GRAPHIC WARNING: These outtakes contain emotionally graphic material. Involves, but not limited to drug use, suicide, sex, violence, mature language, and emotional turmoil. Also there is a section that involves the death of a child, it does not go into detail and is not graphic.

Important Note: These time lines may not line up perfectly with things that I have said in my story line, but it is most accurate this way. Sorry I am not perfect and the math when writing didn't line up perfectly when I put it into words.

January 2008

…..

February

I was only sober one day, Ethan's birthday, and I spent the day sobbing on his grave.

March

Spent the whole month in a high induced coma, pretty sure I slept most nights on Ethan's grave.

April 2008

I laid passed out cold on EJ's grave.

A warm hand shakes me awake.

"Leave me the hell alone." I mumbled into the ground.

"Bella." Jacob said sounding pained and annoyed. "I know it hurts, but it has been a year. It is time for you to start healing, to start moving on. There are other people that need you."

I got up off the grave and looked into his dark eyes full of pity. I punched him in the chest and screamed at him, my words not coherent even for me to figure out. When I was too tired to hit him anymore he pulled me into a hug.

"Bella, it is time for you to come home." It wasn't a request, it was an order.

It had been a year and two weeks since my baby boy was laid to rest and it felt like it only happened the day before. I had not healed at all and I felt like I never would.

"I don't have a home." I growled turning to run away from Jacob, he griped my arm tighter, not letting me get away.

"Yes you do. Please, your dad needs you, your mom is.." He didn't finish, but I could hear the pain in his voice. I looked up into his eyes.

"My mom is what?" I asked feeling scared once again for the first time in a year. Once my world was gone there hadn't been anything for me to fear. All I wanted was to die and join him, but I was too big of coward to do it myself. However, at this point I was getting stronger.

"She has cancer Bells." He said with a sadness radiating off of him. Suddenly everything started spinning and I once again feared that someone I loved was going to die.

The tears flowed and I felt the pain in my chest. I hadn't done a line of coke in to long (two days to be exact) and it was too painful. I ran for my bike and took off towards Port Angeles. I pulled up to the ratty old house in the worst neighborhood. I banged on the door and I heard scurrying inside.

"Who is it?" The familiar sadistic voice called out to me in an angry tone.

"Bella." I yelled back. My hands shaking and the emotions torturing me. The door swung open and James smiled down at me.

"The usual?" He asked gesturing for me to come in. Dirty, smelly mattresses laid about on the floor with half dressed people on them. Victoria, James's shank glared at me as I passed, but I paid no attention to her. Roaches crawled along the walls and floors ignoring the people in the house as if they owned the place. The house reeked of sex and piss, but in a minute my senses would be lost, so what did it matter.

"Double it." I said following him to the back of the house and he smiled greedily. I handed him all the money I had left and he handed me two little plastic bags. I dumped them on the counter and made four lines.

"In a hurry today?" James teased as my hands shook. I usually went somewhere else to do this, but today I couldn't wait any longer. I hated myself for doing this, but it was the only way to ease the pain. The only way to see his little face and feel like he was here with me. This would be the last time so I had to make it good.

May 2008

My stomach heaved and my head spun, my whole body was clammy as I dry heaved over the cold toilet. I had done nothing, but vomit for a month and I was going out of my mind. All I wanted to do was get high, but as I watched my mother lose her hair and vomit right along side me, I couldn't. She had been an amazing mother my whole life and I had to be here for her. I had to stand by her until she healed, until she was stronger, but I wasn't sure how someone as weak as me was going to give her strength.