Sol
It was stupid. I was stupid. How could I have fallen for a guy like that? Above all, why in the hell do I feel the way I feel? Cheated. I felt cheated from a man that wasn't even mine to begin with. All the while I was with Clement. I felt soiled, dirty, and most notably broken in some form that ached me bitterly. This whole situation was undoubtedly selfish - and stupid. So stupid.
My bones continued to rattle as Alaska was two steps ahead of me, it was quite pathetic really, how I followed as if a neglected pup, and just judging by her mindless airily sighs, it was annoying. It didn't offend me none, I needed the companionship while heading into Riddle's class - I defied the notion of arriving alone into that classroom while Claudia's moans still lingered tantalizingly in the back of my mind.
"Claudia" my throat protested against voicing the name, though it escaped my lips like butter. Such a beautiful name for a beautiful girl, her name was even prettier than mine. Jesus Christ, was she ever gorgeous. So angelically perfect, I felt a depressing gloom hover over me as I realized I couldn't even get close to hating the witch, no such feeling arose. Claudia. Fucksakes, her perfume was still lodged in my sleeve, the faint scent of sharp femininity.
"Claudia?" Alaska noted, pausing in her footsteps as we were nearing the classroom, side glancing back at me, "Who's Claudia?" Alaska asked, her sudden curiosity piqued an interest from me, "U-Uh, didn't realize I was saying it out loud, I swear I'm slightly turning into a psychopath" this earned a slight smile from the broad as she turned and shrugged her shoulders, "I always knew you were a psychopath. That's why we're friends." There it was, the solidification of our relationship. Neato.
"Hm, are you going to make me guess?" She asked, popping out her hip as she cutely rested a finger against her lip in faux contemplation, "is she a ginger? There's a Claudia in Hufflepuff. Or maybe Miss Claudia, the new Herbalist that holds a shop in Hogsmeade?" as much as I wanted her to continue, I held up my hand for her to stop. This wasn't the time to talk about it, though. I was unsure if there ever was a time to talk about it.
"Nah, none. It's a song" grabbing her by the elbow, I gave it a gentle tug as I began to walk - maybe in the Ravenclaw Common room, at lunch, I decided witheringly. I felt an itch to tell somebody.
"Gees. I really wanted to gossip" She muttered as she pulled away from my tug, "Sure you did, you're cruel" I replied, she nodded her head in agreement.
Thankfully, our small conversation drew away the patter of my heart, though my fingers still shook mildly at the anticipation from seeing Tom.
Filing into the classroom, Ravenclaws and Slytherins, we took our arranged seatings. Albeit, I postponed the act of sitting in my seat as much as I could - Alphard surely wasn't amused by this at all when I began badgering him about our recent homework in Divination, and if I could copy off him, "You're in god damn Ravanclaw, Stella. Get in your seat" He growled, so I reluctantly did what I was told, and hid my face in my arms in the process. I had a very contradicting yearning to look at him, though not to.
"Class, I'd like to introduce you to Luther Vialaphris," I heard Tom's voice speak solidly, "He's an author of a very unpopular series of books," he explained, and quite brashly Bernard Griselda shouted out his unnecessary opinion, "I read your novel, my Pa uses it to even out the table, you see we have a rickety-" Tom shushed the outspoken idiot as he wordlessly began scribbling words loudly onto the board.
Peeling my head away from the desk, I was immediately faced with the most doomed shade of wilting green, as if somebody stole the deepest of madagascar and placed the hue into this man's head as he occupied Tom's desk. His eyes were trance like, and I haphazardly smiled while realizing this was the man that practically smothered the scene of Tom and Claudia in my face, though I felt a more thankful rush of appreciation wash over me. I began jotting down the information he wrote on the board, and decided unwillingly with a brief flush of hesitance to steal a glimpse of the pale skin that blanketed the nape of his neck. It was always my favorite area of Tom - the skin impeccably flawless, it seemed like it were never touched in his entire life. An odd fixation, I admit, though the curve of his hairs into the contrasting curve of his neck was something to be admired. It was short lived, and I ignored his almost gawking eyes stitched into my skin as I wrote down the paragraphs, and when I was finished, I made a pillow out of my arms again - His attention almost never leaving me, it was blatantly clear he didn't even try to hide it whatsoever. How embarrassing.
When the time came for next class, my actions were quick and abrupt while I almost sprinted to Alphard and began toying with the frayed edges of some worn and rather large envelope that lopsidedly poured out of his satchel, I wondered what it contained briefly before he swatted my hand away, "you're quite needy today, aren't you?" Alphard tossed a somewhat rare, fleeting grin as he slightly shoved me out of the way, and I spied the sender of the envelope - Slughorn. "Y-Yeah, only cause I wanted to ask you to come with me to Slughorn's dinner thing" He grimaced at the label I decided to brand the Professors dinner, or probably the idea of us attending together. Though I still was desperate in trying to brush off any relation to being needy, it was gross. As we left the classroom, I still felt the looming attention of Tom don me, though as if a heavy burden lifted from my shoulders as we rounded the corner - it was gone.
Sighing, I intertwined my arm around Alphard's, only for him to shake me off of him a few moments later, "Come on, pleeease? Asher already has somebody to go with, and you know Clement wasn't invited" I childishly pleaded, and was slightly offended when he dusted off his arm, as if I held an unseen disease. "Fine, just be sure to wear that dress you wore to your Mother's Yule feast" I felt immensely complimented at that request, "You like that dress?" I asked, genuinely surprised, it was a camel mermaid silk that fitted like a glove around my waist. "No, I purchased a similar color tie a week ago" his response was lackluster, and I internally rolled my eyes at the relentless Black. "Also," we neared the staircases, as the students slowly flowed into a steady current down the spiral into the Great Hall, "You'll need to pluck your eyebrows." My hands slapped to my forehead as I froze, "a-are they that bad?" I asked, insecure, he shrugged his shoulders while continuing to walk, "No they aren't - just slightly messy" my mouth hung open for a quick and witty insult right back at the self righteous wizard, though it was Alaska's hand wrapped around mine that stopped me from escaping the corridor, and with strength that I never witnessed from the frail witch until that afternoon, she yanked me back to her, and continued to drag me into abandoned classroom a few steps away.
She shut the door behind her, turned, then pointed at me accusingly with her nude polished finger, "You're having an affair with our DADA Professor?!" her shrieked, and put her effort of being somewhat secretive within this vacancy to waste. I shook my head, raising my hands to my chest innocently, "I w-wouldn't call it an affair.." Stella leaned against the door, her now calm and collected mannerisms returning to her. I didn't blame her for her suddenness, it was a natural reaction to my predicament.
"You truly are a damned psycho, aren't you?" She sighed, massaging the bridge in her nose, most likely trying to tame a headache, "if it's not an affair? What is it?" she asked, crossing her arms. "Hm," I wondered, cautiously choosing a word to define our relationship was becoming difficult - then as if a cold wash of water poured over me, "he's a stalker, yeah, he stalks me." I needn't look at her, I could hear her teeth grinding together in frustration.
After a lengthy sigh, and a fleeting moment of silence I clung to, she frowned quite deeply - the most ugliest thing i've ever seen from the flawless girl - it reminded me of a troll. "Well isn't that a damn shame, really thought I were to marry him, but after watching him for a full on hour stare at you like that-""like what?" I interrupted rudely, she squinted her eyes at me, and I instantly felt remorse at my mild selfishness, though she continued in a brash tone, "he stared at you like he actually loved you too, like you were the sun in the sky, or rather, the sky itself - above that even. He stared at you, like you were the moon - that's all he did for the past hour, it was disgusting to witness" she huffed exasperatedly, and I sat there, numb to the bone, she was evidently annoyed with my obliviousness, though, the words tangled in my throat came out in a broken mess that probably splattered all around the place, "It doesn't matter what he does" my voice was choked, and strained, and the lump that disappeared, came back in full force.
"I found him this morning, almost mid-fucking in the classroom, some gorgeous dime named Claudia." I shrugged my shoulders, trying desperately to seem nonchalant about it, she half heartedly chuckled, and I quickly stared at her, "I was so convinced Claudia was a song, anyways, how did she look like?" Alaska asked, sliding down against the door. I mirrored her image and plopped myself gracelessly onto the cold cobblestone floor, "She was tall, not model tall, but taller than me, and had this thick, blonde hair - imagine an effortless kind of pretty, like french early twenty's chick waking up casually at 9am to go get coffee at a cafe type of pretty" she pressed her lips together, and stared at the ceiling again, "didn't know that was Tom's type of pretty, then again, she she can't beat an Italian late teen's chick whose eyes swallowed the entire mediterranean and is a God sended virgin kind of pretty" The way how Alaska complimented me, it was as if she was stating a fact - she doesn't mean to inflate your ego, it was solidly her own, unforgiving and completely honest opinion, and it blatantly wasn't a nice gesture, so I didn't thank her.
"But I think I know Claudia," my skin became afire as she crossed her nylon legs, "she works at the some pub in Diagon Alley, she is pretty. My older brother tries to get in her panties a lot, but he's dumb too" I lightly laughed at her statement, "Also.." I murmured, leaning back into my palms, "He said my name while they were mid-fuck, it's gross, I need to take a bath, I feel so dirty" At this, Alaska freely laughed much to my chagrin, perhaps it was something I should've kept to myself.
"You go take a bath - you still have remnants of mascara or whatever on your face, I'm going to eat now" She lifted herself from the floor, and tossed a lopsided grin, "I'll keep this a secret, don't need to worry about that." And then she left, and I did too.