Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to Sir George, I only wish Han was mine.

GHOSTS FROM MY PAST

Leia came into the cockpit a few minutes later.

"I'm sorry," she said. "He doesn't understand you, like I do Han."

I didn't say anything, I was concentrating on the function of the hyperdrive, and not really on her words.

She ruffled my messy hair.

"Remember when we were caught in the garbage chute?"

I nodded, the crooked grin creeping onto my face.

"Yeah, you hugged me, remember?"

She had to smile at that one. "I didn't admit it then, but I fell for a scoundrel. I'm sorry it just took so long to admit it nerf herder."

I was smiling still, but I wasn't feeling it completely in my heart.

"You didn't tell me how you got that..." she said tracing her finger along my chin.

"Some idiot," I said. "You should have seen the other guy," but suddenly I wasn't sure.

Had I really gotten into a bar fight like I had told everyone? Or had it happen when I was smashed against the medicine cabinet with Force lightning?

I blinked, trying to see the ice blue of hyperspace. I rubbed my eyes.

"You haven't slept in days, Han. Let me fly."

"Fine," what IS wrong with me? normally I would put up at least a lame fight.

"Are you going to the quarters or are you sleeping in the cockpit?"

I smiled, but I still didn't feel it was reaching my eyes. "I wanna be here, Leia. With you."

She had to grin this time.

She understood. Why didn't Luke get it? I was shouting the question in my head. How was that possible?

I sunk into the co-pilot's seat, suddenly overcome with exhaustion. There had been too many bad dreams for one night.

Mother, can you hear me? Oh gods, what am I doing...I can't use the Force...

Han? You are alive? I'm hallucinating, I have to be hallucinating. But I'll play along. I may not think I can use the Force, but maybe this is just a confused ghost that thinks it's my father. I have to stop thinking about him and mother, the separation was too painful.

Look ghost...how come you sound like my father?

I am NOT a ghost, Han. How did you learn the Force?

If I lie, it might come back to haunt me. What IS wrong with me? I've become almost a superstitious as the kid. My friends taught me the Force, who are you, and what do you want? If you're not a ghost, then what are you?

What happened to you, my son?

Wait a second. Father?

You don't believe I can talk to you? What have you done?

Hey, calm down, ghost-claiming-to-be-my father. I'm fine. What do you want from me. Why do you torment me with a past I don't remember?

I do NOT torment you. This ghost reminded me of Luke. And Leia. The defiance.

Luke?

No! It's your father, Shani Solo. Who's Luke? Good thing a ghost has no knowledge in the afterlife. A Jedi master tried to get me to talk. But I won't tell ANYONE where my son is. And you are my son, Han. You are mine and Shronei Solo's son.

A name. Finally names. But were they dead? I was afraid to open my eyes. Would I ruin the image of my beautiful mother if I saw her ghost? Did ghosts keep the wounds of life when they were dead, as now it was I sensed?

Hot breath on my cheek.

Slowly I opened my eyes. Nothing. Leia was piloting, concentrating.

"Something's wrong, Han."

"How do you know?"

"You were murmuring in your sleep. You never do that."

"I..."

"It's your mother, isn't it?" her tone was sympathetic. She understood.

I nodded wordlessly. "I don't want to ask Luke."

"Ask him what?"

"How to ask questions from a ghost."

I expected Leia to be shocked, to misread what it was I was trying to say.

"I don't know, Han. I never talked to a ghost. We've both seen them though."

"Yeah, I know."

Oh great, now I have scared her, something I wished I would never do again.

"Is it because you don't know how to ask, or you don't know what to ask."

"I don't even know, Leia. Look, if I could even replay the thoughts that were in my head, believe me I would."

"So you don't know what to ask."

"It's a little of both." I didn't know what else to say, and it is not often that Han Solo is a loss for words.

Endor. And that really nice guy I had met on Corellia...just before...in the santoriom...the Jedi Knight...Leia's father that she refused to claim? ...why did I remember THAT all of a sudden? Now there's two things I don't understand, how did the Knight who comforted my mother ended up being the same man who'd tortured Leia, cut off Luke's hand, frozen me in carbonite...this was too much.

A few hours later we had landed on Kashykk. Knowing they would be the most sympathetic to our cause, I had set the course there first. Next on my destination list was Corellia, though I wasn't sure if we would get there next. Alot of diplomacy nerf had to be taken care of first.

A/N: tell me what you think so far...

should Han find his mother: dead or alive?

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