Chapter 7

AN: Thank you so incredibly much to everyone who reviewed!!! You are amazing! I'd just like to apologize for not having updated, but 'real' life got in the way, but I'm back and I have time so keep a look out for updates! Again- THANK YOU to all of you and I hope you enjoy this chapter!!! -x-

Three weeks went by with sickness, migraines and cramping. Lilly felt more and more tired. She didn't know how much longer she could hide this, though Dr. Turner had told her she could go up to twenty weeks without any noticeable physical change to strangers.

Her mood had started becoming more unpredictable too. She felt herself lashing out at anyone in the department at the smallest things which didn't exactly help her situation with Scotty but rather seemed to burn another bridge every time they talked.

His relationship with 'Elizabeth' had continued to grow and her constant presence was wearing thin on Lilly's patience.

A moment on their own in the car on their way from an interview gave Lilly the opportunity she had needed to tell Scotty. Of all the scenarios she had run through her head, there really wasn't an easy way to tell him no matter where they were at the time. 'Hey Scotty, how are you? By the way, you are the father of the child I am currently carrying,' didn't really seem fitting in any location.

She decided to broach the subject carefully.

'So you and Elizabeth are getting serious then?'

'Yea,' Scotty smiled. 'It's so amazing, I never thought I could feel this strongly again. Not after, you know.'

'Yeah, of course- I understand.' Optimistic with where the conversation was heading, Lilly decided to push on in a jokey tone.

'So any plans for the future, you know weddings, children?' She emphasized the last word.

Scotty was surprised Lilly was so interested in him and Liz, but happy that they could talk again and decided he could confide the more recent development in their relationship to her.

'Actually, I'm gonna ask her to marry me.'

'What?' Lilly spluttered and painfully swallowed the rest of the herbal tea she had been drinking. 'Seriously?' She searched his face.

'Yes, what is that a problem?' Scotty suddenly became aggressive.

'No, it's just soon that's all.' Scotty's revelation had been a slap in the face. The imagined future that she thought this news would bring was quickly shattered with the introduction of another woman.

Scotty hadn't meant to go off on Lilly. It was just that everyone in the apartment seemed to be judging his relationship. Was it wrong for love again after Alyssa or what?

'You know what Lilly, before you start judging my relationship, why don't you take a look at your own love life huh?'

Lilly could feel tears pushing at the back of her eyes. 'Scotty, I wasn't judging anything.'

'Yeah, sure you wasn't. I've noticed your mood over the past week. You really shouldn't be the one to talk.'

'What the hell do you mean by that?' Lilly was starting to match Scotty's anger now.

'Just look at your own record that's all. Can you blame us for preferring the sister?'

The last comment sent Lilly reeling. 'Scotty stop the car.'

'What?' Scotty looked at her as if she was insane.

'Scotty stop the fucking car!' Her voice was calm, but that made the underlying anger in it even more menacing.

'What the hell are you playing at?'

'I swear to god Scotty, if you don't stop this car-'

Scotty slammed on the brakes. 'Fine.'

Lilly brought her hands to her abdomen as the seat belt suddenly tightened around her stomach. She quickly unbuckled it and tumbled out of the car in a daze, slamming the door behind her.

Scotty knew he had crossed the line with the last comment. It had just felt so good to vent his frustrations on her, but now he felt like shit.

'Look, Lilly, can we just forget about this?' Scotty pleaded. Pretending things 'never happened' seemed to be the only way him and Lilly ever got through anything without killing each other. First Chris, then that night and now this.

Lilly turned around to face him, her face burning with an anger Scotty had never seen before.

'Scotty fuck you!' She spat the words out with a resentment so strong Lilly scared even herself.

She saw a taxi approaching and called it over and fell into the back seat moments later. She couldn't even cry. She felt numb. Scotty's words were still ringing in her ears. Looking at her past, where she came from, Lilly wondered how on earth she could have fooled herself even for one moment into thinking she could ever be a mother.

'I'm sorry.' Lilly whispered. 'You never asked to be brought into the world like this or to have such a screwed up mother.' It was the first time Lilly had spoken to her baby.

'I just wish things could have been different.' Hot tears were running freely down Lilly's cheeks now.

The taxi driver looked at her concerned through the rear view mirror.

'Miss, where to?' He asked uncertain.

'Philadelphia Family Planning Clinic.' Lilly managed to choke out.

- - - - - -

Sitting in the waiting room an hour later she looked around at all the young girls sitting there. Some looked distraught, others relieved at what they were about to do. Lilly felt her hand drift down to her slightly swollen abdomen but she quickly removed it. She couldn't- not with what she was about to do.

Funnily enough, when she had talked to the counsellor in the mandatory session before her appointment, she had spoken of it so matter of fact, no mention of the word baby, merely 'it.' Why put a face on something you weren't going to keep?

'Lilly Rush.' The nurse suddenly called out.

Lilly felt coldness surge through her at the sound of her name: it was time. To her surprise, they had been able to fit her in that day. It was all happening so soon but it was the right thing to do, Lilly was convinced. They were all right, if she couldn't even stay in a relationship without driving them all away, there was no way she could expect to be able to raise a baby. They had all eventually left her, she couldn't bear it if her own child too would grow to resent her too- she would not be her mother.

Lilly felt numb as she undressed and put on a hospital gown. All she remembered was the cold of the metal against her thighs as she was put into position on the table. Everything was starting to spin quickly and she could barely respond when the doctor asked her if she was ready.

- - - - - -

Lilly stumbled out of the clinic, and when the sunlight hit her she broke down completely. She leant on the wall for support. How could she? She had come so close. She wasn't a teenage mother- she had options.

She sank down with her back to the wall and placed both her hands on her abdomen.

'I'm so sorry. Baby, I'm so sorry. If you can ever forgive me, I promise- from now on, I'll be the best mother if you just give me another chance. I will do everything I can to make this up to you.'

AN: Rave, rant or REVIEW! Hope you all liked it! Till next chapter… :)