"You just went away," Merrill protested, "And this time you're going vacationing in Orlais?"

"It's not a vacation, it's business," Hawke explained, packing his suitcase.

"I could still come along. You used to bring me all the time on these little adventures. You know I can handle myself just fine."

"I'm playing at being a noble," he stated, "You hate those sort of things. And it could get dangerous, I don't want you in harm's way."

"This is ridiculous," she rolled her eyes, "I'm not some delicate flower."

"But you are to me," he murmured, coming to her side, "Merrill...if anything ever happened to you, I would never forgive myself. I love you. Of course you can come with me, but just...just trust me on this one, okay?"

Merrill frowned but nodded, letting him kiss her on the forehead.

oOoOo

"Are you sure he didn't say anything more than that?" Isabela asked in confusion.

"Nope," Merrill complained, drinking from her fruity concoction, "I'm telling you, he just told me to trust him."

"As I always say, never trust a man that says trust me," Isabela advised, finishing off her pint, "Come on, now, the man's hiding something."

"Has he talked to you?"

Isabela laughed, "He doesn't talk about his love life, you know that. The man's more knotted up about sex than a cherry stem in a prostitute's mouth."

Merrill was confused by the expression and turned to look behind her, seeing a sex worker literally pull out a cherry stem, now tied in a bow, from her mouth. She shook her head and turned around again.

"Maybe he's buying you a present," Isabela guessed, "He's not so shy showing you off around the nobles now and he's been extra lovey dovey lately, even I can tell that. Maybe, maybe he's buying you an engagement ring. I hope he didn't ask Aveline for advice on that one...I can only imagine..."

Merrill laughed, "I don't think so. We've been together for ages now and he's never talked about actually marrying me. Like abstractly, but never in practice. It's okay, I don't need to get married to him. I'm happy how things are now."

Isabela raised an eyebrow, taking a drink, only to remember her glass was empty.

"I'm going to go get a pitcher of whatever it is I was drinking and I'm going to let you rethink that answer because I'm pretty sure you're lying to me about something. You've got about a minute and a half. Two if that guy over there tries to hit on me."

Merrill sighed as she left, fidgeting. She had half made up her mind to deny everything for awhile longer, but the minute Isabela sat down, she blurted the truth out.

"I'm having an affair," Merrill whispered.

Isabela paused and raised her eyebrows, "Wasn't expecting that, I have to say. How long?"

"Maybe seven months," Merrill muttered, looking away from her.

Isabela concentrated, clearly doing the math in her head, and then her eyes widened.

"You've only been sleeping with Hawke for seven months," Isabela laughed, covering her mouth, "Was it that awful you had to go out immediately and find someone else? Damn, girl, that's impressive."

"You don't hate me?" Merrill asked in concern.

"No," Isabela smiled kindly, "We all do stupid things. I mean...that's a long time though. I'm a little shocked no one has figured it out yet. Not Hawke though. He's a little innocent, makes you quite a good pair...wow. Okay. So...is it serious?"

Merrill replied honestly, "I don't know. It's not really anything too emotional, he's just...Isabela, the sex is so good. I mean, Hawke is getting better and he's trying...but this man, I had no idea. It's just...it honestly blows my mind. I've been trying to stay away from him, but I just can't get him off my mind."

Isabela grinned, trying to keep a straight face, "Well, I'll be damned. Okay. So hot steamy sex for half a year with someone you don't have feelings for while you been having mediocre sex with someone you love."

"Mediocre may be too kind," Merrill admitted, drinking deeply into her glass.

Isabela nodded, "Okay. So...things are good the way they are. You're happy?"

Merrill sighed, "No. It's just not fair. Why can't I have both with one person, you know? Why can't he just make me feel this way? And if I ever fell in love with Ga-"

Merrill cut herself off and Isabela's eyes widened again.

"You have to end it," Isabela whispered.

Merrill replied nervously, "I don't know what you're talking about. I meant Garrett. I meant I'd refall in love with him. Gary? Gary the dock worker? Gareth? Umm..."

Isabela leaned forward and took her hands in hers, "People have affairs. It's not pleasant, but it's a reality. People move past them, its fine. But if just said who I think you were about to say and you're serious about Hawke, you need to end it now. Kitten, you won't be able to move past that. He's not going to be able to forgive that. I think you know it. And yes, he's a little slow on the uptake, but he'll figure it out one day or someone else will and tell him. God. I heard he was sneaking around with some elf from the Alienage all over town, the Blooming Rose wouldn't stop talking about it, but I couldn't have ever guessed-"

"Please don't say anything," Merrill pleaded.

"Of course I won't," Isabela murmured, "You know if I had to pick between you and Hawke, I'd pick you. And I understand, from what I've heard about that man...sorry, this isn't the time for that. But I'm saying this as a friend. Especially if Hawke does come back planning to propose. You need to end it. I'll buy Hawke all the sex manuals money can buy, I promise. You just go over there and you end it."

Merrill wiped a tear from her face, "You're right...I'm so stupid..."

"You're not stupid," Isabela smiled, patting her on the cheek, "You're young. You're discovering sex and love and all that good nonsense. I just want you to be happy. I'm worried in the long run this isn't going to make you happy."

Merrill nodded, "I'm going to go right now, before I change my mind."

She finished the rest of her drink before standing and hugging Isabela. Isabela held her to her protectively and whispered, "You got this. I'll be here if you need me."

oOoOo

Gamlen had finished bathing when he heard the door open. He walked forward, curiously, drying his hair. He was surprised when he saw Merrill standing on the step, fidgety.

"Can I come in?" She asked, "It's a little chilly out here."

He nodded, putting his arm around her as he led her in. He closed the door and pulled up a chair before his meager fireplace.

"I'm just making some tea," he said, "I'll get you a cup."

He put on the rest of his clothes before taking the kettle off the stove. He poured two mugs and brought them over to her, sitting on the floor beside her.

"What's wrong, pet?" He asked, "I haven't seen you in two weeks. I was worried the boy actually learned how to use his tongue."

Gamlen chuckled at his own joke, but stopped, seeing tears in her eyes.

"I can't do this anymore," she whispered, holding the mug in her hands.

His heart fell in his chest and he said, "Okay. That's fine. Go finish your tea, I'll go in the back. Just say goodbye before you go, alright? I have a coat in the back somewhere, I don't want you to catch cold."

"That's it?" She laughed, "After all this time, after everything..."

He stood in the doorway to his bedroom and said quietly, "I'm sure you have your reasons. I'm...curious, but that's your business. I've had fun, but if it's over, it's over."

"I think he's going to ask me to marry him," Merrill said, "I've suspected it for awhile, but I guess...he's gone away for the month, I think when he comes back, he's going to ask me."

"And you plan to say yes?"

"I love him," Merrill said softly, "You know that. And you know that if we're still...well. If he ever finds out, he'll never forgive me. If we're bonded, that's it. I can't be with another. Not ever. It's not just for him...it's for me."

He shook his head, "You're a fool, you know."

She stood angrily, "Am I supposed to take romantic advice from you? You seduced your own nephew's girlfriend. You seduced me and...and...took advantage."

"If I did," he said quietly, "I never meant to. I only took what was given. If you regret this, fine. But at the time, it was what you wanted. Don't lecture me, girl. You think if you marry him it'll fix everything, but it won't. It doesn't make every other problem go away. Marriage makes it harder."

"How would you know?"

"I was married."

Merrill froze and he continued, "My parents died when I was 19 years old. I hadn't had a childhood, I had spent the last five years taking care of them. That was my life. When Leandra wouldn't come back, it was just me. I had money I didn't even know what to do with. I had no idea how to be a royal. So I pissed it away. I slept with every worker in the Blooming Rose...more than once. I drank everything I could see, gambled and bribed for four years...and then I met Mara. And Maker, Maker I tried. She was a scullery maid, I met her at a royal ball. And I fell in love with her. I proposed to her a few days later and she laughed and said yes. We married the next week, just us in the forest. We were happy for a few months. But I was still me. I was still drinking far too much and having sex with every thing with legs. We were married 4 months when she left me. I was stone cold sober, the only time I was sober in weeks. I gave her the rest of my coin and wished her well. I didn't go after her...I knew that there was nothing I could promise her because I knew it wasn't going to change."

Merrill asked, "Do you still love her?"

He smirked, "Some days. I think now if I ever saw her again, I'd be happy, but I don't think I would want to be with her. Love doesn't just go away. I'll always love her, even if I haven't been in love with her for years."

"Why did you change then?"

He laughed, "Poverty. I stopped drinking a few months later after I moved in here. The rest, I slowly gave up. I had a lot of time to think and no money to spend. I've never been good with coin. It's better for me to have less of it."

He shook his head, "You should go, pet. I hope you do make it work. You deserve to be happy."

He watched as she walked towards him, gingerly. She leaned forward and kissed him, softly. He melted into her touch, surprised at the feel of her against his skin. He let himself be led into his bedroom, let himself be stripped of his clothes. She undressed, standing naked in the moonlight. He was gentle as he brought her into the bed with him, kissing her softly.

This was the last time, he knew. He knew that as he entered her, as her kisses grew more and more erratic under his touch. She was entwined with him, even as she raised herself on top of him. They moved together, slick with sweat, his arms and legs around her. He came first, crying out. She moved him in and out of her, a gasp coming from her lips before she stilled in his arms. They rested their foreheads together before a last kiss.

He could not bear to walk her to the door, nor to watch her leave. He did not like that it was over, even if it had run its course. He didn't like seeing her so sad.