Until It's Gone
by Tina
- - -
"I can't go on like this, anymore." The quiet female voice said.
Ross looked up from his book and sat up straight, surprised to find Rachel standing on his bedroom doorway, a sad look in her eyes.
He wondered how she had got in, but only for a split second. It didn't matter.
"Rachel? What are you doing here?"
She raised a hand to her face and sobbed.
"I can't go on like this, Ross, I just can't." She approached the bed and took a seat on the edge, looking at him. He noticed the way her fragile body shook and how her eyes filled up with tears that threatened to fall, but for now simply lingered in that blue pool, adding sparkles to it. "Tell me you love me and I'll leave him for you. James and I will be history."
Ross sighed. He took her hand and looked down.
"I can't do that to you. You're happy now."
"Ross, please." Her voice was breaking. "I'm so much happier when I'm with you. Please tell me you love me."
"You know I do..."
"Say it." She pleaded.
He kept looking at her for a long time. Her tears finally fell, leaving a wet trail on her beautiful cheek. He brushed it away with the back of his fingers.
"I love you."
She sighed with relief and immediately threw her arms around him, kissing him with all her might. Ross was thrown against the head of the bead with the impact. There they rested and made themselves comfortable in each other's arms, never breaking the kiss, which only intensified. Her hands roamed down his body and found the bottom of his t-shirt. She tugged to it and quickly raised it, breaking the kiss to pull it up and off of him. Before she could resume their kiss, Ross stopped her. He breathed heavily.
"What?" She asked him softly.
"Are you sure about this, Rachel?"
She ran a hand up his bare chest, sensually. He looked down at it and felt every pore of his body rise. It was like a magic force possessing him. She smiled at his involuntary reaction.
"You told me you believed in my feelings for you, didn't you?" She whispered. "I love you, Ross. I've never stopped loving you and I probably never will." She came dangerously close again and placed soft butterfly kisses on his neck. "No one will ever mean to me all that you do." She moved it down his chest. "And no one will ever make me feel the way you do..." She moved back up and looked at him. "We deserve another shot. And this time we'll do it right. I know we will."
She kissed him again. This time it was slower, sweeter. He let her tongue gently slide between his lips and deepened their kiss. He couldn't help it anymore. He let his guard down and allowed himself to shower in the all the love she was pouring down at him. She loved him. She really did. And they could make it through. Hell, they would make it through. He threw his arms around her and rearranged themselves in bed, guiding her to lie down and rolling on top of her. God, he had missed those lips and that wonderful body of hers.
"I am never letting you go again." He said, looking straight into her eyes. Both were serious for a while, just looking at each other, absorbed in the importance of that moment. He rested his forehead on hers and let their nose tips meet. They breathed the same air and closed their eyes. "Tell me you love me again." He requested.
She smiled and ran her hands up and down his back.
"I love you." They kissed softly. "I love you more than you'll ever know."
He leaned down and kissed her again, this time reassured and determined. Slowly he started unbuttoning her shirt, pausing every few seconds to kiss a new spot of skin he uncovered. Rachel softly moaned in delight underneath him. It was music to his ears and gave him all the encouragement he needed to keep going. His hands got bolder, lifting up her skirt and grazing her smooth legs. Rachel bit his shoulder softly, provocatively, which only turned him on more. She rolled on top and sat on his lap, with a firm hand on his chest to tell him to stay down. She smiled at him and he smiled back, a little excited by her controlling actions.
Slowly, she pulled her shirt off, her eyes never leaving his. With little trouble, she also managed to slip out of her skirt. He watched her with amazement. God, she was so beautiful, just as he remembered it. Those feminine curves, that little flat stomach, her breasts. Her eyes. So full of longing and sweetness. He'd always thought she was beyond out of his league. But if she wanted him, hey, who was he to stop her? If she had left a man like James to be with him, there had to be something about him, right? The thought of it boosted up his self-esteem.
She smiled mischievously at him.
"I'm sorry, is this seat taken?" She asked.
"Huh?"
"Is the seat taken?"
Ross snapped out of his dream. He was disoriented. Looking around, he found himself in the subway, on the way to meet Monica and Phoebe. Damn sleepless nights. In front of him, an attractive woman stood, smiling down at him. He looked to his right and noticed the seat next to his was half empty, the other half taken by his arm, carelessly sprawled over it. He sat up straight.
"Oh, God, I'm sorry."
"That's OK." The stranger said with a chuckle.
Slowly, she took the seat. Ross wondered how far along the way he was, if by any chance he had missed his stop.
"I'm sorry, do you know where we are?" He asked the woman.
She looked around, confused, and smiled at him.
"In the subway?"
He frowned for a second and then chuckled. At that exact moment the train slowed down and he turned to look out. They stopped in a station and Ross was relieved to see he still had three more stops to go.
"Never mind, just got my answer. Thanks." He said.
He looked down and checked his watch. It was 3pm. He would be meeting the girls at Central Perk to discuss the possibility of moving in with Phoebe. He'd already talked to her over the phone and she was very supportive, saying he could definitely stay with her for as long as he needed.
Lost in his thoughts, he finally felt the woman's eyes on him. He turned to look at her and she smiled at him. He politely smiled back.
"You look tired." She said, almost as if they were close friends.
Ross tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes.
"Hm, yeah, haven't been able to sleep well lately."
"Big night out with hm, with a girlfriend maybe?"
He looked at her again and took a few seconds to reply. She looked hopeful and Ross was honestly taken by surprise. He wasn't used to having women being so obvious like that. He closed his eyes and thought of the dream he'd just had, definitely not the first over the last few days.
"Yeah." He smiled weakly. "She uh, she works a lot, so we like having the weekends to ourselves."
He watched as the woman's face fell with disappointment.
"Oh. That's nice."
"Yeah."
He looked down and avoided eye contact with the woman until he reached his destination. It was best this way. It was clear he was not even close to being over Rachel yet, so it wouldn't be fair to any of them if he started up with someone else right now. Some people say the best way to get over somebody is dating some one else, but Ross was certainly not one of them. Besides, his marriage had just ended. He needed some time by himself.
As the train slowed down at his station, he rose to his feet and looked at the woman. He gave her a weak smile.
"Take care."
---
When he entered the coffee house he spotted his sister and their friend sitting on "their" orange couch sipping coffee. God, it was good to be back.
"Hey!" He greeted them, on his way to the counter.
The girls turned to look at him and smiled.
"Oh, hi there, bro."
"Hey, Ross."
"Can I get a cup of coffee, please?" He asked one of the waitresses on the counter. Then he walked up to the couch and gave both girls a kiss on the cheek.
"Are we in a good mood today?" Monica asked.
Ross took a deep breath.
"I don't know. I guess we are."
Phoebe and Monica looked at each other and smiled. Ross took his coffee from the counter and looked at the girls.
"What?"
"Nothing." Monica said.
"OK..." He decided to let it go.
"So, hey, Ross, now, about what I said last night, I just wanna tell you that I really mean it. You can totally stay at my place, it would be great."
Ross smiled at her.
"Thanks. Phoebs. I guess it would be a good idea after all, it's been tough finding a good place around here."
"Oh, we can bake cookies!" Phoebe said in her excited way, giggling like a little girl.
Ross chuckled.
"Hm, OK, sure, we could do that."
"Yay!" She giggled some more, making Ross laugh.
"So, where are the guys?" Ross asked.
"Ah, they're watching some game upstairs. Are you gonna join them?"
"Nah, I'll stay here with you girls and enjoy this nice cup of coffee."
Monica smiled at her brother.
"Not gonna ask us where Rachel is?" Phoebe asked.
Ross put his coffee down and tried his best to look indifferent.
"That sounds sort of obvious. Isn't she out with James somewhere?"
"She does have a life that doesn't include him, you know?" Phoebe interjected.
Ross rolled his eyes.
"OK, fine, where is she?"
"In the Hamptons with James."
Ross shot her a look.
"I'm just saying she could be somewhere else."
Ross forced himself to chuckle.
"Alright."
Phoebe and Monica looked at each other again, much like they had just done a few minutes before.
"OK, what's up with you two? I see you're up to something." Ross asked.
"Alright... Thing is, we were just wondering if maybe you would like to meet this woman we know. Her name's Caroline and-"
"Mon..." Ross cut his sister. "Look, I appreciate your concern and I'm sure that this woman is lovely and I know you guys mean this in the best way possible." He paused. "But... I'm barely out of my marriage. I mean, legally I'm not even out of it yet. Don't you think I need some time to breathe on my own right now?"
Monica kept looking at him for a while.
"But it would be OK if it were Rachel, right?"
"What do you mean?" Ross tried to act innocent.
"If Rachel were here right now telling you she had left James and saying she wanted to be with you, you would. Wouldn't you?"
"Mon... Look, I don't know."
"Ross, you tried to kiss her the other day. It seems pretty obvious..."
Ross paused, well knowing Rachel must have told her. He sighed.
"OK, maybe I would. There's a long history there, Mon. One which began way before my marriage did." He shook his head. "But it doesn't matter anyway, because she hasn't left him and she won't. And that's OK, I'm OK. I just wanna be alone right now. I'm fine, there's no need to worry about me, alright?"
Monica made a face.
"Alright... You know we're just looking out for you though, right?"
"I do. And thank you for the concern. But I'll be fine."
"I thought you said you were fine already." Phoebe said.
Ross looked at her.
"I'm working on it." Monica hugged him. "I just need to put my love life on hold right now and focus on the rest. I got other stuff going on right now. I will move in with Phoebe," He looked at her, who had started giggling again. "we will bake cookies, apparently and I'll be near Ben again. And soon we'll be opening this new section at the museum and it's gonna be really exciting-" He noticed the look on the girls' faces. "well, for me, anyway... And then, when I'm ready, I'm sure I'll find someone new. Right now it just wouldn't be fair to anyone if I started seeing someone while, you know, thinking of her."
"Sounds wise to me." Monica said softly.
Ross smiled at her.
"Hey, guys!"
They turned to see Rachel, who had just entered Central Perk.
"Oh, hey, hun. You're back early." Monica commented.
"Yeah. I still need to take the car back to James' place though. Besides, I didn't want to take the road at night." She made a face. "OK, correction, he didn't want me to take the road at night." She shook her head. "That's OK though, it was freezing out there anyway. So, anyway, what are you guys up to?"
"Not much, just talking." Monica said.
"Oh, and Ross is gonna move in with me for a while!" Phoebe all but yelled out. " And we're gonna bake cookies!"
"Oy with the cookies already!" Monica said, earning a laughter from Ross.
Rachel chuckled and looked at him.
"Really, you're moving in with Phoebe?"
"Yeah. Sounds like a good idea, until I get my own place anyway. It's been really difficult for me living so far away from work and Ben and you guys..."
She smiled at him. Argh, he wished that didn't affect him so much.
"I can imagine." She paused. "Wow, Ben. How is he doing?"
"Oh, good. Growing up like crazy, it's insane...!"
"Ah, he'll probably be as tall as you when he's older, if not taller."
"This new generation, I'll tell you..." He trailed off.
Rachel smiled at him again.
---
I know, it seems to end out of nowhere. Sorry 'bout that.
Anyway... I wish I could let it pass, but I just need to say some things to the this very particular reviewer of the 6th chapter. First of all, yes, I crave reviews. It's nice to know people are reading and appreciating my writing. If you don't like it, I can't force you to and I really do not intend to. But most people do like it, so I write for them. Now, this isn't like my job or anything, I do it because I like it and it's a nice hobby. Second, it's honestly OK that you don't like my stories, you're entitled to have an opinion after all and you wouldn't be the first. I can deal with that, I'm a big girl. I just wanna point out the fact that I never said this was "original", that it "had substance" or that my writing is great. I actually agree with some of what you said and that's OK with me, I don't have high expectations here. It's only for fun.
What I don't understand though it's the way you attacked me for absolutely no good reason. There are ways to write negative reviews without being so rude. I'm far from being perfect and I never meant to imply that I was even near that, so it would be nice if you could try to be a little more reasonable.
I just wonder what made you go through the trouble of writing me. When I really don't like a story I just stop reading it, it's so simple. We all know there are many "mediocre" stories around, I wonder if you attack all those writers like this. Or am I just a lucky girl? Did I get to you, somehow? It's not like I've been shouting around saying "hey, come and read my awesome and very original story! I'm the best at it, you won't regret it". Do I seem pretentious, is that it? OK, let's just make a deal: next time you decide to leave me another message like this, please have the decency to log in so I can speak to you directly. I hate doing this here, where everybody can read it. But you left me no choice, I had to speak for myself.
Oh, and yes, I would like some more reviews from the ones who like this story so far. The ones who don't like it are also welcome to say something, I just hope you all have better manners than this. Thank you for reading :)