Chapter Seven

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As the week wore on Kathryn began to enjoy the afternoons with Chakotay's friends and family more than she had anticipated. That wasn't to say that the memories were always easy to hear, it was a painful reminder her of how much she had lost with him, while at the same time curiously providing comfort. She survived by excusing herself; taking regular coffee breaks. Usually sat outside on the verandah where she could digest what she had heard and lock away the memories for later. It was during one of these extended breaks that she felt a familiar hand squeeze her shoulder and she turned and beamed at the tall figure standing behind her.

"Tom, I didn't think you were arriving until this evening?"

He bent over and planted an affectionate kiss on her cheek. "We caught an earlier transport. Miral is teething and my dad arrived early to look after her so we made our escape."

She motioned for him to sit in the chair next to her. "How's B'Elanna?"

He sighed. "Up and down, I think it finally hit her just how much she's going to miss the big guy."

In the ensuing silence, he regarded her carefully for a moment. "And how have you been?"

She smiled, anticipating his question. "I haven't touched the Whiskey."

He missed the hint of humour in her voice and his face flushed uncomfortably. "That's not what I meant Kathryn, I...didn't mean to pry."

She tilted her head to better look at him, waving his embarrassment away with a hand. "I know that Tom. You saw me in a dark place last week and you got me through. Your concern would never be taken as curiosity."

Relief evident, he looked down and then back up at her, "I appreciate that."

She leant back in her chair as she told him all about the traditional mourning customs. "Trebus has been something of a tonic. I've met some lovely people and I think it's given me the breathing space I needed."

"You're out here for a bit of a break?"

She nodded, subconsciously rubbing the back of her neck. "It has been amazing sharing so many memories, but it also gets a little intense."

He raised his eyebrows. "I can only imagine."

Dyami's head appeared round the door. He smiled at Tom. "I was just checking that you were okay Kathryn, I'm sorry if I interrupted."

"I'm fine and you're not interrupting anything. Dyami, this is Tom Paris. He and his wife B'Elanna just arrived from San Francisco - they are very good friends of mine."

Tom stood and extended his hand and Dyami shook it warmly. "It's a pleasure to meet any friend of Kathryn's."

"Thanks, the feeling is mutual."

"I'll leave you two to catch up, just shout if you need anything."

Tom watched the door close, "he seems nice."

Kathryn nodded distractedly. "He's a vague relation of Chakotay's uncle. He didn't attend our wedding as he had just lost his wife, it's been good to have someone that understands. Not that you and B'Elanna don't... I didn't mean to imply..."

He smiled. "At ease Kathryn. I know what you meant."

She rolled her eyes. "We're as bad as each other."

Tom stood again as B'Elanna walked through the door. Placing his arm around her protectively, he guided her into his seat as he looked at Kathryn.

"More coffee?"

"You know that's one offer I'll never refuse Tom."

Grinning, he headed inside as B'Elanna reached across and rubbed Kathryn's shoulder. "You look a little better, have you been eating? Sleeping at all?"

Kathryn smiled at her concern. "I have. Dyami and Sekaya seem to think I need feeding up and appear every few hours with endless plates of snacks."

"You did need feeding up, that uniform was starting to hang off you."

Kathryn paused remembering the last time she had worn her uniform at Chakotay's memorial and B'Elanna suddenly realised what she had said, "I'm sorry, that was thoughtless, I didn't mean..."

Kathryn held up her hand. "It's okay Lana, I know what you meant. I've been through this with Tom and there's no need to tread on eggshells around me. We've known each other too long."

B'Elanna hesitated. "It's hard to know what to say sometimes."

She nodded. "It must be, but you two are friends, so don't worry about it too much. Sometimes there is no right or wrong. Tom said its been a difficult week."

B'Elanna nodded, "I guess it just hit me that I'm never going to see him again. I'm still so angry that he's gone. Chakotay was always trying to get me to tame my Klingon temper, remember when I broke Joe Carey's nose?"

Kathryn looked wryly at her. "How could I forget?"

"It's just so final..."

Kathryn sighed. "Maybe, but Chakotay believed in an afterlife, it was an important part of his philosophy. He always said that he'll be waiting somewhere, he was more patient than all of us combined."

A look of amusement crossed B'Elanna's face. "Remember that chess tournament? Tom actually fell asleep waiting for him to take his turn."

They both laughed, recalling that evening and the image of Tom's head slipping out of his hands and glancing the table, upsetting the board and sending a shower of chess pieces on to the floor of the Mess Hall. It had startled Chakotay and embarrassed Tom and the next time she had seen them play, Tuvok was Chakotay's opponent of choice. Intruding on their reminiscing, Tom appeared without coffee. Kathryn looked up at his empty hands questioningly. "It's getting chilly out here, Sekaya suggested that you might want to drink the coffee inside?"

They nodded and he went to help B'Elanna up and followed them back into the house.

The following morning, Sekaya looked at Kathryn pushing her cereal around her bowl. "Is there anything else you want to ask? You've been amazing agreeing to all my ideas for today, but I don't want you to feel that I'm taking over."

Kathryn smiled. "I know. If I've learnt anything this week it's that this service is important to all of us, to everyone who knew Chakotay. I haven't just been agreeing to things to please you, I genuinely like everything you've arranged."

"Okay. I'll stop harassing you. What time are Tom and B'Elanna coming over?"

"Just before lunch. They're collecting Harry and some of the Voyager crew on the way from the Transport station. If it's okay, they'll come here so we can walk together?"

"Of course." Sekaya stood behind Kathryn and gave her a hug. "It will be beautiful, I promise you. It's not goodbye, it's wishing him well on his journey and sending him on with our love."

Kathryn tried to smile as Sekaya took the bowl. "Try and eat something later okay?"

Deciding that she needed some air, Kathryn headed out of the back door and walked back out into the woods. Grateful for the solitude and calming atmosphere she kept walking - further and further through the winding green, leafy paths until eventually she found herself at the edge of the vast space. Feeling suddenly weary, she sat down at the base of a large tree, wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her head back. The air was cool, but she was well wrapped up and she closed her eyes listening to the birdsong and feeling the breeze blow the strands of hair from her face.

She was startled by a cool drop of rain as it landed squarely on the top of her head. The sky had darkened and she realised that she must have fallen asleep. Sensing the heavier air and hoping that this wasn't going to be one of Trebus' famous lightening storms, she yawned before standing and stretching her neck and her limbs. The Autumn rain wasn't cold and she found the feel of it on her skin slightly exhilarating. Each drop echoed on the leaves of the trees and the smell of the damp earth reminded her of summer storms in Indiana. She stood and surveyed the scene for a while before realising that they would probably be wondering where she was by now. Sighing, she started to retrace her steps.

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"What do you mean only a couple of hours? Why didn't anyone go with her?"

Tom placed his hand on his wife's arm before she said anything further. Faced with the angry half-Klingon, Dyami took the smallest of steps backwards and Tom bit back a smile.

"Relax B'Elanna, she just went for a walk."

"On her own, in the pouring rain and on the day of his memorial. Go and find her Tom."

Tom hesitated, looking out of the window at the rain bouncing off the forest floor. He didn't want to over react, she was a Starfleet Admiral after all, but something nagged at him all the same.

"Okay, Harry and I will go and have a look. She's probably sensibly sheltering under a tree waiting for the storm to pass. I'm sure there's no need for concern."

Dyami cleared his throat. "Perhaps, you'd let me take Harry's place? He's still unpacking upstairs and I know this place like the back of my hand."

Tom nodded. "That's a much better plan. Okay, let me grab a coat and we'll take a wander. Sekaya please try and keep B'Elanna from declaring a planet wide emergency. Perhaps some lunch would be a good distraction for everyone right now?"

As B'Elanna shot him her we'll talk about this later look the two of them headed out, almost grateful for the means of escape.

"I'm sorry to drag you along on this crazy mission."

Dyami laughed. "Don't be, and I don't think I've ever been invited on a mission before."

Tom grinned. "Don't tell Kathryn I called it that, I don't think she'd be best pleased."

Kathryn looked left and then right, Starfleet Admirals do not get lost she told herself sternly. Hand on one hip, she took in the forest landscape around her and then realising that she must look totally ridiculous, admitted defeat and groaned. Tom was going to have a field day with this, it was getting cooler and now wet through, she shivered as she stood underneath another tree sheltering from the drumming rain. She wasn't concerned, she'd found her way out of much worse scrapes than taking a wrong turn in a forest before, but she did feel foolish. She should have been paying more attention and now she was going to have to try and avoid the search party that B'Elanna would have made Tom organise. She was also regretting her lack of breakfast. Her head had started to pound and sitting on the patch of soft, velvety moss at the base of the tree, she evaluated. Without a compass or tricorder or a decent vantage point and given that she wasn't going to attempt to climb a tree in this downpour, she wasn't getting anywhere. She'd been walking for over an hour at her best guess and still couldn't see anything recognisable, so decided that the most sensible course of action was to wait for the rain to stop and then set off again.

Dyami stopped briefly and looked at Tom, gesturing ahead with one hand. "I'm presuming that she would have walked a fairly straight path through the wood…." Tom nodded, "and as we didn't find her on the other side, she must have re-traced her footsteps. If we head this way, there's a very subtle fork in the path in about half a kilometre. My bet is she headed right instead of left and we'll find her in an area to the West of here where the forest is much denser."

Tom slung his bag over his shoulder and together they picked up the pace. After thirty minutes or so, it was Dyami who saw Kathryn first, but as Tom shook his head to clear the rain running down his forehead and into his eyes, he too could make out the familiar figure sitting at the sheltered base of a large tree. As they drew near, she stood quickly and walked towards them, clearly on the offensive.

"I'm fine Tom."

Dyami extended his hand towards her and took off his jacket, but she waved both away. Tom sighed. "This wasn't my idea, just so you know."

Kathryn spoke sharply, the merest hint of colour in her cheeks suggesting her discomfort at the situation. "I'm aware. I was just waiting for the rain to ease before setting off towards the house."

He nodded smartly, watching the expression on Dyami's face change from concern to slight confusion. At her suggestion, the three of them started to walk back, following Dyami's lead. Instinctively, his hand felt in his bag for his Medkit but before he could grasp it, she called back to him.

"Don't even think about it Tom." He was unable to resist teasing just a little. "And I thought that Starfleet Admiral's didn't get…."

She turned and gave him that look and he allowed himself a silent chuckle, but only once her back was to him.

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Forty-Five minutes later and Kathryn felt ready to drop. Still embarrassed at having got lost albeit temporarily, she walked rapidly, head held high doing her best to keep up appearances, but she could feel Tom's eyes on her as she stumbled again.

"How much further Dyami?" Tom was grateful that the rain had finally stopped, but he wasn't entirely buying Kathryn's performance.

"About another two kilometres."

That was a kilometre too far and he decided to follow his gut instinct. "Okay, let's stop a while and rest. Kathryn, when did you last eat something?"

Ignoring his question, Kathryn remained silent and sank gratefully down to sit on a nearby log. Cursing himself for not bringing coffee or any hot drink, Tom remembered the emergency chocolate bar that he kept in his coat pocket. Dyami sat further down the log keeping a respectful distance from the pair of them as he crouched down and handed her the bar. She took it and began to eat without protest and he passed her some water.

"We're all pretty wet, but I've got a fairly dry jumper under my coat…."

This time it was his turn to ignore her protests. "Please, just put it on for me. Think of it as preventing B'Elanna from committing murder."

Dyami was watching their interactions carefully, with just a hint of amusement in his eyes. Kathryn's fingers were too cold and stiff to unzip her jacket and so after several attempts, she finally allowed Tom to help her with it. He and Dyami then politely stepped away and turned their backs to her as she peeled off her sodden shirt and pulled on his jumper. He was right, she thought with some irritation, it was vaguely dry at least. She reached for her jacket only to find that he had swapped that for his too but slipped it on and sank back down onto the log, taking the opportunity to rub her temples discreetly as she did so. The chocolate had made her legs feel a little less like jelly, but this headache was intense and was beginning to make her vision blur. She wondered if she should try and keep it from Tom or just tell him and get it over and done with. She was still mulling this over when he called to her.

"Kathryn is everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm done."

The sound of her own voice reverberated around her skull and made her wince. This was not how her morning stroll had intended to pan out and they were still a way from home. Deciding to act as if nothing was wrong, she got up abruptly.

"I think we need to get moving again gentlemen. I don't want to be any later than we will be. Agreed?"

Tom listened to Kathryn's use of her command voice with some surprise. Maybe he was misreading the situation. He had managed to get her a stop a while and change into something dry, maybe that was all that was needed and she was right about not being late. He studied her carefully, before deciding to follow orders, for now. For her part, Kathryn was studying Tom with the same intensity. She had caught him by surprise and she knew it. He raised his eyebrows slightly and rubbed his chin and she knew she'd won, for now.

"Okay, Dyami are you good to go?"

Dyami nodded and they started off again. Kathryn strode purposefully, hoping that her steps would match her tone. Now if this headache and her vision didn't get any worse, she might just pull this off and make it home with at least a shred of her dignity in tact.

At the house, Harry watched B'Elanna pace back and forth. "They've been gone over an hour, that makes three and a half hours she's been out there. Do we have any other options Harry?"

Harry looked up from the console he was reading. "Not really, I'm working on a site-to-site transport, but I'll need something to register their life signs and there's not an active detection grid around here. I don't suppose either of them were wearing their Comm badges?"

"No." She sighed and then her eyes lit up. "But Tom had his Medkit in his bag and that means..."

"His tricorder" They almost shouted in unison.

Harry smiled, "just give me ten minutes."

Her head now pounding violently, Kathryn was loathed to admit when she was beaten, but this time, she knew that she just might have to. She would be fine after another five minute rest and some more water she told herself firmly. She opened her mouth to ask Dyami to stop, when an unexpected wave of nausea hit and the forest around her began to spin alarmingly into a blur of varying shades of green. Recognising the feeling from previously at the apartment, she stopped abruptly, causing Tom to walk into her.

"Sorry... I wasn't watching wh-..."

Hoping that she wasn't going to actually pass out, Kathryn reached for anything within her grasp, her fingers brushed lightly against the damp leaves covering a large branch as her vision clouded over completely and then a strange, unpleasant rushing sound filled her ears. Behind her, Tom stopped mid sentence, as Kathryn unexpectedly lurched sideways. Instantly, his arm circled her waist and he pulled her flush against him before lowering her gently to sit on the ground.

"Okay Kathryn, just take it easy. Dyami, hang on a sec."

"What's wrong?"

Dyami jogged quickly back to them and Tom motioned for him to sit behind Kathryn whose head was now firmly between her knees. As Tom moved around, he knelt down close enough to take over propping her up, hands either side of her shoulders.

"She nearly fainted, Kathryn what happened?"

The blood returning to her head with a series of painful throbs, Kathryn lifted it as far as she dared. Her pride made her tone slightly sharp, "it's nothing Tom, just a headache that made me feel a little dizzy for a second."

Tom looked up from his tricorder and pulled a face. "According to these readings, it's closer to a severe migraine, how long has the pain been this bad?"

Kathryn duly ignored the kindness, instead lowering her head again, trying to focus on something to help restore her clarity of vision. She felt Dyami tug her backwards slightly to rest against him as Tom retrieved a hypospray, his tone chiding, but gentle.

"I'll give you something for the pain, but it will make you feel woozy."

He looked over at Dyami. "She won't be able to walk on the uneven ground after this, so we'll need to take turns to help her."

Dyami nodded and once the compound had been administered, stood up and brushed the bark fragments and grass from his knees. Extending his hand to Kathryn, he was unsurprised by the highly unimpressed look she gave him. Pale faced and squinting slightly, she rose unsteadily, using a large tree trunk for leverage. He gave her some space and once fully upright watched with slight concern as she tried a tentative Bambi like step that promptly sent her toppling back against the same trunk. Raising a hand to her forehead, she sighed and he advanced cautiously, taking the initiative and placing one arm around her back. She allowed her head to rest against his shoulder and he lifted her carefully, avoiding all eye contact.

Tom strode alongside them wondering how he was going to explain any of this to B'Elanna when suddenly, he felt the familiar tingle of a transporter beam.

"Stand still." Dyami heard Tom manage say, before the forest around them disappeared.

They materialised as a group a moment later in the middle Sekaya's living room to the sound of B'Elanna's horrified gasp. "Kathryn! What happened?"

Kathryn was relieved when Dyami gently, but rapidly put her down, it lessened the drama of their arrival she thought. He kept his hand on her back until he was sure that she was steady, the pain in her head now receding fast, she found her voice.

"I'm fine Lana, it's just a headache and the painkiller Tom gave me just made me feel a little light headed that's all."

B'Elanna glared at Tom and opened her mouth, but thought better of it as he shook his head slightly and so she moved towards her friend instead. "Why don't we go upstairs and get you some dry things?"

As the two of them disappeared, Tom looked over at Harry. "Nice work Ensign eager, she won't thank you for that later."

Harry sighed. "It was all your wife's idea, she had us all convinced that something terrible had happened."

Tom raised his eyebrows and then remembered his manners. "Harry Kim, meet Dyami, he's a friend of Kathryn's."

They shook hands and then Dyami made his excuses and headed off to get dried out. Harry looked at Tom, his eyes wide. "Is Kathryn really okay? She looked pretty pale."

Tom ran his hand through his hair. "She'll be fine Harry, it could have been worse, if we hadn't have found her who knows how long we could have all been out there."

Harry's eyebrows rose so high they almost disappeared into his hairline. "She got lost?"

Tom lowered his voice. "It's a large expanse of dense woodland and the rain was pretty severe. She didn't have a tricorder and there aren't any obvious landmarks. But, she didn't get lost. She was merely waiting for the weather to improve. Understood?"

Upstairs B'Elanna waited for Kathryn to finish in the shower. When she emerged, wrapped in a robe, she sat down on the edge of the bed and B'Elanna handed her a sweater.

"Please don't fuss Lana, I've had that look from Tom already."

B'Elanna sighed. "I'm sorry, I know it must be hard us all worrying, I guess it must feel a little claustrophobic at times. And there's no need to be embarrassed, you got a little disorientated in a large woodland, without a map or tricorder. It would have been difficult for anyone to find a quick way out."

Kathryn looked B'Elanna in the eye, her embarrassment quickly turning to anger. "Don't lie to me Lana. I would expect a first year cadet to have been paying closer attention. As an Admiral still technically on Active Duty, I should have known better. It should never have happened and you know that as well as I do."

Frustrated, B'Elanna stood up and walked across the room, hand sliding dangerously close to her hip. "Do you ever think just for a minute that these are your ridiculous standards and not Starfleet's?"

She turned back around to see her friend's mouth set in a tight line. "How so?"

B'Elanna tried not to raise her voice. "Because, for all intents and purposes you're here to bury Chakotay, Kathryn. You've just lost the man you love. You're not on some training exercise, or in command of an away mission. You're about as far away from being on Active Duty as you could be and you're still berating yourself for not being the perfect Officer. When do you ever stop expecting of yourself what no-one else would? It's counterproductive and it drives the rest of us crazy."

Fearing that she was about to say a lot more, she stopped herself and left the room, taking care not to slam the door behind her. Descending the wooden stairs, approximately halfway she she met Tom. He looked at her in slight alarm.

"Hey, what's...?"

She almost growled at him. "That woman can be impossible."

Tom knew his wife's angry face when he saw it and let her continue to stomp down the rest of the flight and into the kitchen to cool off. What the hell had happened now?