Ringing. Constant buzzing and ringing? What the fuck is making that noise? Why wasn't it stopping? Sara tossed over in her bed, grasping at the nightstand to find her phone.

"Jesus Christ," she looked at it to find her lock screen filled with texts and calls from all her closest friends. She looked at the time, it was only 5 in the morning, why were they up?

She unlocked it, only to be interrupted by another incoming call. It was Jack. She answered, but still felt groggy and disoriented from sleep. She barely croaked out a hello when he interrupted her, rushing through his sentence. Goosebumps rose all over her body, trying to decipher his words.

"Jack, wait, slow down. I don't understand what you're saying."

"She's gone Sara, she's gone. I was just talking to her last night. I don't know what to do." His breathing was erratic, making it sound like he was gasping for air with every breath he took. He was having a panic attack and didn't know what to do.

"Who? Who's gone? Where are you?" She pushed her covers off and threw on whatever clothes she could find. She ran out of her room and headed out the front door to her friend's house.

She could hear his sobs on the other line, her heart aching at the sound. "Jack, are you home? I'm coming, but you have to tell me what's wrong. I don't know what's going on."

"I can't. I don't want this Sara." She felt her own tears building, hating this feeling of helplessness. She reached his front door, already ajar, causing a chill to run down her spine. No cars were in the driveway, and the house was eerily quiet.

She stayed on the phone line, fearing he wasn't at his house, searching his living room and kitchen for any sign of him. She reached the bathroom with all its lights turned on and water running in the shower. She heard sniffling and threw her phone in her back pocket, running to the tub.

"What the fuck Jack," she threw the curtains to the side, showing him sitting in the cold stream with his clothes on and his body soaked. "Where is everyone? Can you get out of the tub? Please tell me what's wrong?"

He shuddered, she wasn't sure if it was from the cold of the shower or the despair he felt. Sara quickly wrapped him in a towel and set him on the edge of the tub. She hushed him and held him tightly, vigorously moving her hands up and down his arms to warm him up. She wanted to provide comfort, but was at a loss of what to do. She stepped back after his teeth stopped chattering and sat on the toilet lid, not wanting to leave his side. No words were spoken, but his lifeless stare spoke volumes.

The helpless friend pulled out her phone and scrolled through the messages that were still flooding her phone. All were directing her to go to Jack, saying something happened, no one knew what was wrong, but they all felt it in their gut. Emy was the last to text her, saying she saw an ambulance leave his driveway earlier and gone over to ask what the fuck was going on, but Jack had locked himself in the bathroom demanding Sara and no one else.

"Hey Jack." He hummed, still aimlessly staring at the floor. "Let's go get you changed. I'll go grab you some clothes, take these off and I'll give you something warm to wear."

"Yeah, sure."

She went into his room and scrounged through his messy drawers. His room was a disaster, nothing new. She was trying to think of who might have been sick in his family, but was at a loss. Both his parents were over the other night eating with her mom, planning some stupid family vacation. His sister was…well his sister. Moody and a little rude at times, but nice enough to her. She hadn't seen her in a while, but that's how teenagers are.

Initially, they all were great friends, but with age she began to distance herself from Jack and his group, but it's what's expected as siblings grow older and apart from one another.

She partially opened the door and set his clothes on the countertop and waited until he came out. He walked past her and went to the coffee machine and poured a cup. He hated coffee, but knew his friend well enough by now.

"Sit."

The house fell silent again. She took in the sight of her best friend. His eyes were puffy and red, the one hand resting on the table was bruised and bloodied, probably from hitting a wall.

'Just tell me, tell how to help, tell me what's wrong, what can I do,' she wanted to scream at him. They stared at one another, tears gradually building in his eyes. His throat was killing him, from the silent sobs he repressed. "Jack, is everyone okay? Are you okay? I'm confused with what's happening and it's making me scared."

He tried speaking, he needed to say it out loud, but his body wouldn't let him. Sara saw the anguish across his face, and wanted nothing more than to take away all his pain.

"My sister committed suicide."

Her leg was burning. The coffee she had dropped scorching her leg. She couldn't feel the pain, though. Just the tingling sensation it left in its trace. The words repeated themselves in her head, but she couldn't make sense of it. The silence was welcomed finally. Tears fell, ears were ringing, and their heartbeats could be felt banging in their temples.

She did nothing. She couldn't feel her own body. Her eyes roamed the room, trying to understand if what she was going through was really happening. She met Jack's, and reached across the table to hold his bloodied hand.

"I'm so sorry, Jack." She could barely speak the words, her throat restricting the air she needed to breath, and her chest feeling tight.

He moved his gaze to the table, sitting in the silence again. After a few minutes, the ringing of phones made them both jump. It was Sara's mom calling. She let it go to voicemail.

"I need to talk about it. I need to know this is real. I don't want it to be, but it's like this is a fucking nightmare. It's like someone ripped my heart out of my chest and I'm watching it happen."

She couldn't handle the tears covering his face, and moved to sit on his lap, wrapping her arms around him and tried to hug the pain away. She wanted him to feel her comfort, and wanted to take away the hurt. She hummed and swayed trying to calm him, sitting there for what felt like hours. Both eventually falling asleep in the stiff chair, finding enough peace to sleep for just a little while.

They awoke to Emy and Sara's mom running through the door and screaming their names. Shock painted everyone's face. Emy had gotten the call from Jack's mom, hearing the news. So did Sonia. "Is everyone okay?" Sonia ran up to the two, who untangled their bodies and stood up from the table. Her presence lightened the room, it made everyone feel safe.

The group sat for hours, waiting for his parents to return. Sonia knew better than to pry anything out of anyone, and her heart bled for the entire family. They sat and sipped on coffee and tea, flipping through channels and avoiding the subject. The sound of the garage rattling the house awakened everyone from their trance.

His parents walked in, and looked like they had aged 10 years in a day. Their eyes were bleak, and their complexion drained. They sat down, and told everyone what happened. Jack stayed, needing to hear for himself that she was gone. That this was real.

His mother spoke first. "I woke up around midnight, Jack had just got home. I went in the living room and noticed Audrey's diary was out on the coffee table. She never leaves it out there, but I could hear her and Jack talking in his room so I went back to bed." Tears were building in her eyes, but her voice remained calm and steady. "Something in the back of my head kept telling me to go check on her after I laid back down. Around 3 I got up again and checked the living room to see if she was still up. Her diary was on the table, but she was back in her room." Her voice cracked, and she covered her face to take a few deep breaths. "I opened the door, and found her in her bed, with her covers pulled up. It looked like she was sleeping, but she wasn't moving at all. I couldn't see her breathing, and I didn't hear any noise." Jack's father sat on the table, muffling his tears with his hand. "She overdosed on my sleeping pills." She could barely mutter the last sentence, her chest aching with every memory and detail she relayed.

The world stopped. Sara's life felt unreal, and everything felt empty. No words could be said to console, and no person could fix the hurt they all felt, unless it was Audrey herself. The energy in the room was nonexistent, there was no movement from anyone, and the only sound to be heard were the sniffling of noses and gasps for air. After a certain point, Jack couldn't take it anymore, and stormed out of the house, Emy and Sara knew exactly where he was headed.

His parents didn't question him, and Sonia gave Sara the go ahead to chase after. The two teens ran after their friend into the empty lot that existed at the end of their subdivision. This was Jack and Audrey's favorite spot as kids. Where they played hockey, soccer, or any made up game they could think of when they were younger. The kids around the town would always join, but Jack knew it was his sister who made the memories so vivid and lively even now into his late teens.

They had built something of a makeshift time machine when they both got into middle school, wishing to go back to the times when they were kids, so they could get out of homework, and not have to deal all the troubles their preteens brought. Their dad helped them build it, with the extra wood he had after his new renovations. Even for a silly request his children made, their father always went the extra mile to make them happy.

As teenagers, squeezing 3 bodies into the small quarters was possible, but not enjoyable. But the group of 19 year olds suffered through it, needing the physical memory of Audrey to surround them, and make them feel whole again, even if it was just for a fleeting moment. They reminisced, laughed, and cried until they couldn't bear the small enclosure anymore.

The world felt wrong, and empty. But hearing she was gone and letting it set in made it manageable. The false momentary idea that was she was going to be there when they got back to the house would probably never leave any of their minds, but Jack had known that the pain she was going through would be something that would have challenged her, her whole life.

His family had never told others, not even their closest friends, that Audrey had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Cycles of trying new medications, therapists, and home remedies had only made it worse as she continued to age. She hated her reliance on the aids, even if they did improve her condition. The hatred of the illness soon turned into hatred of herself, and depression was almost a synonymous symptom she associated with her disease. Her interests dwindled down to nothing, and she felt like doing nothing. Jack and his parents tried their best to take her out and include her in their lives, but knew that her mental state took away the enjoyment and comfort they so easily achieved in their daily lives.

Sara and Emy had a hunch that Audrey was ill, but never felt the need to express their curiosity. Judging from the family's reaction to the loss, all ranges of emotions were present, and it made it clear that their loss wasn't entirely something unexpected, but was something none of them ever could have imaged happening so early in her life. Jack's expressions varied the most, going from bouts of anger to extreme understanding and acceptance of it all. His mother proved to be the rock of the family, wanting to stay strong for the two men in her life that needed that sense of security. His father took it the hardest. His baby girl was gone, and he took the brunt of the blame onto himself, knowing this illness ran in his family and was why she developed it so early. He cursed at himself, and wanted to scream at the world.

The numbness of it all kicked in when the tears stopped flowing. It was still early in the morning, the sun basking the world in it's beautiful rays, continuing as if nothing had happened, and it was just another day. All their bodies felt stiff, but they knew movement and activity would help them process better. All of them parted ways, Sonia bringing Emy and Sara to breakfast, and Jack taking his father to see the childhood hangout they had reminisced over earlier. Their mother made the funeral arrangements, and lit her first cigarette in over 20 years.

Emy and Sonia sat and talked about the future, needing a change of subject, and something more hopeful to think about. Sara listened, sipping on the harsh black coffee the diner offered, and was slapped with how drastic and unexpected life could be. One night she was out enjoying life, scandalously, with her teacher, and now she's sitting in a booth trying her hardest not to break down in tears over the loss of her best friend's sister. Up until now she had forgotten to check her phone, not really knowing how to respond to the influx of texts her friends sent her.

She had all but forgotten about meeting that girl last night, and the last thing she wanted to do was go and flirt over coffee. But the new set of texts' she got reminded her that life does continue, and not everyone can sense the pain she and her friends were going through.

'Hey. This is Tegan. Wanna meet for coffee at 10? My treat.'

She stared mindlessly at the text, debating on whether to even respond to it at all. Her internal struggle must have made itself evident on her face, as her mother and Emy chuckled at the deeply set furrowed brow she was displaying as she would begin to text and delete it all.

"Don't pop a blood vessel their honey," Sara hummed in response still paying no attention to the two people in the booth.

Emy snatched the phone out of her hand, and quickly read the message and shook her head. Sonia's curiosity got to the best of her as she, too, snooped over the text message.

"Ohh, who's Tegan honey? Is he a new guy friend of yours?" Her mom was all but beaming over this newfound interaction. Emy loudly snickered, and handed the phone back to Sara.

"What, what I am I missing here? I think you should go ahead and say yes to him, you need a distraction today." Her mom reached across the table to pat her arm.

"I don't need a fucking distraction. I'm allowed to feel sad, and I don't need your approval."

She got up from the table, disregarding her mother's angry screams for her to come back, walking out the door and texted the stranger back.

'Does now work? I'll meet you at the Jack. Same place as last night.'

'Oh, sure. See you soon'

Sara knew her outburst wasn't necessary but couldn't keep it in. She hated how everyone just wanted to gloss over the trauma that happened mere hours ago. Did no one fucking care? Her best friend's family was in shambles, and all her mother could think about was the possibility of Sara getting a boyfriend? Out of spite she wanted to go, or maybe it wasn't spite. Maybe she shouldn't go at all. Ditch this person and make them feel as hopeless as she did now.

Her brain was on autopilot as her feet took her to the exact spot she was trying to convince herself to not go to. "Fuck." As walked past the large front window, she made eye contact with Tegan, who gave a smile in return. She mustered up the courage to walk in, and gave the biggest smirk she could to feign some kind of false happiness.

She sat down at the table, feeling like she was under a spot light in the busy coffee shop. She starred at Tegan's hand clutching the coffee, following the veins that reached her forearm, hiding themselves under the tattoo that masked her forearm, depicting a mangled tree. "I like your tattoo a lot. It's different." She couldn't meet her eye, and continued starting at it as the stranger rotated her arm to show it fully.

"Well good morning to you too. You look a little beat up, stay up late with that lady you kissed last night?" She met the strangers eye with a quipped eyebrow, startled by this person's boldness.

"Yeah, no. Definitely not that." Her thoughts came flooding out of her mouth before she could withhold the anguish fueling them. "I don't even know why I'm here right now. I'm so lost with life right now, and none of this makes sense. I don't know you, or why you're trying so hard to make me uncomfortable, but it's working." The words struck Tegan, making her stiffen in her seat, feeling exposed in a way that no one had ever called her on before.

She cleared her throat before speaking, changing the flirtatious tone she once had to something more serious, "Lindsey wanted me to talk to you about going to college out in Montreal." She loosened her posture, and leaned back into the chair. "I'm sorry if I'm overstepping boundaries and making you uncomfortable. We don't have to be doing this. I understand that I am a stranger to you, and my opinion isn't valid, but Lindsey really spoke highly of you, and said that you were sort of at a loss right now. I wanted to do a solid for her, but clearly this wasn't what you wanted or needed."

Tegan was still stiffly holding the coffee cup, her clenched hand exposing her veins even more so now. Sara couldn't take her gaze off the sight, but spoke her mind after sitting in the uncomfortable silence.

"I'm sorry." Her voice began to break, but she scolded herself mentally, and sighed and shut her eyes before speaking again. "Listen, it was really nice of you to do that for Lindsey, and to actually sit here and offer to talk to me about it. I know I probably seem fucking crazy right now, considering I could have easily just told you no, but instead I show up, and sit and scream at you." She took a deep breath before continuing, and finally looked up at the other girl. "One of my friends committed suicide last night. I'm not sure where I am right now, mentally. But I know if I really want to be here."

Tegan's eyes grew in response, "Oh my god! No, I mean I want to be on this earth, living! I just meant, I don't know if I should be here sitting in a coffee shop, with you, right now."

Tegan reached across the table and patted Sara's hand, "I'm sorry. I know that nothing that I say right now will help with that, but I'm so sorry. Can you let me get you a coffee, and maybe me and you can go and sit somewhere outside?"

She was hesitant to take the offer, but something deep within her urged her to take a chance and try interacting with this human, who has only shown her kindness so far. "Yes, thank you. Did you drive? I might have a place we can go to for a bit if you're not in a rush."

"I'm in no rush. That sounds okay with me," the friendly brunette gave a small, shy smile before nodding and heading to the barista to get the coffee. Sara fixed her hair and rubbed her eyes, hoping to get the blood circulating back in her face, making her look more human, and less like an emotionally drained vampire.

She watched this girl confidently speak to the barista, like they had known each other their entire lives, mindlessly talking about nothing, and making each other laugh over the simple process of making coffee. She wished to have that kind of presence. But Sara knew that it would take more than just a little inspiration for her to break out of this funk she has been in these past few months.

She made eye contact with Tegan, and felt embarrassed that she was caught staring, so she quickly looked away and used her phone as a clutch, sending a text message to Emy and her mom that she was sorry, and that she would be home for dinner.

The brunette bumped Sara with her hip, giving her a little scare. Tegan chuckled at the response, but apologized before handing her the hot cup of coffee. She reached across the table to grab her keys.

"Lead the way dude," Tegan said, pulling the chair back for Sara to stand up, and smiled in response to the chivalrous act. Tegan pointed to her car as they neared it, and quickly opened the door for her.

When she started up the car, Sara's cheeks were obviously blushed, and Tegan was quick to ask if everything was okay. "Yes, you're just…so nice?" Sara was kicking herself mentally, hating how awkward she was coming across. "So, tell me about Montreal. Why there? What's your major? Is it worth it?"

Tegan huffed in response, laughing at how eager Sara sounded now. "First tell me where we're going, and I'll explain on the way, yeah?" She gave a cheeky smile, and let Sara direct her up to a nature preserve, surrounded by oak and pine trees. The two spent hours aimlessly wandering around the trail, talking about nothing and everything all at the same time; the reality of life, how they liked their coffee, who their first loves were, their love hate relationship with school, and occasionally the subtle flirting that so naturally happened with Tegan.

"Have I convinced you to go to Montreal, yet? Or do we need another lap around this trail?" Tegan quipped her eyebrow, and gently nudged the shy teen.

She shook her head, feeling butterflies in her stomach, but thinking about this morning and yet again letting the reality of her life flood her thoughts. She nervously messed with her hair, and was honest with her new friend. "I would love to go. Everything sounds perfect about it. But I need to talk about it with my friends. I need them with me." She scrunched her face in embarrassment, but continued, "And I know that sounds so codependent, and spineless of me, but at this point in my life, I don't know if I could make it without them."

She was startled by Tegan's response, who immediately hugged her and squeezed her with all her might. Sara's arm were stiff, at her sides, but she rested her head on Tegan's shoulder. "I sound crazy, don't I?"

"No…" Tegan said, releasing her grasp from her and taking a step back. "It's just so weird to listen to you speak, because it's like the same exact way I was before I left. And on top of it, this constant self-deprecation thing you're doing to yourself is driving me a little mad, because you're honestly one of the coolest, and most genuine human I have met in a really long time."

Sara kicked at the dirt, again feeling embarrassed by the attention from this new person. "Alright, alright, I'll stop. But you have to promise me after tonight, you'll stay in contact with me, okay?"

"Okay," she said with a smile in her voice, and they pinky swore to keep their bond.

"Good," hooking her arm under Sara's, "now, let's get you home."