November passed with few events. It had not yet snowed, though the trees were now bare and the ground was littered with dying leaves that Hagrid had not yet raked into large piles, because first-years kept jumping into and messing up his previous piles. Lily had refused James' advances thirty-two times (twice he had forgotten that he had asked her already that day). Peter, who they now called Wormtail, was miraculously, passing Potions and Transfiguration, though he had yet to achieve his Animagus form. James was a little less worried about Remus' behavior…at least, he voiced it less often. Remus bestowed a nickname of Prongs upon James, after the stag wouldn't stop prodding him with them, and was in turn giving the nickname Moony, which no one would explain, obviously thinking that it was a, well, obvious nickname. And Sirius believed that his nickname, Padfoot, was the best, prompting the others to spend a good two weeks calling him Mr. Snuffles until Professor McGonagall asked them if Sirius was eternally sick, and if he weren't, would they kindly refrain from referring to him by such an atrocious name. When she walked away, Remus decided that it was only because she was reminded by her archenemy, the greyhound that Lucius once had that the four of them called Snuffles, that she asked them to stop.
"Remus?" Sirius asked softly, three hours before the end of November.
"Mm?" Remus wondered in return, refusing to lift his head from the cushion he had made with his arms and the armrest of the couch. "'S matter?"
The fact that even in his most tired and vulnerable states, Remus would think of someone else first, Sirius first, made Sirius smile very gently.
"Nothing," he answered, finding himself oddly content with just watching Remus doze.
"M'kay." Remus shut his mouth and shifted slightly into a more comfortable position as Sirius sat down next to him. After a few moments, Sirius laid his hand on Remus' back and wondered, as he began to rub soothing circles, how much longer it would be before Remus would stop tensing up when he touched him. Because, even though Remus relaxed instantaneously, the initial tensing made Sirius worried that he was hurting Remus.
Remus sighed softly, letting go of the day's troubles and relishing in the warmth from Sirius' palm. Strangely enough, instead of causing Remus to fall into deep sleep, the relaxing activity made him more awake, and, after a couple minutes, his mind was alert even if his eyes were still shut.
"Sirius?" he asked after a bit. "Was there something you wanted?" Within the past month, they had gotten to slowly know each other better. Slowly, because there was scarcely a moment when they were alone, and, even when they were, they spoke cautiously of things that were certain not to offend or cause bad memories.
Sirius, suddenly flustered, pulled his hand back to himself as Remus turned to face him with both understanding and confusion in his eyes.
"Ah, well tomorrow's the Hogsmeade trip," he replied while calming himself down and draping his arms across the top and side of the couch.
"It is," Remus replied with a vague smile. "I may not be able to make it."
"Why not?"
"I may have promised Lily that I would help her with History of Magic in exchange for help with Potions," Remus said rather sheepishly, as if he had just been caught stealing from the cookie jar. "Sorry," he mumbled.
Sirius' eyes narrowed angrily as he looked away and let out a huffy breath. "It's alright. James is the one who's going to be upset, not me. Besides," he added, though it wasn't relevant to his previous sentence, "if you needed help in Potions, you could have just asked me."
"It's not like I need the help," Remus said a little indignantly. "It's just that Lily needs it and didn't want to be 'pitied', so I proposed a trade of information." His face fell. "James will be mad, won't he?"
Sirius ignored the pang of jealousy, as he had for the past month whenever he saw, heard, or thought about James and Remus, and nodded. "He had planned for us to go shopping for candy, prank material, and presents."
"Presents?" Remus chuckled softly. "Isn't it a bit early for that?"
"Never too early for presents," he replied as he grinned, glad that they were no longer talking about James, even though he was the one who brought it up. While Remus had said that he was no longer interested in James, Sirius still held his doubts especially when the two were together and constantly touching. However, they were touching a lot less and their hugs no longer lasted as long as they used to. Sirius had not noticed this fact, though he would like to have. No, James had told him and Sirius had responded that it was time for James to let Remus grow up.
"Never too late for them either, right?" Remus asked as he stood up and extended a hand to Sirius.
Taking it, Sirius noticed that Remus never tensed when he knew that the two of them were going to touch. Only when Remus wasn't expecting or couldn't see a touch coming did he stiffen up. The only exception to that was James Potter. Then again, James was an exception to a lot of things in life.
--
Though Remus had denied Sirius the right to sleep in his bed, he had not been able to discourage Sirius from staying in it until the late hours of the night whenever he felt the urge to. Remus would never admit it, but he was thankful for Sirius being there at night. Sometimes, Sirius stayed up with him so late that he was too tired to dream when he fell asleep, but most nights Sirius stayed by Remus until he fell asleep and made sure that the golden-haired boy slept restfully before he left. It surprised both of them how much concern and care Sirius showed Remus, but neither one commented on it.
"Must you help Lily tomorrow?" Sirius wondered childishly as he settled down on top of the covers next to Remus.
Remus smiled patiently. "I did promise her, Sirius. It wouldn't be nice if I just told her there was a sudden change in plans, now would it? After all, you wouldn't like it if I had promised to spend time with you and then decided that I would rather spend it with Lily." To be honest, Remus also felt more attached to Lily because the redhead had always stood up for him since the moment they first met in the line to the Great Hall.
"I suppose not," Sirius grumbled in return as he brought a hand up and ran it through Remus' hair. Sometimes, Sirius wondered if Remus didn't like it when he did that, but never protested it because it wasn't in his nature to do so. It seemed to be a Remus-like thing to do. "Do you mind?" he asked, his voice significantly softer than before.
"It's fine," Remus replied, not leaning into the touch nor moving away from it.
"Tell me more about your mother," Sirius demanded gently after awhile. He liked to hear about Remus' mum because she was so different from his own. Remus' mother was a sweet, kind, plain woman who only worked a part-time job so she could take care of Remus. She was always there to accept him for everything, his lycanthropy, his wizarding ways, even his affinity for males. Sirius knew that his own mother would disown him in a minute if he were ever to admit he liked men.
Remus searched his mind for a story he had yet to tell Sirius. "Oh," he said softly as he found one, "there was this time, when we were visiting a magical aunt, that she decided to try some gardening. It was her first time in a wizarding garden, so she wasn't at all prepared. I'm not really sure what happened, but it turns out she pulled up some garden gnomes by accident and then undug some baby mandrakes. She got knocked out for a couple hours and nobody could help her because no one home. My father and I had gone to the park and my aunt decided to go shopping for a bit. Well, when we came home, I started screaming because there was this terrible noise. It was coming from the baby mandrakes that were still unrooted. Then my father found my mom and he started screaming. He was never really good in Herbology, so he didn't know she was only unconscious. My aunt came home and found the three of us in the garden wailing; well two of us were wailing, and one of us was unconscious. She started laughing. My father couldn't see what was so funny until she told him about the mandrakes and what they could do. After a couple minutes, my mom finally woke up and we told her what had happened. Needless to say, she never went near a magical garden after that and my aunt never let her touch anything without supervision."
It hadn't been the best story Remus could think of, but it made Sirius laugh all the same and Remus found that he enjoyed Sirius' barking laughter because it was filled with nothing but happiness. A raw sort of happiness that wasn't and would hopefully never be blocked or refined by anything else.
--
Sirius had decided against going to Hogsmeade in favor of staying with Remus and Lily during their study session. Unfortunately, James was fervently against this idea, claiming that it was no fair that he had to lose one of his friends to the woman of his dreams and that he'd be damned if he lost another too, and Lily, for once, agreed that Sirius was not to stay with them, but for different reasons. (As she had so nicely put it, "I refuse to let that stuck-up bastard ruin a perfectly good day of studying for our O.W.L.s just because he wants to spend time with Remus. James can take him and the two of them can be as insufferable as they want without us.") But thing that made him leave was Remus asking him to please get some chocolate and a couple butterbeers to make up for him having to stay with Lily. Of course, he had said this when Lily wasn't listening and with a broad yet apologetic smile.
So Sirius had unwilling gone to Hogsmeade and had fun. At around five in the afternoon, six hours after they had left for Hogsmeade, Sirius decided it was time to head back to the castle. Unlike his previous decision, Sirius was determined to follow this one through and, so, completely ignored James' pleas to stay for just a little bit longer.
In a slightly better mood than he had been when he had woken up, Sirius carried his package of chocolate and butterbeers carefully in his arms as he made his way up to the Gryffindor common room. As he gave the password to the Fat Lady, he prepared himself to wrestle Remus away from a very avidly studying Lily, but was pleasantly surprised when he found that the common room was completely empty aside from Remus, who was curled up in front of the roaring fire and reading a book. At least, Sirius thought as he snuck closer and swallowed a laugh, Remus was pretending to be reading. While the book was propped up against his knees and his fingers were loosely grasping the sides of the book, Remus, himself, was fast asleep with his lips slightly parted and his face completely relaxed.
Sirius set down his bag and settled down next to Remus. He didn't blame the other boy for falling asleep. After Remus' story last night, Sirius had taken his turn to explain his feelings towards his family and it had taken a very long time to sort out. He had tried approaching his feelings before, but they had always ended up making him unspeakably angry. However, with Remus there to offer suggestions, or explanations, or just to listen, Sirius found it much easier to talk through all his problems with his family. The only downside was that it kept them up until sunrise and they had decided it was easier to simply stay awake than try to get a few minutes of sleep.
After watching Remus sleep with the awe that Sirius always had whenever he watched Remus doze away, Sirius slid an arm around the other boy's waist and settled his head on Remus' shoulder. His eyes, as tired as they were, closed half-way, allowing him to see the steady rise and fall of Remus' chest. His ear was pressed close enough that he could hear the constant and slow beating of Remus' heart. Sirius tried to pace his breathing with Remus', hoping that this would somehow also enable him to keep the same heartbeat, but he had ran all the way from Hogsmeade and, though he had had time to settle down, his heart was still beating quickly.
Giving up that endeavor, he gently allowed his eyes to rest and focused solely on Remus' heart beat. He counted each one, being very careful not to lose count, and was about to drift off when he noticed one beat missing. Several weeks ago, he would have freaked out and shaken Remus awake to solve the problem, but now…He sighed. Now, he accepted it as part of the ordinary. It made him sad to know that Remus' heart was incomplete like that.
He was counting once more and Remus' heart skipped thrice more. Each time it did, Remus seemed to freeze in his breathing, but didn't wake. Then Sirius fell asleep at five hundred and thirty-four.
--
"Sirius." Slender hands ran through his hair, pushing back the curtain it had formed. "Sirius, wake up," a gentle voice murmured. "If you don't, I'm going to have to carry you up the stairs and ruin your image of perfection," it threatened, though, Sirius thought, that wasn't much of a threat at all. Sirius would simply keep his image of perfection as beautiful and even more so while he was asleep. "Sirius," the voice crooned again and suddenly there were other voices coming into hearing. "I'm warning you." There was a smile edging the voice and Sirius smiled back. Then his smile fell when his pillow shifted.
"Fuck!" he yelled when he found himself suddenly lifted off of the comfortable couch. His silver eyes flew open and instantly found gold ones that were laughing gleefully.
"I did warn you," Remus replied fairly as he readjusted a slipping Sirius. "Hold on, will you? You're a bit heavy, even for me."
"Oy!" Sirius protested as he wrapped his arms around Remus' neck. "Are you saying I'm fat?" he yelled and the few students who were still immersed in their own business, looked up at the two of them.
"Of course not," Remus answered as if the thought of it were sinful. "I'm just saying you could afford to lose a bit of weight if you expect me to carry you around more often."
Sirius, pretending to be annoyed, started flailing his legs about until Remus let him drop down onto the couch. "You, mister Moony, do not deserve to carry me around if you insist on making fun of my weight." Then he stood up as Remus crossed his arms with an amused look on his face. "Just because you're jealous of my immaculate beauty, doesn't mean you need to make fun of it." He grinned as he watched Remus look away in an attempt not to laugh. "Besides," he edged closer to the other boy, who took a small step back precariously, "if anyone's going to be carrying anyone, it's going to be me carrying you."
"And why is that?" Remus questioned as he continued to walk backwards, away from the advancing Sirius.
"Obviously because you're skinny like a girl and I can carry you a lot easier than you can carry me." Then he lunged forwards, but Remus, who had predicted something like that, ran away. Sirius, not one to give up so easily, dashed after him only to run back and pick up his package for Remus before chasing after the tawny-haired boy again.
--
"Remus," he whispered even though he had been speaking at full volume a couple seconds ago.
"Sirius," Remus replied in a voice just as quiet before he placed his lips to the rim of the last bottle of butterbeer that they were sharing.
"Will you tell me what happened to you?" Sirius asked again. This was a topic Remus never brought up on his own, and every time before that Sirius had asked, Remus had promised him the story another day. So Sirius had patiently waited, asking once every three days for the story and not knowing when he would ever get his answer.
Remus stared at him unblinkingly for a minute before his eyes trailed down Sirius' open shirt to find the dangling sun that Sirius usually kept hidden. "Yes," he replied softly. His eyes lingered on the glimmering necklace, before they skimmed back up to Sirius' eyes. "What do you want to know?"
"What happened during the summer that changed you so much?" he specified as he clasped a hand around Remus' quivering one to steady Remus as well as to take the bottle away from him.
"Should you like the short version, or should I give you a play by play of my summer?" Remus asked half-jokingly. Sirius could tell that as much as Remus would rather tell Sirius the short version, the longer one would help Remus in the long run.
"Give me the play-by play," he demanded as he tried to match the spot Remus' lips had been before.
Remus sighed and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. He let his head fall back against the wood and his eyes closed as he brought back memories he tried hard not to remember.
"It's long," he warned and Sirius nodded, his eyes watching the bobbing of Remus' Adam's apple. "Summer started off as normal. My father was more tense than usual, but I didn't think anything of it. He was usually really high-strung and paranoid. But my mum had convinced him to take a little vacation at the beginning of July. He gave in. He usually gave in to my mum. So we went to Germany." Remus paused, unsure of what to say next. He swallowed before continuing hesitantly. "Turns out that was a bad idea. Mum and I didn't know why, but, Father told me later, it seems as if Greyback saw us there and, after finishing his mission, followed us back home.
"We hadn't noticed. We all went out one day at in the middle of July to go shopping for food at the Muggle grocery store, but Greyback just popped out of a bush and killed Mum. He didn't use a wand or anything. He just launched onto her and ripped out her throat with his hands." Remus shuddered at the memory and Sirius shifted closer, discarding the empty bottle next to all the others. "Father had left his wand at home, because he didn't think he'd be needing it, and I hadn't brought mine because, well, because I was underage. So, we couldn't do anything against Greyback. I mean, Father tried to by himself, but Greyback just threw him off and ran away cackling." It was a bit funny that while Remus was relaying something so terrible, he still kept his lyrical tone.
"She was dead the moment he touched her. A couple muggles saw it happening, but they couldn't do anything about it. They called for the muggle police and ambulance and all that, but it was too late. It was all too late." He shook his head against the wood and his eyes scrunched up, willing themselves not to leak.
"We had a funeral for her a couple days later. It was the day before the full moon then. Ryan and I had decided to go take a walk near the river, but Greyback showed up again. I wanted to attack him, but I knew that I didn't have a chance and Ryan was keeping me from doing it. He…Greyback said some terrible things about my mum and my father. Then," Sirius took one of Remus' hands in his own, "then he suggested that there were relationships going on between me and him. But before Ryan could ask, before I could protest, he said he would see me in a couple days and to wait for then."
He took in a large breath and let it out in shudders. "He-he meant he would see me on the full moon. We-I usually stayed in our backyard. It leads into a wooded area that no one else is supposed to go to and people keep away from there. So, it's usually safe, except-" Sirius knew what the "except" was and he tightened his hold, "except he was there waiting. Usually, werewolves don't fight each other, but we must have known the other. He must have known. It was the smell." Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus and pulled him close. "He smelled like rotting meat and molding bread. But then he attacked. Or maybe I attacked. But we started fighting. I could tell he wasn't putting his whole into it. It was like he was playing with me. Then at the end," Remus lifted his empty hand and drew a small slash over his heart. "At the end he stabbed me with his claws. He scrapped against my heart. A bit on the side came off. It's a werewolf injury, so they couldn't heal it completely. He stayed there until we both changed back and he told me," Remus took another shuddering breath and he gripped Sirius' hand intensely, "told me that he'd let me live. He'd let me live as a constant reminder to my father. Let me live so I'd know what hell is like. Then, when I was tired of living in hell, he'd come back. He'd come back and kill me, but," his bottom lip disappeared behind white teeth for a moment and when it reappeared it was bleeding, "but only after I begged him to."
Sirius held onto Remus protectively. He would never let anyone come kill Remus and he would kill anyone that made Remus beg to die, because, even if Remus looked like he belonged in another world, Sirius needed to be in the same world as Remus.
"As soon as I was well enough to stand, Greyback told Ryan." Here, the tears dripped out slowly one by one through Remus' relaxed eyes. There was no longer defiance, fear, or guilt in his face. There was now only defeat. "Told him that I was a werewolf, that he, Greyback, was my partner, that everything I had ever told him was a lie. Ryan believed him. He probably believed him out of fear more than anything else, but he believed all the same. He yelled at me and," Remus paused, his breathing quickened, "and he left." Clearly, he had done more than just leave, but if Remus wasn't ready to tell him yet, then Sirius wouldn't make him.
Sirius waited to see if Remus would say anymore, but Remus only leaned against him, letting the tears roll down slowly.
"Can I see?" he murmured softly into the brown hair. "See where he hurt you?"
Remus breathed softly against Sirius for several minutes until he thought that perhaps Remus had not heard him. But then Remus shook his head and began pulling himself away.
"Not tonight, Sirius." His voice was weak, and Sirius couldn't help but blame himself for making it so. "I'm sorry."
Sirius accepted silently that Remus wouldn't let him see, but he kept his arm around Remus and pulled him back. "Don't apologize for something that you don't need to," he whispered. Then, taking advantage of Remus' situation, he placed his lips against the others gently. "Don't think about it," Sirius muttered as he took the hand that wasn't tangled with Remus' and placed it on top of the soft head. He pressed the head close against his body and said something he didn't think he would ever be ridiculous enough to say. "Listen to my heart. It's strong enough for the both of us, so if you ever think yours can't go on, take part of mine."
--
A/N: And there is the great and terrible story of Remus' mysterious summer. Now if only we could learn more about Sirius... Anyway, there's a reason why this one did not come as quickly as the others and that is becuase I have been busy creating a great idea that is here: avahin. deviantart. com/ journal/ 20156203/ If the link doesn't work, then there should be one in my profile that does. (Or try it without the spaces) That's it.