Alright, lots to say before you continue to read on.
First, thank you all for the feedback/reviews/follows/favorites on the last chapter.
Some of you weren't pleased with the way Regina handled Emma. Some of you were offended because suicide victims should be treated with more care. Your opinions and feelings are valid and I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone in any way. My intentions were not to violate a patient's rights or to disrespect the subject matter. My intentions were to keep Regina as true to her character as possible.
Regina is not one that is equipped emotionally to deal with this sort of situation. The only coping mechanisms she has are the ones that were instilled in her by Cora. Cora wouldn't coddle her, and she'd tell her to get the fuck over it. Anger and control are the only ways Regina knows how to cope. I'm sorry if that's not how some of you wanted Regina to be portrayed, but in everything I write, I always try to stay as true to the characters as possible. Why else would you read?
That being said, I hope those of you who weren't very happy with the last chapter will still give the story a chance.
This chapter is from Emma's perspective. Things will go back and forth as the story moves on.
I decided to post this update a bit sooner because I know all of you are devastated that there's no new OUAT airing tonight.
Please continue to provide feedback. I hope you enjoy this update and thanks for reading!
As Emma watched Regina leave, she struggled to gain her bearings. Regina's face, the one in her wallet photo – was seared into her brain. It's almost as though she subconsciously imprinted the image in the back of her mind, wanting it to be the very last thing she saw before…before it all ended. Now that she was awake – that she was still alive - it was all she could see. No matter where she looked she saw Regina and Henry, and it was all too painful to bear.
Their faces in her mind were a constant reminder of what a complete and utter failure she was.
Emma leaned back and let her head plop against the pillow. She pulled her unbroken hand over her eyes, hoping desperately that she would just wake up from whatever horrible nightmare she was trapped in.
You're such a fucking failure. You couldn't even manage to off yourself properly.
Emma groaned and looked down, surveying her injuries. Not only did she fail, but she was stuck being crippled for what she assumed would be at the very least, months. In her effort to flee from her problems and her family, she was likely now going to be attached to them at the hip…at least if Snow had anything to do with it.
Emma rolled her eyes at the thought of Snow suffocating her day in and day out when all she wanted to do was be alone.
Way to go, Swan. You managed to screw things up even worse for yourself then they were before. Some savior you are, you can't even fix your own pathetic life.
Every fiber of her being just wanted to kick and scream and rip all of those damn tubes and wires out and get the fuck out of there. Instead, Emma clamped down on the inside of her cheek, reveling in the coppery taste of her own bloody fucking mortality.
Her balled up fist rattled against the rail of the bed.
Fuuuuuuuck…
What was she going to do about Henry?
Emma could barely stand to look at Regina… what in the hell was she going to say to Henry? He will want an explanation, but she's not sure that she's ready to give him one. How do you explain your unhappiness to your child? How do you explain that you chose to leave him forever?
Deep down, she hoped that he wouldn't ask those questions, not at least until she figured it out for herself.
Emma sank back into her pillow, cringing at the loud crinkle of the plastic wrapped around the paper thin contents.
She let her mind drift as she poked at the angry bruise on her ribs. The stabbing pain made her wince but for some reason it didn't deter her from continuing to prod at it. She felt at her core that she deserved the pain. Just as her foster parents told her, she was truly worthless and deserved nothing more than this.
You always told yourself that you'd be more than what they said you were, but all you did was become the failure that they knew you'd be.
She didn't deserve happiness and she never deserved a family. All she deserved was pain - the pain from the beatings she got during her time in foster homes and on the streets before she met Neal.
You deserve to be alone because you are so unlovable that no one would want to be a part of your miserable life. Your own parents dumped you like yesterday's trash. Even after you found them and freed them from their cursed prison, you still weren't good enough for them. They had to go have another damn kid to replace you because they were so ashamed of you.
Some part of her wasn't even surprised that she woke up broken in this damn hospital bed from a botched suicide attempt. It was just that fucking perfect of a fit into her miserable goddamn life up until this point.
It's obvious by how everyone was treating her that they all knew that what she did wasn't an accident. Emma knew that she was broken, but she by no means wanted people treating her like she was. It was unbearable being ignored and forgotten by those she loved, but to have them turn around and pity her? It couldn't get any worse than that.
You're not just an unlovable failure, you're pathetic to them. They pity you. Any chance you had of them giving half a shit about you drove off that embankment with the bug.
The bug…god fucking damn it!
It just couldn't get any worse at this point.
I need to stop saying that…
Not that she could physically even drive the bug any time soon, it was just that it was the one decent gift anyone ever gave her and she had to go and total the damn thing. Neal was the only one who actually gave a shit about her at some point, and now she lost the one last reminder of something good, something that occasionally made her hope that life would get better someday.
Even though she wasn't in love with Neal, and now that she looks back, she probably never was – she still felt a connection with him. He understood her, appreciated her, and always wanted the best for her. Despite the lapse that put her in prison, she realizes now why he did it, and she's no longer angry for it. Even in the moments before his death, all he wanted to know was if she and Henry had happy lives in New York. Now he was gone, no stolen from her, and there was no one left to put her happiness first.
A wave of panic started to rush through Emma as she began to feel trapped in the damn room with all of these damn wires and casts and the constant beeping. All she wanted to do was run – to get away from all of these people. They were just constant reminders of how she'd never be enough.
Henry was better off without her. Regina was a wonderful mother and Hood, as much as she hated to say it, would make a decent father. Henry needed a father, not some fucked up ex-con orphan reject of a birth mother.
Emma darted a glance up to the clock on the wall.
10:52
She had about twenty minutes left before Regina was going to bring Henry by.
This is your chance, Swan. Don't be a fucking coward. Do the right thing and let Henry and Regina have the life and the family they deserve.
With one sharp intake of breath she clenched her jaw, squeezed her eyes shut and yanked all of the tubes out of her arm, letting out a hiss of pain. She followed that by pulling all of the leads off of her chest, causing the heart monitor to flat line and beep wildly.
She knew she probably wouldn't be able to move fast due to the extent of her injuries, but if she could just muster up enough concentration and strength, perhaps she'd be able to magically transport herself from the bed.
Clear your mind!
Her rate of breathing increased as her heart thudded rapidly inside her chest. Glancing frantically towards the door, she knew she only had a minute or two at most to pull this off before anyone made it to the room.
Don't you fail them again. Do something right for once. Focus!
Emma tried to remember what Regina always said.
Magic is emotion.
Focusing in on all of the love she felt for them, she disappeared instantly in a cloud of white smoke. The last wisps of it were visible when a team of nurses and Doctor Whale rushed into the room, only to find that Emma was gone.