Chapter 7

Exactly 2 Years, and 6 Months ago.

Richard awoke with a start, the bright sunlight of the morning startling him from his sleep. As he rubbed his eyes of the last vestiges of tiredness, he couldn't stop himself from once again feeling the tight, painful feeling in his chest which made him want to hurl something through his bedroom window.

God, i wish i didn't hurt this much, thought Richard sadly. Should it hurt this much, after this long?

How would we know Idiot? A voice in his head replied angrily. We've never had a girlfriend whose lasted more than a couple of weeks.

It had been little over a month since Richard had broken up with his first real Girlfriend, Kori. He had dated her for almost two years. Two wonderful years.

Once again, why did we break up with her douce bag? The voice seemed to ask.

Because….. She had her duty to think about So did i. He thought sadly.

Duty?!... You, no WE were in love with her you stupid bastard! The voice replied angrily. Who the hell cares about duty. We sure as hell didn't!

Richard groaned as he rubbed his temple, trying to get the voice to cease its incessant talk.

What choice did we have? He thought, his sadness now mixed with some irritation at the voice.

She had a duty to her people to consider, i had a duty to the city and my friends and family….it would have been selfish to try and keep her…..

Blah Blah Blah, who gives a rats ass about duty? The voice argued angrily. Duty doesn't change the fact that it feels as if our heart has been frozen, fried, smashed to a hundred little pieces, and then flushed down the can…

Richard slowly rose from his bed. Out of habit, he turned around, expecting to see Kori sleeping next to him, then remembering that they weren't together anymore.

Gotta get used to that… he thought sadly.

I don't want to get used to it the voice said, not angrily, but sadly.

Sighing, Richard walked out of his bedroom, intent on getting to the shower before his fellow Titans would have the chance to use up all the hot water. As he walked down the hall quietly, hoping to avoid awakening any of his fellow teammates, the bathroom door opened, showing that he wasn't the first to have awoken at…. 6.00 in the morning, on a Saturday.

Jezz, we really woke up that early? The voice said, surprised.

Apparently he thought dully, as he saw that his fellow early riser was his teammate Raven, who had obviously been unable to sleep, like him.

"Morning Rae" he said dully, trying [and failing] to put some feeling into his voice as he spoke.

She looked up at him, surprised that another Titan had awoken this early in the morning. She had just had a shower, and was wearing a dark purple robe, which easily complimented her bright purple hair, her pale, porcelain like skin, and the dark red chakra stone on her temple.

She looked at him with a look of pity, and said, in a surprisingly gentle voice" Hey Richard. Are you okay?" Stupid question she thought to herself. Of course he isn't okay Idiot, he broke up with Kori just a month ago!. She cringed internally.

Seeing the concerned, pitying look that Rae gave him, and hearing her gentle words, Richard couldn't help but feel even more sad then before. Am i so pathetic that even Raven is trying to be nice? He thought, irritation mingling with his sadness.

Forcing himself to smile [though to Rae it looked more like a grimace] he replied, in what was obviously an attempt at being cheery, " Fine as rain Raven"

Fine as rain? The voice said, the laughter in its tone apparent. Really Richard, "fine as rain"? That's what you said?.

"Shut up!" Richard replied angrily, only then realizing that he had spoken aloud. Seeing Rae's shocked and slightly hurt expression., Richard put up another grimace smile, and said " Im sorry Raven, that wasn't directed at you, i was just… " Talking to yourself the voice said. Say it Richard, you won't sound crazy or nutty at all the voice sniggered.

Giving her one more grimace, he said "Sorry" and went down the hall to the bathroom, while Raven continued to give her friend a look of concern right until he closed the bathroom door.

As Richard entered the shower, the hot water warming his back and driving off the last bits of exhausting from his tired body, he ran through, albeit begrudgingly, the events that led to his breakup with Kori, as he tried to justify to himself why they had broken up.

The Titans had last month received a communiqué from Kori's planet, Tamaren. Kori, as the last legitimate heir to the Tamaren Throne, had given up the throne, and had given the position of head of state to her former guardian and trusted friend, Galfore, to rule in her stead, so that she could continue living on Earth with her friends, the Titans, and her boyfriend, Richard. Though Galfore ruled well for 4 years, he had become extremely ill, and knowing that he would not be able to carry the duties as King of Tamaren any longer, he asked that Kori return to Tamaren and fulfill her duties as Queen.

Knowing that if she did not return to Tamaren to take the throne, Galfore would have to give it up to Kori's sister Blackfire, who they knew would rule the planet like her own personal shop of horrors, and treat its people like slaves, Kori decided to return to Tamaren. The decision hadn't come easily. She and Richard, along with the other Titans had tried to find a way for her to stay on Earth, without giving the throne to Blackfire. They couldn't find a solution that would work, so with heavy hearts, they bid her goodbye.

We could've gone with her the voice said sadly. She wanted us to go with her.

I know Richard thought sadly. He couldn't stop himself as he ran through [once again] the memory of the day Kori left for Tamaren.

It had been a very Beautiful day, with a bright blue sky and no clouds to plague it. As they had both agreed that a relationship just wouldn't be possible with Richard on earth and her on Tamaren, they had decided, through tears and sobs, to end their relationship. Before that though, they had spent their last 12 hours together on earth [He craft for Tamaren would arrive at 8.30 pm] doing everything they had wanted to do but never seemed to have the time for, and would now not likely do again: They visited the local Zoo, the Jump City Art Museum, had lunch at Jump Cities most expensive restranaut, the Monty Le Marc, they watched a baseball match between the Jump City Kings and the Gotham City Royals, with Richard trying, in vain, to explain the rules of the game to Kori, then just giving up after she asked "Does the baseball go through a hoop to score a goal?" [That memory still made him laugh, even now]: they took a romantic walk through Jump City Memorial Park, ending finally with a farewell dinner at the Titans Tower, with Vic cooking one of his signature dishes: Waffles, with ice cream, syrup and chocolate sauce. After receiving presents from her teammates [a Good luck charm for warding off evil spirits from Rae, a machine which could make any earth based meal from Vic, who had personally invented it, a small locket with diamond pearls from Gar, and from Richard, a photo album full of pictures of their moments from their time together, which, when Kori saw what was in it, made her cry} and after all her teammates made their farewell speeches [Even Raven, who didn't like making speeches of any kind, or being involved with anything too emotional] and had made their last tearful goodbyes [Both Vic and Gar had cried as they hugged her goodbye, and Raven, who was notorious for being unemotional most of the time, and for being very touchy about people making physical contact with her, had shed a tear as she hugged her best friend goodbye}, Richard and Kori went up to the roof helipad were the ship would arrive to take her, to make their final farewells. It had been both the best and worst day in Richards life, his last day with Kori.

Just before leaving on the starship that would take her to Tamaren to take the throne as Queen, she had turned to Richard, gave him one more kiss as the tears went down both their faces, and said, in a sad yet hopeful voice" Richard, come with me. Be my consort as i rule Tamaren". She gave him a look of pleading, as she said " I cannot lose you, my Love", while holding his arms tightly and looking right into his bright blue eyes with her own bright green ones.

I wanted to go, more than anything Richard thought angrily, the memory brining tears to his eyes even now, the pain having not subsided a month after the event. But we both had obligations. She to her people, me to Earth. I couldn't just leave the other Titans here. Losing us both would've destroyed them. The city needed to be protected, and what about my family in Gotham? Bruce, and Alfred, Jason and Babs? I couldn't just leave. It would've been selfish.

Try and justify it all you want Richard the voice said. But the pain aint going anywhere. You could've had her if you weren't such a goddamn hero.

5 Minutes later, after getting dressed in the uniform he had left hanging in the bathroom after it got washed and dry cleaned the night before, and wiping away the last few tears from his face, he exited the bathroom quickly, walking down the hall to have some breakfast before the other Titans woke up. As he entered the kitchen, he saw that Rae was drinking a cup of her favorite herbal tea with one hand, while reading an Edgar Alan Poe novel with the other, sitting on a chair near the small, T shaped table in the kitchen. When he saw that she had noticed him, again with that same concerned look in her eyes, he gave her another smile/grimace, and opened the refrigerator to find something to eat for breakfast.

Rae had indeed noticed Richard entering the kitchen, and again noticed the same empty, sad expression that she and her fellow Titans had unfortunately become oddly accustomed to in the last month, along with that lifeless excuse for a smile. She also couldn't help but notice the fact that his eyes were bright red.

He's been crying again she thought sadly. I wish i could do something to make him happy , or at least less sad. I wish i could console him in somehow…

That however was something Raven knew she wasn't good at. She had never been, nor did she ever claim to be, good at consoling others, or making them happy, or less sad, or dealing with their emotional issues. Though she had changed much in the almost 5 years she had been a member of the Titans, having become less snappy with them and people in general, less rude, had become more sociable, more willing to trust them, with her life if need be, she still had problems, even now, with emotions, both her own and those of her friends, and people in general, especially with emotions like grief or sadness.

She had no idea how to deal with other people's grief or suffering: She could sympathize of course, but she had never been any good at the whole just patting a person on the back, and just saying "It's going to be ok" thing. That wasn't the person that Raven was. She knew she came across sometimes as being cold and uncaring: The truth was though, was that though she did care, she just never knew how to express it.

The sad thing was too, that Raven, not only could sympathize with Richards's pain, but could even emphasize with it as well. Like Richard, and Vic, and Gar, she too missed their friend Kori immensely. Kori had been her best friend after all. Thought their friendship had not had the best start when they first met, they had grown close as the years had gone by, and Rae saw Kori as a sister, the sister she never had. She had felt sadness when her friend had left, and still felt it now, a month after the event. Out of all the Titans, except for Richard of course, she had been the one who had been most close to Kori, and had taken the her friends abrupt departure harder than both Gar and Vic, and just slightly less hard then Richard, and she found it hard to deal with those emotions within herself.

Then why should it be so hard to talk to Richard then? She thought to herself. Out of everyone here, he's the one who could understand what im feeling the most. He might even help ME [Did i just really think that]out with dealing with it, and i can help him with dealing with it as well .

Rae, looking at her friend, and seeing just how much Kori's departure had affected him, decided, to at least try and talk to him about Kori, and see if they could deal with their emotions together.

I mean, people say that talking about this type of thing helps you, right?

What could i really lose?, she thought to herself nervously.

Taking a deep breath, Rae cleared her throat, and said " Um, Richard…"

Richard, who had been rummaging inside the fridge looking for some milk for the cereal he was gonna have for breakfast [Superman Super O's. Odd, considering his relationship with the Dark Knight], looked up from the fridge to his friend, and said "Yeah Rae?"

As Rae placed her now empty tea cup on the table, along with the novel she had been reading, she looked nervously to her friend, and said in a slightly quiet voice:" Do you mind if we…. Um… talk about Kori, for a bit?" she looked at him with wide, jittery eyes, hoping she had not crossed a line.

Richard, confused about Rae's question, asked "Rae, why do you want to talk about Kori for?"

Rae, who seemed to hesitate for a second, trying to come up with an answer without giving away her ulterior motive for the conversation route they were taking, said "Umm, well….." She tried thinking about a good answer, raking her brain to think.

Richard however, using his not in-considerable detective skills, had deduced what her motive for this unexpected conversation route was , and couldn't help but feel a small sense of pride, and some bemusement, at what his friend was trying to do:

She's trying to console me, he though, unable to stop the large grin spreading across his face. She wants to talk about Kori with me because she thinks it might help me deal with it. Still smiling, he thought to himself My My Miss Roth, you really have changed from that anti-Social rebel i met 5 years ago, or even the girl i knew last year. He couldn't stop himself feel pride in his friend for trying to console him, despite obviously being quite uncomfortable with it.

Seeing Richard smiling a proper smile instead of the lifeless thing he had been using all morning, [and all month] Rae looked at him confused, and asked "Why are you smiling Richard?"

Richard replied, the small smile, the first real smile in a month still on his face "Don't worry Rae; i know what you're trying to do. You're trying to console me about Kori leaving, aren't you?"

Rae looked at him with a stunned expression. "How did you figure that out?"

Slightly offended that she found it so unusual he could figure it out, despite being the teams resident detective, Richard replied "Im more than a pretty face in a costume you know", with a chuckle.

Did he just make a joke, and laugh? Rae though, amazed. He hasn't made a joke, or given anyone a real smile, or even laughed ever since Kori left.

Still smiling, Richard then said "I figured it out because i know you well enough to know how uncomfortable it is for you to deal with emotions like grief and sadness Rae, or to console someone after a loss. So when you asked me if i wanted to talk about Kori, and you looked like you were about to tell me you had some incurable disease, which i really hope you don't, cause i doubt i could take any more bad news this month [As he said this, he gave another small chuckle. Another joke? Raven thought, even more amazed] it wasn't really hard for me to make the deduction that you wanted to try and console me by talking about Kori." he couldn't stop himself from feeling a small bit smugness as he saw the stunned expression on his friends.

Regaining some of her composure, Rae looked at Richard, and said "Will it help you to deal with the breakup if we talk about Kori?"

The smile slowly faded from Richards face, replaced by an expression of pain that made Raven immediately regret her quarry. Afraid she had crossed some line, she immediately picked up her novel again, and stared intently at it, avoiding the look of pain on Richards face, and hoping that they could get past this unfortunate misstep on her part. Idiot, this is why we don't talk about this type of stuff she thought to herself angrily.

Then in an unexpected move, Richard moved away from the fridge, walking around the kitchen to the table where Raven was sitting, and took a seat next to her. Rae, who had been concentrating completely on her novel, didn't notice him until he sat right next to her. Looking up from her novel in surprise, she could see that Richard was smiling again. It wasn't as bright as the pervious smile and the humor and smugness in his eyes from before had completely evaporated, the pain having replaced it. Despite this, the smile was still levels up from the grimace he had been using for the past 4 weeks.

Richard said, in a slightly quiet voice, "Well, it won't hurt to try i guess."

Rae, still recovering from her shock at his sudden transformation from sad to [comparatively] happy, to sad again, then to happy again [ or at least not as sad], was initially confused by his statement, and replied " Uh, try what?"
Rolling his eyes as best as he could with his mask on, Richard replied, in a slightly exasperated yet also slightly humorous tone, "Talking about Kori, Rae."

Recovering herself quickly, mostly to avoid looking any more like an idiot then she already did, she said "Ok. Um, well, uh…." Come on, think of something she thought. This was your idea after all, don't try and back out now. Say something.

Seeing his friend obviously struggling, Richard couldn't help but feel another stab of Pride in his friend for trying to help, along with some pity at her fumbling attempts to do so. She'd be more comfortable fighting Dr Light and Slade at the same time then she is talking about feelings, he thought, and he couldn't help himself from chuckling slightly as he said "Okay Rae, why don't i just start talking about Kori first?"

Raven, who by now was starting to feel very stupid about herself and the mess she had gotten herself into, merely nodded at him, humbled, knowing she was out of her depth, and would unfortunately have to be guided by Richard into this maze of emotional complexities. God, he'll never let it up, that i needed his help for something as simple as talking about Kori she thought nervously.

Clearing his throat, Richard started to speak, trying to avoid having emotion in his voice as he did so "The biggest challenge i have had to face, since Kori left, has been the…. Shock, i guess. I mean, we had been dating for 2 years; everything was fine, we were HAPPY. Then we get the message from Tamaren, about her duty as queen, and….. It felt like the rug had been pulled out from under us. I mean, one minute, were talking about going to the movies for date night, next minute she's packing her bags for Tamaren. It…. was just" by this time, Richard, despite his best efforts, had started to feel a slight quiver in his voice, and knew he would start crying any second. Soldiering on, he said "was so hard, to one minute have everything i wanted, then the next minute have it all taken away. Just like that." By now, that slight quiver in his voice was now no longer a slight quiver, and then he felt the first tear go down his face. Then, that one tear became a flood, and Richard then started to cry again, hard. Through the pain and flood of emotion that went through Richard at that moment, he also felt a little sorry. Not for himself, but for Raven. He knew just how uncomfortable this type of thing was for her, and he wouldn't be surprised if she just got up and walked away from him, in disgust.

Instead, it was Richards turn to be shocked. Rae, hesitantly at first, then with firm determination, placed her arms around Richard, and started to hug him fiercely, all the while saying "It's Okay. Don't be sad. It's okay. Everything will be fine".

Richard, still crying, felt the pain and emotion, slowly ebb away from him, now replaced by a new and wholly unexpected feeling: Surprise, at what his friend was doing. It wasn't like she had never hugged him before. They had hugged once, when she and him, along with their fellow Titans had been freed from the demonic clutches of Ravens father, Trigon [long story]. She had hugged him as a way of saying thank you to him, for believing she would beat her father in the end. He had also seen her hug all the other Titans, even Garfield, at least once. However, all those hugs then had just been as unexpected as this one. Everyone, including Raven herself, knew she wasn't the touchy feely type, and to do something like this….

As he got used to the feeling of Ravens arms around him, he then took his arms, and then hesitantly put them around her, and hugged her in return. Though she did stiffen briefly at the feeling of Richards's arms around her, she didn't pull away, and continued to embrace her friend.

After a few seconds, Richard had got his voice back, and then, in a surprised voice, muttered "Rae, i…'

Hearing his tone, Rae couldn't help herself smile as she kept her arms around him, and said "Its good i finally got one over you this morning, Boy Wonder" and she laughed.

After a few moments, Richard laughed too, a proper laugh. They laughed together for a couple of seconds, then they fell silent, as they continued to embrace one another, feel one another's warmth.

After what seemed like an eternity, they ended their embrace together as if on cue, though Raven still kept her right arm on Richards left arm, massaging it slightly. She then used her free hand to wipe away the last few tears from his face, smiling as she did so.

Richard, still in slight shock at just how much Rae had touched him, hugging him, wiping away his tears, acting more human then he seen her in a while, then said in a slightly ashamed tone "Rae, im so sorry, i shouldn't have done that".

Seeing his expression of regret, Rae took her hand away from his now dry face, and said, in a slightly confused tone "What are you sorry for?"

Richard replied, still in that ashamed, regretful tone "For….showing so much emotion. I know how uncomfortable this type of thing is for you…"

For a moment, Raven looked emotionless as she comprehended just what he had said, then took her free hand which wasn't massaging his arm, and then placed it on Richards's right hand, squeezing it as she held it. Ignoring the new stunned look that Richard threw her way, she then said, in a surprisingly gentle voice "Richard, you're my best friend now. You are, along with Victor, Garfield and Kori, the closest thing to a family i have outside of my mother. I don't give a damn if it makes me uncomfortable, you're my best friend, and if your sad I'll do my damn hardest to try and make you feel better, even if it is hard for me to do so….." Taking a deep breath, she then continued "because i love you, and i want you to be happy." Seeing her friends even more stunned expression at what she had said, she gave him a small smile, and said, in a slightly teasing voice "Now don't look so surprised Boy Wonder. It's insulting." She continued smiling as she let go of his hand and shoulder, getting up from the table and walking around to the kitchen, opening the plate cupboard as she did so. She then said "Okay im going to get a bowl, then im going to fill it with some cereal and you're going to eat it, because..." Breathing deeply, as she knew she would likely regret what she was about to say, she continued." You'll need to be at your full strength if were to play that new Death Wish III game you brought last month."