The Adventure of Chappy Rukia!
Disclaimer: I can honestly proclaim that Tite Kubo owns Bleach and will continue to do so for eternity!
Chappy Forever
When a person loses their purpose for living…what will drive him onward?
Whether you be a hero or a villain, anti-hero or anti-villain, it all comes down to motivation to do what you believe is necessary for your cause. What, then, causes us to lose our faith in ourselves or each other? Can it be restored by a fateful encounter with someone who has a passion rivaling yours in many aspects? Or do we simply need to take a risk to gain what we seek without humiliating ourselves?
Sometimes, the simplest of answers is the correct one but that answer can be hard to pinpoint or define, especially if you are shirtless and in an area frozen over by ice.
This all begs one more important question…
How far must a man fall before crashing into the bottom of the pit he has dug for himself with his own chapped and broken hands that could use a trip to a spa and massive amounts of massage treatment along with a 'happy ending' to finish off his long and miserable day that seemed to last for several years yet only was a total of twenty-four hours…oh dear God it won't stop now, hurry and read the chapter!
-Karakura Shopping District-
"That cold-blooded bitch!"
Mystic Ichigo clutched his hands across his bare and toned chest, desperately trying to forestall the freezing cold that bit at his nude upper half. He let out a great sneeze and wiped the snot from his nose quickly before something felt out of place. The white mask that hid his face from view had fallen as he sneezed and clattered to the ground, shattering.
Bright amber eyes widened as the young man began to comprehend his misfortune. His mask should not have fallen so easily, especially considering how much care he took to secure it, twenty minutes of his day spent only on clipping the damn thing in place!
"No…" he whispered to himself as he scooped up the remains of his once indestructible mask. The icy atmosphere had made the face covering so brittle that only one logical explanation founded his fears…Chappy had unmasked him.
He was sure of it. There was no other possible explanation for this travesty…other than the falling building knocking the face covering loose but that would be just too eas—he had a building fall on him people, cut him some fucking slack!
In either case, he was certain that Chappy Rukia must have gotten a good look at his face and hastily replaced the mask before removing his shirt…which confused the hell out of him! Why take his shirt when she already knew his identity? That heartless ice queen must be simply prolonging his suffering, taking his shirt to prove she now had the upper hand in their relationship!
Wait! It wasn't a relationship, it was simply a relationship…you can tell because the relationship in question is not italicized, – and therefore bears no meaning – thus clearing up any idea that Ichigo thinks of their little scuffles as dates and that he finds it easier to talk to the alter-ego of Rukia Kuchiki rather than actually conversing with the rich girl while in class.
Translation: Ichigo's a pussy who doesn't have the courage to ask Rukia out so he fights her in the middle of the night instead…it's like denial only more psychotic…psycho-nial…Yeah, that sounds badass!
"Dammit!" Mystic Ichigo cursed as he rammed his fist into the pavement, infuriated that he let his emotions get the better of him. If he had only let her get crushed by the falling debris…well, we all know he couldn't let that happen.
For reasons he could not specify…Ichigo just had this illogical need to protect everyone, especially the petite bunny suited superheroine. That was the reason he took this job in the first place. When the Jaegerjaquez Crime Family put out a hit on the 'mysterious' Chappy, the orange haired anti-villain immediately took the job, under the conditions that it was to be his task alone.
The reputation of the Mystic was more than enough to convince the crime lords that his desire should be respected, and he proved his talents to them by defeating thirty of their men in less than five seconds. They may not particularly like the masked fetish man, but the mob did fear and respect him enough not to interfere with his mission.
But now it was all for nothing! "Stupid bunny bitch! Why can't you just…" His words trailed off as he realized that a few of the unconscious thugs had begun to regain consciousness. Not wanting an altercation with them, Mystic Ichigo used his incredible speed to disappear from the site and speed off toward his apartment.
As he traveled, the formerly masked man could not help but sigh deeply, "Now I have to get a new mask…Zangetsu's gonna be pissed…"
New Shirt: 1050 yen
Replacement Terrifying Mask: 44,045 yen
Being Left Shirtless and Mask-less by a Bunny Suited Superheroine: Priceless
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else…there's Chappy Rukia…and we mean everything else…
-Urahara Apartment Complex-
Zangetsu was silently resting in the reclining chair that sat before the static filled TV. This was his usual spot to wait for his nephew's return, which he dutifully did each and every evening while reading a cooking magazine, dreaming of the day when he boiled water without explosions following…
As the shaggy haired man sat there, wondering why his nephew was taking so long, he chuckled as he began to recall a certain memory…
Just then, a loud bang was heard from the young man's bedroom and the honorable uncle immediately knew his heir had returned. Zangetsu politely knocked on the door but received no answer…surprisingly.
"Ichigo…is everything alright?" The uncle's deep voice the concern he housed for his nephew. Not a moment later, the door was swung open and a half-naked Ichigo peered out and eyed his uncle, suspiciously.
"E-Everything's fine!" the flustered young man shouted nervously, careful not to open the door too wide. If the former Mystic discovered that the ancestral mask had been shattered because of Ichigo's vanity…his father would be called and the apocalypse would begin!
As much as Zangetsu wanted to question Ichigo's awkward behavior…he assumed that it was merely his nephew's 'private' time on the computer and knew that interrupting a man before he finished his 'business' was more than a dick move…it was cock-blocking…and Zangetsu was no cock-blocker!
The yaoi fan girls are getting harder to control…someone get a picture from Playgirl to stave them off!
Zangetsu merely smiled at his nephew and replied, "Alright, but don't put an eye out or anythi—". The door was immediately slammed in his face and hit the tip of his nose, bruising it slightly. The shaggy haired man simply chuckled at this incident and recalled that fond memory once again…the day Ichigo's Mystic heritage was revealed to him…
Three Years Ago…
Ichigo had been questioning his uncle and his father about the odd trinkets he'd found while exploring the attic, preparing for his move to Tokyo to attend the University. Both Isshin and Zangetsu were horrified to discover that the only male heir to the family had found the box labeled – DO NOT TOUCH – THIS IS ANIMAL PORN…they figured it was the last thing Ichigo would open but didn't count on the lettering fading so that it now read: TOUCH THIS.
The young orange haired man did as the box commanded and found many foreign objects within: a mask, a cloak, a long black katana, and a weird cross that caused much misunderstanding. Shortly afterward, the two brothers confessed their families history of being super-powered mythical mercenaries for centuries.
Naturally, Ichigo thought they were completely insane until Isshin questioned him on how the crazy father managed to ambush his son each morning without detection…the story seemed less fabricated after that.
It was decided that Zangetsu would supervise the young Mystic's training and that he would live with – and take care of – his young nephew. During their first training session, the odd uncle held up a very incriminating looking, bent cross that very much resembled a swastika.
"Ichigo…" the former Mystic began, staring at his nephew intensely, "This is the symbol of our power and heritage…" The orange haired young man stared at the bent cross, utterly confused.
"We're Nazis?"
"Yes—NO!" Zangetsu immediately corrected himself but his nephew pressed on.
"We're Neo-Nazis?"
"No!" the uncle fervently denied, "We are neither Neo nor are we Nazis."
"Then…we're white supremacists?"
"They don't even have those in Japan, Ichigo."
"Says the man dressed in all black clothes holding a swastika…"
…The evidence is just piling up, isn't it?
Zangetsu face-palmed and turned the bent cross sideways, immediately alleviating his nephew's fears that he was destined to grow a mustache and suppress his own people. Soon after, Ichigo realized that the powers of the Mystic weren't really hereditary, but simply techniques that were passed on from one generation to the next.
All people have energy, but most cannot use them. However, this ability was shared with all of the Kurosaki bloodline and they continued to grow stronger with each generation.
Over the next three years, Ichigo honed his unique skills and eventually was able to best even his uncle in Mystic Kombat. Zangetsu was proud of the young man and warned him not to misuse his gifts…which was kind of stupid on his part.
…It's like giving a kid a flamethrower and telling him not to harass the neighbors with it…it's bad and you'll go to prison for it.
Somewhere deep inside, Zangetsu knew the brash young man wouldn't listen but since his own father had given him the same lecture many years ago, he had to at least bore Ichigo with the repetitive mantra, to spread the suffering around.
For so long, Mystic Ichigo took only simple jobs that no one noticed. Guarding work sites, rescuing cats from trees, gathering information babysitting…ironically. But soon these jobs attracted the mob's attention and he began taking new jobs…for the black market. All went well for nearly a year…until Chappy began cracking down on crime.
It was then that Ichigo knew what it was that his power was truly for…if this sentence has to be finished then you haven't been paying attention to the story! Shame on you!
Present Time…
-Kuchiki Manor-
Meanwhile, on the outskirts of town…
Rukia was rather sluggish to get ready for her day. She was utterly exhausted from the ordeal she faced upon following her maid's demands. Shirayuki had confiscated her 'trophy' and forced her to get to bed without dinner…a fate worse than death with the poor economy. But before that, Rukia was forced to watch as her caretaker lit the only proof of her victory over the masked fetish man on fire!
Shirayuki had demanded that her charge explain herself but in the end all Rukia came up with was, "I wanted something to put up in my room and laugh at…it makes me feel superior to the bastard!" Strangely, this statement pleased the normally stalwart maid and she graciously allowed Rukia to have a piece of toast before bed…Shirayuki is made of bitch…
Nonetheless, the tired young woman showered and prepared for her day, eager to put last night's escapade behind her. However, a particular thought continued to invade her mind as she dressed and proceeded downstairs for breakfast: Why hadn't she unmasked the masked fetish man? The young superheroine was adamant on keeping this one piece of knowledge from both Chad and Shirayuki, for they would surely scold and disapprove of her honorable choice.
Despite that, Rukia was convinced she had done the right thing…maybe not the steal of the shirt part but the rest of it was great! Unmasking him may not have stopped the perverted young man; it could have made him even more dangerous, actually. With nothing to hold him back, he could openly attack her in broad daylight. That is, if he ever discovered who she was. But what were the chances of that happening…
…
…
Maybe Rukia thinks that her bunny ears serve a similar purpose to Clark Kent's glasses, magically dispelling all suspicion despite clear objections to the contrary…How does that even work?! Head Accessory = Perfect Disguise?…bullshit…
In either case, Rukia decided it was best to simply lay low for the time being and just go to class without incident…
-Tokyo University-
If it hadn't been for Zangetsu forcing him to attend class today, Ichigo would rather have buried himself under his blankets and tried to forget he even existed. He knew he had to face her though, for there was no avoiding the encounter…no matter how much he begged his new friend God to save him from this affair.
He converted overnight…Religion is terrifying…
The orange haired young man was not a coward nor was he cold-hearted…at least not toward his family. He resolved to turn himself in to Rukia when she confronted him about what she must have seen the other night. He was sure the rabbit obsessed Defender of Justice would torture and toy with his life before at last punishing him for his crimes against 'justice'. It was humiliating but by turning himself in, he would spare his family the shame he would undoubtedly bring to them and keep them from being targeted by haters of The Mystic.
…Yes, The Mystic has haters…how else would he validate his existence on the internet? He has his own hater's page for God's sake! Then again, Chappy has an erotic fantasy page too…you we've been there…recently.
The sickening powers of Rule 34 aside, – all hail he glorious internet – the orange haired young man patiently waited by the petite rich girl to arrive and thoroughly ruin his life forever. The long black limo pulled up and Ichigo waited for the raven haired girl to proudly depart, march up to him and make her demands.
It took a lot longer than he ever expect for her to finally exit the vehicle, holding jumbo can of mace in her hands! Fear gripped him as she began moving toward the direction of their first class, coincidentally directly toward him!
On the other side of matters, Rukia had been delayed departing the lavish limo because Shirayuki demanded her charge take a visible weapon. In the end, it was either the jumbo mace, the anti-rape condom, or a clown doll.
For a moment, Rukia thought the clown doll hid some kind of deadly weapon that might expel her from education permanently…she was wrong. The clown doll was just a clown doll, with demonic eyes and sharpened teeth that would terrify anyone except for Rukia, because once you wear a skin tight bunny suit around town, you have no fear…or dignity…because dignity is lacking when being a superheroine.
Apparently, the faithful maid believed that the youth of today desperately feared clowns…she's not wrong but God save us if we ever admit it. Rukia chose the mace instead of the clown for one simple reason...she refused to be seen with anything but a bunny doll! Somehow managing to stuff the jumbo mace into her purse, the rich girl increased her pace and walked directly past her daily tormentor…completely unaware of his presence.
This was the point when Ichigo should have put together that she didn't actually discover his identity and go on with life as normal…suffice it to say, he did not do that…that would make the chapter boring.
He wanted to call out to her but the large clock on campus suddenly rang and he realized it was time for class already. He sped off to the class he shared with Rukia, fully expecting her to pull some kind of extortion card on him. Surprisingly, when he arrived and took his seat next to her, she was completely silent. Ichigo could not comprehend her strategy now. The superheroine had the perfect chance to expose him, at any time mind you, but all she did was pay attention to the lecture.
How dare her! The bunny obsessed girl was taunting him; it was the only explanation for her silence! Ichigo knew he couldn't call her out on being Chappy with no evidence, especially since half the University wanted to have her babies…which made no sense to him or even her! Nonetheless, he kept his eyes trained on her the entire class and never took his eyes off her.
…Because that won't lead to sexual harassment of any kind…just eye-rape. But remember, it's not eye-rape unless you hold their eye open…or is it the other way around? The internet isn't clear on that one…
Nevertheless, Ichigo resolved not to break eye contact with her until she admitted to her nefarious desire to deface him.
Over the course of the day, Rukia noticed her seated partner acting rather suspicious. Ever since he'd come to class, late in fact, he'd done nothing but stare at her. Normally, Ichigo only stared when they argued and even then he was polite about it…as polite as staring at a pretty girl can be.
She tried to convince herself that he wasn't actually staring at her but through her…and into the wall that sat behind her…because he liked paint…that was situated behind her — Fine, she was creeped out by his perpetual glaring! Rukia stole awkward glances back at him but every time she considered actually questioning him, those burning amber eyes stopped her words and she abruptly turned away, her face flushed.
It was then that a realization struck her…what if the crazy orange haired asshole had developed a crush on her?! I wasn't out of the question, she was the most attractive woman on campus...according to her adoring fans that is. What if his cold indifference was all an act this entire time?! Oh, God! Did he secretly lust after her and hide it with his macho attitude and disrespectful behavior?!
The pressure of this realization began to overwhelm her and she found herself praying for class to end, while continuing to steal glances in the hopes that he'd give up on the staring. He never did and each 'passionate' gaze made her heart flutter.
…If all men had the power of Ichigo's eyes, no man would be single…or American. It's funny because it's true...
All the while, Ichigo kept getting more and more frustrated by the petite girl's lack of addressing their issue. Every time she turned to speak to him, she had the nerve to instantly turn away and whip her hair at him, as if gloating about her secret! He wanted to strangle her because she was just so freaking infuriating but he withheld his anger.
He'd be damned if he let her know she had such power over him! Ichigo remained firm and continued his glaring, confident that it was the only thing that would get her to confront him about their battle last night.
As the Professor finished his lecture, dismissing the class half-heartedly, Rukia immediately grabbed her bag and dashed for the door, unable to withstand Ichigo's gaze any longer. She needed to get away from him, before he said something stupid like, 'Let's go out' or 'I like you hair' or God forbid, 'Nice shoes, wanna fuck?'
The most embarrassing fact of all was…she wouldn't mind any of those questions! Seriously, not one single guy had ever asked her out on a date before, it made being a crime fight easier come to think of it. Anyway, the idea of someone taking interest in her was frightening, even more so because the orange haired asshole with the body of a Greek God she wanted to feel pressed against her petite frame suddenly developed an interest in her.
She should have been mortified but she was flattered instead! Maybe Ichigo was right…maybe she did just want attention…not like that!
Seeing her run out, the orange haired young man gritted his teeth, marched after her and shouted, "Hey Midget!" His sudden outburst stopped the quickly advancing Rukia and she turned to see him, surprise evident on her face. She turned back to him, scowling; trying to convince herself she was annoyed with his voice and face…it was a lie.
"What do you want now, Kurosaki?" she asked very nonchalantly, not letting any implications come through, despite her growing nervousness.
"You know exactly what I want!" he shouted, making several people stare at them awkwardly, sexual tension building in the air.
Taking note of this unwanted attention, Rukia glared at him and replied, "Can we take this somewhere less inhabited by normal people?" She had meant it as an insult but it only seemed to make his eyes soften a bit, though she could not fathom why.
Ichigo took her comment as a confirmation that the torture was over and the punishment was about to begin…goodbye manhood…
They disappeared into a secluded area of the building and glared at each other in anticipation, expecting the other to begin the conversation.
After nearly, ten minutes of silence, Rukia at last spoke up, "Go on. Get it out." To Rukia's way of thinking, the sooner the orange haired asshole confessed his undying love to her, the sooner she could turn him down and go back to fucking with him—err, playing with him—err, making life oh so enjoyable hellish.
…It must be that time of the month.
On the other side, although he was perturbed by her flippancy, Ichigo took a cleansing breath before staring directly into her beautiful amethyst eyes. He was going to miss seeing the way they sparkled as he threatened her…
"Alright," he pushed out, steeling himself for her wrath, "Do your worst…" The orange haired man closed his eyes, let go of his anger and awaited his unmanning, praying she made it quick. But after several moments of flinching and twitching, he realized nothing was happening. That is until her palm connected with his face.
"What the hell kind of confession was that?!"
Ichigo's eyes snapped open and he found a very flushed but very pissed Rukia gritting her teeth at him. She looked like a little rabbit about to take off a knight's head…It was then that he considered her words and all his anger returned. "What the hell is that supposed to mean you bunny obsessed midget?!" He glared down at her and continued, "I'm trying to do the right thing here—".
"Well, you're doing it wrong!" Rukia fervently shouted pushing herself onto her toes to make herself taller. Her face was burning and she knew the redness was no doubt taking over but she shouted anyway, "This isn't how you're supposed to do it! God, you suck at this!"
"It's my first time!" Ichigo proclaimed, before being rudely cut off.
"At least you could put more heart into it!" she balled her fists so tight from embarrassment that her knuckles began to whiten. "You're supposed to be all fidgety or nervous or God forbid confident when you make that kind of proposal! Why do you fail?!"
…Yeah, what she said.
"Why would I be confident?!" Ichigo suddenly retorted, finally able to speak. He forced himself to calm down and burning amber met shimmering amethyst once again. "It's all up to you anyway. You have all the power here, I'm completely at your mercy…no matter how freaking unfair that is—".
"How is that unfair?!"
"How is it not unfair?! The entire situation is utterly your fault and you should take responsibility—".
"I'm not taking responsibility for your hormones!"
"…Wait, what?" Ichigo's eyes widened as her words began to sink in, confusing the hell out of him. "What the hell does any of this have to do with hormones?" For some reason, Rukia's face turned a bright red and she obviously seemed very flustered by this conversation.
"W-Well, you should know!" the bunny obsessed girl shouted in response, forcing her blush to recede. "This all started with you and your perverted staring! It's so obvious what you want it hurts!"
Ichigo opened his mouth to protest but quickly shut it…something didn't add up here…because right now, 2 x 2 = fuck if I know!
Gathering up his brittle consciousness, Ichigo swallowed nervously and bravely asked, "What did you think I meant?"
Finally, Rukia began to feel the normal feeling of a boy's nervous confession and she folded her arms to appear more in control of her fluctuating emotions. "You obviously keep staring at me because…because you…" she trailed off and he didn't hear the end of her sentence.
Now his curiosity was taking over and he desperately wanted to know if they were talking about the same thing, – which he hoped she wasn't – so he pressed on, "What?! What's so obvious you crazy bunny midget?!" he shouted desperately.
His comment triggered her hidden rage and she began to grow tired of the run around, "Oh, never mind you perverted orange haired asshole who fails at talking to girls!" She turned to leave but his hand grasped her shoulder and she turned to see his fiery passion bright in his eyes.
"I can talk to girls just fine you rich bitch."
"Oh, really. Is that so?"
"Yes, that is so!"
"Then admit that you have huge crush on me and want to take me out for an expensive dinner date."
"No I—YES!"
"…What?"
"What?!"
They stared at each other with wide eyes for a moment. Rukia had simply meant the proposal as a joke, something to throw him off and give her a chance to escape…she never expected he'd actually agree! What had she done…aside from causing fans all over the world to squeal with unparalleled joy?
…If you listen really carefully, you can hear your inner fanboy/fangirl creaming their drawers…clean that up...
Steadying herself, she finally asked, "What did you say?" trying to confirm if her ears had deceived her.
"Nothing! Certainly not asking you out on a date…because I hate you!" Ichigo quickly defended, growing more anxious by the moment.
"Well, that's fine because I hate you too!"
"Good! We're both in agreement about—Would you like to get coffee sometime?"
…Did we just skip again a few chapters…? No, no, we're right on schedule…Wow, that's kind of a blindside isn't it?
Rukia stared at him awkwardly, her mouth agape, unable to form sentences. Did he really just ask her…out on a date? Was the really happening? Was the apocalypse upon us? Would Shirayuki allow the young man to keep his manhood after asking such a question?
Ichigo was nothing short of panicking by this point. In his quick attempt to cover up his mistake about his secret identity, Ichigo had unwittingly revealing something far more devastating…his hormonal interest in the petite raven haired girl. What the hell was he doing?! Why was he suddenly asking her out like this?! This was what his nighttime antics were for, spending quality time with the sexy bunny girl without arousing suspicion…now what the hell would he do at night?
…He would do her—Whoa, keep it in your pants Ichigo! We save that for Chapter 12...why are we now eager for Chapter 12…?
His mind swirled with both great realization and relief but as he considered the full extent of both her words and the proposal. On the one hand, this meant she really wasn't aware of his identity and merely misinterpreted his 'observant' staring…but now he was asking her to spend quality time with him and not The Mystic…
…Now things began to get hard…in more ways than one…pork sausage, am I right?
To Be Continued…
And thus this awkward chapter comes to an end. I had a difficult time with this one so be honest and tell me what you all think. Don't sugar coat it, let me know how to make this story even funnier than it is! Remember, the power lies within you!
Don't ask me about Chapter 12…all will be revealed in time.
Thanks for all the support and keep on smiling my beautiful readers!