Chapter Seven
Knives Don't Have Your Back

I read my horoscope while the bus had filled up with gas. "You've got more power over the situation than you realize, so step right up and make something happen. If you're happy with the way things are, it's a good time to reserve action for later." I do enjoy reading horoscopes because no matter which sign you read for you're able to relate it to something that has happened or when you read it- it will happen. It's like the self-fulfilling prophecy. If the goddamn newspaper section says you'll have a bad day then gosh darn it you'll have a bad day or so help me.

Like I said you can relate to something in your life and act upon the little fortune expecting the outcome to be what they say. If this little clipping says I have power then I have power and I'm not happy with the way things are so I must take action… is that right?

I sat silently in Kyle's car pondering if this is the time to tell him to take control of the 'situation' but before I could he pulled up on to the curb and I got out.

Stan slammed the door to Kyle's car and heaved his luggage into the house. Stan got to his house and realized the door was locked. He emptied his hands and fumbled through his bag to find his set of spare keys; noticing through the corner of his eye that Kyle was still on the side of the road.

Stan's face made a frown knowing that he shouldn't be mad at Kyle anymore. He didn't know what Kyle had been thinking that night but he knew that it had to stop. Upon finding his keys he help them lightly between his fingers and raised his hand so that Kyle could see the object he was holding. Stan grinned and waved, turning instantly to unlock his door.

Kyle's eyes were wide with shock when he saw the grin across Stan's face. A minute ago Kyle thought Stan would try and ditch the car and now he seems quite fine. He waved as Stan shut the door and turned the car around and headed home, confusion whizzing around in his brain.

Stan didn't sleep much that night. He lay in his bed in a pool of moonlight with sheets and blankets carelessly wrapping his body. He thought about what he could say to Kyle and how he could tell his to not touch him anymore. His hands closed around the blanket as worry and guilt flooded his stomach. He was just as much to blame as Kyle was and as he closed his eyes he knew that both Kyle and Stan needed to work something out.

When morning broke Stan was a mess of limbs and sheets scattered across the bed. His alarm was persistently going off waiting for him to hear it. A hand reached from under the covers 

and slammed the alarm clock down until it stopped its rain of buzzing. Rolling out of bed Stan lazily rubbed his eyes, opened his mouth in a wide yawn and stumbled to the bathroom.

Stan spent most of the morning off in another world. His parents were gone by the time he got up and believed the more they avoided each other, the more they avoided him. Stan sat staring blankly at the microwave clock and clumsily ate his cereal.

He was sifting through the thoughts and mistakes in his brain trying to decide on the best plan of action. Was he to confront Kyle about it or was he to not say anything he was in control after all, so he knew he had to think of some sort of answer.

Half done his cereal, Stan let out another yawn and pushed the bowl away not bothering to put it in the sink. He rose from his seat packed a small lunch and headed for the bus. He leaned his forehead against the cool glass and watched as kids got on the bus.

Stan gave himself a metal kick when he was getting off the bus because he had not come up with a plan yet. Was he supposed to confront him at school? Stan shook his head and then continued through the busy hallways deep in thought. Suddenly his eyes burst with excitement and just as he realized what was going on he ran into someone's open locker door followed by sporadic laughter. Embarrassed and red Stan rushed to his locker and quickly wished he would pay more attention.

"Get to sleep ok last night" Surprised by the sudden voice Stan slammed his locker closed and surprised not only the speaker but himself as well. He stood face to face with Kyle, eyes wide and unsure of what to say.

"I guess" he mumbled.

"I was wondering…" both boys said at once and then both tried to speak again but interrupted one another again. Kyle gave an awkward laugh and then paused for a moment. Now the two boys were sharing an uncomfortable silence not knowing if the other was going to speak.

"Do you want to come over tonight to hang out?" Stan finally said.

"To talk things over" Kyle inquired which made Stan's heart skip a beat. It was ok when he thought it but when his ears actually heard the meaning behind the words 'talk things over' he didn't know his plan was anymore.

"No," Liar Stan thought bitterly to himself. "I think we just need to have a night of videogames or something because things have been…stupid" he mumbled again.

"Well sure. It sounds cool just tell me when and I'll show up" Kyle gave a half smile. "I have to get to class but I'll see you at lunch" he said as he was walking away. Stan shut his locker and leaned against the door feeling stupid. Now what was he supposed to tell Kyle? He walked off to class.

All day Stan was distracted and by lunch he decided he wanted to skip his afternoon classes once again. He didn't see Kyle at lunch like he said he would and he hadn't given him a time to come over either.

The clock signified that it was 5pm. Stan woke with a start from his slumber on the couch and looked around the house lazy eyed. The sun was beginning to dim in the sky and for several moments Stan was unaware of where he was.

There was a knock on his door and he jumped from the couch and looked around. His house was dark and the kitchen was a mess. He quickly straightened his clothes and answered the door. Kyle looked relieved when he answered and let himself in.

"Finally, I've been waiting for ten minutes. Didn't you hear me knocking?" he asked and gave a bag to Stan filled with videogames and movies. He took off his shoes and coat and slumped on the couch leaving Stan still in a daze. He looked into the bag and pulled out the first game he saw. He was expressionless as he set up the system and put the game on. He was still wondering what he was doing and even more confused as to what to say about 'the problem'.

"You're hiding something" Kyle said and then gave a small laugh. "But then again, you've been hiding stuff from me for that last- I don't know- 3 months!" It was a comment that Kyle didn't mean to say and it caused a silence to settle over them like the dust on the furniture. The start menu of the game blinked but Stan just held the controller in his hand wanting to tell him everything that he was feeling. About his parents, about himself, about how he cared about Kyle and how it was confusing; he wanted to explain that those were the reasons he got mad at him in New York not because of the book.

"I..." he began and as soon as Kyle looked at him he changed his objective. "I'm going to get my other controller ok" He stood and headed to his room.

"So, are you going to tell me?" Kyle asked leaning in Stan's doorway. His face was incomprehensible and Stan wasn't sure if he was angry or not. His voice didn't help much either; a mixture of contempt and sincerity.

Stan looked beyond Kyle not wanting to look into the accusing eyes. He sat on the edge of his bed and let the controller rest on his pillow.

"I..." Stan started and then paused unsure of how to finish that sentence for the second time that night. Kyle continued to stare intently on Stan as if he could make him understand his feelings better by scorching him with his eyes. "I want to stop these thoughts about it."

With a flood of confusion Kyle tried to figure out what 'it' was. He wasn't sure if 'it' was New York or Clyde's or whatever.

"About what?" He inquired after a moments silence.

"That thing" he stressed hoping that Kyle would start being the precocious asshole Stan knew him to be.

"Thing- what thing… what happened?" He asked not wanting to jump to conclusions until Stan made it clear what was upsetting him. He paused and then finally asked, "What's going on dude?"

"The kiss goddamn it" Stan flared, standing with fists balled. Stan's breathing was heavy and Kyle's felt a lump grow in his throat, wishing Stan hadn't mentioned what he thought this was about.

"Oh." He finally said. There was another long pause before he continued. "I'm sorry I didn't think it'd affect you that way. I mean you never said you were against gays- not that I am- but you have to admit it was just-"

Frustrated Stan cut Kyle off and shouted, "No you don't understand! I'm not gay!" He came closer to Kyle with worry in his eyes.

"I never said you were" Kyle said bluntly and backed against the wall.

Stan lightly but briskly wrapped both hands around the back of Kyle's neck, resting his thumbs on his jaw. "I want this to stop, but I just want to experience it again. Not because I'm gay cause I'm- not."

Kyle looked frozen into his friend's eyes trying to figure out what he was babbling on about. He had no idea what he was supposed to do so he grabbed Stan's wrists. Stan leaned forward and rested against his forehead. Kyle's head was buzzing with morals and what felt right and at the moment nothing felt right and morals weren't helping him.

"Maybe this is all a part of growing up or maybe it's something else. All I know is that I look at girls and I see them, all of them, how hot they are and how- but then I look at you and only you and it's different. It feels different; it's only you, only. I just… Kyle" he pleaded not knowing what else to say. "Ever since that stupid dance…" He lifted an arm and ran his thin fingers through his hair and Kyle simply let his hands fall.

"Stan- you… that was…" he bit his lip not wanting to tell him the truth behind everything. "This is crazy…" he finished. Stan had forgotten all about what had happened in the past and lost all sense of time. Stan was only in the now and he wasn't sure what he was going to do next.

"I know" he breathed and then something else took over him; gripping Kyle's hair he roughly closed the little space between himself and Kyle. Kyle had momentarily unwelcomed the lips but then willingly followed Stan as he pushed him forcefully against his wall. Stan couldn't help but ravish him and Kyle simply gave him encouragement by softly letting out moans whether of pain from being shoved or other.

Stan's tongue found its way into his mouth as his hands found their way under Kyle's shirt scratching the tender flesh beneath it. Stan turned him around and forced him on the far wall, pushing him against it with all his might and then violated his neck with biting and sucking causing the warm flesh to bruise.

Kyle still was hazy but he knew what was going on and he found that it was really hard to stop what he was doing- which wasn't much. His hands were shaking softly as the caressed Stan's arms eliciting more fire that Stan could handle. He tightly squeezed Kyle's hips and at the same time pinned him even more to the wall. He broke from his attack on Kyle and looked straight into his eyes with immense lust. Kyle breathed heavily and read his face, over and over again not recognizing this as the same Stan he was just talking to.

Stan grabbed the softly moving hands and pinned them down moving in once again. He thrust his tongue back into the boy's mouth and pushed his body against the smaller frame.

Suddenly, Kyle began to fight Stan's domination and struggled until he released him and moved back, panting.

"What?"

"I… I can't do this Stan. I'm sorry…I can't deal with this…" he broke off…guilt he thought. He looked down feeling ashamed of himself, pushed Stan out of the way and quickly leapt downstairs with Stan one step behind him begging for an explanation.

"What? What's going on? I'm sorry I didn't mean to…"

"I just can't" Kyle ripped open the door and stopped abruptly, face to face with Wendy. He quickly grabbed at his neck covering the fresh marks.

"Hi… am I interrupting?" she inquired skeptically.

"No" Kyle said quickly.

"Yes" Stan said abruptly after and then corrected himself as to not sound suspicious, "I mean no, no. Kyle's leaving, come on in Wendy." Kyle brushed past Wendy, who casually walked into the house looking over her shoulder as she went.

"Well that seemed heated" she commented,

"What? What do you mean?" Stan snapped wondering if she knew anything.

"That argument" she giggled.

"So, aren't going to invite me to stay?" she asked and as she entered the house she continued softly. "I saw you at school today you didn't look so good"

"Thanks" Stan said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it like that- you just seemed confused and something's up- I know it is Stan, you can't hide things from me…" she smiled coyly and removed her coat revealing a slinky tank top.

Stan swallowed and replied, "no nothings going on…UP' he said quickly. 'Nothings up… just me… being me… you know just trying to get homework done and chores and…'

"I've missed you Stan, I really hope this isn't a bad time, you seem a little upset are you sure you're ok?" she said all at once and Stan felt helpless under her power, he always had. His voice was meek but the only thing he could say was, "I've missed you too." She smiled and gave him a hug. Stan hugged her back. His mind was moving so quickly he felt as if he was going to pass out; he was still trying to piece together what had just happened with Kyle.

Wendy had her head resting against Stan's chest listening to the rapid thumping of his heartbeat. He had his check pressing against the top of her head; eyes wide with wonder.

"I want things to work out Stan, you're meant for me," she said poetically. "We're meant for each other. If it wasn't hard, this hard… e wouldn't be soul mates right?" she smiled against his warm body and closed her eyes.

The words stung. Soul mate… Is she my soul mate?

Yay I'm not waiting months to update! Review pllllease

BMB