Chapter Seven: Accio Anglophiles
"I still don't understand why my sister is so intent on kicking Joey out of the tournament! I mean, to duel him herself is one thing, but to offer Rex sex in return for-"
"How do you know it was sex?" asked Yugi, honestly confused.
Sanai flashed him a look. "It's Mai Valentine. Trust me, it was sex."
"Fuggetaboutit, babe!" Joey slung one arm around Sanai, sending Tristan a victorious smirk. "I still beat him, AND I won his Red Eyes, Black Dragon—his most valuable card!"
"I have a question," Tea asked, turning to the newest member of the Scooby Gang, "why didn't the dragon speak?"
"Two reasons: one, the dragon isn't a humanoid card and therefore wouldn't be able to 'speak,' as such, only grunt. Two, Dahlia is the one who controls the power, and she had our power-tricity in the 'off' position." Jenny unconsciously adopted 'lecture mode' as she taught her friends about her life. It was a relief, really, to finally be able to tell other people about this… possession.
//It is NOT possession, as I am not a demon or Satanic creature.//
[You sure about that?
//Jennifer! Honestly, I occasionally find it difficult to ascertain exactly WHY I choose to spend time in your company!)
[(My charm and otherwise irresistible appeal?
//Or perhaps the Millennium Seal that you wear in that atrocious bracelet.//
[Atrocious? That bracelet is the HEIGHT of fashion!
//I mourn for fashion.//
"Jenny?" a voice interrupted Jenny and her inner dialog. She glanced up and saw Yugi staring at her with his concerned face on.
//You ended that thought in a preposition.//
"Yes?" Jenny asked, ignoring Dahlia's comment completely.
"I just asked if you were all right."
"Fine," Jenny smiled brightly. "Dahlia was simply being her normal, verbal voice in my ever-so-sane mind."
//snort//
[Oh, THAT'S ladylike, my Highest Priestess Princess chap.
//I shall not deign to answer that.//
[Ya just did Jenny's mindvoice carried the same gloating tone as that of a three-year-old going "nyah-nyah, etc."
"Ow!" Sanai said suddenly, immediately recapturing the wandering attention of her oh-so-gallant gentlemen.
Pouting slightly to cease the noise of many simultaneous inquiries as to the exact nature of her supposed affliction, Sanai explained "I think I'm developing a blister!"
"Oh, no!" Tristan said at the same moment that Joey asked "What can I do?"
"Would… would it be too much trouble to make camp? I mean, I could probably go further tonight if our plight requires it-"
"Camp time it is!" Jenny said cheerfully, used to interrupting long speeches. "Anyone bring S'mores?"
"Oh, don't remind us of time at a food like this!" Joey groaned.
"What?" Sanai asked blankly.
"I think lack of food has affected Joey's brain," Tea explained, rolling her eyes.
"How can you tell?" asked Tristan.
"Look!" Joey suddenly shouted, pointing at something at the edge of the natural clearing the sextet (humor ain't been lost yet) had chosen for their camping site.
"What?" the remaining quintet asked simultaneously like a well-rehearsed yet lame sitcom.
"Mushroom! Mushroom!"
"A snaaaaaake! A snaaaaaake!" Jenny shouted suddenly.
"Where?" Everyone glanced around fearfully.
"Um, nowhere. I just felt like singing… erm, saying that. Sorry," Jenny smiled sheepishly at the crowd whose expressions varied from confused to annoyed.
Meanwhile, Joey had taken advantage of Tristan's temporary distraction to grab the mushroom. "Haha!" he gloated, "now I have the mushroom, Tristan! I am the Food King!"
"Isn't that a grocery store?" asked Jenny, but no one heard her, as they were all distracted by Yugi's much louder shout.
"NO, JOEY!!! Wild mushrooms are poisonous!"
"Really?" asked Jenny.
Yugi nodded solemnly.
"Then what did the hunter-gatherers do before farming was invented and mushrooms could be domesticated? Did they just avoid the whole shroom family?"
"Um,"
Whatever clever reply/explanation Yugi was about to present was interrupted by the sound of a familiar drawl emitting from the shadows of the trees circling the clearing.
"Let him eat the mushroom. It would save us all quite a lot of trouble."
"Mai!" Tea spat, her expression of dislike mirrored on every face but Sanai's.
"What are YOU doing here?" Joey asked accusatively, pulling Sanai close to him.
In response, Mai pulled out a cylindrical shape out of her pack and slowly unwrapped it, revealing a long, thick piece of dark chocolate. Slowly, she opened her mouth and drew her tongue across the very tip of the chocolate—tasting it, allowing her tongue duck back in her mouth before she thrust the chocolate into the back of her throat, forcing down as much as she possibly could.
Joey groaned and murmured something unintelligible.
"Sorry, Joey," said Mai, looking anything but, "did I make you… hungry?"
"Come, Mai," Sanai pouted prettily, "play nicely, please!"
"And if you've got any more of those peni- peanut candy bars or whatever they are, please share?" asked Tea, her chocolate craving overcoming her natural dislike of Mai Valentine.
"I will gladly share food with my sister and my sister's little… friends" her hesitation was obvious, "IF and only if Joey here will ask me nicely." Mai smiled, seemingly sweetly… and sans seduction (this time).
"I don't know if I trust her…" Joey glared suspiciously at the woman whose picture is under the dictionary definition of "blonde bombshell."
Sanai gave him a patently false glare that did, however, offer an honest warning of worse things to come if she didn't get her way. "She's my sister, Joey. Or don't you trust ME?"
Joey hastened to reassure Sanai that she had not only his trust but his love, devotion, and half share in the beachside condo Joey had inherited from his parents. Then, before he could lose his nerve, he dropped down on one knee and played the gallant to Mai's lady.
She granted him the boon he asked and upended the contents of her knapsack onto the springy grass of the clearing. It appeared that Mai had robbed a vending machine before descending onto the island; she had countless arrays of everything from Reese's Cups to Sour Skittles to Hot Fries to Juicy Fruit. Before Joey could even think about how the Hot Fries would make him thirsty, he noticed a vast array of Pepsi products in both regular and Diet (after all, what Valentine girl would be caught dead drinking anything with calories?)
"Before we eat…" those dreaded words elicited groans from both Joey and Tristan, but they obligingly ceased reaching for the snackage before them. "You boys should do some chores. Yugi, Jenny, go get water. Joey, Tristan, you should collect firewood."
"I'm not a boy," Jenny muttered under her breath, obeying anyway.
"Yes m'am!" Tristan said smartly, pushing a less willing Joey in front of him. "Come on, Joey!" he muttered into Joey's ear. "You've got to swallow your pride if you're going to get one of those chocolate peanut bars that Mai had!" (("Swallow" snicker, snicker))
While the boys (and Jenny) were off doing manual labor, the three lovely ladies took turns showering and gossiping, each equally necessary for their continued sanity.
'Twas during the feast that followed that Mai started to realize that she was conversing with her sister's freaky friends… almost amiably. Like they were some sort of… friends. But Mai couldn't have friends! She was a duelist and would allow nothing to get in the way of a victory, especially not something as useless as "friendship."
"I've got to go take a walk!" she said suddenly, rising from one of the logs surrounding the friendly campfire (she shared a log with Sanai to keep her from sharing one with Joey) and turning abruptly, vanishing into the darkness of night.
She paused on the shore to take in the view. The stars were sparkling like diamonds, reflecting in the strangely still ocean waters. "I'd rather have ACTUAL diamonds," Mai said aloud, her voice echoing in the still, empty night air. Hmmm, the echoes had potential…
"But square cut or pear shaped these rocks don't lose- their shape!" Mai bellowed. "Diamonds are a girl's best-"
Her song was muffled abruptly by the hand that covered her mouth.
"Trust me, Marilyn" a gruff voice whispered into her ear, "don't quit your day job."
Meanwhile, back at Camp Duelist, "Let's play Spin the Bottle!" Sanai suggested brightly.
"Shouldn't we check on Mai?" Tea asked. She had quite warmed to the older girl when Mai had guarded her shower. "She's been gone an awfully long time."
"Eh, it's probably just some trick!" Joey was less than concerned, much more interested in the game his girlfriend had suggested.
//What is this 'Spin the Bottle?'//
[Hahahahahahahaha. Wait and see. It's much better as a surprise.
Any further arguing between the telepathic twosome was interrupted by an ominous rustling in the bushes.
"Bunnies! Bunnies! It must be bunnies!" shouted Jenny.
"Or maybe Mai…" suggested Tristan, giving the girl an odd look.
"She's probably been laughing at us the whole time!" Joey growled. "Come on out, Mai! Or we'll come in and get you!"
The bushes rattle further, and out stepped… a strange, rather effeminate boy. He was most definitely NOT Mai Valentine because despite the fact that he had long hair, his tresses were white rather than blonde, and his large eyes were doe-brown. A green collared shirt poked up out of a cream sweater vest with a blue stripe, hanging over a tight-fitting pair of blue jeans.
Everyone gasped in surprise. "It's Bakura!" Yugi breathed, stunned.
"See!" Tea proclaimed proudly, "I haven't been seeing things!"
"Who's Bakura?" asked Jenny at the same time that Sanai smiled and said, "Good evening, Bakura! My name is Sanai Valentine! It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
"Bakura's an old school chum," Tea explained.
"Chum, Tea? You've been hanging out with Brit Boy too much!" Tristan poked her side, less gently than he meant.
"Ow!" Tea said, rubbing her side.
"Brit Boy?" asked Bakura, amused. "I haven't lived in England in a year."
"Besides… Brit Boy makes Bakura sound like some sort of superhero," Joey added.
"Like Spiderman!" Tristan concluded, always ready to be helpful.
"Yes, Tristan, I'm Spiderman," Bakura smiled at his friends, and they all burst out laughing. ((A/N: Props to Lil' K))
When the septet ((not as fun, darn it)) had their mirth under control, Bakura turned towards Jenny. "I don't believe I caught your name?" he asked, his voice so soft she could barely hear it over the snapping, popping, and crackling of the logs.
She shot him a grin anyway. "The names Jennifer Hawthorne, but if you call me anything but Jenny I shall do something… not nice. I'm not sure what, but the consequences will be dire!"
"Then I shall be certain to refer to you only as Jenny." Bakura's response was equally quiet, and Jenny felt the urge to move closer to him on the log they shared. Purely for auditory reasons, of course.
//Auditory my-//
[Now, now, Priestess, watch your language!
//I don't like him.//
[Of course you don't. He's not dead, he's not Egyptian, and he's not a Pharaoh. That means he's pretty much screwed!
//Now who needs to watch her language?// Dahlia asked, sniffing primly. Jenny wasn't even sure how she could sniff without having a nose, but Dahlia had almost as many layers as an ogre, or possibly an onion.
"Is she… all right?" Bakura whispered to Yugi.
Tea overheard. "She's never 'all right,' precisely, but there's nothing horribly wrong at the moment. She's just a little…"
"Possessed?" Tristan offered helpfully.
"WHAT?" Bakura exclaimed, snapping Jenny and Dahlia out of the sanctum sanctorum of their mind… or minds, as the case may be.
"What what?" Jenny asked, looking around the campfire, her gaze resting slightly too long on Bakura's warm brown eyes…
//Now who's hormonal?// inquired Dahlia, a little snippily.
[I'm ignoring you. Jenny responded.
Meanwhile, Bakura was stuttering in a manner that Jenny found endearing and Dahlia found annoying. "Oh, well, er… you see…"
"Tea was telling him about how you're possessed by an evil sorceress," Tristan added, ever on the lookout to aid his friends by offering important, well-phrased information.
Dahlia's indignation carried her to the forefront of their shared mind. "Evil sorceress?" she asked, indignant.
[Yes, you evil lady, you stole my body! Give it back.
//No.//
[But I want my mouth back!!! Jenny made her whine extra-annoying just 'cause she could. Mind powers and telepathy and all that rot.
"If you're not evil, then how come you've taken over someone else's body?" Joey asked, tearing his attention away from Sanai long enough to join in the conversation. This was more difficult than it might have otherwise been as Sanai had taken full advantage of her sister's temporary absence to move from the dirty, splintery log to Joey's nice, warm lap.
"We have… an understanding" Dahlia explained delicately. "I do not… take over her body, as such. Instead, we share the use of her limbs. She aids me on a certain… quest" her eyes—both green—flashed to Yugi briefly enough that only Bakura noticed, "and in return, I aid her in Duel Monsters Strategy."
[By bringing the cards to life??? You've obviously confused 'aiding me' with 'distracting me so I can't concentrate on the game and therefore need your help'.
"Oh, so that's how come you can bring cards to life," Tristan commented, realization finally dawning. "Can we do it now? Joey, get out your Time Wizard. I wanna see if his voice is really as annoying as his pointy purple boots."
"I happen to LIKE purple boots," Sanai said, her voice slightly indignant.
"Um… me too… but just on girls" Tristan hastened to explain.
[You know what homophobia REALLY says about you… Jenny cursed the fact that she didn't have a mouth with which to voice that oh-so-brilliant comment.
//It was a Buffy quote. Not a brilliant comment.//
[See? You DID learn something from that time I showed you the entire sixth season in one day!
//Yes. I learned that I must control myself when I get the urge to skin you alive.//
[Temper, temper… Jenny was in full taunt-mode, trying to annoy Dahlia into surrendering her hold on Jenny's body.
"If Jenny could make any card talk, which one would you guys choose?" asked Bakura, curious. "What's your favorite card?"
"Actually, my name is Dahlia." Her voice had turned slightly colder. "And if you lot have decided to use my power for your own entertainment, allow me to retreat from this inanity and return to the private solace of my own chamber."
There was a pause. "What?" asked Joey and Tristan simultaneously.
"She means she's giving me back my body so she doesn't have to watch all the cards talk to each other," Jenny explained. "See? Even SHE finds it annoying, and it's HER blasted power!"
"Does that mean you'd rather us not choose our favorite card and give said card a voice?" inquired Bakura.
"On the contrary- you have my FULL permission to annoy Dahlia." Jenny flashed him a grin.
"Well in that case…" Joey pulled a card out of his deck and looked at it almost reverentially, "can you make the Flame Swordsman talk?"
"Haha- I always knew Joey was flaming!" Tristan shouted gleefully.
"It's the FLAME Swordsman, not the FLAMING Swordsman," Joey corrected haughtily. "Anyway, Sanai, what's your favorite card?"
"Oh, well, I've always loved Mystical Elf." Sanai opened her purple purse and withdrew her own deck (which was nestled in a fluffy, glittery purple card case). "What about you, Yugi?"
"Dark Magician," the boy said without hesitation.
"Really, Yugi? Really? The Dark Magician? He's such an emo!" Jenny's voice was laden with multiple levels of disgust.
Yugi shrugged. "I've always felt that… were we to ever meet… I could really trust him." He turned to Tea and Tristan in an effort to shift Jenny's attention and possible censure from him to someone else. "Tea? Tristan? I know you guys don't Duel, but you still have favorite cards, right?"
"Of course!" Tristan proclaimed loftily. "My favorite card is the Cyber Commander because it's such a MANLY card."
Tea shot him a look before she answered, "I really like the Magician of Faith."
"Another magician," Sanai said, glancing from Yugi to Tea and back again. Her matchmaker senses were tingling.
Tea blushed. "Um… Jenny!" she seized on her as the sure option to concentrate any and all attention on her, rather than on Tea. "What's your favorite card?"
"St. Joan," Jenny answered, reaching into her deck and pulling out a card. She glanced at it before showing it to everyone else, and groaned. "Tea asked me for MY favorite card, Dahlia, not yours!"
"What card did she choose?" asked Bakura.
"Dark Magician Girl," Jenny answered, wishing she could glare telepathically. "She reminds me of Sanai, personality-wise: the complete OPPOSITE of the Dark Magician. I wonder why they dated…"
"Awww, card love!" Sanai squealed. "That's so CUTE!"
"Um, yes" Jenny agreed. By all rights she should find Sanai annoying, but for some reason, she felt drawn to the cloying personality. She shrugged it off as an unimportant mystery. "What about you, Bakura?" she asked, smiling at him from her seat on the log neighboring his. "What's your favorite card?"
"My favorite is the Change of Heart." Bakura held up a card that had a strange mix of light and dark; it looked especially eerie in the flickering flames.
"Dude, your card is possessed too!" Jenny exclaimed cheerfully. "Your card and I are totally soulmates."
"What?" Tea, Tristan, and Joey asked simultaneously. Bakura and Yugi just looked silently confused, and Sanai was trying to figure out if this was cute or creepy.
"Nothing," Jenny said brightly. "I'm absolutely smurfy!"
This did nothing to reassure them over her sanity.
A sudden thought occurred to Joey, and he voiced it without hesitation. If Joey ever hesitates before voicing a thought, run for cover because it is one of the sure signs for an approaching Apocalypse. "Hey, why ain't the cards sayin' anything?"
"Oh, right," Jenny rolled her eyes as the sound of Dahlia's snicker echoed through her mind, "we kinda have to be in a Duel."
"We could have one right now," Bakura suggested, interrupting Joey and Tristan's simultaneous groans of displeasure, "not for starchips or anything… just for fun."
"That's a lovely idea!" Sanai said, smiling warmly at him. The other five people also made various sounds of agreement.
"All right, everyone should probably put their cards into either Yugi's or Bakura's deck," Jenny suggested, adopting a commanding tone that was eerily reminiscent of Dahlia.
"Add them to Yugi's, if you don't mind. I don't want to have any sort of advantage in our 'for-fun' duel." Bakura smiled hesitantly.
//I don't like this. There's something not right about it.//
[Yes, I'm so sorry that there's nothing IMPORTANT about this Duel. I know how much you hate just having 'fun.' I would tell you to just let your hair down, but it's MY hair and it's already down.
By the time Jenny and Dahlia had finished their Bastet-fight… erm catfight, Yugi had already organized all his cards.
"Are you sure you don't mind Dueling by yourself?" asked Jenny, concerned for Bakura.
"No, I'm quite all right," he said, smiling warmly at her. "However… before we begin, there is something I'd like to tell you lot."
Jenny fancied that she could hear his voice getting deeper in preparation for the testosterone-rush of a Duel.
Without further ado, Bakura formed both his hands into half circles and held them about chest level, as if making a circle with his fingers. He hummed slightly, not any tune that Jenny could recognize but just one long note that he held for seeming ages. As he stopped humming, a necklace appeared on top of his sweater. It was golden, with a circle on the outside and spikes running along the length of the circle. Inside the circle lay a pyramid with an eye at the tip, one that eerily resembled Yugi's puzzle and Jenny's bracelet.
"No!" Yugi gasped.
"A Millennium Item" Jenny breathed.
//If I were less of a lady, I would say 'I told you so.'// Dahlia said snippily.
"Indeed," Bakura smirked, "and the magic of my Millennium Ring will take us to the Shadow Realm!"
"Why are you doing this?" Sanai said, tears evident in her voice despite the fact that they had yet to run over her mascara-lined eyes (she had failed to put on the waterproof kind this morning, and darned if she'd look like a raccoon on the way to the Shadow Realm… wherever that was).
"You two" he turned towards Yugi and Jenny, "have something I want, and I aim to take it!"
A blue light shot out of Bakura's ring and separated itself into six parts. It then separated each of the six people from their souls. They collapsed backwards, and the light of their souls flew into Yugi's deck, disappearing amidst the cards.
Bakura cackled. He was trying for more of an evil laugh… wizard rather than wicked witch, but hey. At least nothing could go wrong now that he had trapped the souls of the sextet (you thought we'd forgotten? Silly people).
Slowly, reverentially, he approached the Millennium Puzzle. He had waited for YEARS to possess it, and finally, FINALLY, it was his. Just before he could touch the golden pyramid, the bracelet on Jenny's arm started shaking, and a very irate Priestess leapt out.
"Lay one finger on the Pharaoh, and you will pay!" she spat.
The Puzzle began to glow with a light of its own, and Yugi's body rose once more. He turned towards Dahlia. "Um… thank you?" he said, his usual eloquence erased by surprise.
"You don't remember me?" she asked, disappointed. She wasn't surprised—after all, she had assumed that she'd be the only one of the spirits with her memory intact—but disappointed nonetheless. It was always slightly disheartening to realize that one's soulmate, one's lifebond, one's one true love, had forgotten once completely in the intervening time of… oh, say five thousand years.