Butt of the Joke

It was now nighttime in the world of Lore, which was precisely the perfect time fore Gorvl to sneak out of his cave and away from his parents. Gorvl walked away from the cave before he got to a great enough distance and began to fly into the air. The green energy dragon was flapping his way to a giant rock spire in the shape of a dragon's head. Inside of this spire was where Gravis had been slain, and chances were, his body was still there. Gorvl landed at the mouth of the spire and looked left and right to make sure no other dragons were eavesdropping or spying on him. When he was sure nobody was behind him, Gorvl crept through the mouth and entered the spire. The heat of the lava and the smell of brimstone filled his nostrils. Gorvl was thankful he wasn't an ice dragon or he'd probably melt.

The inside of the spire was like a volcano and even had a whole lake full of lava bubbling and spewing from the ground, as though it were about to erupt. But lucky for them, it was only magma and was only lethal should anybody step inside it.

"So guys, how's the resurrection coming along?" asked Gorvl, talking to some more dragons.

A couple of energy dragons were standing next to Gravis' corpse breathing their electric breath upon his chest.

"Not so good. Everytime we keep bringing him back to life he keeps dying on us! Maybe we should let the guy stay dead."

"That's no fun! This is the only time I'll ever meet a Lava Drake like this guy and it'd be a blast to hang out with him."

"Yeah, that's true. I heard this dragon was famous all throughout Lore! Didn't he save Yulgar that one time his hotel caught on fire?"

"…I thought he was the one who started the fire?" said another energy dragon.

"I can't remember; it was too long ago."

"This is why I want to wake him up! I wanna know all the grand adventures he went on and hear of all the crazy things he did!"

"Well, we can't do it without Brihart or Ditto now, can we?" asked a muddy brown energy dragon named Caludart.

"Yeah, you're right. Let's go get him."

Elsewhere inside the spire, Brihart and his girlfriends Kikle were quietly relaxing in a spa filled with a mildly heated magma substance. It was just like a Jacuzzi and even had all of the bubbles to show it. But unfortunately, only really brave fire dragons could rest in this relaxing pool without dissolving into a puddle of their own body. Brihart sighed contently and shifted his way to his girlfriend, nudging her in the shoulder.

"You relaxed baby?"

"Gotta hand it to you Brihart, this is a pretty comfortable hot volcano spring."

"Yeeeaaahh…it's so comfortable…"

Brihart was getting a little over the top at this point. He was lying so far back in the magma spring that his feet were showing at the rim of the lava, revealing his pointy toenails.

"BRIHART!!!" yelled Gorvl, who was flapping his way to the flame dragon.

"What? Can't you see we're trying to relax here?!" yelled Brihart.

"Yeah, I don't care. Remember when I said we were gonna go and try to resurrect Gravis?"

"You're doing that now? I thought you said you'd wait until tomorrow!"

"My parents are already asleep so I said, 'What the hell, how's about I just go now?' and I snuck out of our cave."

"Just give me another five minutes…" said Brihart, shutting his eyes as though he were about to go to sleep.

Gorvl sighed and stood on his hind legs. He then told Kikle to get out of the Jacuzzi and fly away before he began to do his unusually disgusting habit. Gorvl began to urinate in the magma and on Brihart's face, coercing him to get out of the lava. Brihart opened his eyes and shouted in disgust when he saw the green dragon peeing into the pool.

"Alright, alright! I'm going!"

"So how's it goin' guys?" asked Gorvl, observing his friends and their attempts at bringing the Lava Drake back to life.

"Making progress. Stop that! I said it first! No you didn't!!" said Ditto.

Ditto was a duodragon, or a green dragon with two heads and only one body.

"Will you guys stop arguing for two seconds and help me perform CPR? I think I'm at the brink of bringing him back to life!" said Brihart.

Brihart was pressing his hands on Gravis' chest, trying to resuscitate him by any means necessary.

"You're doing it wrong Brihart! You gotta use your tail!" commanded Caludart.

"What?"

"See? Watch."

Caludart walked over to Gravis and turned around so that his tail was resting upon Gravis' chest.

"One, two, three! One, two, three!" said Caludart, banging his tail on Gravis' chest.

Brihart put his head next to his chest to try and see if he Gravis was breathing or not. Unfortunately, he was still unconscious.

"Give it one more try Caludart!" commanded Brihart.

"Okay! One--"

After Caludart shouted out one and pounded his tail on Gravis' chest, his heart flew out of his mouth due to too much pressure being exerted on his belly.

"Oops." said Caludart meekly.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!!!?" screamed Gorvl.

Caludart quickly ran over to the heart and picked it up with his hands.

"I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it!!"

The energy dragon then proceeded to shove the bloody organ into Gravis' mouth, forcing him to swallow it.

"See? No biggie!"

Gorvl groaned loudly and said, "Let me try and figure this out."

He walked over to Gravis and examined his body, checking to see that he still wasn't dead (thanks to Caludart). But Gorvl was in luck today, because the Lava Drake was still alive.

"Okay if I breathe my lightning breath on Gravis enough, maybe he'll wake back up."

"What do you want us to do until then?" asked Caludart.

"Just…stand there! I don't want you ruining anything again!"

And so, a bunch of energy dragons, as well as Brihart and Ditto were simply standing there watching Gorvl shoot tons of electricity from his mouth.

"Hey, I don't remember meeting you guys before! What's your name?" asked Brihart.

"MY NAME'S DITTO!! No that's your name! No it's not! Stop that!" complained the Ditto heads.

"Together we are Ditto, but alone I'm Karmine--" said the left Ditto head.

"And I'm Baronak!" interrupted the right Ditto head.

"Shut up Baronak. He was obviously talking to me!"

"No, he wasn't."

"Yes, he was."

"No, he wasn't!"

"Yes, he was!"

"Will everyone just shut their mouths so I can do this thing?! God, you guys are so annoying!!" yelled Gorvl.

"He started it!" said the Ditto heads in unison.

"Right, well let's finish it and talk about something else."

"Yeah. I've always wanted to have two heads. Y'know, so the other could give me advice and stuff. I could breathe lightning in two different directions!" said Caludart.

"No you can't." said the Ditto heads in unison again.

"Each head has their own--" started Karmine.

"--movement on their side of the body. I control the right side and--"

"--I control the left."

"There's not much of an advantage of between having two heads unless the other head is smarter than you are."

"Are you saying I'm dumb Karmine?" asked Baronak.

"No, I'm saying you're not smart!"

"Oh, okay then. …HEY! Wait just one darn second!"

"SHUT UP!! I'm trying to concentrate!" yelled Gorvl.

Everyone quickly stopped talking and resumed watching Gorvl breathe his lightning breath upon Gravis' body. But the sound of nothing but lava bubbling and lightning zapping a dragon's body got a tad bit…boring. So Caludart started to talk once again.

"Are there any downsides to having two heads?"

Both dragon heads groaned in unison and said, "WE ONLY HAVE ONE BODY!"

"Why that a bad thing?"

"Think about it: two heads, one body? One leg per head and one arm per head, but one body for both heads." said Karmine.

"Yeah, that also means one stomach and one ass! I like eating corn and tortilla shells whilst Karmine here eats--"

"--Three bean chili with some sausage on the side." finished Karmine.

All of the other dragons groaned at the thought.

"You guys must be breaking wind like crazy in your sleep!!" laughed Brihart.

"No, it's either me or Baronak here! I tell you, he farted so much last night I almost threw up!"

"That couldn't have been me! I was sleeping like a baby."

"It smelled like stale bread and mushrooms."

"How does the smell of stale bread and mushroom make you wanna throw up?" asked Brihart.

"It only stinks when it comes out his ass!"

"We both have the same ass dumbass!" Baronak pointed out.

"Yeah, well we both have different smelling farts, so therefore we have different asses!"

"Heh heh! Ass…" laughed Caludart.

"What about you Karmine?! Everytime you fart at night after chowing down on some beans and tacos I gotta stick my head in the ground like a friggin' ostrich! That's how bad your farts smell!" yelled Baronak.

"Shut up Asshole."

"You shut up Butt BURP!"

"You Asshat!"

"Dung-for-Brains!"

"Dude your horns stink! Wanna know why?"

"Why?"

"THEY'RE ASS HORNS!!"

"Oh, shut up Assbreath!"

"HA! Assbreath! Cause his breath smells like ass!" laughed Caludart.

"You guys are so funny!!"

"Your breath smells like ass!" said Baronak and Karmine.

"No, you're breath smells like ass! Caludart!!" shouted Ditto.

"What?"

"Which one of us has Assbreath? It's Baronak right?"

"No, it's Karmine!"

"HERE! SMELL!!" said the heads in unison again.

Both dragon heads exhaled their breath right into Caludart's nostrils, causing him to groan and hold his nose in detest.

"So which is it?"

"Ugh…I'd rather not say, but I think it's both of you."

"HA! I WAS RIGHT!! NO YOU WEREN'T!! ADMIT IT! YOU LOST!!" said both Baronak and Karmine.

"Well, this is fairly entertaining." muttered Brihart while smiling.

"You punk ass!" yelled Karmine.

"Bitch ass!"

"You punk ass…bitch ass…ASS!!" said Caludart.

"Damnit will you guys stop being so asinine?!" pleaded Gorvl.

But mentioning the word "asinine" only caused the dragons to hoot with laughter.

"Now you got me doin' it! You guys are such asses!"

"YOU SAID IT AGAIN!!" yelled Brihart.

"You sons of--"

Just as Gorvl was about to curse out the dragons, Gravis roared out a gigantic stream of fire from his mouth. Gorvl had successfully resurrected the Lava Drake.

"I LIIIIIVEEE!!!" roared Gravis.

"Cool! I brought a dragon back to life!" said Gorvl, hopping up and down like a rabid dog.

"Where is Limkragg?! What happened to the dragon that was supposed to help me with world domination? Where's the Great Elder Dragon Limkragg?!!?"

"I don't know how long it's been, but um…Limkragg's dead. The whole dragon war ended a while back dude. You've been dead for several years now."

"WHHAAATT!!? But what about my dragon army I spawned just for Limkragg himself?!"

"Hey, we could be part of your army!" volunteered Gorvl, wagging his tail happily.

The distraught Lava Drake stared at all of the dragons who, as far as he could tell, were nowhere near physically fit to join his army. Gravis walked up to the Duodragon Ditto and started talking to them, interrupting their "ass" battle.

"YOU!! I demand you tell me your names!"

"Just wait one second. My adolescent brother here is about to get a taste of my ass blast!" yelled Karmine.

"What?"

Karmine lifted his hind leg and let loose a powerful expulsion of rotten flatulence, which was slowly starting to stink up the spire.

"UGH!! Karmine!" yelled Caludart.

"Smell it!" yelled Karmine.

"No!"

"If you don't sniff my fart I'll chomp your neck off right now!!" threatened Karmine, placing his open mouth dangerously close to Baronak's head.

Baronak, with no other option, jerked his head around and began to sniff his own rear end, inhaling the foul odor of Karmine's fart. He gagged loudly and almost put his head in the dirt again, but he needed to remember that his life was on the line.

"Now who's the one with ass breath?!"

"I am!"

"I can't hear you!!"

"I HAVE ASS BREATH!!!" cried Baronak.

Karmine laughed heartily before he said, "Okay, you can stop inhaling now."

Baronak turned around and exhaled loudly and started to pant, with Gravis looking at Ditto with a confused face.

"…You dragons are weird…"

"We're not weird! WE'RE DITTO!!" said the dragon heads in unison.