moments before closing. He captured the soft lips with his own. He moved his knee up just a bit more to get the boy give another little gasp and deepened the kiss. His tongue caressed the airbenders mouth. Zuko thought he was in heaven as Aang rolled his tongue. However, that was when he noticed something was wrong.
The first thing he realized was that he seemed to no longer have any air in his lungs. The second thing being that he felt really light. Not just light headed, but whole body wise. Which helped to better explain his body flying through the air. He felt his back hit the ground at least ten feet away from where he had been. After the hard thud of his landing, his lungs gasped in air.
Aang stood over him, his emotionless mask back in place.
"You do that again and I wont just take the air from your lungs, I'll freeze it."
Footnote: Lots of development in this chapter. Zuko has finally decided to act, but it seems like Aang's going to make him work for it. Thanks for reading. Feel free to drop me a review, I may take a bit of time for replies, but I try to always respond.