OVERTURE
Wondering, waiting for the day to fade away
So I can hold you once again and chase the fears away
Lie with me
Show me how you feel
I'm falling for you deeper everyday
When the night turns over
I'll lie with you
When the morning wakes you
I'm there by you
When the daylight takes you
I'll miss you
Til you come back home to me
And I can make you mine
----
Welcome to the last leg of the story. The second to the last leg, actually. All in this entire story has eight legs, just like a spider! What on earth am I saying? Slam Dunk is owned by Mr. Takehiko, who, interestingly, also has a series about wheelchair basketball (oh the possibilities! evil grin).
----
"I wonder what the future will be like…Shigure-chan." Sixteen-year-old Shizuka Aki looked at her best friend, sitting beside her, watching the moon rise from Shizuka's window. Her honey-gold hair softly brushed one pale cheek, and her blue eyes were solemn. She's so beautiful, Shigure thought. Shigure loved looking at her best friend. She had an unusual beauty, unlike anyone else's, being half-European and half-Japanese.
"Why are you asking me a question like that? No one really knows ne." Shigure replied, taking a gulp from the soda can in her hand.
"I suppose you're right." Shizuka sighed, and they sank into a contemplative silence. Then she spoke again, her voice more bright this time. "I've already thought of a girl's name."
"Oh?" Shigure looked up, interested. This was not the first time they had started thinking of names for their firstborn children. If it were a boy, the baby would be named Kaede, even if both their firstborn were male, they would have the same name. Shigure was the one who thought of this name, and Shizuka thought it was beautiful.
"Tsubasa." Shizuka's blue eyes softened as she spoke.
"Tsubasa." Shigure echoed. Tsubasa, meaning wings. An angel. She smiled. "I like that name, Shizuka."
"You do?" Shizuka asked uncertainly, her eyes clouding with doubt.
"Don't be silly. I love it." Shigure giggled, imagining the confusion that would ensue if both of their firstborn children were girls, both named Tsubasa. Shizuka still looked like she didn't believe Shigure. She could be very insecure sometimes, Shigure thought. The golden-haired girl was quiet, as she always was.
----
Looking at Tsubasa now, it was not hard for Shigure to remember that there was a time that she was young. Thinking of Kaede now, he would surely be surprised to know that he was exactly like his mother in her youth. She always kept the precious memories of her best friend in her heart, and for a time, she was utterly convinced that no two people could be as close as they. Yet as Tsubasa and Kaede grew up, she began to see that she was slowly being proven wrong. Their friendship was just like hers and Shizuka's friendship and so much more…
Life is as kind as it is cruel…
She remembered Shizuka, smiling as she held the baby Tsubasa in her arms. She looks so much like Chris-san! She said, referring to Shigure's husband, whom she met during her vacation in America. He followed her to Japan, unable to let her go. Tsubasa inherited the beautiful green eyes she had fallen in love with, the silky dark-red hair, the unforgettable smile. She remembered Shizuka showing her the engagement ring Koinosuke had given him, the sparkle of life and happiness evident in her sapphire eyes. She was so blissful, and so very much in love with Koinosuke. She cannot forget Shizuka's wedding, and the birth of a baby boy, much to the amusement of the two friends.
When Chris fell sick of cancer, it was Shizuka who was always beside her along the way. He fought back his sickness, but at the end, he succumbed to it. Shizuka held her when she cried, and told her that no, he was not gone—he will live on, through their daughter. And indeed, Tsubasa was remarkably like her father, although she had never known him.
It was also painful for Shigure to watch Koinosuke and Shizuka to part ways. She tried her best to be the reconciliatory voice between the two, but all in vain. Koinosuke was not the man Shizuka thought he was, and she would be forever unhappy if she did not part with him. It hurt Shigure to see her friend's marriage crumble and Shizuka depart for America, leaving Kaede with her. And like Tsubasa, Kaede reminded her keenly of an absent loved one. He had his mother's eyes—the same shape and the same color, as Tsubasa had her father's eyes.
She looked at Tsubasa now, her thoughtful green eyes fixed on the rising moon. She had watched the two grow up, and she had treated them equally, like they were both her children. Loved them in place of their absent parents. She knew both of their hearts. She knew that Kaede loved Tsubasa more than a sister. Loved her so much, in such an intense, unchildlike way that he was willing to hurt himself for her. As for Tsubasa…
She does not love him in that way yet, but she will soon learn to.
"You are thinking of something, Mama." Tsubasa broke the silence, smiling a little, to her mother.
Shigure shook her head. "Don't bother yourself with me, Tsubasa." Then after a pause, she added: "It's about time you get some rest. I don't want you to have a relapse of fever."
Tsubasa's eyes became very sad. "With Kaede gone, I can't bring myself to rest. It's my fault, Mama, why he has run away.
"You are right—I am a selfish person. I think only for myself, heedless of other people that I may hurt. If I had just borne myself more bravely and more maturely, I would not have pushed him away. It's all my fault." Tsubasa said quietly, looking down on her hands, trying to fight tears, remorse overtaking her.
Shigure embraced her daughter tenderly. "It does no good if we all go around blaming ourselves. But it is wise that you know of your own mistakes." She looked at Tsubasa and stroked her hair. "But now the most you can do for me and Kaede is to get some sleep. It will all be better tomorrow. I promise."
----
"Iiaaa. What a heavy rain."
"And the skies looked so clear this morning, too!"
"Good thing I brought my umbrella with me today."
Rukawa yawned and stood up. He couldn't go to sleep. His classmates were too noisy. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he shuffled out of the doorway, looking bored. He wandered down the hallway rather aimlessly, thinking of where he should go, then somehow ending up looking outside the windows, his chin resting against his hand.
Yes, it was raining like this that day…when she told him she wanted him to be happy…
"Anou…Rukawa-kun?" a soft feminine voice suddenly addressed him. Disturbed from his reverie, he glanced downward, and saw Akagi Haruko standing there, looking up shyly at him. He went back to study the falling rain, disinterested in her.
"Rukawa-kun," Haruko repeated, a little louder this time. Rukawa did not turn to look at her again. "I heard from my brother that Yamazaki-sempai had just arrived earlier this week. Is it true?"
The mention of Tsubasa's last name caught his attention. "Yeah, she is." Haruko's eyes goggled at actually hearing a reply from him, however bored he sounded. Rukawa actually talking to her! That plus the fact that the girl she had admired so much was back in Japan doubled her excitement and heightened her confidence.
"Do you think it will be okay for us to visit her? Is she staying at her house?" she asked, her dark eyes brightening. He thought about it for a few moments, and then shrugged. He didn't know Tsubasa's schedule, but she would probably like it if her old friends visited her. He ambled away before Haruko said anything else more. He wasn't really a conversationalist. He wished she would just leave him alone. Haruko's face fell as he did.
He hadn't taken three steps when Hanamichi "do'ahou" Sakuragi came charging up to him, his brown eyes flashing.
"RUUKAAAWAAAA!!!" he yelled, Youhei and the others clinging onto him, trying their very best to stop him from picking another fight. "How dare you talk to Haruko-san?!?! You are not worthy of even standing a mile from her!!! For treating her so disrespectfully, I will punish you!!!!"
Rukawa merely glared at him.
"Stop it, Hanamichi!" Youhei cried, restraining Hanamichi with all his strength. Damn, all this basketball had made him stronger! He could actually take a step with four guys on his back!
"You better be training well this week, because by the time you're back, this tensai will teach you some manners!!" Hanamichi went on ranting, only to be interrupted by a…
"Konnichiwa, Sakuragi-kun!" Haruko's cheerful greeting made Hanamichi forget everything else. Hanamichi immediately straightened, causing his friends, who were clinging on his back, fall on the floor with a crash.
"Ha—ha—Haruko-san! Konnichiwa!" he greeted in turn, blushing profusely.
He didn't have any business here anymore. Hands in his pockets, he walked on, mumbling a "do'ahou" under his breath as Haruko went on talking to Sakuragi.
"I was just talking to Rukawa-kun about my old team captain in junior high." She said, smiling. "Actually, I was just asking about her. Have you heard of her? Tsubasa Yamazaki?"
"Ah! Yes!" Hanamichi nodded profusely. He had done his research, of course, on Haruko's junior high days, just in case they came in handy, just like now. "Actually, I have met her!" there. That should do the trick.
It worked like a charm. Haruko's eyes widened. "Really?!" she exclaimed. "That's really great! What do you think of her?"
"She's really friendly and seems nice." Hanamichi replied, his embarrassment of being around Haruko wearing off a little. "I can't believe she's friends with Rukawa, though."
"Oh, but they're really close. They've known each other since childhood. Everyone finds that fact hard to believe because they're so different." Haruko said, her eyes wistfully on Rukawa's retreating figure. She returned her attention to Hanamichi quickly. "Yamazaki-sempai helped me a lot on my basketball skills in junior highschool, and I haven't had the chance of thanking her for that before she left. She was the best female basketball player in the prefecture before…before the accident, you know."
"Tsubasa Yamazaki?" Youhei interjected, who, with the others, were trying to keep quiet for Hanamichi's sake. "I know her. She used to be featured in a lot of articles in the newspaper, wasn't she?"
"Yes, she's the one. But you know, for all the attention she received, she was always kind and humble. I admire her so much." Haruko said.
"You admire kind and humble people, eh? Did you hear that, Hanamichi? That's a pointer for you." Youhei teased his friend. "But knowing you, that'd be too hard to achieve, ne?" his friends laughed boisterously at this.
"Urusai!!" Hanamichi shot back, reddening again. But Haruko was not listening. She was busy contemplating on how to bring together the whole junior high basketball team visit Tsubasa, and see her again.
----
He found himself standing in a pitch-black room. Then he heard Shigure's voice speaking to him.
"I have been offered a position in a law firm in America. I have decided to accept it."
America?
"We are moving, as soon as possible. You'll be coming with us." She was suddenly there, in front of him, extending one hand, smiling. He wanted to accept, he wanted to go with her. But something held him back, and he took a step backward.
"No."
Shigure's smiling face turned into one of confusion. "No? Why?"
He started to speak, but found he could not. He wanted to go with her, see his mother, be with Tsubasa, especially now, in her darkest hours…but he was so terribly afraid…
"No!" he repeated, louder, clearer, and strongly.
He couldn't bring himself to go back with them.
It's my entire fault. It's my entire fault why things have turned out this way!
I will just end up hurting you. I have hurt all of you so much. My mother…Shigure-san…Tsubasa…I don't deserve to be loved by anyone!!
"You are such a troublesome child!!" a large hand suddenly slapped him on the cheek, sending him staggering to the floor. He heard his mother's cry. She was always crying—because his father had hurt him again.
"You have no right to hurt my son, Koinosuke!!" she yelled at him, and he felt her warm embrace around him, saw the tears in her eyes as she gently tended the bruise on his face. On that day, the day his father hit him, his mother left him under the care of Shigure, the only person she could trust with her son.
Shigure resurfaced again and she was holding out her hand, but he slapped it away angrily. Tears burned his eyes but he refused to cry.
"Can't you understand?! I don't want to go! You will have to drag me there if you want! I will NOT go! I can live by myself. I'd rather live by myself!"
Instead of hurting you.
----
Rukawa woke up with a start. For a moment he was disconcerted, not knowing where he was. He heard the sound of the falling rain. He was sitting on the stairs leading to the rooftop and had apparently fallen asleep. (Yeah tell us something we don't know! ^o^)
He brushed his cheek and felt the tears. He had been crying again. With a small sigh, he stood up and began his descent downstairs. It was way past lunch break, but he figured that it would be more comfortable to sleep in the classroom than on the stairs. He walked down the hallway, and when he approached the gym, he instinctively looked up. The door was ajar, and before he knew what he was doing, he was already heading for the direction of the gym.
It was deserted. A ball was sitting on the floor and he strode over to pick it up, turning it over his hands reflectively. With little effort, he sent the ball flying over and straight into the basket. He ran over and retrieved it, unbuttoning his polo shirt uniform and placing it on one of the chairs in the gym. Taking a deep breath, he ran towards the basket, dribbling the ball, before launching himself up and performing a slam dunk.
Better than sleeping, definitely. Training in basketball always gave him time to think, with no one to bother him but himself. More importantly, basketball reminded him of her. He never saw a girl so in love with a game. He dribbled the ball, and remembered the first time he held it in his hand.
He was a sickly child back then, and Tsubasa had dragged him outdoors to feel a little wind and sunshine. She was standing with a huge smile on her face and she was holding a small red-orange ball in her hands. "This is called a basketball." She told him. "I always see it on TV. It's really easy! Look!" she threw the ball downwards, and it bounced up, and she caught it, holding it again. "When you do it really quickly, it's called dribbling." Then she ran off, laughing while she was doing this 'dribbling' business. "Come on, Kaede-chan! Keep up! Keep up!" and they played basketball, or at least an imitation of it, everyday afterwards, much to the satisfaction of Shigure.
He stepped past the rainbow arch, bent his knees and sent the ball flying again into a clean three-point shot. He then threw the ball in by a lay-up shot, then by another slam-dunk. He remembered the first time he had successfully pulled off a slam-dunk. Tsubasa was his opponent, and she was cheering him on, which was very strange, considering it was a point earned against her.
There wasn't a time in his life that he wasn't playing basketball.
He was also playing basketball the day she went away.
----
Tomigaoka was fighting against one of the best junior highschool basketball teams in the country that day. He was determined they would win this game. He was determined to forget, even for just an hour, that the people who meant most to him were about to leave.
Shigure had visited him everyday after she had found him, but he kept on refusing her offer to go with America with them, stating that he would rather stay. He had made up his mind on staying in Japan. Seeing him that nothing could change his decision, and knowing that she had no power other than being his guardian, she accepted his choice and said nothing else.
He did not know how Tsubasa reacted to this news, but he heard nothing from her, or from Shigure. Perhaps he was running away then, for up until now he could not accept the fact that Tsubasa was now disabled, perhaps for the rest of her life. Or it could be because of his guilt, although no one had blamed him, he blamed himself for all that had happened.
He swished the ball neatly through the basket, through a seemingly impenetrable defense of two players. The crowd roared in approval.
"RUKAWA! RUKAWA! RUKAWA!" the whole stadium chanted his name.
But he did not notice it. As he was heading back for defense, he could only see her bright green eyes, encouraging him to go along.
You're doing fine, Kaede-chan!
He stole the ball from the other team's center and maneuvered himself expertly away from him and began racing back to the enemy's court. This was Tsubasa's favorite move, the one that got her the name of Black Cat. The others ran after him, but could not catch up, and as a result, he scored two more points.
You'll win, Kaede-chan!
He could promise himself to win this game for her. But could she forgive him for all the pain he had caused her? He searched his mind for answers, but he could find none.
----
Tsubasa plucked a flower from their garden, sadness faintly tingeing her smile. She did not want to leave. Not at all. Especially without him. She brought the flower up to her lips and breathed in its subtle scent.
She looked up at the sky. It was so clear and bright, but she felt like crying.
"Yes. He must be fighting a game now." She whispered softly to herself, and closed her eyes. If she could only go and watch him now. But she knew it was impossible. She herself would not permit it. She wheeled herself over to the cherry tree, slowly and painfully, for she wasn't used to using her wheelchair yet, and laid one hand on its bark.
"I have to say goodbye to you now. I pray we will meet again…"
And then the tears came.
----
He came home to an unfamiliar, empty house. His house, his very own, even though it did not feel like it. Tomigaoka had won the game, but somehow he was not pleased with their victory. He left as soon as he could, unwilling to partake in the celebration and excitement.
What about it? What does victory mean, anyway…if she was not with him?
He slumped in the gloom, his head lowered, his hands clasped as if in prayer. Then he noticed that a small red light was flashing on his telephone. Someone had left a message for him…he stood up and walked over to the phone, and after hesitating for a moment, pressed the 'play recorded message' button.
"Kaede-chan." His heart skipped a beat when he heard her voice. "It's me. I know you're not home yet so…I'll just try to say everything I could here…
"Mama and I will boarding the plane in an hour…and… I can't find it in myself to leave without saying goodbye." There was a thoughtful silence after this. "I don't know why you do not want to go with us to where we are going, or why you never came back home to us. I won't pretend that I wasn't hurt by your actions, but I am. I hope I will be able to understand all this someday. I wish to understand it now, but you have made it…it's just so hard…
"I'm afraid it is because you think that the accident was all your fault. I don't blame you for anything, Kaede-chan, I never did, and I never will. In things like these, there is no one to blame, it just happened that I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Don't live with the guilt that you never earned. You will just end up hurting yourself—and me—even more.
"I cannot pretend that what has happened to me was nothing. And if you could do something for me—if you could—" here her voice cracked, as if she were holding back something painful.
"I know I cannot play basketball any longer, for the rest of my life, we still do not know. Kaede-chan…I will be relying on you to live out my dream. You are the only person I could trust in this. I will be passing my dream onto you, and I know you will not fail me. Be the best basketball player, Kaede-chan…for yourself, and for me. This is the only thing I ask from you.
"I have to go now." Her voice sounded weak, it was threatening to break down during the course of her call, and with a heartbreaking sob, and she ended her message.
Kaede stood stiffly, long after the message was cut off, the realization that she had really left slowly creeping into his consciousness. He fell on the telephone and hugged it, weeping silently. Wishing for time to turn back and for them to be the way they always were.
----
"I'm not a great talent, and I won't be playing basketball in highschool anymore, remember?" Haruko had laughed then, with Hanamichi, in the park. "So, do you your best, Sakuragi-kun!"
"Hai! I'll be the best basketball player for you, Haruko-san!" Hanamichi had replied, smiling confidently, basketball in one hand, looking like he really believed what he was saying. (which is actually true. Hehe. ^^;)
Rukawa had watched them, hiding behind a bush, because he didn't want to be bothered. Yet what Hanamichi said struck him that day. The words that had been repeating in his mind all these years had actually been spoken out aloud, and it was a different thing altogether. It was a shock, actually.
I'll be the best basketball player for you.
Doing his best…for the girl he cared about…just like him.
Happily(!), that was the only similarity he shared with that do'ahou, Sakuragi Hanamichi. But somehow that little feeling of sympathy—no, empathy for the redhead that could not be shaken off.
Fighting…all this time…so when I see her again…I will be able to look her in the eye and say, "I've kept my promise."
So that I can walk up to her and tell her my feelings. So I can be worthy of her.
----
"You seem distracted today, Kaede-kun." Tsubasa remarked as the two of them were having dinner that evening. Rukawa looked up at her, and said nothing. "I have a pretty good idea of what you're thinking."
You.
"It's pretty much the same thing that I'm thinking." She went on, smiling, not noticing that his blue eyes were fixed steadily upon her face. "Well, I hope you're thinking about it, because it's distressing if you don't."
When she smiles like that, it is the only time I am really at peace.
He didn't notice that she speared the potatoes with her fork rather violently. "Would you mind telling me…" she put her fork down, with the poor abused potato and dug around her pockets for something. When she did, he saw that she was holding some papers. "What these are all about?"
Rukawa's eyes widened ever so slightly when he saw that she was holding—his test papers, as he could tell from the failing marks written in bright red ink and—I'm sorry to say this—his sloppy handwriting. She watched his reaction calmly, and even with a faint smile on her lips. She wasn't mad, she just wanted to hear the whole story.
But suddenly she had an evil look on her face (which is kinda scary). "You…call…these…grades, don't you?" she said slowly, picking up her fork, one eyebrow up.
"…………"
"Mou!" she threw up her arms in resignation and laughed. "If Mama were here, she'd be starting off with one of her sermons again, and blame ME for YOU getting all these abominable grades in tests." She winked, and the mental image of Shigure looming over them almost made him want to laugh as well. But it was not in his nature, so he didn't.
"How did you find those?" he asked, completely unperturbed. It wasn't the first time he had bad grades. Admittedly, he had better grades when Tsubasa was around, but it wasn't the first time.
"They were lying around the house, Einstein. Now finish up your dinner and get your school things."
"What for?" the suspicion in his voice was audible.
Tsubasa sweatdropped. "Tomorrow's your special long test, right? You have to get a good score in this test or else your exams, or even special exams, won't save you!" her voice softened a little. "I don't want you to be unable to play in the basketball games just because of your grades. You're too good to deserve that." She brightened and rolled up her sleeves, grinning. "OK! We'll pull an all-nighter! And with my powers, I will ensure that you will ace this one!"
Rukawa's eyes never left her as she spoke. She can be terrifying, but when she's in a mood like this, she is unstoppable.
They quickly cleared the table of the remains of dinner, and after washing the dishes, Rukawa sat down across her, and she opened his books, the first time they had been opened for a long time. She scanned the contents with a quick eye, and drew out a fresh sheet of paper. When she looked up, she saw that he was already sleeping. She sweatdropped.
"Oy! Kaede-kun, wake up!" she cried, poking his head with her pen. He woke up, after a while, and they went through Geometry together. After a while it became apparent that he wasn't even acquainted to basic Geometry, so they had to backtrack to the very beginning. Tsubasa was an efficient teacher, and explained the subject carefully. But when the clock hit twelve, Rukawa could not keep his eyes open.
"Geez! Don't sleep on me!" she yelled in his ear, and she leaned over to pull his eyelids up. Poor Rukawa looked like a drugged person, but she laughed at him anyway. She let his face plop back to the table and she wheeled herself away from the table and began to prepare something. She was back after a few moments, setting down two cups of dark liquid in front of him. She shook Rukawa awake again and he eyed at the two cups with apprehension.
"What's THAT?" he ventured to ask.
"It's a little something that helped me keep awake while studying. A friend in America gave me this pointer. It never failed me."
"I said, what is it?"
"Oh!" she reddened slightly. "It's coffee mixed with Coke. Neither hot nor cold. Taa daa!" she sang, jokingly.
He wrinkled his nose. "It sounds disgusting."
"And you're absolutely right. It's the worst glop in the world, but I didn't say it was delicious, did I? I just said it works." she smiled cheerfully, picking up one cup, and she took a big gulp. "Don't be a sissy! Try it!" and Rukawa did, and it ended up with a lot of hacking, coughing, and spitting. Tsubasa laughed. Rukawa looked like one betrayed.
"What are you looking at me for?" she asked, still laughing. "You should have seen your face! Hahahaha!" she herself had drunk it plenty of times, but she had the same reaction when she first drank it, but of course, she didn't tell him. "You'll be drinking some more of that later on, so might as well get used to it."
"………" he drank the rest of the glop, glaring at her above the rim of the cup. Tsubasa's banter, plus the mega dose of caffeine, helped him to stay alert and awake for the next three hours. They had already started on English, which Rukawa was very bad at, but he was startled when he heard her as she began to read a passage in English. She was quite fluent at it. Should he be surprised? Her father was an American, after all.
Tsubasa did not notice how thoughtfully Rukawa's eyes dwelled on her as she read on. Was she happy in America, he wondered. What did she do there? What kind of people did she meet? She suddenly looked like a stranger, sitting there, speaking in a language he did not fully understand.
"I never did…"
Tsubasa was surprised to hear Rukawa speaking so abruptly. When she raised her eyes, she saw that he was watching her, and she blushed at the discovery.
"I never did…ask you about America, did I?"
The blush on her suddenly faded, and she paled, suddenly besieged by an acute consciousness of his presence. "No, I don't think you did."
They were silent for a few moments. "What is there for you to know? What do you want to know?" she asked him, putting the book down on her lap, her manner suddenly detached. He did not say anything, but his eyes were still watchful.
"The doctors there weren't able to do anything about your condition." He finally said, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.
"No, they weren't." she replied quietly, a shade passing over her brow. "But it was entirely my fault, and not theirs." After a moment's pause, she continued, deciding to tell him the truth once and for all. Rukawa merely nodded, prodding her to continue.
"My fault because…as soon as I arrived in America, I wanted to prove something to myself." She recalled thoughtfully, her eyes growing a little distant. "It's really stupid, if you think about it. I had resolved to myself long ago that if I cannot go on in basketball, I will excel in something else. I was determined to do it, and mama even supported me in my decision."
Rukawa was silent. Knowing Tsubasa—her making a decision like that was a serious thing. She surely had shown a lot of effort in doing the task. She was suddenly filled with the desire to tell him everything—everything.
"Living there was so hard. It was even harder to do what I had set out to do. I could not go back—I only had my studies to throw myself into, and there was no Kaede-chan to curtly remind me of my common sense. Mama began to get worried. The doctors began to get worried. They told me once, twice, many times, not to obsess over my studies, but I couldn't let it go. It made me forget, just for a little while, my regrets since I had arrived."
Regrets?
"As you can see, the result has been both good and bad." She laughed, but he couldn't help but notice that it was a trifle forced. "My chance of ever walking again has been lessened or delayed, because of my excessive study habits."
"But the main object of your going there has failed." He said.
"I know!" she said, a little too quickly, not able to meet his eyes. "Isn't it strange? I left this country, the ones that matter to me, to heal myself. But in the end I did not think of them, but only thought of myself and my pain." She looked at Rukawa as she said this, her eyes glistening. So she knew. She knew that her departure had hurt him.
"If I do not ever get well again, I well deserve it. I am the worst sort of person you will ever meet, Kaede-kun. I was proud, and could not accept my defect…I…" here she could go on no more. She broke in quiet tears.
Before she knew what was happening, Rukawa had come over and was enfolding his arms around her, and she accepted his embrace.
"That's not true. A mistake does not make anyone a bad person." He said softly. "I'm sorry I had to bring this up. I didn't know."
"I wanted you to know." She replied, burying her head on his shoulder. He let her cry freely. What she had been carrying for so long was finally released. The disappointment in herself was too heavy for her to carry alone. "I'll try again, Kaede-kun. I'll try my very best this time."
There was something else I was looking for in America. Something that I could not name, something I could not find. I ran after it, but it had always eluded me.
She had missed Rukawa so much. She had not realized until this moment.
Could it be that I was looking for you all this time?
"I'll be alright now." She extracted herself from Rukawa, wiping her eyes, smiling again. "We have to get back to work. No time for bawling."
"Are you sure?" he asked, actually looking concerned, studying her face anxiously.
I've never seen him like this before.
Maybe I've said too much, too quickly. But it doesn't matter now.
"Yeah! I'm better! Were you listening while I was reading?" in her flustered haste, she picked up the Biology book instead of the English book, both which were lying on the sofa beside her. She flipped through the pages, and ended up on a page full of pictures of monkeys of different kinds.
"Monkeys? I don't remember talking about monkeys." She wondered aloud, sweatdropping.
"Tsubasa." Rukawa began, pointing at one picture. "Doesn't that chimp look a little like you?"
"Hwaa! That's so rude!"
"Whoa." He pointed to a picture of a gorilla. "Didn't you have a crush on this guy in junior high?" he deadpanned. She blushed profusely and slammed the thick Biology book shut, crushing his hand in between in the process.
"Oww. That hurt." He said, but she seriously wondered if it did, because he said it so expressionlessly.
Although saying that I look like a chimp wasn't very nice—he's doing it to make me feel better. This is a side of him that no one has ever really seen yet…
Kaede-kun. Thank you.
----
Rukawa took one last look at her before stepping out of the door. They had studied until six in the morning, and she was the first one who gave out and fell asleep. Her meeting was not until this afternoon, and she had instructed him to use the car to get to school.
I feel like somehow I am closer to her now. In a way we have never been before.
She was sleeping peacefully and deeply now, one hand clutching the coverlet he had put over her tightly. It was amazing she could still be able to sleep, after what seemed to be a gallon of coffee-Coke mix. He was still experiencing the effects, and was only hoping that it was long enough to last him until the long tests were over. He had never seen anyone study so hard, even though in this case, he was the one who was studying.
I'll do my best for you today, Tsubasa.
With this, he turned and left.
----
He remembered, in the past, Tsubasa had asked him why he didn't like any of the girls whom had a crush on him. He could not answer her question, and she thought it was fun to tease him about. She cajoled, pestered, and laughed, but he could not answer, for the fear of saying too much and exposing himself to her.
"Why? Tell me!" she said, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Despite your cold personality and less-than-polite manners, many girls are still willing to accept you as you are."
"I doubt that."
"Tse! It's true! It's a miracle no one's following us home now!"
I wonder if those girls really know me. I don't think they do. If they did, they would see an entirely different person. How did they first see me? Playing basketball? Sleeping in class? How could I believe that they really feel strongly for me when they do not even know me, only having seen me in things that could not possibly betray what I am inside?
"If you ever get yourself a girlfriend, you better hide all your pictures as a kid." Tsubasa rattled on, skipping over a small pile of leaves lying in the path. "You were so sickly and pale, and not handsome at all! Your girlfriend wouldn't want THAT in her wallet."
There is only one person in the whole world who knows me through and through. She has seen me in countless moods, everyday. She knows everything about me.
And it is this girl, Tsubasa.
"Maaa…ne, Kaede-chan." The serious tone in her voice made him stop in his tracks. Tsubasa was looking pensively at the ground. "You know, last week, my friend told me that she had a boyfriend. It's a strange thing, and I was happy for her. Demo…ever since, she's been acting weird. Paying less attention to us, the way she talks and acts differently as the way we knew her. It's a little depressing." (Kaede: [thinking] So what? I don't care.)
"When we grow older, I'm sure we'll have someone we care about. But promise me!" she stepped in front of Kaede and extended her hand. "That when we do, we won't change!" he seemed surprised at this. Then again, Tsubasa was always prone to unexpected outbursts.
"That we'll always stay the same!" her face looked earnest now. With a resigned sigh (Kaede: Whatever!) and a careless shrug, Kaede entwined his pinkie finger around hers.
"I promise, Tsubasa." She smiled at his words. "We won't change."
"I'll be counting on that." With this, she skipped on ahead, humming happily to herself.
But even though I promised her that we would stay that way forever, I knew that I didn't really mean it. That I was going to break this pledge to her. Even at that moment, I knew—my feelings for her was slowly changing into something more than friendship…
"Hurry up, you slowpoke! I'm hungry! Even though I'm not officially in the team, Fuyutsuko-sensei still trains me like mad, you know!!" she yelled back at him. He quickened his pace.
I knew that I would chase her someday, to have a smile just for me. The day I made a promise to her, I made a promise to myself—that someday I will make her mine.
----
"Yeah, I'm free on that day. No, it's no problem at all. I understand Mr. Kagae's dilemma. Ok. Ok. Thank you!" Tsubasa put down the phone, and after staring at it for a few moments, she retrieved her organizer and pen from her purse. She crossed out the meeting she had scheduled for that day and jotted it down on another part of the page.
Seems like I'm completely free today, then.
She flipped over her agenda, and found herself looking into the phone numbers of her friends. Then her eyes paused on one name. Then she picked up the phone receiver again and began to dial the listed number.
----
Two hours later, Tsubasa was sitting outside the gate of a Japanese-style house. A flood of nostalgia overcame her. She used to visit this house quite often in her junior highschool days, and now she was back, and it was amazing how some things don't change. Even the very street the house was standing upon did not change, as if the whole place was suspended in time. Hesitating for a moment, she raised her hand to knock, only she did not need to do it—it opened before she could even do so.
A kindly looking old man was smiling at her, leaning heavily against a cane. Tsubasa looked into his familiar twinkling eyes and smiled.
"Tsubasa! Come in! I've been expecting you. Were you long in waiting?" Fuyutsuko-sensei pushed the gate wider to let Tsubasa pass.
"Thank you, no. I was just about to knock when you opened the door." She replied gratefully as she wheeled herself in. She glanced up at Fuyutsuko-sensei, and it seemed to her that he had grown older of late, his limp worse than when she last saw it. But his voice and manner seemed to be the same—resounding and commanding, yet kindly and good-humored.
He ushered her into the porch, where a table was already waiting for them, set with riceballs and tea. Seeing all this, Tsubasa was quick to apologize.
"You shouldn't have, sir, really…to have you do all this trouble…"
"Nonsense. I've been very pleased of hearing you coming back, and it's better yet that you visited me earlier than what was planned." Fuyutsuko-sensei replied, laughing heartily and seating himself across her. "You didn't think I wouldn't be prepared in seeing you? After three years?"
"You're very kind, sir." Tsubasa's ears went pink, and he laughed again, offering her tea, which she happily accepted.
"I've been hearing some rumors, while you were away, Tsubasa-chan." Fuyutsuko-sensei began, after a moment of silence.
"Rumors, sir?" she looked puzzled. She had exchanged letters with him while she was away in America, and she was surprised that he should hear any rumor about her. "What rumors?"
"Of a certain student whom Japanese and American schools are fighting over—I wonder who that is?" he teased, eyes twinkling merrily.
Tsubasa simply smiled.
"So what did you think of America, the land where your father was born?" Fuyutsuko inquired, already on his second cup of tea.
"It's a very nice country. It was hard to adjust at first, but…" here she paused. "In a way it has become like a second home to me. The people aren't so nice as they are back here, but there are several worthy individuals worth mentioning. I have grown to love it there. Mama has shown me where she and Papa met, and several other sites when I first came there." She shook her head and laughed. "Anyway, how are YOU, doing, sir? How is your family?"
"Well, I was very sorry you couldn't meet them today. They went off to the hot springs. Oh, don't look distressed. You didn't hold me back. In fact I really didn't feel like going myself, so I stayed and waited for you. They're doing very well, thanks for asking. My eldest daughter is due to give birth next month."
"Oh, but that's just wonderful!"
"Isn't it?" his eyes sparkled with quiet joy. "Well, as things begin, things will also end. I'll be retiring from my duties as coach by the next season."
"Retiring?" Tsubasa echoed in disbelief. "Retiring! But why, sensei?"
"Ah—well, as you can see, I'm not as young as I used to be." He held up a lock of white hair from his head, smiling. Tsubasa still looked like she could not believe it. "Don't look so surprised. Tomigaoka is going to get a good coach after me."
"Yes, but they'll miss a good lot without you." She responded, biting into a rice ball thoughtfully. "Sensei!" she laughed, seeing his expression. "Why do you look like you don't believe me? It's true. You were the one who paved the way towards the best years of my life." She said, gratitude brimming in her voice.
"Now that is really nonsense. We can only make ourselves have the best years if we want to. Certainly you have worked hard enough to achieve what you had achieved back then." He sat back and looked her over with fond eyes. "Yes, I can still remember those days. I'm hardly the one to be blamed for it."
He looked at her with a keen eye. "It doesn't seem like I'm the only one growing old. You seem to have grown quite a bit in America, yourself, my dear. It's always hinted at in your letters, but now I have seen it for myself."
Tsubasa blushed at this statement and could not find anything to say in reply for a moment. "Have I really changed so much?" she ventured to ask.
"If I were the person who only knew you as a basketball player—young and brash and quite tomboyish." She laughed at this. "…I would say that you have changed remarkably. Thankfully, that is not the case. I'll just say that there is another part of your nature that had unfolded." He sobered, and was thoughtful for a few moments. "You have gone through a trial that severely tried your spirit and endurance, your patience and perseverance. After all that, no one can really be the same. No one knows it better than I." For he had also gone through an accident that prevented him from playing basketball, just like her. "The brashness in your nature has subsided, in fact, you're quite reserved now. You're more conscious of the people around you and their feelings."
"You know me quite well, sir, to see all these changes in just a few moments of company with each other." She said, smiling faintly. "I cannot say that you have perceived me wrongly, though."
"I have picked them up from your letters to me. You have changed, for the better, Tsubasa-chan. And although I will miss the lively, active girl that I once knew, I will never regard her so highly as I do now."
She suddenly felt her eyes become wet as she reached out to grasp the aged fingers of her beloved teacher. "Thank you, sensei. I don't feel I deserve such praise." He smiled kindly at her.
"Well!" he quickly brightened, waving his hand in front of his face, as if to brush the serious mood of the moment away. "Enough of that. I trust you've met with Rukawa now, right? How is he? I've heard that he's improving quite a lot these days."
"So have I."
"I can believe it. I've never seen anyone like Rukawa before—except perhaps you, Tsubasa. He just seems so…determined in his playing, yet no one can really understand why, or more accurately, what force drives him. Well, whatever it is, it works for him.
"Have you seen him play basketball since you arrived, Tsubasa?"
Fuyutsuko-sensei's question caught Tsubasa off guard. She seemed to struggle against something within herself before answering honestly that no, she hadn't seen him play now.
Fuyutsuko looked at her carefully before responding. "Do you plan on seeing him play, Tsubasa?"
The uncomfortable feeling in her chest grew. "I have to admit, no." she said softly. She saw her former coach's face fall, as if from disappointment. "…at first. I didn't—I resolved not to see him play at all." She felt almost ashamed to say these things, but somehow it felt like a great burden was being lifted off her shoulders. Fuyutsuko was listening intently. "But slowly…my feelings are starting to change—it's changing something in me."
Too long have I lived solely for myself in order to forget.
"You are starting to think of other people more deeply." He observed, sipping his tea. "Thinking of them as entities separate from yourself and your condition." His eyes smiled at her over the rim of the cup.
"I've regretted many things and I was hurting as well." She replied in turn.
"Have you tried playing basketball after your accident, Tsubasa?" he asked, rather abruptly. She looked a little mystified at this question, and shook her head.
"And why haven't you?" his eyebrows were drawn together, his look stern. "Have you forgotten how to play?"
Tsubasa stared at him. Then she smiled in understanding.
-----
Starting today, I'll let go of my past.
Starting today, I'll let go of my regrets.
Starting today, I'll start anew. It's not too late.
She was sitting by the window, looking outside, thinking, as she always did as a child. Her talk with Fuyutsuko-sensei was refreshing, and put her in a reflective mood. Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted with a bang—someone had slammed the door.
"Kaede-kun?" she called, but no one answered. She wheeled herself out of the room, looking around for him, but he was nowhere in sight. He seemed slightly altered today, she thought. He was silent in the car after she picked him up, and although that was not very surprising, it seemed like he had a lot on his mind. She looked at the door, and making a decision, she headed towards it.
Pushing the wheels, she headed down the pathway and out onto the sidewalk. She didn't know where she was going to look for him, in fact she didn't know what was pushing her to follow him, but she didn't care. She kept on wheeling herself, ignoring the curious stares of passersby.
She paused by the park, when the sound of a basketball hitting the pavement made her stop on her tracks. She looked to her left, and saw him, playing basketball. He played with such ease and grace and freedom that it almost made her forget to breathe. She watched him quickly avoid an imaginary opponent and extend one hand upward and effortlessly launched the ball into the basket.
What do you like best about basketball playing, Yamazaki-sempai? Someone had asked her long ago. Tsubasa smiled at the memory of her answer.
"It's the flying." The interviewer looked puzzled at her response, but she can only laugh at him and go on her way.
When he finally landed on his feet, he straightened and wiped his hand across his brow, unconscious of her presence.
"That was really great. I'm impressed." He jumped at the sound of her voice, and he found her sitting there, smiling at him, clapping her hands.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I just wanted to go out for a little air." She lied, as Rukawa went over to help her into the park's half-court. "And I caught you playing. Yoi, you're so good at it, too, Kaede-kun!"
"Don't be stupid." He muttered, feeling slightly embarrassed, confused feelings swimming inside him as he looked at her. He was almost sure she would feel resentful of seeing him play, but something seemed to have changed in her.
"Can I borrow the ball for a while?" she suddenly asked, and he complied. She twirled it in her hands, looking thoughtful.
I won't be able to catch up with him in this ever again, but it doesn't matter now. No more regrets. I've hurt too many people by that, including myself.
With a deep breath, she raised her arms and threw the ball towards the basket. It only struck the ring, though, and it bounced on the ground. She watched it silently as it rolled towards her.
"Tsubasa…" he began, but he was surprised to see a big grin on her face as she bent over to pick it up.
"I didn't think the first try would be easy. But I won't give up!" she said cheerfully, waving the ball around with one hand. Rukawa seemed to be taken aback but this, but his blue eyes softened in understanding, and he nodded in reply.
I won't let disappointment block my way from anything ever again!
But before she could shoot the ball, an angry yell distracted her.
"You have guts to show your face around here! I know you're the one who snitched on me!" an ugly kid who looked around to be ten years old, flanked by two companions as unpleasant-looking as he, had cornered a little boy who looked like he was half their age. Before the bully could say another word, a basketball, quick as lightning, flew towards him and hit him squarely on his face, knocking him on the ground.
"Oy, you there!" Tsubasa shouted. "You're too noisy! Can't you see someone is trying to practice here?!"
Pride injured, the bully stood up, basketball markings on his face. He was about to say something insulting to the wheelchair-bound Tsubasa when Rukawa suddenly loomed over them, glaring at him with those infamous cutting eyes.
"Leave." And that was all he needed to send the three scampering off in fear. When he turned to face the little boy, he was no longer there. He was already running up to Tsubasa, the basketball in his hands.
"Is this yours?" he asked as soon as Tsubasa was within earshot. She nodded and took it from him. He didn't seem to be affected by the bullying earlier. He was all smiles, and was very cute, too. He had big brown eyes, chubby cheeks and a happy demeanor. "Do you play basketball?"
She grinned when he asked this. "Yes, in fact I do."
"I've never seen anyone using a chair before, though!" he looked curiously at the wheelchair.
"It's a special kind of basketball that I was trying to learn, before those guys interrupted me." She explained, winking at Rukawa as he walked up to them.
"Yeah. Thanks for helping me!" he jumped up and down.
"My name's Tsubasa, and this is my good friend, Kaede. What's your name?"
"My name's Rue!" he replied, hopping up and down again. He glanced at Rukawa, and very confidentially leaning towards Tsubasa, he whispered. "Does HE play basketball, too?"
"Yeah! In fact, he's one of the best basketball players around." Tsubasa replied, taking Rukawa's hand, in an effort not to squeeze the little boy's pudgy cheeks.
"Really! Wow!" he looked up in awe at the towering Rukawa. "I'm not surprised! He's such a big giant!" Rukawa sweatdropped at this. "I also want to be a basketball player someday, too! I came out here to practice, you know!"
"If you are, you should have brought along a friend or someone from your family. Those bullies might attack you again."
"They usually do, but they won't let me in the basketball court so I snuck out today." He seemed to sober at the reminder of the bullies. "I won't do it again, though."
"Send the brat home, Tsubasa. His parents will be looking for him." Rukawa suddenly said. Rue looked up at him in awe.
"Wow! You can actually talk!" he breathed in wonder. (haha that's really surprising for me too, kid. ;p)
"Will wonders never cease, eh?" Tsubasa laughed, shaking her head. "But I think he's right, Rue-chan. You better be going home now."
Rue's adorable face fell. "But no one's home today." He said softly. "My nanny is on vacation, that's why I'm alone. My dad won't be home until tonight."
"You're all alone in the house?!" Tsubasa echoed in disbelief. Rukawa looked unmoved. "How old are you, Rue-chan?"
"I'm five!"
"What?!" Tsubasa looked quite shocked, but she recovered herself on time. Anyway, she was almost in the same situation when she was that age, so SHE wasn't in the position to say anything other than, "I can't believe your dad just let you stay in the house without anyone."
"I'm a smart kid." Rue replied, smiling.
"I'll bet." Rukawa snorted, thinking of how he almost got clobbered by the bullies.
"Still, you have to go home now." She insisted, but the little boy shook his head.
"My dad isn't home yet! It's boring to be in the house all alone!" he glanced at the basketball lying on the ground. "I wanna learn how to play basketball! Please! Please?" his big pleading eyes were irresistible. And before she knew it, she was already instructing him the rudiments of basketball.
"First, you have to dribble the ball." She said, drawing him to the side of the half-court.
"How do you do that?" he asked innocently.
"Kaede-kun!" she tossed the ball over to him. "Please show us how to dribble a ball!"
He caught the ball, and shook his head.
"Kaede-kun!" she shouted again. He remained stony-faced and she crossed her arms, glaring at him. "Dribble the ball!"
"No."
"The heck…! Don't be so stubborn! How hard is it to dribble a ball!?" she said, but still he would not be swayed.
"No." he repeated, more forcefully.
"I'll throw my shoe at you, I really will." She warned, but he could see she was trying very hard not to laugh. Rue looked at the two in confusion. The two glared at each other for a full minute, then, with a resigned sigh, Rukawa began to dribble in place. Rue clapped his hands delightedly.
"Yare yare. What am I? A performing monkey?" He muttered to himself, still dribbling the ball.
"Then, you can run around the basketball court while dribbling the ball." He heard her say to Rue, who was listening to her intently. She grinned at him and waved. "OK! Kaede-kun! Run while dribbling!" he didn't react, resolving to take no part of this anymore, no matter what she said.
"RUKAWA KAEDE! YOU BETTER RUN AROUND WITH THAT BALL OR ELSE…!" she yelled so loudly that several passersby stopped and stared. Rue jumped up and down and clapped his hands, running over to Rukawa.
"Is it like this, oneesan?" he asked, dribbling an imaginary ball and running around.
"Very good! Hey, I think you're even better than Kaede!" she cried approvingly, coming over and getting the ball from a disgruntled Rukawa. "And then…you shoot the ball through the basket!" she told him, pointing at the basket hanging above.
"Let me! Let me!" Rue cried eagerly, jumping up and down [Rukawa: "He hops around too much."]. He took the ball from her and tried to throw it, but it proved too heavy for him. Rukawa studied the two of them for a moment, deciding, and then made up his mind. Bending over, he picked up Rue and put the little boy on his shoulders, much to Tsubasa's surprise.
Rue laughed delightedly. "Wow! It's so high up here!" he exclaimed.
"Kaede-kun's not a building, you know." Tsubasa said, sweatdropping. Rukawa made no comment and walked over until they were very near to the basket.
"Throw it in, you little brat." He said impassively.
"OK!" Rue nodded, then took a deep breath. "Hup two three! Throoow!" he raised his pudgy little arms and with a heave, threw the basketball in. It went through cleanly. Rukawa quickly set him down so he could hop all he wanted on the ground.
"Whee! It got in! It got in!" he exclaimed, hopping towards Tsubasa. "I'm so good at this!"
"Yeah, no thanks to me." Rukawa muttered to himself, sardonically. Tsubasa was nodding and smiling and to his surprise, Rue ran back to him and hugged his leg.
"Arigato…oniichan!" Rue said before running up to Tsubasa and hugging her, too. Tsubasa hugged him back, and she saw Rukawa's eyes light up and he quickly went back to his mode of indifference.
He's not comfortable with showing his feelings—it's really his nature. But that makes it all more special when he does show it. He is not unkind…as much as other people think. He has just a different way of showing it.
It was Rukawa who tried to prevent her into going into fights, but he wasn't going to back down from her side if it was unavoidable.
"See you later, then, oniichan, oneesan!" Rue waved happily from the doorstep of his house, before going in through the door. Tsubasa smiled and waved back, and she forced Rukawa to wave as well.
"He's a cute kid, isn't he?" Tsubasa said as they walked home, Rukawa guiding her wheelchair.
"He's a little monster." He replied without missing a beat.
"I take it that you like him then." she teased, grinning widely. "It was very nice of you to help him shoot the ball, Kaede-kun." She said, looking up at him, her green eyes smiling at him. He said nothing, and the rest of the walk home was silent, and neither disturbed it, each contemplating the changing regard they had for each other.
-----
The next two days passed by uneventfully. Tsubasa's list of people to meet with was slowly thinning down. She spent most of her extra time with Rukawa, either watching him practice in the park with Rue, or helping him with his studies. Sometimes she dropped by Fuyutsuko-sensei's house just to talk. But she was most often with Rukawa, but somehow, something was starting to bother Tsubasa, but she did not quite understand what. Sometimes she would catch herself smiling alone for no particular reason whatsoever. She wondered at her change of behavior, and could confide in no one, not even her mentor. And when she considered of talking of her feelings to Rukawa, she would suddenly blush and wave the idea away.
On the third day, the visiting party that Haruko had hinted at finally came. Tsubasa was surprised to see all her former teammates—and even some of the male teammates she had in her first year, but she was glad to see them nonetheless.
"You should've told me of your coming." She said, ushering them in the house. "The house is a mess! The least I could do was clean it up a little."
"Oh, don't bother about it sempai. We're all just here to see you! You're looking so well!" Haruko exclaimed, and the others seconded the pronouncement. Tsubasa laughed and thanked them, but she heard a familiar voice come in through the door.
"You're looking as spunky as ever before, Yamazaki." Tsukiyama, the captain of the men's basketball team in her freshman year, was smiling down at Tsubasa, and quickly leaned down to hug her.
"Sempai!" Tsubasa laughed as she hugged him back tightly. "It's so good to see you! It's been so long!"
"Has it?" Tsukiyama reached out and ruffled her hair. "I would think so! Your hair is so long now!"
"Waai! That's true, captain! Yamazaki-sempai looks so pretty!"
"Really?" another old friend of Tsubasa's, Yoshihiko Kagaiwa, appeared, carrying several boxes of pizza. "Then I think I'm in big trouble then." He said smilingly.
Rukawa, in the meantime, quietly gathered his things and made a quick exit. Everyone was talking at once that only Haruko, gathering courage, asked him to stay with the group. Rukawa did not even bother answering her invitation and went upstairs in order not to be in their way. When he looked back, he saw that Tsubasa was looking at him, and seeing him looking at her, she turned her eyes somewhere else.
"Tell us everything about America, Yamazaki-sempai! Oh! Did you get any boyfriends there?" one of the girls asked. He hastened his steps and disappeared into one of the bedrooms upstairs.
----
Once upon a time,
I woke up with a little boy sleeping beside me. I didn't know his name, I didn't know where he came from, and I even thought I was in a dream. Suddenly, and so easily, we gained another member in our family. When we went to school, no one thought it strange, for us to be living together, because they naturally assumed that we were related by blood. Even I did not think it strange. There is no sad nor happy memory without Kaede—he was always there. I always thought of him as a brother.
So why?
Why is it all changing now?
Is it really changing…or was it what was inside me all this time?
----
Tsubasa shook her head and playfully swatted the question away. "Boyfriends? I don't think so. I was too busy studying to pay attention to boys at that time."
"Maaa…that's so boring, sempai!"
"If I only knew beforehand you'd be begging me for love stories, I would've gotten out and found myself one." She teased, but as she spoke, there was a pained look in her eyes that she quickly covered up with a smile.
----
Yes, I did meet someone in America. But I had hurt him so badly that I don't think I have any right to speak of him. He was a doctor…and that was how we met. After a while, he went up to me and asked me to marry him, and he promised to take care of me for the rest of my life.
I refused. I do not want to plague anyone with my disability for the rest of THEIR lives. I didn't think I could let myself be taken care of by anyone. My decision was final. But lately I've been wondering…
Did I really feel something—no, anything, for him?
It's all so different now.
-----
Several hours passed. Everyone assembled were trading stories in earnest now, telling of what had passed in the last three years. In the course of the chat, Tsukiyama excused himself from the conversation, with the excuse that he had to get some more drinks for the company. They excused him, and he went over to the kitchen, and was surprised to see Rukawa standing there. Rukawa merely glanced at him and went back to studying the thermos, which was in front of him, waiting for the water to boil so he could make himself some coffee.
Tsukiyama, in nature being friendlier than Rukawa (well, come to think of it, all of us are!), greeted him. "Hey, Rukawa. It's been a long time, eh?"
Rukawa said nothing.
But Tsukiyama was persistent, even though he had already graduated from Tomigaoka before Rukawa joined the basketball team, he still considered himself well acquainted enough with Rukawa to talk to him in a more or less familiar manner. "I've seen some of your games. You're turning out great. Makes me wish I were still playing basketball."
Still Rukawa said nothing. Seeing that his companion was in a perpetual non-conversant mood, Tsukiyama leaned back against the sink, cracking a soda can open and sipping it thoughtfully. Outside, the girlish chatter, with several exclamations made by Kagaiwa, could be heard.
"She's turned out great, didn't she?" Tsukiyama suddenly said after a long pause, startling the younger boy. He looked up to Tsukiyama, and saw that he was thoughtful, his eyes fixed on the floor. "She's a really cool person, ever since I met her, I knew it instantly." He went on, more to himself than to Rukawa.
"I really loved her." He said softly, not caring if Rukawa heard him or not. He laughed and looked up to a very surprised kitsune. "But she's an Untouchable, you know that? Just like you. It's easy to win her friendship, but it's so hard to win her heart. I knew I couldn't win her."
"And I wanted to see her this time, to see if I had any hope left. Now I know. There is no hope." He strode over to Rukawa and put a hand on his shoulder, his eyes suddenly hard and piercing. "She's been in love with someone else, all along."
The thermos bottle suddenly indicated the water was boiled, but Rukawa did not notice it. He could only stare in astonishment at Tsukiyama.
Tsukiyama broke out in a grin. "Don't be a fool, Rukawa. Don't let her slip by your fingers, just like what I did. I would've told her my feelings—I should've told her my feelings, but I didn't, because of what I know." With that, he let go and walked back to the door. Rukawa was still dumbfounded, and Tsukiyama looked back and smiled at him knowingly.
"She's waiting for you." And then he left.
----
Tsukiyama's words sent a shock through me. What he said to me, although it was a rather awkward way of saying it, gave me something to cling on, something that I dared not admit even to myself.
Hope.
-----
"It was good seeing everyone again." Tsubasa sighed, as the last of the visitors left, and already it was late in the evening. Rukawa saw that she was happy, and was glad to see her in such high spirits. However, they were tasked to the hard job of cleaning up after the impromptu 'welcome back' party. Already he was picking up the empty cardboard pizza boxes and Tsubasa was putting the chairs back to their original positions. Seeing this, he quickly strode over to her and told her to get some rest.
"Alright, then." She said, smiling. "I'll wait for you until you finish."
She watched him as he moved around with his quiet ways. However, there was something different about him now, something on her mind that was bothering her. "The thought of leaving again in a few days is harder than when I first left, three years ago." She didn't know what made her say this, but she did. "Seeing the places I've grown up in, my friends—memories handed to me all over again. I've always imagined home as something that will never change, and I have been proven wrong."
"Yes." Rukawa interrupted abruptly, standing in front of her, gazing down in her eyes intently. "Things will always change."
She met his gaze steadily. "And that is what makes it so beautiful." And he saw her smile faintly at this. "So many things have changed, but I am yet to be disappointed in anything that I have seen."
"Will it be enough to make you stay?" he said softly, but he already knew her answer.
She shook her head, her eyes determined. "I gave up one dream for another." She replied, but she said it with a tinge of sadness. "My old dream is with you now, Kaede-kun. You're the only person I can trust it with. I have a new dream to pursue, and I have no plan of letting it go."
"Can nothing else make you stay?" he persisted. He sounded dispirited, weak, but hopeful, nonetheless. A new emotion was revealed in his eyes, and for a while Tsubasa was quiet, unsure, wavering—afraid.
"I'm tired, Kaede-kun." She said, lowering her eyes, and both their hearts fell. Without wasting another moment, she made her exit, leaving him alone with his thoughts and seemingly lost hope, burning brightly only moments before.
----
I cried myself to sleep that night. It seemed so hopeless, for the two of us. He asked me if I could give up something I equally loved, and I could not. He, of all people, should be the one to understand me. But his understanding is the one that hurt me most. I wish he would get angry with me, yell at me—anything. But his silence—his disappointment—was almost unbearable.
How long had you felt this way, Kaede-kun? Why should you be so generous and kind? My heart aches so much I cannot breathe.
----
Rukawa fell asleep on the couch, and was awakened by a loud cry—Tsubasa's voice.
"Kaede-kun!" she shouted, her voice coming from outside. Rukawa was immediately awake, a miracle in itself, and suddenly he was running. There was an urgency in her voice that he had never heard before and he was suddenly afraid that something bad had happened, and a thousand horrible things were running in his head, one more awful than the next. He jumped over seats, flung doors open, and dashed to where she was, his fears overpowering any loneliness he felt the night before.
But nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.
Under the cherry tree where they first met, was Tsubasa, smiling and crying at the same time—standing on her own feet.
"Kaede-kun!" she called again, holding out her hand, and he ran towards her, forgetting everything else, knowing in his heart that what he had been waiting for had come—what they had both waited for had finally come. He embraced her, before her feet could give way, and held her tightly, and suddenly he was crying too.
She was laughing and sobbing, holding onto Rukawa, a new peace washing over her. At that moment, she understood now, what they had to do, what she had to do.
All this time, I couldn't tell him because I didn't fully know myself, nor my heart.
"I felt like I could do it, and I did!" she giggled through her tears. It was wonderful. She had somehow did feel like she could do it, and her limbs followed her, as if awakened. He said nothing, and caressed her hair gently. She added, in a softer tone, "I'm so happy."
"I understand now, Kaede." She looked up to him, her eyes still filled with happy tears. "I know now why I didn't get well in America. I was looking for you. I missed you so much. I've been waiting for this for so long."
"And so have I." Words suddenly came rushing to him. "Tsubasa, I'm so sorry, I asked you to stay, when I knew you have gone through so much for your dream…" she silenced him with a shake of her head.
"If one could throw dreams away, I would stay, and be here with you." She whispered.
"But I don't want you to throw your dreams away." He said in turn. He understood only too well. If she asked him to go to America with her, right here, right now, he would, but he knew she would not. But it didn't matter now—whether they were together or apart, in two sides of the world.
Their feelings for each other were stronger than that.
When did I start feeling this—I do not know. Perhaps it was creeping up to me, little by little…and he was waiting for that, waiting for me, ever so patiently…
"So this is how tall I am." She murmured, smiling. She was in fact up to Rukawa's nose, and she felt she could stand longer, with his support. A breeze passed the two, and they both remembered, how things were, the past years…
This is the moment where friendship at last turns into love. All the things we have been through…are merely an overture to this.
An overture to the future. An overture to happiness.
With you.
"Let's chase after our dreams…and meet each other, at the converging road—Kaede."
"My only dream is to be a person worthy of you." He replied, raising one hand to wipe her tears away. Then his lips softly blossomed into a smile, and he looked so different when he did. "I'll do my best, if you promise you will do your best—"
"And I will wait. We will wait." They did not need to hurry. They had no need to. "I know, starting today, I'll get better now."
He laughed. "You better run to me when we meet again, the same way you made me run two minutes ago! You had me worried!"
"Worried about what?" she teased, grinning.
"I've forgotten." He shook his head, and nothing more was said, the silence broken only by the rustle of the wind in the leaves, watched only by the cherry tree that had watched both of them grow up, over the years. The same cherry tree that had witnessed their conversations, their sorrows, and at last, this newfound happiness. He held her and she leaned on him, trusted him.
So how did the story end?
Not with a kiss, as most stories go. It ended with a promise, silently given, silently said.
To be bound to each other, in time meet again, and then…
Who knew? But then again that is what makes life—and love—so interesting.
~ OWARI ~
Yes! It's THE end! *throws confetti around* Sorry if it was "rather" waffy, but I had to make up for the lack of it from the previous chapters! RC-chan, I hope you liked it! Okay, people, you can go puke now, with my blessing. Thanks so much for all of those who have read this fanfic, but I'll leave that part to Sendoh. Oh wait, there's still an epilogue coming up! ^^; Sheesh…
Sendoh: Yeah "sheesh" indeed. My dear lovely Yui-chan would like to thank: micchy-no-koibito, fawkes, just a visitor, aNgeLoFdaRkNEsS, Maria, Ran&Van_Fan and Yuki Kitsune no Tsuki. Arigato gozaimasu!
Yui: Yeah! And happy new year to everyone!
Sendoh: Ano…it's kinda late for that sort of greeting, Yui-chan.
Yui: :p Oh alright then! Enjoy your vacation, everyone! (why must you always contradict everything I say?? I am TOTALLY not writing a fic about you!!)
Sendoh: …… -_-;