Ok So here is chapter 7. I updated quickly because I'm not sure when I'll be able to next.

This chapter feels rushed to me but I don't know how else to write it. It felt necessary to pack a lot into it.

If I didn't mention before Blaine has moved to ND.

Hope You enjoy.

Missing Him

Finn didn't know what to do, Sam had been in the bathroom for at least five minutes and he was pretty sure he heard him being sick. He was now standing outside pondering on whether to knock on the door, knock it down or just leave. He had to see if he was alright, he cared so much about Sam that it pained him to think that he might think he has no one.

"S-Sam…" He said it through the door, he didn't want to shout because then everyone would know something is wrong. "Sam are you ok? I'm sorry ok I didn't mean to…"

Didn't mean to what? Touch him; he'd been fine with touching before. In fact more than fine, they'd done more than just touch. It felt odd having to apologize for touching his boyfriend. It isn't even as though he touched him in a sexual way. He just brushed his hand by his thigh by accident. Was it always going to be this difficult? Sam still hadn't replied.

"Sam…"

Finn heard movement behind the door and the click of a lock. The door however stayed shut. He presumed Sam was inviting him in, or he hoped he was anyway because he opened the door shutting it behind him and locking it again.

Sam was bending over the sink both hands either side of it staring as the water ran. He'd been splashing his face by the looks of it but his face still looked red and his eyes were swollen. He'd been crying, Finn knew this from the sounds but this was confirmation. He walked forward instinctively going to wrap his arms around the boy; he stopped himself before his arms even got halfway. Remember Finn, no touching, he is off limits for now.

He decided instead to tidy up the room. Sam had been sick in the toilet; it hurt to think that his touch had made him do that. He knew it wasn't his actual touch; Finn had suspicions that other things were involved but he didn't know what. He couldn't figure it out, why couldn't he be smart? He'd know what to do and say.

He flushed the toilet and started cleaning up the seat from where Sam had missed slightly when he heard a harsh whisper.

"I'm s-s-sorry…"

He turned to look at him, Sam looked ashamed with himself. Was it because of the sick or because he couldn't even be touched without flinching? Finn didn't know but either way Sam shouldn't feel ashamed he was sure that whatever was wrong was only natural.

"It is fine, nothing that can't be cleaned up." He decided to just ignore the fact Sam freaked about the touch, talking about it wasn't going to be easy plus Finn didn't know what to say. He could just pretend it didn't happen and make Sam feel comfortable around him again. He wanted him to smile again like he did in the bedroom.

Sam turned the tap of and sat down on the bath. Finn finished cleaning and turned to the blonde, it was now that Finn noticed just how little he'd changed. Sam had been showered and fed at hospital but other than the fact he had longer hair and what appeared to be the start of bruises on his face, and possibly elsewhere but he couldn't tell as he hadn't seen Sam in anything but long sleeved stuff, but he looked pretty much the same.

His arms are as built as before and he didn't look much skinnier maybe slightly but hardly any change. It was weird; Finn would have thought that after not being able to eat for two and a half weeks would make him lose weight. But hold on, the hospital said he didn't need much care. That meant he probably had been eating, maybe not normally but at least eating a bit. But how? He couldn't steal; Sam wasn't sneaky enough for starters and would be a prime suspect for theft if they saw him as he would have looked homeless. Which meant he'd brought money? How?

Maybe he stole the money of others, pick pocketed maybe. Finn knew there were pick pockets, -knew that Sam could probably do it. How awful was that? He believed his boyfriend could steal of others. The fact was though Finn knew that desperate measures called for desperate times. Wait that didn't sound right, oh he couldn't think of the saying.

Sam coughed and Finn's head shot up. Both of them had seemed to been thinking about something as they both shook their heads as if to knock themselves out of their own thoughts.

Sam was scratching his arms, the grove where the top half met the bottom. The bit behind the elbow, how was Finn supposed to know what it was called the only thing he listened to in biology was when they learnt about monkeys, because monkeys were awesome. Sam had even won him an orang-utan; Finn called it a ginger monkey because he had no idea how to say the word. Sam laughed at the fact Finn called it gingy.

Why was he scratching there? He kept scratching there and he seemed to be sweaty. Oh dear god, Finn was dumb yes but even he knew a bit about drugs. Did Sam take drugs while he was on the streets? He hadn't when before Finn knew that, Puck had offered them a joint and Sam refused point blank saying that it was disgusting. That wouldn't really explain why he had eaten though but Finn couldn't fit the pieces together. He was sure it was drugs, it'd explain his behaviour right? Right?

He was going to say something when Sam spoke.

"Finn, we should probably get out of here now."

"Oh… Yeah you're right."

Sam opened the door and was walking back to their room. Finn decided that he was going to prove his theory right. It explained so much to him. Over the next few days Finn would watch Sam and see, he would look for the signs.

Finn did just that, he had been watching Sam for two days now. Sam wasn't sleeping very well and looked tired. He spent half the night mumbling in his sleep saying words that didn't make sense. Finn wanted to go and hug him and just spoon for a while. They'd done that before, Sam had this nightmare one time and couldn't sleep so Finn just wrapped his body around him and the two slept like that. Now however, he couldn't do that. Sam still flinched when people touched him.

One night at the table mom accidently brushed her hand against his and he went all stiff. Burt seemed to notice but didn't say anything. Blaine who had also been there noticed as well, he again said nothing but kept glancing at Sam the entire time.

Sam seemed to feel awkward at their house; he hardly spoke when before he'd talk for hours. Mom noticed this more than anyone else because she had always been there when Sam had stayed over while Burt was often at work and Kurt had been at Dalton for a while or was out with Blaine anyway. She tried to make conversation and Finn was glad she did, never once did she ask about what happened. It was always about trivial things like what Sam liked to eat and such. She knew the answers but Finn was sure she was just trying to get him to open up. Good luck with that he'd been trying so hard himself.

Finn kept trying to talk to Sam. He'd get a bit of conversation flowing, not much Sam would often reply with only a sentence or a word. It was frustrating because this wasn't what he was used to, Finn was used to staying up with Sam until 4am just talking and laughing and joking about while occasionally (well often if he is honest) a bit of making out here and there. Now it just felt weird. He wished it didn't.

It was Wednesday and Figgins had said that Sam needed to return to school. He'd been deemed fit by the doctors and was on pain killers. Sam hadn't told anyone why, Carole seemed intrigued by them but didn't question it. He was thankful for that.

School was going to be scary; he hadn't been there since before summer. The glee club would all want to know what happened but how can he tell people if he can't even tell Finn. Mercedes had said that no one in the school knew about Sam's homelessness. She'd come round Tuesday night for Kurt and hers annual bitch-a-thon. She'd said hi to him and tried to act like nothing had happened. He wasn't sure whether he liked this. He wanted people to treat him like normal but he didn't feel normal.

It'd been decided the night before that Finn could take Sam to school. He had no car of his own as his parents couldn't afford it anyway plus they would have taken it with them if he had had one. So here he was sitting in the passenger seat as Finn drove them to school. The taller boy kept shooting glances at Sam to see if he was doing alright. It was sweet that after all Sam had put him through Finn still cared. He hated that he put him through so much pain, he was such a dick.

Finn had put his radio on to get away from the awkward silence. Without realising Sam had started singing along, he forgot about music. It was such a major passion for him. He loved it a lot. Finn was singing too, they both noticed each other at the same time and stopped. They both smiled and it a glimpse from before was back. The way they could just make each other smile with a small glance.

Sam remembered that he hadn't been back for the first day of term. That meant he didn't know any of his classes or anything. As if today wasn't going to be hard enough.

"Finn…"

He made a noise as if to say yeah. He concentrated a lot when he was driving especially when it was busy like it was at the moment. His face was hard with concentration and he kept licking his lips. It was so cute; Sam remembered why he loved this boy so much he was just too adorable for his own god damn good.

"Well I haven't got my timetable or anything."

He pulled a face of confusion or possibly thinking. Often the two intertwined with each other. It was just a part of Finn.

"Urmm… well I could accompany you to the office if you want."

"Since when have you ever used the word accompany?" Despite himself Sam found himself smiling. Then his bag brushed past his leg as they turned a corner. He was back there, those hands on him. He was going pale he could feel it. Darn, even a bag took him back.

Finn seemed to notice and looked worried but suspicious at the same time. Sam wished he could tell him everything but how could he? Finn would be so repulsed by him that he wouldn't ever go near him again, he'd be thrown out and back homeless again. He didn't want that.

The rest of the drive to school was silent. Finn finally pulled up into the car park and got out. Sam stayed sitting for a second. He took a deep breath, this was going to be fine. Mercedes said no one knew outside of glee. That had to be good right? It meant no one could bully him for it or pester him to know what happened.

He grabbed his bag and got out of the car. He noticed Finn was standing waiting for him; he was going to take him to the office then. It was nice to have the strength and support of Finn even if he couldn't cope with the physical side of it; it was just nice to have someone there especially someone who loved him as much as Finn did.

They walked in silence and when they got to the office Sam asked for his timetable. He was sure the woman gave him suspicious looks but maybe that was his imagination. Others also seemed to be giving him odd looks. They knew, they must do. He was pretty sure if Jacob had found out that he would have told everyone.

"Sam it's fine you know. Seriously no one has any idea wha-"

Sam turned around the corner just in time to get a face full of slushie. He had no idea who'd done it but it was awful. The feel of the stickiness on his face made him want to be sick. He could feel the hands again, hear everything again. He wiped the blue slushie from his eyes and turned to Finn. He'd also got slushied but his was red.

"Welcome back Sam."

There was so much sadness in Finn's voice that it made Sam want to just hug him. He couldn't though, he didn't want to go back there. He wasn't only going back there when things or people touched him now he was also having constant flashback nightmares. Not to mention it is all he could think about wherever he was or whatever he was doing. It was becoming his life.

He followed Finn to the bathroom and they both washed of in silence. He'd forgotten to bring spare clothes; he'd forgotten all about the slushies and certainly hadn't expected one five minutes into being back. This was just the start of an awful day he just knew it.

"Here have this." Finn passed him a shirt; it was one of his own. Sam wondered why Finn had brought one of Sam's t-shirts with him. "I knew you'd forget, you have too much on your mind right now to think about that. I brought it just in case."

"Thanks."

He took the shirt and went to take of his own when he remembered the bruises. He couldn't let Finn see them; so far he'd managed fine. He only ever got changed in the bathroom at the house and always slept in long sleeved stuff with long pyjama bottoms that had once belonged to Finn. He used to only sleep in boxer shorts even in the winter but then Finn would see. So he decided to go into a cubicle, Finn looked surprised by this. He obviously hadn't noticed Sam not getting changed in front of him or wearing short sleeves. Luckily, the top Finn had given him also had long sleeves.

Finn was positive Sam had been on drugs while he was on the streets. Probably became part of some drug den or something. You heard about it all the time. This was just another sign, he wouldn't even show his body to Finn. He probably had marks from where he injected. Why couldn't Sam just tell him? He wasn't ashamed of him, it was drugs and they were bad yes but he could help. He would help darn Sam and his stubbornness.

He was in glee club and Sam had been back since Wednesday, today was Friday and still Sam hadn't even let Finn hold his hand. Finn was getting fed up with it. He wanted to touch Sam, just to feel his warmth. He wanted his boyfriend just to speak to him. He wanted him. Even talking to Sam would be awesome, he had become more and more distant the last two days. He seemed to constantly have a glazed expression over his face or possibly on the verge of tears. It was heart-breaking and Finn didn't like it at all. Sam shouldn't be like this, he should be happy and jolly. It was Finn's job to make him so and he was failing. What a shit boyfriend he had become, not even able to make the one person he loved happy.

Santana could feel the tension between Finn and Sam. She deliberately sat next to Finn to try and give him support. She knew full well that Finn was confused about everything but she didn't dare voice her thoughts about what happened. It was for Sam to tell. She'd tried talking to the blonde but he seemed to be in a world of his own. As though he was going further and further down into depression. It was saddening.

Finn today seemed different. It had been four days since Sam had been back and still Finn couldn't even get him to speak normally to him. He wanted to know what had happened to him, he even told her so. She understood the frustration but like she kept telling him this WILL take time. He needed to get that, it was important he understood. Yes knowing would help but Sam can't be rushed.

Finn was fidgety, he seemed like he was debating whether to do something or not. This can't be good, she liked Finn she did but he could be a fucking idiot at times and he didn't always think properly. He often got the wrong end of the stick and when he did he'd mess things up big time. Normally he'd be able to fix things but if he made a mistake this time she wasn't sure if Sam or their relationship could be fixed.

Finn wanted to hold Sam's hand it was right there, next to him. The boy looked tired and weary, he was staring off into the distance again. Great more distance between them, he wants him so much it pains to think that Sam isn't even with him when he's sitting right next to him. Maybe touching his hand will bring him back, before it made him flinch but what if it changed and he was suddenly old Sam again. He wanted to know what happened but having Sam back was more important.

He knew this wouldn't work deep down, he knew that Sam would freak but he still did it. He moved his hand and intertwined his fingers into the boy's hand and felt a tingling sensation go through his body. He was so happy to feel those fingers and just feel the simple closeness of hand holding. It didn't last long though Sam jumped and flinched.

He shot up and stared at Finn like he was crazy. Shit, he'd done it again.

Oh holy Fuck Finn, why did you grab his hand? Santana saw him do it but didn't get chance to stop him. She knew what had happened in the hospital and in the bedroom. Finn seemed to need someone to open up to and she was that person. Sam flinched just as Finn had described. It was as if someone had just stabbed him with a hot poker. He shot out of his seat like he was burnt.

The entire glee club noticed. They all turned and were staring at Sam now. He had tears in his eyes and was shaking. It'd been awkward when he first returned she knew this but everyone was walking on egg shells around him.

"Sam…"

Finn had stood up and was moving towards Sam, his arm outstretched again. Santana decided to stop him; she felt that Sam was already starting to break without more triggers of what happened to him. She'd asked her dad about emotional trauma yesterday, he said that some things can trigger people into remembering or having flashbacks. It was called PTSS, post-traumatic stress syndrome or something like that. Sam was probably suffering from it and if her suspicions were right then she understood why.

Finn was now looking at her confused, his eyes watery. He must be so confused his head must hurt. He needed guidance and help both these two did.

"Sam, what happened to you?"

No Finn, don't do this. Sam will tell you, just listen to what everyone is telling you. Santana knew this was going to go bad she could sense it. Sam didn't seem to hear Finn though; he was too lost in his own world.

"SAM!"

This made the entire glee club jump; Sam himself was shocked out of his thought. He was scared and seemed to flinch at the anger. It scared her fragile Sam had become.

Finn was making a scene, he knew that. The entire glee club was watching and it would probably be better to have done this somewhere else but he'd had enough. He was through with waiting. How can he help Sam if he doesn't even know what happened? Why can't Sam admit he was on drugs?

"Sam fucking talk to me."

"F-Finn…"

"Finn don't do this."

"Why not Santana? I want to help him, I want to help you Sam. Just TALK to me."

Sam just opened and closed his mouth a few times as tears started to fall. Finn felt bad he did but if he was going to get Sam to open up tears would be necessary right?

"What happened to you?"

"I-I can't tell you Finn."

"YES YOU CAN!"

"Finn," Kurt had stood up and gone towards him, "maybe you should take this somewhere more private."

"Why? People deserve to know, we all tried to find him, to find you Sam. They all did this for you, for me, for us."

Us. Hold on wait what? Puck finally realised something in that instant. Finn had been an emotional wreck the entire time without Sam and now here he was breaking because Sam wouldn't talk or touch him. He was pretty sure before Sam jumped up Finn had grabbed his hand. The two were fucking dating. Fucking hell Puckerman you can be blind sometimes.

"Finn calm down," Quinn and Blaine had both also stood up and come over, why was everyone telling him to take it elsewhere and calm down? Did they know already? Had Sam told them but not him?

"Why should I? Sam just talk to me."

The blonde was shaking his head. He was crying still, floods of tears staining his face. He was backing away from Finn.

"I KNOW SAM OK!"

The boy's eyes grew huge; he seemed scared and was shocked into stillness. "Y-You can't…"

"I know and I want you to tell me though, I need to know for sure."

"I can't Finn; you'd be sickened by me. Repulsed, you'd throw me out and never speak to me again."

"We'd never do that Sam, Dad and Carole wouldn't no matter what." Kurt seemed to be trying to calm Sam down he'd even stepped forward and gone to touch his arm. Santana had stopped him though, Finn had told her everything.

Finn noticed that he himself was crying. He wanted to go up and hug Sam but couldn't, he wanted to talk to Sam but couldn't, he wanted everything to be back to normal but it couldn't. This was necessary in his mind, to getting back to normal.

"Sam I know that you…"

"FINN!" Santana had turned to him now, her voice full of warning. She knew didn't she, he bet Sam had told her and the stupid bitch had not even thought about Finn. He'd told her everything, all of his emotions and everything he was scared about. Then she just threw it back in his face.

"It isn't anything to be ashamed of, loads of people deal with it."

Santana's face changed, she seemed confused by what he's just said. Why, it was true? Loads dealt with drug problems.

"It's drugs isn't it Sam."

"W-What?"

Sam seemed confused. WHY?

"You took drugs while you were homeless, I know Sam. You don't need to pretend."

Oh god Finn Hudson you moron. Sam didn't take drugs, well he may have done she didn't know but that wasn't the reason. Santana had no idea where he even got the idea from.

Finn walked towards Sam. "Sam we can work through this together yeah."

The blonde still had a confused expression on his face. "Sam…" He reached forwards to touch him but Sam immediately backed away.

"FUCKING HELL SAM I'M NOT GOING TO HURT YOU!"

"I-I know Finn, I just can't go back there. I can't."

Wait what? "Go back where?" He didn't understand.

"I can't."

"Sam we can get you of the drugs, you never need to touch them again."

"I'M NOT ON DRUGS FINN!"

"Finn, maybe you should take this somewhere else. Calm down a bit and talk about stuff."

"No Quinn, we need to help Sam. He can go into rehab or something."

"I'M NOT ON DRUGS!"

"THEN WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU SAM?"

"I WAS RENT FINN!"

Sam looked shocked in what he'd just said and sprinted out of the classroom as silence fell across the room. Finn didn't fully understand the term but he was pretty sure it had something to do with being a prostitute. He turned to Santana; she seemed just as shocked as he did. Fuck.

"Sam wait!"

He ran after him, there was more to it he knew it. Plus he couldn't just let his hurt and afraid boyfriend alone. Santana also seemed to be running behind him. Shit, he hadn't meant for Sam to shout it out like that. He didn't know it was that. He didn't know.

"Oh my god!" Kurt was holding his hand to his mouth. He genuinely seemed shocked.

"You could say that again." Mercedes was staring at the door mouth slightly hung open.

The entire glee club were staring at the door from which Sam, Finn and Santana had just run through. Quinn and Blaine both looked at each other, Quinn knew something had happened to Sam. She knew that there was probably more to it than Sam just being a prostitute. The idea sickened her, the fact he had to sell his body to get money. She understood why though, you do what you can to survive. She sort of learnt that when she was pregnant and had been kicked out of her own house.

Mr Schue walked in at that moment and saw his entire club sitting there in a stunned silence. He noticed Sam and Finn were missing, as was Santana. "What happened?"

Quinn turned to him, oh god if only he'd been here when he was meant to none of this would have happened he could have stopped the argument. Silence still filled the room. This had shocked them all except Brittany. She just seemed confused.

"I don't understand, why did Sam have to pay rent he was homeless?"

No one responded, Santana could do it later. At this moment none of them even knew what to say.

There you go,I felt like I was repeating myself like ninety times so I felt the time was for things to develop a little bit more hence the reason this chapter may feel a little bit like a giant step forward from the last one, I hope it isn't though. I hope you liked it, I tried my best. Please Review, there is LOTS more to come this is NO where near the end and the whole secret isn't even out yet. Anyway I'll update again ASAP. :)