A/N- Soon, my dears, soon! We'll be there soon! I can't wait for Chapter 13!

Big fluffy, pudgey, squishy hearts to MaggieCullen! *Smooch*

and Disclaimer as always- I don't own Steph's work, saga or characters. :(

BPOV

I opened my eyes to the sun seeping through the sheer curtains and a raspy voice calling, "Mamaaaa, mumumumum, mamaaa," from the old monitor. Did I actually sleep through the entire night?

Still resting on my lap was the sweater Jas was wearing last night, he must have covered me with it after I'd fallen asleep. I crawled into it and rolled the sleeves up a bit, allowing myself to still have use of my hands.

I must have fallen asleep fairly early because I didn't remember getting past the first episode on the first disk. What a crappy hostess I was.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes before noticing the bright pink Post-It on the coffee table. I couldn't help but smile before I even read it.

In Jasper's perfect chicken scratch that I clearly remembered, it read, "Izzy, I didn't want to wake you. Hope you slept well. Maybe we can do lunch tomorrow?"

Drowsily, I climbed the stairs to find a smiling, snotty, rosey-cheeked Ryan. Reaching his arms up for me, he let out a slobbery, "Mamaa."

"Poor baby, you're all stuffy and raspy," I cooed, while wrapping my arms around him to give him a loving snuggle.

I peeked in on Ava, who was still sleeping peacefully in her bed. She was snuggling her raggedy old Molly doll that Emmett had insisted on buying for her when she was born.

As I was placing a bowl of cantaloupe chunks onto Ry's tray, my phone rang. Inwardly sighing, I went over to the phone that hung on the wall.

Few people ever bothered to call the house phone, only telemarketers or any one of the Cullens. The caller ID made sure I knew it was 'E and R Cullen' this morning.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey Bell, you should bring my niece and nephew over. Ava promised to help pick out the crib bedding and a mini Ava-rocker for when she helps with the baby. Please." Guilting me with my daughter was a low blow – even for Rose, but I had to give it to her because she was good at what she did.

"Ryan woke up with a cold. He could be teething because he doesn't feel warm, but it's up to you."

"I'm sure we can handle a little cold over here, Bella." I could picture Rose rolling her eyes.

"Give me an hour, Rose," I said, reluctantly giving in. I really didn't want to go.

"Good. And bring play clothes for Ava. We'll be painting the closet." Boy was she pushy and at the same time, normal. She wasn't talking to me like I was that poor, crushed, Izzy…Bella.

I wasn't surprised by Rosalie finding a way out of babying me as soon as she deemed acceptable. I might be annoyed that she could still find her way back and talk to me, be all pushy and what have you, but today I woke up after a full night's sleep without the nightmare that left me stomach in knots and my eyes heavy from exhaustion.

*

"You get over here, Princess Ava, and give your Auntie a big hug!" Rose yelled across the yard while walking over to help me lug in a sick baby and my bags.

Ava ran straight into her arms, "Auntie Rose! We get to paint today?" Ava asked in excitement.

I never really did understand how Rose loved kids so much and was so wonderful when she was with mine. She was a harsh bitch to most of the adult population. Rose was always open and honest even if it would squash the person at her side. She was my best friend, and my only friend up until recently, but I could see how people would almost shudder just by seeing her out and about. Even if they didn't know her, people would stare at her like she was a queen and then run the other way, almost as if they didn't want to disappoint her.

As I was placing Ryan down on the carpet in the living room, my cell phone in my bag started ringing.

"Hey, can you grab my phone, Rose? It's in the front pocket," I asked her while I started setting Ry up with an area to play.

"Alice?" Rose asked, as she placed the phone in my hand.

I looked at her and rolled my eyes. Was I not allowed to meet new people and have new friends?

"Hi Alice. Sorry I couldn't make it this morning. Ry woke up with a nasty cold."

After my short conversation with Alice ended the drill began. I was not prepared. What an idiot. I never thought I'd have to explain to my sister-in-law that I had a new friend.

"So…" she began while fingering through Ava's hair, "Who's Alice?"

With Ava sitting there, the few things that I could possibly tell her literally, that would make some sense were out. Ava would nark me out in a second.

"She's someone I bumped into at a coffee shop. I wound up. Covering us both in coffee." I faked a small laugh. "We'd run into each other a few times since and I started a yoga class with her yesterday."

Clapping my hands, I mimicked my son to keep myself busy rather than looking like a liar. Of course, Rose wasn't going to drop it, whether it was about Alice or the yoga.

"Bella, yoga? Really? And here you've led us all to believe you've locked yourself up in your house. Avoiding all of us, yet now there's an Alice?" She asked, sounding highly annoyed.

"Geez, Rose, harsh much?" I said glancing toward my daughter to see if she had sensed the tension. She rarely missed anything and today was certainly no different.

"Mama, who's Alice?"

"Mommy's new friend, baby. You'll meet her Saturday. She's coming to Ry's party," I told her.

Rosalie shook her hands through Ava's hair. "Alright kiddo, go on and change into your play clothes. Then go pick out a snack and when you're all done come and get me so we can get to work!"

As soon as Ava headed down the hall with her clothes to the bathroom, Rose crawled down to Ryan's level and placed a giant kiss on his rosey cheek, "Ry-Guy! How are you still all smiley when you're sick?"

I sighed. The Ry-Guy thing had come from Edward. He gave Ryan that nick name before he was even born or we had even officially decided on a name. Since Edward had left, I dropped the 'Guy,' Even if it only eased my mind by a miniscule.

Rosalie turned in my direction with her hair-flip thing in full action, "yoga?"

"Is it really that hard to believe I'm getting out? That I actually found something that I might actually enjoy, while at the same time get some piece of mind?" She was going to annoy me today and I could feel it.

"Relax, Bella," she toned down the Queen Bitchattitude, noticing that I wasn't mute-like and quiet, "I was just curious, you've never really done anything for yourself. Good for you."

Nodding, I focused on my son and started our simple, but fulfilling game of clapping while I debated on my next choice of words. If I didn't mention it now, or by Saturday afternoon, it might come off way different than it should.

"Can I have some Oreos, Auntie?" Ava semi-begged from the kitchen.

It wasn't even lunch time and Rose knew that I rarely allowed the kids sugary junk. She glanced in my direction and after my head tilting, shoulder shrug she answered back. "Only three. No being sneaky, missy."

"Do you remember Jacob Black, Leah and Seth Clearwater and Jasper Whitlock?"

"I think so. Jasper ended up transferring to our school, right," Rose casually asked.

"Yeah. They all lived in the same neighborhood and Jake's dad used to fish with Charlie. I used to go with him sometimes and hang out with them."

"Oh yeah. Used to drive Edward nuts," she let a small smile slip, "it was kind of funny."

I was trying to remember if I knew that. I was drawing a blank.

"Yeah, anyway, I bumped into Jasper a few days ago. He's here for work."

Scoffing, Rosalie replied, "It couldn't have been Jake or Seth?" I didn't get where she was going with this.

Shit. I guess I could now remember the look in Edward's eyes when he'd find out that we were spending time with the Blacks and the Clearwaters. Jasper was always there as well, and after he transferred in, I always had that feeling that they didn't particularly like each other. They seemed to simply tolerate each other because I was Jasper's friend, but I was also Edward's girlfriend.

"Eh, honestly, does it really even matter? He's a friend and I've invited him Saturday."

"This should be interesting, Bells." Rising to her feet she said, "Come on Boo Boy, let's get you set up upstairs."

Figuring that was my ever so subtle hint she still wanted to talk, I gathered up his things and tossed the diaper bag over my shoulder. I followed her up the stairs and into the nursery of the baby that was still just a hopeful possibility.

Rose had already set a big comforter on the unfinished floor for Ryan and set him down before calling down to Ava. "Come on, Girlie!"

My sister-in-law was definitely a smart woman. She had a radio with the Enchanted soundtrack set up in the enormous walk-in closet. That is where Ava would happily paint because her Auntie had plans to set herself up at the door frame.

She wanted to talk.

While Amy Adams and Ava Cullen were sweetly singing about their True Love's Kiss, Rose had her brush and paint set up and began, to paint and talk.

"Bells."

I just waited. For the first time, I wasn't getting sick to my stomach, tears weren't threatening to fall freely from my tired eyes, and I didn't want to rip my hair out by the roots.

"While we both know Edward isn't my favorite person in the world, I know he's yours," she paused to whisper, "Or was. Something has got to happen. He either needs to admit to someone that he's an addict and needs help or you need to let him go."

I just listened while mindlessly watching my son smash peek-a-blocks together. I still wasn't falling apart.

"I really think you need to do whatever you can to hold onto your marriage. Edward was always a good husband to you. He was always a great father and a decent man." She continued, not expecting me to try and form any sort of words just yet.

"I know he's stripped the Bella we all know and love down to the bones and it sucks." Rose said, while I thought to myself how true that was in two different instances. I've slowly been changing into a new person, as well as the new job I had.

"He's hurting his children and I know that he chose to put that needle in his arm, but I believe it was a huge mistake. A mistake he truly regrets and is at a complete loss as to how to fix it. How to fix himself."

She began with the more tedious painting and cutting in, probably cueing me to take a stab at her take on things. Could I do it, was I ready to really talk about this now without a break down? I took a deep breath of the paint scented air.

"Rose." I paused, like she had, and like me, she waited. "Up until the past few days, these past few weeks have put me into a hell I never imagined could exist. The man that I married is no longer the man that is out there, God knows where, doing God knows what, with God knows who." I took another breath, a bit shaky, of stinky paint.

"How could someone you thought loved you with his entire being, that you loved with your entire being, do this to his family? I am at a loss as to what I want now. I do know that I have to be able to stand on my own two feet and raise my wonderful children that are here now. And who's to say that if Edward accepts help, that it will even work? I mean, addicts relapse all the time and wouldn't that be even worse on the kids? For me? Wouldn't that just provide a false sense of security?"

I sniffled, and continued, "And if he gets better, will I ever be able to trust him? I will always feel like I need to keep tabs on him. Constantly asking him where he is, what he's doing."

While I inhaled another deep, shaky breath air, Rose piped up.

"I get it, Bella. I do. But don't you think you need to try everything in your power first? Try whatever it takes to help him? I can't ever imagine giving up on Em."

"No, Rose, I don't think you do get it." I snapped back. "It will be like prison; not only for him, but for me too. How long of a sentence will be enough to constitute my trying to save my marriage? Who makes that decision?"

Rose walked into the closet and paused the CD before having to endure Carrie Underwood's "Ever, Ever After." "Okay kiddos, let's go get some fresh air!"

*

Rose and I were sitting on the lawn swing watching Ryan sitting in a pile of leaves tossing them in the air and crunching them in his fingers, while Ava was jumping from a lawn chair into the bigger pile beside Ryan.

"I'm just scared, Rose."

Wrapping her arm around my shoulder and giving me a firm one armed squeeze, she had two words left to say, "I know."

*

While Rosalie cooked grilled cheese sandwiches, I diced up some apples and pears and Emmett came booming though the doors.

Ava had been entertaining Ryan on the kitchen floor with some wooden spoons and mixing bowls. Of course as soon as they heard their uncle, the makeshift drum set was long forgotten. Emmett was already on the floor wrestling with them.

"Alright Emmett, lunch is ready," I said looking down at the three of them in a big smashed up pile of limbs and heads. I couldn't help but smile. I think I had almost forgotten how great it felt to smile.

Helping Ava to her feet before getting up with Ryan in his arms, Em took one look at me and gave me his well known half smile. After pulling Ryan to the side of him he pulled me to the other side and walked us over to the table, "You're looking better, Bells."

"Yeah, uh, thanks?" I replied warily, wondering if I'd really looked that bad only a few days ago.

"Aww, come on. You know what I meant," he smiled, "You just look like you can take my snarky ass again."

I decided I'd just let him assume, not confirming that he may or may not be right.

After the kids had finished their lunch, Ryan was looking super tired and I really wanted to get him home and better. Saturday was only a few days away and he'd have a much better time if he wasn't sick.

"Why don't you go ahead and get Ryan home. Ava can stay," Rose offered before whispering to me, "maybe we can even have a sleepover?"

I nodded my head so they could give her the great news. Ava loved sleepovers with her aunt and uncle.

"Hey, Princess?" Emmett said, "You wanna have a sleepover?!"

"Please, please, Mama?"

The girl knew she didn't have to plead with me to stay. She was such a drama queen. I walked over to her and kissed her on her nose. "I'll see you tomorrow, baby. I love you."

*

After tucking Ryan in for his nap I walked into my room and eyed my bed. It looked so warm, so comforting. I threw my shoes towards the closet and drowned myself in my blankets and heaps of pillows. I didn't even remember my head hitting the pillow.

I headed back outside from the backdoor I had just walked in through, both hands stuffed with Jello filled balloons that Leah had just pulled out of the fridge.

He still sat there, on top of the swing set watching me as I walked towards him slowly.

"Leah!" He shouted, fully aware of what I was about to attempt.

"I warned you! You'd better run! I was only half kidding." Walking a little faster now, I revealed my right hand and chucked the balloon as hard as I could. "Ha!"

"Please, my knee? That's the best you got?" He laughed, jumping down and walking straight for me.

I couldn't hesitate, he'd wrestle it out of my hands before I had a chance, I threw my second one and hit him in the jaw and neck; blue Jello slid down the front of his shirt. Running wasn't going to work, so I just waited for it. He made his way to me, pressing his entire body into mine.

That feeling I never understood started to make its way from my toes and up to my belly…

I startled awake by the sound of Ryan calling his famous, "Mamama Maaaaa!"

I must have still been tired, or maybe my talk with Rose had been mentally draining, because I'd fallen asleep shortly after I wrestled my socks off with my toes.

Did I really just have a dream about Jasper; a dream that left me feeling very confused? Was I losing my mind?