Guess what! My friends doing better, he's in school now; just he can't do physical activity. He used to play football, not sure when he's going to be able to do it again; at least he's doing better right? And I know I haven't been on in a while, and I'm sooo sorry, but mid-terms are killer.
Terra POV
I had stayed home from school today, I couldn't go back just yet, people may not know it, but Max was always there for me. She was like my big sister and without her I feel kinda lost. I know for sure I'm depressed, I mean, I haven't even gotten out of bed yet. I don't think I could if I even wanted too. Going on with life seems so wrong if Max isn't with us, I just don't know what to do anymore.
Max was the only one who knew of my secret, the secret of me being….. I can't even say it, not if Max isn't here with me. But she helped me through it, told me it was ok. That I was no different than anyone else; that being me was the best thing.
I suppose you want me to tell you what the secret is, and how she found out about it, it's an awkward story. But I guess since this is my journal, it can know. (You WILL keep this a secret ok?)
*flashback*
It was a normal afternoon at home, I had gotten home from school and like every Thursday, if I wasn't with her I was thinking of her. I grabbed the small midnight purple box from under my bed. The box was her favorite color.
I opened it, and stared at the photos that were in my hand. I knew it was wrong, especially with what I did, but I needed it, I had to have it, them, the pictures of her.
I had a camera installed into her bathroom, I knew it was wrong, but the idea was in my head for so long, just lurking there. So I acted in it, and it was the best idea I ever had.
I had a couple pictures of her, my favorites, and the rest I burned. I couldn't let anyone find out about this, I would be completely ruined if I did.
It wasn't that I was a lesbian, but that I was bi-sexual. I mean, if people found out they would be so cruel to me, and they would make me feel so bad about myself. Worse, then how I already feel. I know it's not normal to be this way, to have these feeling about another girl, but I couldn't help it.
I was feeling especially bad today because she wasn't at school. I couldn't talk to her, or hear her laugh; I was stuck, all alone. She had no idea the amount of feelings I had for her, and had no idea that I was so in love with her.
Because she's my best friend, always been there for me; which I guess is why I'm so fond of her.
So as I looked at the kinky photos of her, I began to cry. What if she found out? What if she was scared of what I was, who I was? What would she do?
There were so many things wrong, and I was crying so hard that I didn't hear my door open and close. And I didn't hear someone walk over to me, I only acknowledge the presence when they took the box from me and saw all the photos.
At that point I jumped up and tackled the person to the ground, grabbing the box from them. But when I got up, I saw she had some photos in her hand; a shocked expression on her face, and a little anger in her beautiful chocolate eyes.
"Terra, how did you get these photos?" she asked.
"I-I um well"
"How!?" I broke down into more cries when she yelled at me, I couldn't help it. To see her beautiful face so twisted into rage. And I couldn't believe the girl I loved found out about this, it just had to be her didn't it? It just had to be the amazing Maximum Ride that walked into my room that day, it had to be her that saw my photos and found out about my dirty little secret.
But eventually, I grew glad that she came in that day, it was probably a day I would go back and visit if I could. I had told Max how I got the photos of her, and how much I cared of for her and about myself and my sexuality. Actually, that day I told her everything about myself that I could think of.
I cried on her shoulder and talked in a whisper, and she just pattered my head and said soothing words. She didn't feel the same way about me but she told me that it was okay being what I was; and that I should accept it and learn to love it.
*end flashback*
I grabbed my laptop and went on YouTube, and put on Dirty Little Secret by All American Rejects, singing along to it.
Let me know that I've done wrong
When I've known this all along
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you
Tell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know
I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Who has to know?
When we live such fragile lives
It's the best way we survive
I go around a time or two
Just to waste my time with you
Tell me all that you've thrown away
Find out games you don't wanna play
You are the only one that needs to know
I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Who has to know?
The way she feels inside
(Inside)
Those thoughts I can't deny
(Deny)
These sleeping dogs won't lie
(Won't lie)
And now I try to lie
It's eating me apart
Trace this life back
I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret)
I'll keep you my dirty little secret
(Dirty little secret)
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret
Dirty little secret
Dirty little secret
Who has to know?
Who has to know?
I put it on replay, and went to sleep, with the song in my head and Max in my heart, which was slowly starting to rip open.