I shook violently with each breath, I was bawling. I hurt so much, not physically, but in my soul. I knew that Adrian was drunk, but a part of him knew what he was doing and that's why it hurt even more. I had collapsed on the floor, unwilling to move. I was punishing myself. None of the stuff Adrian had accused me of was true, but I still couldn't believe what he'd done. A huge chunk had been ripped from inside of me.
I stayed curled up on the floor until Lissa found me the next morning. She was hysterical when she saw me. I didn't even care. She tried to get me up, but she couldn't I was a statue. I didn't budge. She was still frantic. "Oh my gosh Rose what happened! Your face is bruised, your clothes are ripped! Who did this to you?" She wailed. I shut my eyes trying to block her out, but she kept asking.
"Adrian." I breathed. "He's not here Rose." She said to me. She didn't know that I was telling her that he did this to me. She'd never suspect him. "No Lissa, Adrian did this." I croaked. Her hand slipped over her mouth. "You're lying. Rose he couldn't, wouldn't, ever do this." She tried to confirm. "But he did." I assured her. She was petrified. She knew I wasn't lying. She couldn't speak after that.
I still hadn't moved from my spot well after Lissa had left me. I didn't know where she went, but I was sure she'd probably be back. I tried to uncurl myself, but my body hurt too, unfortunately. I slowly got up, but when I took a step, I fell to my knees. I was pitiful and weak, just plain disgraceful. I was crying again with my hands covering my face when Lissa and, oh god, Adrian walked through the door.
"Look what you've done!" She fussed at him. He stared at me and shook his head. "I did this to her." He claimed. "Yes, you did." Was all I could manage. He had the audacity to smirk at me. "Get the fuck out Adrian." I said. "How nice of you Rose. I'm sure Belikov is dying to save you from your stupor." I jumped up and slapped him with all of the strength I could muster, scaring Lissa and causing Adrian to fly out the door. "I hope you felt that, because that's just a small fraction of the pain I feel, every goddamn day. So before you make false accusations, check yourself." I snapped.
He turned and walked away. I was heaving now. What did I do to deserve this? I never imagined Adrian doing this to me. Lissa tried to comfort me, but it was useless. She just watched, distraught at the sight of my sorrow. "Go Lissa. I love you and I need you to get out of here. I don't want you to see me like this." I turned away from her. She kissed me on the forehead and walked out, shutting the door quietly behind her. I went into the bathroom and let the cold water fill up the tub.
I didn't bother taking off my clothes. I just submerged myself and waited for my oxygen to run out. I wasn't planning on killing myself, I just needed the feeling. To know how real all of this was. When I couldn't hold on any longer I came up, gasping. I jumped out and let the water out. I sat on the floor. I started shaking, so I pulled my knees up to my chest. I closed my eyes and let my mind take over.
I was dreadfully replaying the scene from earlier when Dimitri startled me. I was wrapped in his arms. He held me tightly, carrying me out of the bathroom. He stood me up and pulled off my wet clothes. He redressed me and picked me up again, carrying me to the chair where he sat and held me in his lap.
"I'm so sorry Roza." He apologized in my ear. I turned towards him, holding onto his neck. "This is all my fault Dimitri." I sobbed. "It never would have happened if I would have just coped with your rejection." I said. He looked down at me. "Rose, none of this was your fault. Adrian was way out of line. He had no valid excuse for doing this to you." He affirmed. I closed my eyes. I could think of plenty of excuses, but none of it mattered, he hated me. "Adrian hates me and he should, I've been pining for you behind his back." I sadly admitted. Dimitri was still. "He still abused you." He reminded me. I was crying again. Since when was I so sensitive?
"He told me that some people had told him that we were having sex, only he didn't say it so nice." I sniffled. He rubbed my back. He quickly got up and settled on the bed, with me still in his lap. "I'm sorry Rose, for everything. I want you to be happy, with or without me." He said. I gazed into his eyes. They showed all the love he had for me. Endless pools of brown bliss. I wrapped myself around Dimitri. He hugged me to him.
"I need you. I thought I could be fair and have Adrian, but it's apparent that he doesn't want me. I've been lying to myself, and everyone. My heart, mind, body, and soul is screaming for you. And I need to know if yours is too." I blurted. His face was smooth. "Rose you already know that my heart stops beating when I'm without you. I need you as much as I need air. You are the very core of my existence. And even that isn't an accurate comparison of my love for you." He wooed.
"Dimitri." I exhaled. I kissed him, only this time I didn't hold back. I let all my feelings go. My anger, anxiety, love, fear, desire, passion, and dedication all packed in the one kiss. He pressed me to him. I clung to him desperately.
It was late for us. Almost ten o'clock in the morning. He covered me up before taking off everything but his boxers and climbing in the bed. I was still dressed so I got up and pulled off my jeans and shirt. Finally laying next to Dimitri with no restraint felt great. I was still hurting over Adrian, but Dimitri was the only person who could help me recover. And so I fell asleep against his chest and let the satisfaction of being honest cover me.