Day 9

She was sitting cross-legged on her bed when she felt him. She'd had her senses open, just taking in the ship and all the tens of thousands of sentient life forms aboard it. She'd daydreamed long hours on Jakku about the wrecks, wondering what the huge Ravager or the other ships had looked like in their prime, when they were new and pristine and fully manned. Now she knew, while also knowing she'd seen less than a tenth of it. She was starting to see how someone could feel at home here.

The door buzzed. "Come in," she called, knowing it was him. He stood between the guards in front of the door. She could feel the Force bond glimmer on the edge of activation as she sharpened her awareness on him. Before it could open, the doors slid apart and he walked in. She blinked away the meditative trance, preferring the reality.

They smiled to see one another. He turned and locked the door, though she knew that was mostly symbolic. Should someone really want to get inside, the guards would slow them more than the lock. He shrugged out of his cape and hung it over the back of one of the chairs.

"How was your meeting?" she asked.

"Tiring. Or maybe it was just knowing you were near and I wasn't with you."

She smiled at how persistently romantic he was. It was sweet. "More likely," she said, "it's because you've been awake for two days."

"I have?" He looked confused as he thought back. "No, I meditated for some of that."

"In the cold and wet, on stone. That doesn't count. You did sleep the night before, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I think." He huffed, pulling off his gloves and setting them on the table. "I will sleep tonight. It's been a better day than most in the last couple weeks. It was nice being with you today." He ran a hand through his hair, tousling it. "It is likely to be this way with me for a very long time – busy. These problems will not resolve easily." He smiled. "And Hux said he wouldn't accept my resignation."

Rey grinned at that. "I would expect no less of the son of Leia Organa, or the grandson of Padme Amidala, than for you to give everything you have for your people."

He gave a single slow nod. "That is flattering. Thank you." He moved to the edge of the bed. "I want you to be one of my people as well," he said softly. "I notice … you are not." His tone turned cautious and questioning. "What do you want me to make of that?"

"Last week, I told Finn that my loyalty shouldn't be questioned unless I were on the First Order flagship and wasn't with the Resistance anymore." She gestured at her surroundings. "And here I am. I'm learning how to be one of your people and what that means. Already, it doesn't mean what I thought it meant."

He reached out slowly and touched her cheek. "Let me know when you make a decision. Take all the time you need."

Rey opened her mouth to speak, then shut it. She pursed her lips. "In the First Order … Hux called me a paramour. You said that sounded illicit. He set up separate quarters for us and had you assign me, like, a handmaiden. I mean, I know that's not what Lem is, but it looks like that. And … I just don't know – what's normal here? Are we doing anything … improper?"

"No. Not in that sense. There are no limits placed on the behavior of the supreme leader. I could feed one of my captains feet-first into the grinder that was in Snoke's throne room without censure. No one will dare to speak about who I have in my bed."

She blanched. "That happened – the grinder." She remembered the thing from the battle they'd had with the guards.

"My executions have been less gruesome. But Snoke had it there for a purpose, yes. I'd seen it in action before. Fraternizing with the enemy is the bigger sin, considering that some in the High Command disagree with my title. Although I'm sure if I fed a few to the grinder, the objections would cease. It is precisely my differences from my predecessor that weigh against me here."

"I see," she said, looking up at him. She noted he was saying he'd ordered, and probably personally carried out, executions. She wasn't sure how she felt about that, but she was sure it wasn't something he'd done lightly. She knew of nothing in his life that hadn't been without careful consideration and sometimes years of trying to find a better solution than the one he ended up with. He was standing quietly next to the bed, his hands at his sides, watching her. "I'm glad you're different," she told him.

He smiled, the skin around his eyes crinkling. "You would not grace my presence if I were not."

She moved to the edge of the bed, adjusting so her legs were on either side of his. She reached out for his belt, glancing up at him. "How does this unfasten?"

His voice deepened slightly. "There's a clasp here." He gestured, but then hooked his fingers under the belt on the same side as his lightsaber. She opened the clasp and released it, letting the belt sag into his hand. The lightsaber made that side the heaviest. He reached back and set the belt and attached saber on the desk.

When he turned back, he started to unfasten the top of his tunic, but Rey put her hands on his forearms to stop him. "No, let me." He was too tall for her to do it while sitting on the bed unless she stretched her arms up awkwardly. "Come here where I can reach you." He leaned in while she scooted back fully on the bed. He climbed over her, holding himself up with his arms. It put his chest in easy reach of her hands. She made quick work of the clasps.

She worked the garment off him one arm at a time as he stole kisses between the motions, laying them on whatever part of her face he could get to. She giggled. She tossed the jacket in the direction of the floor, leaving him in his undershirt. He propped himself on his elbows and continued with kissing, but more directed now.

She curled her arms around him, then her legs just to see what it felt like. He was hard and starting to nip at her cheek, then her jawline, his breath puffing at her skin. She pressed at the waistband of his pants, then reached all across the front. The clasp was not there. She checked one hip, then the other, by now truly distracted by how to get into this guy's pants.

Kylo cleared his throat and reached behind him on one side, unhooking a panel that unwrapped around him from the hips up, then separated into a seam in the front over the groin. She made a mental note to take a closer look at that later on. He lifted away and leaned down to free his feet from his boots and remove the last of his garments. In the meantime, she had her own clothes to be rid of, but she knew how to do that on her own.

When she finished, she moved to the center of the bed. He stood up from taking off his boots and started to move, then stopped at her gesture.

"I want to look at you. All of it." He was muscled and hard and scarred over. The marks she'd left on his body weren't the first. There were others all across him. He was marked like a veteran of many battles, but he was not an old man. The First Order's medical prowess had reduced everything to mere purplish or white lines on his skin, but they were still there, signs that he'd fought all the way to where he stood today.

She met his eyes. They were dark, sad, hopeful, and very focused on her. He asked, "You are … not disappointed?"

"No. I will never be, not with you. Come to me?"

And he did.

She pulled him to her and then rolled them both so she could climb on top, riding him and rubbing herself against him. He rose up to cup a breast with one hand, the other supporting him, as he eagerly applied kisses. She didn't want to do this like she'd seen on Jakku, in a hurry in stolen moments, but her passion was rising fast, energy starting to zing between them. It felt like they'd waited forever for this. In the moment, she found herself unwilling to wait any longer. She pushed him flat, kissing him fiercely. He answered with a desperate energy. She pressed herself back against him, feeling him nudge against her.

It took more maneuvering than she'd expected to figure it out, but when they did, it was glorious. She pushed back on him and it gave her such a raw, open feeling. She let him inside of her, enveloped him, and become one as their spirits intertwined. She rocked up and down, feeling him shift inside of her, his hips matching her motions for a few moments.

Then he was gasping, his hands on her hips. His voice stuttered, whatever he was trying to say, lost. But she was coming already – a throbbing inside of her made unfamiliar by the feeling of his hard shaft within her body. She fell forward, her arms catching herself on either side of him as she panted. Her body flushed – light, pleasure, and ecstasy danced through her veins. His hands slid up to her waist as he heaved a long, gentle, "Oh."

Breathing harder than she would have expected for so little, she looked up at him. "I thought it usually took longer than that." Even for Jakku, that was quick.

"I think it does," he said, similarly blown. "I've never …"

"You've never?"

"Uh … no."

She began to laugh, which felt absolutely bizarre with him still in her. She moved to the side and up, which engendered an even stranger sensation as he pulled out of her. "Oh! That's …" She looked down, but all seemed well.

He petted her side in concern. "Nothing's wrong?"

"No, no. I thought," she turned to him with a smile. "I thought you were the sophisticated one! You've been to all these places. You live in a starship just crawling with people, human people who are good-looking! You've been able to use Jedi mind tricks for, I don't know, a decade? And most of that you've been on the dark side using mind-reading and stuff? I just assumed …" She shook her head.

His brows pulled together in hurt. "You assumed I'd been using the Force to …?"

"No, I mean … No, you're right. That's a terrible thing to imply and I'm sorry I did. It's just that I know you could, not that I could imagine you doing it."

He let out a breath. "Okay, that's good. And no, I never. Ever. Used the Force that way."

"I assumed that somewhere along the line you'd been with someone … however it happened."

"No." Then he repeated himself, his eyes far away. "No."

"Kylo?" Somehow she sensed he wasn't answering her question, but instead refusing something. Or trying to.

"No," he said again.

"Okay." She put her hand on his chest. His heart was pounding. "It's okay."

He flinched and then put his hand over hers. His words came quick, half-panicked. "Why do you think he wanted me to kill you? I was interested in you. He knew it. No one – I couldn't be interested in anyone. Not like that. No friends. No loyalty before him. Not … my parents. Not the knights. Not anyone." He swallowed roughly and looked up at her.

"You had said it was sexual sometimes, so I-"

He made short, rapid shakes of his head. "Not with other people. There were never other people. I would have fought that. He knew it. Please, Rey, know that I would have fought that?" She nodded to him. He went on, "But he'd threaten. And I'd … but until you. That wasn't a threat with you. He meant it."

"You're right," she said quietly. She dismounted, sitting at his side. "That wasn't a threat. He meant to have you kill me."

"I know. And I didn't. He's gone. It's all gone. I ended it." He breathed out as though trying to exorcise the demons. He swallowed. "This didn't go well. Because of me." He looked up at her apprehensively. "I shouldn't have mentioned any of that?" He was still watching her and being guarded, as though waiting for the other shoe to drop.

She gathered him into her arms and kissed his forehead. She waited with her lips on his skin until he relaxed and leaned into her, breathing deeper. She petted his messy hair. "You've been awake for days. You've nearly died of wounds. Snoke, Leia, Luke, Han, supreme leader, and me. All of these things have happened in the last two weeks, and yet," her voice conveyed the smile on her face because he wasn't where he could see it, "you're worried you said the wrong thing by admitting it has effected you? You are the person I want to be with, Kylo. I couldn't be prouder of everything you are."

"Thank you for coming with me," he murmured brokenly. "You're everything to me."

"Let's get under the covers," she whispered. He nodded silently.