"Me-ow! Me-ow! Zzgt! Me-ooooowwwwwwww..."

Barely glancing up from the smashed catian toy, Manami kept moving, eyes alert for danger as she made her way back to the dwelling she shared with Aoi and Kio. She found Aoi a short while later, curled up against the wall and clutching her rifle to her chest like a security blanket. And more stunning still, she was talking.

"Kio... Kiio...!" she kept saying.

Manami could tell easily enough that Aoi was upset, but it took a moment to get the full implications because her partner still couldn't quite articulate herself. If Kio wasn't with the teleporter he'd most likely been recaptured. By the Cats.

Damn it, she thought angrily, clenching her hands into tight fists. They take everything from us, and it's still not enough. Why don't they ever stop?! "Damn them! Damn them all to hell!" Manami whined aloud, tears staining her cheeks as she smashed her fists against the far wall. She sank to her knees, still pounding the hard stone to vent her frustration and her rage.

Though still deep in the throes of her own turmoil, Aoi rested a hand on her shoulder, silently comforting her partner, but had no words. She was just as devastated by the turn of events. That's how Chieftain Maki and Jack found them, a short while later. Nor were they the only ones distraught. The attack had done a great deal of damage, and people were upset. No one had been seriously hurt, it was true, but the fact that the Catians had gotten in at all had shaken a lot of people. And it was all their fault.

Okay, Maki thought. Enough was enough.

"Jack, have everyone meet me in the assembly hall. Manami, Aoi, start getting ready."

"Ready for what?" the tomboy asked.

Their leader adjusted her glasses grimly. "We're going to war."

Gathering everyone together in the community wasn't an easy feat, but in the end, they were all brought into the main hall, the central tunnel that all others branched off of. Girls, women, crones, females of all ages, dark-skinned and light, tall and short, but all human through and through. Many confused, some angry, others scared. All of them looking to their leader to assure them that everything would be alright. To tell them what to do. To make some sort of decision about their future.

Maki had already made it.

She blew on a whistle hanging from her neck to get their attention then began her speech.

"My fellow humans! I ask you to please stay calm, and I will address your concerns. I know you are afraid. And in truth, you have every right to be. Last night, we suffered another incursion from the Cats. The latest in a long line of transgressions they have committed against us! Taking all the good land! Stealing away our men! Lording it over us like gods!"

Thunderous roars met that statement, borne of years of hatred and oppression. Maki let them continue for a long while before speaking over them, her voice carrying.

"I say they are NOT gods! They are flesh and blood the same as us! They are no better than we! How dare they decide to rule over us? What gives them the right?!"

"Damned cats!" someone shouted.

"Skin 'em all!" another roared.

"The only good cat is a dead cat!"

"Death to the Cats!"

Thunderous applause met that proclamation, punctuated by a few brief bursts of gunfire from over-anxious soldiers. They may have been ramshackle and patchwork but they made up for any training or discipline with sheer enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm that would ensure many would die, Maki thought, feeling a pang of regret. One she ruthlessly extinguished. They had to do this. The Cats had left them no choice any longer. Those who died today would go to Heaven knowing they'd made the world a better place for humanity.

"This is OUR planet! I say we take it back! Whose with me?!" Maki shouted, fist upraised.

Only one voice did not speak up to indicate they were, indeed, with Maki and her cause. But even Aoi's eyes were raised up and her lips drawn in a firm expression. She would never forgive the damned cats for taking Kio from her. Never.

Similar chants were going up in the capital of Catia this day, as Chancellor Kuune addressed her people. Having hoped to end the affair with the humans by taking back what was theirs, they'd instead been rebuffed. Well, this was not something they were going to back down on. The time for tucking tails and turning to run were over, and she said at much.

"For Seventy Thousand years Catian society has flourished despite the efforts of these ape primitives to obstruct us! We have tried to be peaceful and understanding, we have approached with open hearts and minds, and they have trod upon our well wishes."

Hissing and tail-lashing filled the air as the gathered Catians felt their hackles rise, anger stirred by the words of their Chancellor.

"Now they steal away our last hope for a bright future! Enough is enough! The time for diplomacy is over!"

She tapped the bell at her throat, activating one of its seldom used features: armor. Her skintight uniform digitized, replaced by an outfit more appropriate for war, a bikini chainmail with greaves and pauldrons, all made of shining bronze. All around, lights lit up the air as various others began the same process, forming their own armors in an array of shimmering metal.

"But we are merciful!" she went on to say. "We will not make them suffer! The humans will be utterly wiped out! They will have no one left to mourn, because there will be no one left at all! Every last one will be exterminated!"

The rush of noise that followed was deafening, and Kuune flattened her ears against her head as she watched her people prepare for war.

No, she thought, not war. Pest control.

All of Catia mobilized within a matter of hours. Citizens were quickly drafted into filling in the guards ranks, looking confused and out of sorts. Which Chancellor Kuune and General Chaika took as a good sign. Over-eagerness would get them killed, their best way to fight the humans would be to fight smart. Take advantage of the inherent power of their technology and science to cow the ape savages.

Commanders rode in the chariots, drawn by the great ligers. Legions of Assist-Soldiers were marching the streets. Though small of stature, their mechanical senses were honed with the precision of a machine. They never missed a target and never failed to complete a mission. The rest of the Catian army was on foot, armed with a variety of tools that, while not designed to be lethal, could inflict terrible damage now that their ire had been drawn out.

Eris, marching in the middle, pressed a hand to her collar and called for her dematerialization mallet. It appeared out of thin air, and she gently caught in her hands. Hefting the hammer, she eyeing it fearfully. The safety had been disengaged, meaning now it would disintegrate flesh as well as non-organics like it normally did. She really didn't want to use it, but the humans were leaving them no choice any longer.

She had to rescue Kio. He didn't belong with those mean human girls. He was kinder than that. And gentle. And sweet.

And she liked him a lot.

Meanwhile, in the tunnels, humanity was preparing to strike back. Weapons were being cleaned and assembled, vehicles being primed and fuelled. The motif of their new military might was painted on the sides of the tanks and etched into their guns: a curving, snake-like dragon. An ancient, mythological creature said to have often been in conflict with the mighty tiger. Eminently appropriate for an army about to drive the Catians from the home that was rightfully theirs.

But first they had more pressing matters to deal with. A muffled explosion rocked the human habitat, making the very walls shake.

"What the hell was that?"

"Thermal charges!" Jack reported. "They're trying to blow open a hole in the side of the hill!"

"They're outside! The Cats have come for us!"

"Stand steady!" Mika shouted over the turmoil. "Form ranks! If they want to meet us here, we'll meet them here! Everyone, get ready! Jack, take the lead!"

Human women scattered in every available direction, gathering up their weapons, readying themselves for battle. A few climbed into the unearthed tanks, powering them up. A few spluttered and died, not ready for the rigors of combat, but more than a few others rolled up the tunnels and to the surface for the fight. In the midst of the chaos, Manami and Aoi sat in their domicile, sharing a look as they loaded their weapons. Without words, they conveyed just how afraid they were both feeling. Despite all their fighting against the Cats, they had never killed anyone.

But this was different. This wasn't just another warm meal or an incursion to protect their heritage. This was their very future at stake.

This was Kio at stake.

Manami shouldered a rifle and stepped out of their home to find Jack and join the front line. Aoi snapped the magazines in with a bit more force than necessary, and pulled back hard on the bolts before sliding them firmly into place. She was ready.

Elsewhere...

Kio left both sides far behind when he fled the human tunnels, completely avoiding the capitol of Catia, and made a beeline for the Forbidden Zone. He had some vague notion in mind about finding his ship, repairing it (despite him not being nearly clever enough an engineer to accomplish such a task) and flying away. Getting off this planet. Perhaps to some distant moon, or maybe find a way back to Earth. Or at least some other world that wasn't full of crazy, beautiful women all dead set on mating with him to the point of death.

When he thought about it like that, certain parts of his body protested the plan, but his mind was more or less made up.

Unfortunately, he couldn't seem to find the pod he'd arrived in. It may have been washed away by high tide, but he sincerely hoped not. If so, it would mean he was well and truly trapped. He'd have to find supplies to build a raft and takes his chances on the open seas. And he was probably no better a sailor than the Catians were.

Wanting to hold off on that sort of decision, he trudged along the beach, hoping for a sign of his ship. In the distance, something metallic glinted, and he took off in a sprint... only to slow as the object became more clear to his vision. He stumbled as he recognized it. It wasn't his ship... it was something else entirely.

"Impossible..." he breathed, unwilling to believe it. It had to be a hallucination. Or maybe a mirage.

Ripping off his glasses and rubbing them against his suit to clean off the grime and sand and spray of the sea, he took another look. But there was no mistaking it. Not a mirage, but all too real.

"No! It can't be!" he protested, all the strength fleeing his legs. He collapsed on his knees in the sand. "It just can't! NOOOOOO!"

Half-buried in the sand, a long column of red metal poked out of the beach like some discarded relic, tilted on its side. A tower that must have stood at least a thousand feet high, thought a third or so was currently buried under the sand. A familiar tower. Kio recognized it instantly, he'd seen it often enough, though it appeared to have seen better days.

It was the Tokyo Tower.

Authors Notes:
As always, please leave a review if you enjoyed.

Yes, as many of you had guessed by this point, it was Earth All Along. Not the greatest of plot twists but honestly, it had to be done. Now the parody is almost complete. Only one last thing to do to finish this story with a bang.