Disclaimer: I do not own City Homicide or it's characters (unfortunately)

This is pure fiction any likeness to real people or events, strange but purely coincidental.

Jen called him mid morning the next day to get his statement. To his disappointment she kept things businesslike but then she had been at the office so he shouldn't have been surprised at that. She took him into the break room when he arrived to go over his statement. He'd hoped to talk to her properly before he told her that he'd decided to rescind his resignation. He gazed at her with absolute love in his heart. He pushed aside her report wanting to finally thank her for saving him as well as feeling the need to inform her of his decision. They looked deeply into each other's eyes, their unspoken words more powerful than those uttered.

"Good. I don't want to lose you."

She tried to keep it together, sitting across the table from him, when what she wanted most was to be in his arms. So he'd withdrawn his resignation. A pang of anguish raced through her heart as he said it. Of course he should be reinstated but what did this mean for them? She didn't know. Did he mean anything by it? He started reading her report. She watched him, her hands tucked under her chin concentrating hard on not crying. She was just so unspeakably grateful to see him sitting across the table from her alive and all right but she wanted to feel his love again. She wanted to go back to the beginning and start again. To be in his arms again, for him to forgive her and love her again the way he used to. She wondered all the time if he'd meant the things he'd said to her months ago. At the time it had been a shock to hear it and she didn't think she was ready when he'd suggested it. She'd recoiled and run away like a scared child but she'd changed her mind and she wanted that life with him now so much! She wished she hadn't turned him down when he'd asked her but she was too proud and afraid to tell him she'd made a mistake. But he was the one who slept with someone else. And so soon after they'd spilt up. She knew it wasn't fair to blame him for Juliette. But it hurt. A lot. She'd made the biggest mistake of her life in breaking up with him and she'd regretted it ever since. Her greatest fear now was that he didn't want her anymore that he'd given up on her and moved on. She swallowed softly in despair, she felt so weak and vulnerable, so exposed. She tried to surreptitiously wipe away a tear that had escaped. Nick looked up from his reading and noticed.

"Are you OK?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," she smiled at him. "I'm just a bit tired. I haven't had much sleep the last few days." He didn't think that was the complete truth. Jen didn't cry without good cause but this wasn't the appropriate time or place to question her about it. He wanted to comfort her, he yearned for her but he needed to stop thinking of her like that she'd made it clear that they were through. He went back to reading her report. She watched him, his handsome face concentrating on the words he'd spoken that she'd typed out for him, the curve of his brow, his lips moving ever so slightly as he read and she wanted to reach out to him but she felt rooted to the spot.

Two graves were dug and one was filled in. She called his bluff pleading with that psychopath to tell her where Nick was. She knew there was a body in the back of the car and she didn't know what she'd find if she looked. Dane aimed at the back of the car. Nick must still be alive! She shot Dane in the shoulder to stop him from firing but he wouldn't give up. She shot his other arm but he was psychotic and she had no choice she had to take him down, she wasn't going to let him kill Nick! She ran over the car unsure of what she was going to find. Was it Alan or Nick? She peered in fearfully. There was movement. She ripped the sheet away and Nick looked at her. She ripped the tape off his mouth, both of them never more relieved to lay eyes on each other.

They hadn't spoken about that moment yet. They hadn't really spoken full stop and her heart was bursting with everything she needed to let him know. She sat patiently across the table from him as he read the report.

Their day was fairly busy filling in paperwork and processing crime scene information from Warrandyte. Jen also had to give a formal statement and interview over her shooting of Dane Majors. Killing anyone even a criminal usually made her feel dreadful but she hated herself for the fact that this time she couldn't feel any remorse at all. She wondered if she and Nick would spend time together this evening as had become their habit before he disappeared. She was feeling extremely vulnerable and it made her edgy.

The day wore on and they'd actually hardly spoken to each other. Nick wanted to spend the evening with her hoping they could talk. He thought taking her to dinner to thank her for rescuing him was the perfect excuse to take her out but he hadn't asked her yet. It had gone past home time but neither Jen nor Nick wanted to leave without the other. The others had all left for the day except Matt who was just coming out of his office and saw them still sitting there working.

"Jen, Nick, go home! Nick, mate you shouldn't be doing a late one after what you've just been through!" They both nodded gathering their things to follow Matt to the lift. Nick deliberately lagged behind wanting to ask Jen to come to dinner with him before she left.

"Jen," he whispered. "Want to get a bite to eat?" Her face broke out in a smile as her heart leapt at his invitation.

"Yeah."

He took her to an intimate place near his home where he hoped they could talk in the quiet surroundings. When the waitress brought their first course Jen looked at hers and realised that they'd made a mistake. She sighed feeling annoyed that she was going to have to complain but without a thought Nick reached over and took the olives out of her salad and put them on his plate knowing how much she detested them. It was such small gesture but it was one of the things about him that made her love him so much. His thoughtfulness and tenderness towards her she supposed had been the thing that had made her fall in love with him but it didn't hurt that he was very easy on the eye either! He was smart, kind and generous and he had immense integrity, he cared deeply about people and doing the right thing and he was a great cop. He was such a lovely man and he always took such good care of her when she needed it. She watched him as he ate her heart full of love for him.

They'd both been quiet but he wondered what was on her mind. He needed to know if he stood a chance with her but they'd nearly finished their meal and he hadn't got the courage up to ask her yet fearing her answer. He wanted her but he wasn't sure he wanted her to risk possibly being tarred with the same brush of corruption that he was by associating with him closely. But more to the point there was the fact that he still felt afraid. If she came back to him now it had to be for keeps. He wanted to marry her and have children with her. He craved that life with her even more now that he'd had all those hours to think when Dane was holding him captive. But she'd said she wasn't ready for marriage and children, she'd turned him down even when he'd said that all he wanted was her. If she didn't want the same things he did then maybe she'd been right it was foolish to continue a relationship where they were possibly risking their careers? She'd hurt him so much when she'd left him and he didn't think he could take it if she came back to him and then left again. But that was his mind speaking to him. Overriding all these obstacles he knew that he loved her and didn't want to live without her he needed her. He gazed at her as they ate. He couldn't help it. When he'd first met Jen he'd thought she had a very pretty face and was very attractive. He'd thought that pretending to be her husband wouldn't be so hard. As he got to know her better he found her breathtakingly beautiful as he discovered her kind and generous nature, her courage and strength, her intelligence and the wicked sense of humour that sparkled in her eyes and he'd fallen in love with her. She looked up and caught him staring at her.

"Penny for your thoughts," she smiled.

"Sorry I was miles away," he blushed giving her an embarrassed smile and went back to his food. The pang of disappointment clutched at her heart. She stared down at her plate and picked at her food. There didn't used to be anything they wouldn't tell each other. Nick had been quiet and reticent all through the meal and they still hadn't really talked apart from him thanking her for rescuing him. They were usually fairly good at sensing each other's feelings but this time she had no clue what was on his mind. He hadn't yet made any move on her and she blinked back the tears wondering if he just didn't want to. On the verge of tears she reached for the bread and the tips of her fingers brushed his. She wasn't sure how much longer she could pretend that she was satisfied with just being his friend.

He drove her home and he felt the usual anticipation of a goodnight kiss as they sat in the car outside her house.

"Thanks Nick that was nice." She looked like she was about to cry and he wanted to touch her face and ask her what was wrong but he hesitated and she got out of the car before he could. "Night."

"Night Jen," he felt disappointed and irritated with himself that he hadn't had the courage to talk to her. He waited as she walked up the path and closed the front door behind her. He sighed. Courage in the face of physical danger was so much easier than emotional courage.

The next day at work flowed much the same as the previous day except Commander Waverley called a meeting just before they were leaving: Homicide was being disbanded by Lombardi, they only had until Friday! They couldn't believe it. Jen went home with Nick because they both wanted to talk about what had just been announced. She knew she was probably setting herself up for a fall but she couldn't stay away from him. They cooked dinner together and ate, sitting on the couch afterwards talking and having a glass of wine. They both knew they needed to talk about their relationship but both were afraid and they carefully steered around the necessary discussion and concentrated instead on the events that were unfolding at work.

"It's ridiculous. How does he think homicides are going to get solved with department heads in charge? It's a joke!" Jen said disbelievingly as she sipped her wine.

"Rhys had it right. It's political wrangling that's what it is," Nick stated angrily.

She looked at her watch. It was late. She didn't want to but she had to go. Nick noticed her looking at her watch and felt sad. He had his interview with ethical standards the following morning and her company alleviated the dread he felt. He wished she'd stay but he couldn't bear to be turned down if he asked.

"It's late I better go," she said reluctantly. "You have your interview tomorrow don't you?" She asked gently.

"Yeah."

"You shouldn't worry it'll be fine. Just tell them the truth, you had nothing to do with it." She touched his hand. "They can't touch you." Nick wished that were true. He walked her to the door and there was momentary awkwardness as each of them hesitated before Jen reached up and gave him a hug. His heart swelled as he held her closing his eyes and breathing her in never wanting to let her go. She smelled so nice and he'd never wanted her more. He leaned back and gazed at her desperate to kiss her but he still wasn't sure how she felt about him. They let each other go.

"Night Nick."

"Yeah. Night Jen."

She walked down his front steps and back to her car despondently. All those anxious hours sitting in the dark and quiet of his house alone, everywhere filled with the memory of him and the fear that she'd lost him forever.

She'd wandered into his bedroom and sat down on the bed. Everything was as he'd left it as though he'd just gone out and was coming back. She laid her head on his pillow, it smelled faintly of him. She'd rubbed her cheek against it tears forming in her eyes. Happy memories of making love, chatting and sleeping with him in that room filled her thoughts. What if he never came back? She couldn't face finding him dead she was barely managing to keep her emotions in check as it was, she knew she'd lose it completely if he wasn't all right. Hold on Nick you've got to come back. I love you! I love you Nick. Please, please come back! No she had to stay strong. Until there was evidence to the contrary Nick was alive and she'd hold onto that!

She'd taken his blanket and gone back out into the lounge room and sat on the couch and waited, thinking. At least he was back now, she was grateful every day for that and they were friends again. She was happy to be spending a lot of time with him but she knew that wasn't enough for her. She loved him. She wanted more. She wanted him.