Part VII
"I think I've explained everything. If you'll excuse me..." Battousai got up from his chair and moved to the door. Without really thinking, Kaoru acted.
Click. "You're under arrest for...robbery, breaking into the FBI headquarters, kidnapping, sexual harassment...did I miss anything?" She asked cheerfully, handcuffing him and grabbing him by the arm. "Okay. Let's go."
He stared at her, wide-eyed and shocked. Of all the reactions he had expected, he had not expected this.
"Are you seriously arresting after I saved your life three times?"
"In this country, we have this rule where if you break into a museum and steal stuff-"
"You can't prove any of it."
"Can so. I and the rest of my team are eyewitnesses." She began dialing an intercom. "I need the super-secure steel holding cell prepared."
"I just supplied the FBI with enough information to catch Shishio and they arrest m."
"Quit your whining. If you weren't such a lousy criminal, you wouldn't have walked into FBI HQ."
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Four very satisfied agents stared at their handiworks. Mug shots of everyone arrested in the last week.
Hoji had been arrested at the store they'd used to track him. With Hoji they'd found an entire briefcase with plans and location of Shishio's grand hideout, hidden in collapsed coal mines. This was stuff even Battousai didn't know about (at least they thought he didn't know- no one had been able to find his phone). How he was managing to make any calls from his holding cell, all steel, underground, and video-monitored, was anyone's guess. He was the other advancement- they'd found some old records by running his mug shot. No names as of yet, but now they knew his official background. Several of Shishio's weaker men had been picked up all over the county, and some were all too happy to sing like birds in exchange for shorter jail time.
"When does he go on trial?" Megumi asked.
"We can't put him on trial until we figure out who he actually is." complained Kaoru.
The phone on their table rang, and Sano answered it. He hadn't said much about being Battousai's leak inside the FBI, and he might have been communicating with him behind their backs. The three girls were pretending not to know or care.
"Sagara."
"How's my idiot apprentice doing?" Sano nearly dropped the phone. He'd only heard the voice once, but it had been scary.
"You're Battousai's master, aren't you?" The tall man demanded. "How'd you get the number?"
"Never mind how I got the number; anyone can if they really want it. How's my apprentice? Some leak you turned out to be, letting him get arrested."
"It was all Kaoru! She was the one who arrested him."
"He was always weak against women." The master said in exasperation. "Well, get him out. Shishio is planning to start the initial assault tomorrow."
"The what?"
"He's going to take a city hostage, and use the hostages to get the artifacts he needs. The only thing that will stop him is the chance to kill my idiot apprentice, and he can't be killed if he's in jail."
"How do I get him out of jail? He committed crimes, remember?"
Kaoru snatched the phone out of Sano's hand. "Okay, my turn." She put the hand piece to her ear. "Hello, this is Kaoru Kamiya speaking and I want to now everything and I want it now. Or else."
"Or else?"
"Or else Battousai stays in jail and I get to put him on trial for all his crimes."
"Finally, someone who knows what they're talking about," The man muttered, and Kaoru smiled, "Shishio is planning to hold a city hostage. I need my idiot apprentice to stop him. Get him out of jail; you can have him back afterwards. He'll be too wounded to resist."
"Done. When and where do you want him?" She faked confidence, even though she had no idea how to break anyone out of jail. Well, she did, but it was still a tricky business.
"Just get him outside the building perimeter and have him call me by tomorrow night."
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"I was wondering if Shishou would ever call." Battousai said calmly as she walked in. he wasn't facing her. "What's Shishio up to now?"
"He's trying to hold a city hostage." Kaoru said flatly. "Apparently you can do something about it. Can you get out on your own?"
"If you leave the door open." He replied. "Why are you so cooperative?"
"Your master promised I could arrest you again after you were all worn out from battle."
"He would." He paused, turning to face her. "Someone will call you on my behalf afterwards, if I don't make it."
"Do you think it's likely?"
"...if it was just Shishio, no. But there are more than just him in there. It's a possibility."
"Why are you telling me any of this?"
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"What is that?"
"It's my list."
"Your list of what?"
"Ten sword, plus Shishio. I have to fight Soujiro myself, so that crosses off one. Kamatari is our leak, so that's one more. Hoji is in jail, so that's another one."
"I'll deal with the big one."
"That leaves five for Aoshi and Saitou."
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After a long day at work, sometimes you just need to relax.
So, Kaoru invited her friends over to her house to have pizza and crack jokes at each other. It was a common enough ritual. They were all lounging on the couch when a loud noise made them all tense for action. Someone was...laughing? Definitely laughing. Cackling, in fact.
"Come out, Battousai's woman!"
"...my life is a walking bad romance novel." Kaoru said. "Shall we go outside?"
They grabbed their weapons and went out into the front yard. There were three figures out there: a woman carrying a scythe, a dark-looking man dressed like a priest, and a pointy-nosed person in a black cape. At least tat's what they thought until the woman started to talk.
"A transvestite, a priest, and a Dracula-wannabe. Where's the bar?" Megumi asked.
"I don't think alcohol will help with this situation." Misao answered, tensed. "Kaoru, get back."
Sano stared at Kamatari, trying to get him to understand what he needed to do. He didn't respond, but Sano hoped he'd understood. The so-called Dracula was talking now, and he was the one who'd been cackling earlier.
"What fears have I? Come, and battle me, weaklings! I am Henya of the-"
"Can we skip to the part where you tell us why you're here, please?" Kaoru interrupted.
Henya scowled, dramatically opening his cape. He was emancipated underneath, all ribs visible. It was a wonder he was alive. Pulling out some dynamite, he lit the fuses and jumped. "Fight me...and die!"
The resulting explosion was loud, dust-inducing, and threw Henya high up into the air, where he gliding on his makeshift black wings. He dived at them, intending to slice his victim in half.
Misao shot through one of his wings, making several bullet holes. Immediately he tipped, and was carried off by some other current. His flight unbalanced, he was much less dangerous than before.
"No true swordsman uses a gun." He sneered even as he rose and fell crazily.
"Good thing Kaoru's the swordswoman, then." Megumi commented, already aiming her own gun. "You should land before you fall and break some those spindly little ribs."
"Spindly-why you!" Henya plummeted headfirst towards the ground; no one made a move to help him. He landed, bounced, and was still. They turned their attention to the last two enemies. The priest stepped forward, and now that he was closer, Sano recognized him.
"Anji." He said, running his fingers through his enormous hair.
"So here we are." Anji said. No other words were needed. Moving out into the street, they plunged into battle. Explosions crashed, and craters began to form in the pavement.
"So," Kamatari said cheerfully. "Anyone done anything interesting lately?"
"I arrested Battousai." Kaoru offered. "Um...didn't you write that book? Psychia: Secret Power?"
"As a matter of fact, I did. What did you think of it?"
"It was pretty good, actually. Informational. Straightforward."
"That was the effect I was going for, really."
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"Do you do this to everyone?"
"Do what?"
"Smash their beliefs into pieces...and then force them to take responsibility for themselves."
"I'm not forcing you to do anything. If you still want to fight, I'll fight you until one of us falls."
"But you don't really want to fight me. You want to fight Shishio-sama. Can you reform him, too?"
"People of our kind...assassins and killers...can't be reformed. Once you've taken that path, you can't go back. You still can, if you want to. You can find some other way. For Shishio, it is too late."
"What can I do now? My sword is broken. You win. But...you'll never defeat Shishio-sama."
"Is that supposed to persuade me to turn back? I won't."
"I know. Shishio-sama wouldn't let you run away. He really wants to fight you. He told you were weak because you protected people."
"Shishio sees any kind of attachment to another person as weak. He doesn't understand that no ideal can lend you the strength another person can. I learned that the hard way."
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Sano's hands were smashed. Megumi had had to treat his numerous fist injuries before, but this was just ridiculous. His right hand, especially, was so badly damaged she wondered if it would ever be the same.
"Idiot rooster-head, what did you do to your knuckles?" She asked as she checked them.
"It's part of what I showed you while we were kidnapped. I can erase the resistance of the object I'm hitting. The problem is that it tends to break my hands a little bit..."
"Little bit? Little bit? The bones are pulverized!"
"Why didn't it happen to Anji? He's a master of the same power!" Sano whined.
"Maybe because he's a master?" Misao offered. Kaoru was setting her broken rib. "He probably knows how to use it without killing himself."
"You want something for your rib, Misao? It's gotta hurt, and I probably have painkillers around here somewhere." Kaoru motioned to the first-aid kit, the contents of which were spread all over the living room floor as they treated their injuries. Calling a rescue squad would have attracted too much attention, so they were giving themselves home treatment and seeing the FBI doctors later.
"Nah, I'm okay. What about you?"
"Minimal injuries- I'm just bruised. Don't worry about me. Megumi?"
"I'm fine, too." She said. Exhaling, she let go of Sano's right hand. "I've done what I can do. Try not to get into any drunken brawls for a while."
"Hey! I don't get into drunken brawls!"
"Oh, right, they're drunken honorable fights." Kaoru drawled, rolling her eyes.
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Click. She flicked the lights in the dark office on.
"You look like crap." She was not surprised to find him waiting in her office. He was bandaged, she noted, and probably badly wounded. She couldn't figure out why he was here, but he was sure to tell her, any minute now.
"I feel like it, too. Shishio bit me." He tapped his shoulder and winced in pain.
She blanched. "Wow. That's...really disturbing. Did you come here to share your war stories with or, what/"
"No, I came here to let you arrest me."
"Why? What kind of pathetic criminal are you, anyways?"
"One who seems to recall you being promised you could re-arrest me later." He held out his wrists in amusement, although she couldn't fathom why this was funny. Still, Kaoru wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so she cuffed him and marched him off after calling for the holding cell.
"What happened to Shishio, anyway?"
"He's...out of the picture." Battousai replied evasively.
"I see. So, the world is safe?"
"Relatively so. His men are still floating around, planning to take revenge and continue on without him."
"Ah, well, you don't need to worry about it because you'll be safe in jail."
"Safe. Right."
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"Chief?"
"Yes, Katsu?"
"Battousai just escaped."
"Impossible. He was arrested less than fifteen minutes ago. His paperwork is still being filed."
"He's gone, sir. He left Kamiya a note and everything."
"Not another one of his notes. Read it aloud."
Dear Precious,
I only promised to be arrested- I never said I'd stay in jail. Or even go on trial. I doubt I'll need to steal anything else, but there are plenty of other crimes I can commit. We'll see each other soon.
Sincerely,
Battousai
P.S. Call 673-583-5762 tomorrow evening. Don't bug your phone.
"Where's Kamiya? Had she seen this?"
"She found it, sir. They're cleaning up her office now."
"Cleaning up her office?"
"She broke her chair."
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"Hi."
"Hello, precious. Are you tracing the call?"
"No, I am not. What is it you want?"
"There's a key taped to the inside of your mailbox. It opens a safety deposit box in the Swiss General Bank downtown."
"And what, pray tell, is in the safety deposit box?"
"The results of your category test. An item I'd like you to hold onto for me. My birth certificate-"
"Your what?"
"My birth certificate and some other personal papers to help you in your quest to jail me, and a present."
"A what?"
"A present. A gift. Something that I give to you."
"By 'what?' I meant what is wrong with you, you nut job?"
"Nothing is wrong with me, other than the fact I have permanent bite marks on my shoulder."
"What is with you and those bite marks?"
"Would you want to be bitten by a crazed, pyrokinetic mummy?"
"Point taken. It's late, and I have a life other than talking to maniacs like you. Later."
"Later, precious."
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Next chapter will probably be the last. Hopefully I will tie up all the loose ends there. There are a lot of them...that's the problem of writing such a convoluted, insane story! But it was fun, anyways!
Review! ...from the ever-distracted chickentyrant5.