Chapter 7: Saying a Last Goodbye

Dark, misty, colorless clouds lingered outside my window as I stood in front of my mirror on the day of Ashley's funeral. Surely it wouldn't rain. It couldn't.

Standing there in a long black morning dress I put my soft china like hands to my belly. I was pregnant and soon would be showing. What would I do now? The baby would have no father and I would have no husband. I would have to raise the child on my own.

The next nine months would be awful just awful not to mention the next 18 years of the child's life either. I would truly be alone in the world. I had no one to go to no place to call home…except Tara. I guess I could go back to Tara. Yes, that's what I would do I would go home, home to Tara.

Blinking the tears from my dark green eyes I reached for the long black veil that was to cover my face during such a hard time. Holding it within my hands I heard a knock come to the door. "Yes," I said not taking my eyes from the bleak cold veil.

"Child tis time for the funeral," Mammy's heavy southern accent came as she stood in the doorway. Looking up towards Mammy I could feel the tears coming. Coming over to me Mammy put her arms around me. Mammy had always been there for me. No matter what did happen and no matter what would happen she would always be there. At the touch of her hands I just let myself go. "It's alright child you cry all you want Mammy's here."

Crying till it hurt I tried to pull myself together. Not just for my sake but for my unborn child's as well. I didn't want to have a miscarriage. This little thing inside of me was the only thing I had left of Ashley. "Is everything alright in here?" Aunt Pity's voice came.

"Will be right down," Mammy said as she rubbed Scarlett's back. She knew Scarlett could get through this. She could get through anything. Breaking the embrace Scarlett wiped her eyes with Rhett's handkerchief and gathered herself together. There would be plenty of time to cry. Right now she had to be brave for her sake and for her sanity.

Walking down stairs Scarlett saw all eyes on her as she made her way towards the carriage that was waiting for her outside. Keeping her eyes focused on the door her eyes never wavered. Yes she could feel all eyes on her, but she knew that if she looked away from the door she would lose it.

Opening the door Scarlett could feel the breeze brush past her china face as the veil sat upon her head not yet lowered over her eyes. Thanking Pork Scarlett climbed into the dark carriage that was bound for the cemetery. Sitting there with Melanie, Aunt Pity and India Scarlett kept quiet as she really didn't feel like talking.

Soon after many bumps, rickety roads they finally arrived at the cemetery. Being led from the carriage Scarlett along with everyone else was led to the grave site. Seeing the many people turn to look at them Scarlett spotted her family. Why hadn't they come to the house? Scarlett asked herself as she did everything but smile and laugh at those around her. This was the darkest, saddest day of her young life. Now all she could look back on was the day she got married. That was a marvels day. Walking arm and arm with her Pa down the steps of Tara and into the big room. Walking down the aisle looking at Ashley and Ashley alone, feeling that day slip through her finger tips Scarlett was brought abruptly back to reality.

Hearing the preacher talk and read scripture made Scarlett think of God and made her wonder why she hadn't cared more about heaven and hell then what she did. Was Ashley in heaven? Of course he was what kind of question was that. The cool rain began to fall as thunder roamed in the background. Putting up my black umbrella I embraced myself for what was to come.

"The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name' sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of deathI will fear no evil: For thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever." The preacher said aloud as he looked up from his worn bible. While he spoke those words I however would only listen and wonder about my relationship with God. If I so much as cared would I go to heaven? Looking to my right I saw Rhett standing a few yards away from me. What was he doing here? He didn't need to come.

"Mrs. Wilkes, will you please come here?" the preacher spoke as he held out his hand for me to take. Taking his hand I stepped forward. I knew the time had come I had to give my own speech. Looking at the casket I knew I had to do this for my sake and Ashley's.

Feeling my legs go weak I tried to keep a brave and calm face for those around me and for myself. But my loneness, sadness and feeling as if I was being defeated got in the way. I fell to my knees as everyone around me gasped in horror. Sitting on my knees I began to cry. The umbrella which had fallen out of my hand lay beside me. The rain began to beat down upon me as I continued to get wet. Soon I wasn't able to tell which was which. Were the tears still falling from my eyes? Or was it the rain hitting my face and running down it? I sat there soaked in my clothes as I had no real meaning to live. Ashley was gone as so was my happiness. Ashley had taken that with him the moment he slipped the ring onto my finger and said the words I do.

A/N: Sorry for a late update been very busy lately with school and all. Also sorry for the short chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed it. I will update when I find time to again:) Review