Hi
Thanks for the reviews, you're great. This is set after Ari made his second appearance. I changed a few things which is obvious and I will be changing a lot in later chapters, it's an AU and the author gets to say, what happens :-) I had a few problems writing this one, my Kate muse refused to play along and I had to set a trap but she's back now. Hope you like.
Disclaimer: They're mine but I'm delusional and therefore not to be taken seriously.
Now enjoy!
"I never wanted to hurt you, Caitlin, you have to understand that."
Slowly he took a sip from his glass, savouring the taste of the expensive white wine. She resisted the urge to take her own glass and pour its contents over his head.
"Then why am I here? Why this childish hide and seek?"
He smirked.
"You're here, because I wanted to talk to you. Unfortunately, we didn't have the opportunity the last time we met."
"You want to talk? After all these years? And you just expect me to give in, or what? You had plenty of opportunities to talk to me. You always knew where I was. But I had to rely on Ziva for every little bit of information. You could have been lying dead on a table in some godforsaken country and I wouldn't have known. Hell, if Gibbs had gotten to you, you would be dead by now."
She had somewhat shouted the last few words, the stress of hiding her connection to him over the last months now catching up.
He sighed and folded his hands in front of him.
He hadn't expected this to be easy.
But he had hoped she would, at least, meet him halfway, they had been married after all. And they had shared a tragedy, parents should never have to face.
But maybe that was the problem.
He had never really given her the chance to share anything, he'd wanted to protect her and in the end, he had hurt her even more.
But it was too late for regrets now. He had his mission to fulfil and Andrew Caine was still out there. Something he would change.
"I doubt your precious Gibbs can find me. You haven't told him, have you?"
A pained expression crossed her face and he knew he had hit a sore spot.
It left him feeling strangely empty, the last thing he wanted was to cause her yet more hurt but it was the only way he knew to keep her away from him, to keep her safe.
"That's none of your business. I'm not your business, anymore. Can't you just let me live my life?"
She was emotionally exhausted. Her voice was low, close to tears. She just wanted to run, get away from him.
She wanted to banish the haunting images from her mind.
She wanted to forget.
Ari's voice calling her name, Abby's pain-filled sobs in her lab, Gerald's expression after being shot, Gibbs piercing blue eyes, trying to read her, touching something deep in her soul, something she thought she had successfully buried with her son.
Longing.
The first time had been on the submarine, the sudden close proximity, the flash of desire she caught in his eyes.
She could have sworn the temperature had risen a few degrees in that moment.
Denial was the answer, she ignored it and moved on and so had he, she suspected.
Gibbs knew something was up, she was pretty sure about it, he had this unnerving ability to exactly know when somebody lied or tried to lie to him.
He drove her crazy, tested her, invaded her personal space tried to get her to admit to something, what, he probably didn't know and she felt herself nearing the breaking point.
Today just might have been the last straw.
The situation changed faster than she expected it to, a blur of red and black and then blue.
Blood on the ground, the government cars driving up to the farmhouse and Gibbs eyes locking with hers.
He didn't leave her side, stayed when the paramedic tended to her wounds, nothing really serious but he refused to leave her alone.
He took her to his car, drove her to a preliminary debriefing at Headquarters, the team avoided them for now, sensing they would get the important parts tomorrow.
Then he drove her home. His home.
She knew then, she had reached the dead line, she had to confess her sins, a concept she was well-acquainted with.
She had never felt this nervous and apprehensive before confession though.
Silently he let her into his house, his sanctuary. It was neat, clean, not really lived in. He motioned her to sit down on the couch in his living room.
"Be right back, you want something to drink?"
She declined, sure she wouldn't be able to keep anything down.
He made his way up the stairs, she could hear him rummaging through drawers in what she suspected to be his bedroom. Leaning back she decided to close her eyes, just for a moment…
"Kate?"
Startled, she opened her eyes. Gibbs stood in front of her, his expression concerned. She hadn't heard him come back down.
He sat down on the couch, looking tired and weary. She noticed a glass on the table and two aspirin lying next to it.
She took them gratefully.
He turned, facing her.
"Better?"
She nodded mutely and turned to him. He had changed, now wearing old, worn out blue jeans and a black USMC shirt.
If the situation hadn't been so tense, she might have taken the rare opportunity to appreciate the sight.
But instead she just wished for a change of clothes, too, anything to get out of the outfit she had worn all day already.
His next words didn't surprise her.
"You knew."
No question, just a statement. She could hear the tension and suppressed anger in his voice. The betrayal. Her betrayal.
She wanted to talk, she really did, but all she got out was a sob.
And once she got started she wasn't able to stop the tears anymore. She felt his arms around her, one hand in her hair, fingers gripping her tightly, he pulled her to him.
She didn't need much convincing.
His chest muffled her sobs quite effectively, she had a tight grip on his shirt. And she finally started talking.
She told him everything, the first meeting, London, her father, his father, the wedding, Adam, New York.
He held her, still, letting her cry.
Life had just gotten a lot more complicated.
---
His house was quiet, Gibbs sat on the couch, trying not to think about the woman currently sleeping in his bed, between his sheets, wearing his clothes. After her confession, he had sensed her exhaustion and ushered her upstairs, telling her she needed a decent night of sleep if she didn't want to collapse the next day.
As for him, he needed the time to think. Her words had undoubtedly shocked him. Of all the things he definitely hadn't expected this.
This was something he didn't want to deal with, it made things personal, even more than they already had been.
Over the last months he had focused every bit attention he could spare on catching Ari and now he had to face the fact that it had been wasted time.
Add to that Kate's connection to the bastard and things got really complicated. A part of him still wanted to put that bullet into his head, the problem was he didn't really know his reasons anymore. From what he'd gathered about the past, Ari had hurt her by leaving, he had left her to mourn her son alone.
What kind of bastard would do that to his wife, the woman he was supposed to love.
If he imagined, just for a moment, that Shannon had survived…
He wouldn't have been able to let her out of his sight anymore, would have kept her as close as possible.
He could understand Ari's driven determination, but the hurt he had caused Kate in the process, made him want to kill the Mossad agent. He didn't dwell on the fact that, a few months ago, he would have never allowed himself to harbour these thoughts, he'd gotten closer to Kate than ever intended.
And he didn't have the slightest clue how to deal with that.
Tiredly he rubbed his face, trying to stay awake, he made his way upstairs.
Upon entering his bedroom he stopped, taking in the picture in front of him.
Kate looked so fragile in her sleep, so young which made him feel even guiltier for thinking of her in any other way than just a colleague.
Pale skin against dark blue sheets.
Careful not to wake her, he sat down next to her on the bed and leaned against the headboard. Tonight he would keep watch. He couldn't chase her demons, but he could make sure they would never reach her.