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Rachel, Kurt, Santana, and I finally arrived at the hospital sooner than we expected. Kurt drove my car with Santana while I was accompanying Rachel along the way inside the ambulance. She was still unconscious and I was worried that if I didn't take her immediately, I would lose Rachel's life.

Rachel's face was pale as a ghost and her breathing was slow. The nurse had cleaned Rachel's blood off her hands and she was trying to press a bag on her wound a few times as we made it through the hospital hallway. I could see the scars she made, each of them carving every inch of her wrist. There were deep scars and also slight scars. There was one scar on her left wrist that almost cut off her vein. How could Rachel do this to herself? What kind of problem was Rachel going through until she could put her own life on the edge of a cliff? And God, I was such a bad boyfriend! How could I let her do this to herself? Why couldn't I stop her from cutting herself, creating scars on her beautiful skin?

And the worst part is

Why didn't I notice this from the start?

Oh God, how could I be so blind and numb? If I were a good boyfriend, I should've known her problems from the start and tried to fix everything — making her feel better.

Kurt shouldn't say that to Rachel. She wasn't sick, she just needed help. She didn't deserve to be treated like an asylum patient — she needs to be loved — but I hadn't given her the love she deserved.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but you have to wait in the waiting room." A nurse said when she was about to close the ER. I held the door and said, "But I'm her family, I just need to know if she is okay." "She is and she will as soon as the doctor takes care of her. Now if you'll excuse me." It was too late for me to stop the nurse, she already got into the room and I was all alone, haunted by undetermined fate on Rachel's life.

No longer after that, Kurt and Santana came. I was still furious with what happened at the loft that I couldn't control the demon inside of me. I took Kurt's collar with both hands and pinned him on the wall really hard. I could hear Kurt's head hitting the wall and he groaned with pain, but still I kept doing the stupidity I was doing. "YOU! IF YOU DIDN'T ASK HER TO GO SEEK MENTAL HELP, SHE WOULDN'T HAVE A BREAKDOWN AND END UP LIKE THIS!" I didn't know who I was anymore. I attacked my brother for saying what was right because I was busy defending Rachel's sanity. I just couldn't picture Rachel wearing all-white, living alone in a small room while going through thousands of treatments God knew for how long. "FINN, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! IF SHE DOESN'T GET ANY HELP, SHE WON'T SURVIVE. YOU DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN, DO YOU? STOP DENYING THE REALITY AND MAN UP, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" Kurt, my brother, who was always very gentle and pure as a newborn soul, screamed right on my face. His words shot right through me, I needed to stop denying things. And I had to stop being such a jerk and start dealing things like a man. But still, a man in his vulnerable phase couldn't hide himself from sorrow, and then cry.

I loosened the grip on Kurt's collar and kneeled down. I cried. It had been a long time ago since the last time I cried — and this time, it was the worst. Kurt sat down and hugged me. He patted my shoulder and said, "It's going to be alright, big guy. Shh... Shh... Rachel will be fine." But still, I sobbed like a mad man. I saw Santana was standing by the corner, didn't want to get involved in this drama. I glanced at her and I could see tears streaming down her face too, but she was smart enough to cover her crying by biting her bottom lip.

Kurt was right and I didn't want to cause more trouble, not after the security came to us and told us to cut it down. The three of us sat down in front of the ER. I couldn't stop worrying about Rachel, hell, my head was full of her. Kurt was also silent. We didn't speak much, not after what happened. Maybe we could need some silent treatment. After all, I didn't want to lead us to another fight just by saying one word. Santana didn't say a word either. She probably though silent was golden.

And as the clock ticked and the sky was getting dark, Kurt, Santana, and I waited for the doctor to come out and tell us that Rachel gained her consciousness...

•••••

"Finn... Woke up, she's awake now."

I dozed off while waiting for Rachel struggling for her life in the emergency room. Santana's voice woke me up and I was alert immediately. Rachel, awake? Oh thank God. I was grateful that Rachel was still alive. We weren't too late to safe her. I rubbed the sleepiness off my face and asked, "Whe-where is she now? How's she doing?" I was too excited to hear the news, but Santana soothed me down. "She's still in the room, but the doctor finally allows us to go inside. Come on, Kurt's inside already with her." Santana held my hand and dragged me into the emergency room. That was when my heart stopped pumping and my lips were too dry to speak. I couldn't pick great dictions to utter, because I always thought my words would hurt Rachel's feeling. But, my feet couldn't stop walking and we were getting closer to the entrance.

As we opened the door, Santana and I entered the emergency room...

•••••

The room was illuminated with little trace of light. The curtain that led to Rachel's bed was half opened. I only could see her hand settling on the edge of the bed. I saw her hair, but not her face. The beep sound of the heart monitor was the only voice I could hear. Despite the fact that the room was very silent, my head was filled with words I'd say to her.

Santana and I walked to Rachel's bed. We finally took our hands off by the door. Rachel looked very weak. Her face still looked ill, but at least it wasn't pale like before. She was wearing the hospital robe with a comforter covering her belly down to the bottom. Rachel was closing her eyes, but I knew she wasn't sleeping — a kind of 'Rachel Berry's magic' she usually put people on trick, but never on me. Some of Rachel's scars had faded away, but the new ones were the most obvious to see. Every time I glanced at those cuts, I couldn't help but die inside. Kurt was there beside her, eyes tracing at me while his hands were holding Rachel's left hand. Kurt was still mad at me, I guess. His face didn't welcome me there, but somehow we were here because of one reason and we couldn't let one fight between brothers stopped us from doing what we wanted — to be here with Rachel. Kurt leaned in his face to Rachel's ear and he audibly whispered, "Rach, Finn's here." Kurt stood up and let me replace him.

I sat on the chair where Kurt sat first, then I began, "Rachel," I choked "It's me. Would you let me see those beautiful eyes, Rach, please? It's been awhile since the last time I saw them." I waited for a moment until Rachel opened her sparkling dark eyes. "H-hey, I... I'm glad that you're awake now," I continued, smiling "And seeing you alive is very wonderful."

"I thought you wanted to see me die."

That was the first sentence Rachel uttered to me. I was shocked, practically spooked out by the way she said it. Why would she think about dying? That wasn't the Rachel I knew. "I just don't want to lose you," I cleared my throat "Especially after what you've done to yourself. I'm sorry if I'm not here with you from the start, I'm sorry I can't give you the love you deserve, I'm sorry —" "Shh, we've been through this, alright?" Rachel put out her index finger and rested it on my lips, hushing me. "It's not you, it's just... It's much bigger than just a love story dilemma. But, I'm still not ready to tell you because... I'm still not even ready to accept the situation. I hope you understand, Finn."

There was something deep inside Rachel's voice. Something that was so psychologically deep, as if she was persuading me to see inside her eyes to know about everything. I nodded, "Yes, just take your time. But if you need me, I will always be here for you." I smiled, but my heart was still hurting from seeing Rachel's condition. Rachel smiled faintly which made me a little glad.

I thought it would be the best for Rachel to take a rest. She looked like forcing a big amount of energy in talking. "You should take a rest and sleep. Don't forget to eat," I looked at a food tray next to her bed "And if you need something, call the nurse or me. I won't leave you." Rachel nodded understandingly. I got up and planted a kiss on Rachel's lips — it still tasted like heaven and lullaby — then Kurt, Santana, and I went out, leaving Rachel to sleep and heal.

•••••

It didn't take long until the doctor finally let Rachel to go home. Rachel was finally back at the loft, but I told her to stay at home for a day before she did her daily activities. I took care of Rachel and helped her whenever she needed one. I made Rachel breakfast, phoned delivery service for lunch, and had takeouts for dinner. I didn't want to let Rachel off my guard, because the last time I did I almost lost her.

One time, Rachel asked me to sit next to her while having breakfast. "Hey," Rachel said, still pinned on the bed "After I recover, I'd like to take you somewhere. The last time we went out together, I blew it off. Now, I just want to pay everything for you." I chuckled. Our first meeting in New York was a disaster, but somehow I've forgot about it. Rachel was probably just shocked to see me, that's why she freaked out. "Well, I'd love to," I reply "Where would you want to take me?" Rachel made her funny thinking face. She rolled her eyes and answered, "Hmm... I haven't thought about it yet, but wherever it is, it's a surprise." Rachel winked at me. This was the longest time she ever smiled at me since the first time I got here.

I couldn't wait for what kind of surprise Rachel would give me. Was it like the one I took her to Sardi's? Anyway, it was worth to wait and I had my heart pumping fast just by thinking about it.

3 days later, I was sitting on the couch when Rachel went home after college ended. To be honest, I didn't know what I wanted to do in New York besides taking care of Rachel. Rachel wasn't a baby and I needed to have a new activity, but my mind was still recovering after the drama that I had gone through for the past weeks. Rachel kissed my cheek while I was reading today's newspaper. I imagined there would be a time when Rachel Berry-Hudson would do that after she went home from her Broadway shows — kissed her husband's cheek, made a cup of tea — and I would give her anything in this world. "Are you ready for our night out together?" Rachel asked me. I was sure as hell ready from a long time ago, but instead I replied, "Yes, I am," I closed the newspaper and put it down on the table, then Rachel snuggled inside my embrace as she rested her head on my chest. "Is this what you told me as the 'surprise'? Have you decided which place are we going to?" I asked, caressing her soft brunette locks gently. Rachel nodded, a smile curled on her face, "Oh, you remember! Yes and wear something nice because I will turn you to be a true New Yorker for a night." I didn't know what she meant by that, but I was so excited that I got to spend more decent time with Rachel just like we used to. Rachel jumped off the couch and tapped my knee excitedly, "Chop chop! We'd better get going before the traffic's being an ass. But first, I'll change my clothes." Rachel walked into her room. When she reached the door, she looked at me, still procrastinating on the couch. I thought she was going to scowl me, but Rachel said, "Oh, and I've moved your stuff in here. You can change your clothes inside." And winked flirtaciously. Rachel could be very sexually appealing these days and I was very grateful that she was my girlfriend.

I came into Rachel's room. It was nothing like her old yellow bedroom back in Lima with floral bed sheets and a collection of her favorite musicals. Here, Rachel was a mature woman, transitioning to be the citizen of New York City. I found Rachel was picking out her clothes. She didn't wear something formal, only her classic long sleeves red dress that fit her body so well and a matching beret. When she was about to open her coat, Rachel looked surprised to see me and I realized that I shouldn't be there. I turned around and tried not to look at Rachel while she was sliding down her skirt. "Finn, chill. It's not like you haven't seen me naked." Rachel was right, I ain't no stranger to her after all.

But still, I couldn't just stare at Rachel changing her clothes because it would lead to a fantasy my uncontrollable hormone created. I remained on my position until I could hear Rachel seductively whispered, "Finn," I turned around again, this time I let my eyes wandering all over her body. Rachel was wearing nothing but her bra and underwear. Everything about Rachel was beautiful. The curves of her body, her smile from ear to ear, her long wavy hair that I always mesmerized. Her skin was so soft like cottons and her breath smelled heavenly.

Rachel came closer to me, her eyes was focusing on me. She draped her hands on my neck and pecked kisses on my lips. It was adorable to see Rachel tiptoeing so she could reach my neck, that way I could lift her up with my hands. The kiss started gently, then passionately. I let Rachel's tongue enter my mouth and we wrestled our tongues together inside. I put my hands on her waist, sliding down to her hips then ass. Somehow Rachel had a really good fun by biting my lips, which I found very sexy.

We walked to the bed, jumping onto the mattress, as our lips were still touching and the heat in our bodies was tensing. I trailed my lips to the side of Rachel's neck and kissed it. She let out a few moans, which aroused me to do more. We kissed some more, but before further things happened, our lips parted. "We'd better get dressed fast before it's too late." She was right and I didn't want to get carried away. So, I took whatever the outfit I found in my luggage and headed to the bathroom to dress.

It was the human nature that made men dressed up faster than women. I went out from the bathroom, wearing my denim jacket and jeans, and waited by the couch. Rachel took so long to get her hair and makeup done, I could snack me some popcorn while waiting for her. Then, the moment came – for the billionth times, Rachel wowed me. Rachel wore a long-sleeves red dress down to her knees with matching heels and a red beret hat. She let her wavy hair flew with the wind as she took her step to me.

"What do you think?" Rachel asked me.

Everything was perfect except her beret hat which didn't suit her well. So, I ran my hair through Rachel's hair, then took the beret off. I threw the beret to the couch. She awed at first, but then she understood why. "Oh, I remember this jacket!" Rachel said as she grabbed the sleeve of my jacket "Freshman year, you stole my heart while wearing this jacket." I furrowed and got her fact right, "I thought I stole your heart in my letterman." Rachel serenaded me with her angelic laugh, "Yeah, yeah, I'll get my facts right better next time."

I thought it was the best for both of us to go. I offered my arm to Rachel and she took it, then we headed out to face our date night tonight.

•••••

I believed tonight was made for Rachel and I. The traffic wasn't that crowded and Rachel gave me the directions that led us to…

The Empire State Building.

We bought our tickets and went up to the 102nd floor, where the highest observation deck was there. It was almost 11 am on a weekday, which meant there were less tourist rolling around in the building but we both weren't completely alone. The last elevator was two hours away, so we still had more time to enjoy the night. "So, this is your surprise?" I asked and Rachel nodded. As we exited the elevator, we both ran to the observation window like little children. "Look! We can see New York and other 4 states from here. I've been here twice since the day I got to New York and I never get enough! It's so cool." "And beautiful, just like you." The words just came out of my mouth and Rachel seemed clearly heard it. She glanced at me and her cheeks were blushing. I stood behind Rachel's back so close, like the moon and the star.

"So, you've been to the Empire State twice but never get enough. Too unsatisfied?"

"Too lonely."

I held Rachel on her back as we enjoyed the miraculous magic of the night. After everyone went down and we were both the only people in the room, we sat on the floor and cuddled each other. It was a pretty cold night and the atmosphere was so romantic that we get carried away. I hugged Rachel and never let go. Never let go, because if I did I might lose her.

"Finn, how do we stop the time so this will last forever?" Rachel asked.

"We can't, but we carve it in our minds," I answered "And girl, what a beautiful sculpture the memory will be."

•••••