A/N: The following review does not completely express the opinion of Matthais Unidostres, but rather expresses the opinion of the character known as Keldeo the Critic for the sake of cannon characterization.
IN THE GHOST WORLD. . .
This world extends infinitely in every direction. It seemed to a realm floating in red and purple space. There were no stars in sight, no natural light at all. It was a dark realm of a haunting glow that shone upon floating grey stone platforms throughout the infinitely extending realm.
Ghost-type Pokemon floated around the place, popping in and out of portals at random, occasionally bringing in a human or Pokemon to feed on. The quota was once again yet to be met, and most of the Ghost-type Pokemon were conversing grumpily. However, everyone stopped what they were doing when they heard the sound of an eerie cry.
The Ghost-types gathered around a large platform where three Litwicks and a Lampent were gathered together.
"Minions of the Ghost World," the Lampent said, "I give to you your one and only master. The Phantom of Unova, Zalton."
There was a thunderclap followed by a poof of black smoke, and a huge evil looking Zoroark with a huge bloody scar in his chest appeared. It's a foot taller than a regular Zoroark, and it's claws are sharper. Two small scars go down beneath the middle of each of his eyes and he wore an evil, insane smile on his face as he spoke.
"My trembling subjects, for a while you've known that I kept the secret Horcrux hidden within this world, which entrapped me within this world after my death. Due to the lack of human souls, I have been unable to get around this problem. Well, no more. It's time for you to witness the true terror of the Ghost World. The horror of she who I took under my wing. The undeniable evil that will use my power to bring more human souls into this world than you could ever imagine." Another thunder clap shook the Ghost World. Zalton smiled wickedly and said, "Behold, pitiful maggots, the fearsome face of darkness, the new and improved, Ghost Girl of Summit Ruins!"
There was another puff of smoke, and a small child wearing a yellow dress and dark hair covering her eyes appeared. She was hunched over and busy playing a 2DS.
Zalton's eye twitched. "Uh. . .technical difficulties! Back in a few!"
Zalton and the Ghost Girl disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving the Ghost Pokemon confused and bewildered.
The pair reappeared behind a floating wall, where Zalton angrily shouted at her.
"What are you doing with that! Turn it off and go through the routine!"
The Ghost Girl looked up from the 2DS and stuck her tongue out at Zalton before looking back down at the game.
"YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Zalton roared.
The Ghost Girl looked up and puked and spat a glowing ball ectoplasm into his face, which exploded on contact.
Zalton roared and vanished in another poof of smoke, reappearing on a floating stone platform where Hunter J sat on a chair as she read a book.
"What the Hell have you done to my ultimate weapon!?" he roared at her.
Hunter J rolled her eyes, "Look, she's been bugging me for days, so I gave her that 2DS so she'd have something else to focus on."
"But now she won't listen to anything I say! What games did you give to her?!"
Hunter J shrugged, "Travel Adventures with Hello Kitty."
"Ohh!" Zalton moaned.
"Turbo: Super Stunt Squad."
"Ohhhh!"
"Phineas and Ferb: Quest for Cool Stuff."
"Ohhh!"
"Regular Show: Mordecai & Rigby in 8-Bit Land."
Zalton blinked, and he gave a small smile, "Okay, that's not too bad. . ."
"And Animal Crossing: New Leaf."
"YOU INCOMPETENT EMBECILE!" Zalton exploded with rage, "One more screw up like this and I'll destroy your Horcrux!"
Hunter J sighed with disinterest and looked at her arm cannon, "Actually, that's fine. Seeing as I don't have much of a life anymore."
Zalton sighed, "Oh, no matter. It'll take something much more potent to get our little girl to obey me without question."
"Like what?"
Zalton chuckled, "Oh, I don't know. How about. . .the story of my evil deeds and atrocities to innocent Pokemon, turned into a CGI movie! An animation so frightening that any small child who sees it will be so terrified of me that if I appeared to that child, they would fall down and beg for mercy, offering up their entire life in exchange for not being the victim of my wrath.
This story was originally combined with 56 other one-shots meant to put the Legendaries in a humorous light. The evil of my tale combined with those stories created a spell that had the power to announce the destruction of the Swords of Justice! A fanfic filled with such insults against the Swords of Justice, as well as all other Legendary Pokemon. A prophecy said when 60th oneshot has been added, the Swords of Justice will be no more, the Hall of Legendaries will fall into complete anarchy, the Legendary Pokemon will destroy each other, and chaos and evil will consume the Unova region!
Unfortunately, the prophecy also says that when the fanfic reaches the oneshot numbering 6 squared, or reaches 60% completeness, or gets to onehsot number 36, one of the Swords of Justice will discover it, and have the opportunity to break the curse. That Sword of Justice was Keldeo, and he fulfilled that prophecy and broke that curse. However, the horror of my story still lives, and it has grown through my animating it. That is what will create obedience in the Ghost Girl. Give me that USB I gave to you for safe keeping. It contains my story. Bring me... The Finale of the Six Tens Fanfic. . . .
"I don't have it," Hunter J said nonchalantly.
"WHAT!?"
"I decided to send it to Keldeo. I actually thought that was the plan from the start, seeing as you don't like him."
BY KODAI'S METAL CLAW! YOU JUST THREW HOURS OF MY HARD WORK OUT INTO THE WORLD LIKE A HAND GRENADE!?" Zalton pulled his hair and growled, and then shook his head, "Well, on the positive side. . .Keldeo's gonna die. . . ."
SLASH-BOOOOOM!
The wall was blown apart by Keldeo's Focus Blast.
The review must go on!
Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it.
Keldeo sprayed water from his hooves, putting out the forest fire around him.
Keldeo slid across the icy ground and gave Kyurem a kick in the face.
The review must go on!
Keldeo growled angrily at Ash, but then ran and put his head under a water fountain to cool off.
That's the theme of this song!
Although the waits may be long,
Keldeo cried out as Honchkrow hit him with Perish Song.
Keldeo and Ryan the Reviewer fought on a cliff top, Secret Sword and Bone Rush clashing over and over.
Keldeo and Ash gobbled down food, but then started to choke and began moving their head in an attempt to swallow.
I am a Swords of Justice. . .
Keldeo ran through memories of him with Terrakion, Virizion, and Coballion, and jumped, turning into his Resolute Form in mid air with a flash of light.
The review must go on!
Keldeo reared up on his hind legs, his expression serious and his Secret Sword raised and glowing brightly.
Keldeo the Critic
"KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts" (4 Part Finale) by DragonNiro
It's me! Keldeo The Critic! I review Pokemon FanFiction when I'm not training with the other Swords of Justice!
Remember "KeldeoXMeloetta Sixty Oneshots and Prompts" by DragonNiro? It was a collection of one shots that liked to poke fun at Legendary Pokemon, putting them in different situations and seeing what kind of crazy reactions it could get out of them. However, there are also some interesting and serious plots in there as well. Like tales of me saving Meloetta in human and Pokemon form. In one story there's all this build up for a battle against Yvetal, and in another I'm a brave knight, it's really cool. When I reviewed it, there were only 36 one shots. Good thing to, cause that was the only time I could break the curse on it. I said it was a guilty pleasure, but now, I say its just a pleasure! It got sooooooo good!
Well, the collection is finally complete with 60 one shots, but it turned out that the last four one shots form a final epic finale unlike anything in the rest of the story! In fact, I actually just recently received a USB by mail containing those final four stories animated in CGI! The box didn't have a postage, but hey! Who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth!
(Keldeo blushed and gained an embarrassed expression after saying that. Then he shrugged and took the USB drive and plugged it into his laptop)
Where the other one shots had a leaning towards K+ and T, the 4 Part Finale is most definitely T and maybe even M. But it's not only darker and edgier with 100 percent more Dark-type Pokemon, it's a downright strange, freaky little drive into someone's vision of an all out battle of good vs Satanically evil. It's a terrifying experience that you all expect me to go through.
Well, if I go, I'm taking you with me! PLAY MOVIE!
(The CGI video began to play on the screen.)
So the story actually begins with a kind of prologue that takes place a few years earlier.
Story Outline: Set in the past, Cobalion has a few stern words with Keldeo...
"What am I going to with you, Keldeo?" asked Cobalion, sighing.
A young Keldeo is standing in front of him, head covered by leaves for bandages.
"What?" questioned Keldeo, curiously.
It's been a few days since an accident happened to Keldeo.
To give Landorus a break, Meloetta stayed with the Swords for a couple of days.
Cobalion had gone off to do important business, whilst Terrakion and Virizion decided to go to Pinwheel Forest for the day.
A path they took had a landslide, and it was going to hit Meloetta, but Keldeo pushed her out of the way at the last minute.
Some of the rocks, however, gave Keldeo a concussion.
Now Keldeo has bandages over his head.
Okay, I just saved Meloetta's life. . .why is Cobalion upset about that? Did he want Meloetta to get squashed? Aren't the Swords of Justice all about protecting the weaaaaaa-
(Keldeo was suddenly conscious of Meloetta angrily glaring at him from behind)
-theeee uhhhh Pokemon who sometimes get caught of guard and need a save? Right?
(Meloetta nodded and disappeared)
The two are currne
(Keldeo jerked his head back and forth)
Wait, what?
The two are currne
. . .Wait, what?
The two are currne
(Keldeo face hoofed)
How do you miss that?!
"Keldeo." started Cobalion.
"Yes?"
"Why did you lie to me? Why did you say you hit your head on a tree, but actually it was rocks?"
Keldeo kicked some dirt.
"I thought you would be angry for me being careless."
"To be frank, I'm more angry that you lied."
"Oh..." Keldeo looked down in shame
"Um,..." went Cobalion.
What?! You mean I have this total awesome story of jumping in and saving Meloetta's life and I try to cover that up with a story about randomly hitting my head on a tree? I sound like an idiot! How is saving someone being careless anyway? What, did I cause the landslide? What is going on? I understand this is a prologue, so I get why we didn't just start at the landslide, but come on! Don't make me look like an idiot. Is it because I'm younger in this? Maybe. . .
Well, now that Cobalion knows the truth, his reaction changes to one more befitting of the situation.
"I'm not angry at you for being careless."
Keldeo looked up.
"I'm proud that you saved Meloetta.
It shows commitment to being a Sword."
Keldeo smiled in happiness.
"Thank you, Master Cobalion!"
Cobalion looked round.
"Virizion had told me to interact with Keldeo more.
The only times I see him is during training sessions, meals, missions, waking or going to sleep..."
thought Cobalion.
"Tell me, Keldeo, what is your friendship with Meloetta?"
Keldeo's eyes sparkled.
"My friendship with Melly is great?"
"'Melly?'"
"Nickname, Master."
"Oh."
"She's really kind, and a great Pokemon to play with!
She's shy, cute, funny and other various things I can go on about!
One time, me and Meloetta went to find some berries and..."
As Keldeo rambled on about his friend, Cobalion smirked.
"Looks like Keldeo's got a genuine friend...
One that he can trust with his life with, and always be with.
Reminds me of when I first met Terrakion...
I won't be surprised that they will be in a romantic relationship one day.
(Keldeo looked a little creeped out)
That. . .wasn't. . .phrased right- NO COMMENT!
...
...
...
(Keldeo raised an eye brow)
...
...
...
(Keldeo frowned)
Are ya gonna say any-?
I didn't how much enjoyment it is to talk to Keldeo..."
Whoa! Oh, okay, there we go. I don't know what that long pause was for, but okay.
"M-master Cobalion!" exclaimed Keldeo, shocked.
"Hmm?"
"You're smiling!"
"I am? No, this is smirking."
"What's a smirk?"
"I'll explain later."
(Keldeo did a serious impression of Cobalion's voice)
"One does not confuse a smile with a smirk! I come down hard on those that do with a Steel hoof!"
But one question remains. How did Cobalion know I was lying?
"How did you know I was lying?
Master Terrakion and Master Virizion said to keep it a secret."
Wait! Wait! Wait! So. . .let me get this straight. I told Terrakion. I told Virizion. And they told me not to tell Cobalion. Two of the Swords of Justice told me to lie. . .
Okay. . .here's a radical idea, how about not having Terrakion and Virizion know about it either. You know, then you don't have to make them look like. . .lying liars who lie? I don't know! See, that's the problem. If they already knew about it, why should they keep it from Cobalion? Nothing bad is gonna happen. Was this a secret test of character? Well apparently I failed because Cobalion had to call me out on my lie. But I just can't comprehend why they just told me to tell a lie to Cobalion. I'm sorry, I can't let it go.
Well, anyway, it turns out that someone saw the incident and just told Cobalion. And who was that someone?
"It's just my source was from an unlikely Pokemon, Keldeo..." replied Cobalion.
"I don't know why he was in the region..."
Cobalion and Keldeo walked out of the clearing, being watched by Darkrai.
"..." went Darkrai, before going into the shadows.
Darkrai. . .
(A dramatic sting played)
Number 58: Dark Truth
Story Outline: 'Sometimes, the truth is too dark to even let anyone know...'
Alright, now this is where the story finally starts going somewhere. We start out in Shaymin's garden with Dialga and Celebi.
Dialga saw the time-traveling Pokemon floated over, with a grim expression on her face.
"What seems to be the matter, Celebi?" asked Dialga.
"I... had a vision of the future..." murmured Celebi softly.
Dialga scowled.
Celebi has visions of the future, due to her ability to time-travel, but has them very rarely, like a migraine.
When she does have one, it's normally something extremely bad.
Last time one happened, Latios died to save Alto Mara.
Now before you ask why Celebi doesn't just time travel there and fix what went wrong, it turns out her visions are always too blurry to see.
"So, what was this vision about...?" he hesitantly asked.
"I couldn't tell, because everything was blurry, but..." started Celebi, scared.
"It was in a forest, a clearing.
Keldeo, Meloetta and the Swords are there.
The Swords bounded up, Meloetta very injured.
Keldeo is shaking with fear, as a shadowed figure walks up, and is about to strike.
Then, it ends."
Dialga just stares at Celebi.
"Densetsu no hi no shi o "
"Pardon."
"Literal Japanese for 'The Death of a Legend Day'
It's happened only once, and that was Latios.
Once he died, I foresaw the next day.
That day is tomorrow."
Celebi's eyes widened in shock.
"You mean...?"
"Yes, tomorrow, another legendary will leave us.
And what you saw in your vision, it may be Keldeo."
BZZZZZZZZT!
(Meowth rocked back and forth as he played a guitar and sang)
"Aye, aye, yaye, yaye! We're building up to a let down!"
BZZZZZZZZT!
Get out of here, Meowth! I'm doing a review here!
I'm a little confused why he needed to say it in Japanese, but it's a nice little detail to make things more interesting.
So then we move into. . .the Hall of Origin's freezer? Why does it need a giant freezer? Is it to store all of Kyurem's ice cream?
. . . .
(Keldeo looked around and nodded.)
I'm totally serious, in this fannon universe Kyurem makes ice cream. Really. There's a one-shot about Kyurem making ice cream. I promise. Aw, never mind, back to the review already.
So Darkrai is holding. . .a sword? While talking to. . .a block of ice?
In the Hall of Origin Cold Room, a massive frozen structure is shown, and Darkrai is sitting in front of it, with a katana next to him.
Darkrai glares at the structure.
The structure looks like a massive shell of a conker but in the middle, a solid block of ice.
"'Densetsu no hi no shi o' is approaching.
I know what happened all those years ago is my fault, but an accident.
But what you is unforgivable.
I'm going to make sure you won't escape."
Darkrai got up, and began to walk away, with the sword in his hands.
"I'll make sure that you'll never hurt or kill anyone again..."
Darkrai stops walking, and glances at the frozen structure.
"...Zalton..."
Okay, when did this suddenly turn into Samurai Jack? Or, Samurai Darkrai? . . . Why would a Pokemon need to carry a literal sword? What, is Darkrai trying to get into the Swords of Justice? Or are all his Legendary Dark-type moves not enough from him.
(Keldeo imitates Darkrai's voice)
"Yeah, forget Dark Pulse and Dark Void! What I really need is a breakable metal sword that requires me to get really, really close to my opponent!"
Darkrai walks out of the room.
"Yes! I will make sure you do not escape or hurt anyone by walking out of the room and leaving you completely alone without any guards whatsoever! I guess I'm kind of stupid like that."
So we get our first look at-
CRACK!
WHAT THE BISCUIT?!
A giant crack formed in the ice.
Then, two dark eyes light up in the structure.
"Hehehehehe..."
(Keldeo jumped in fear)
AHH!
King Sombra's rejected cousin?
Actually, maybe Arceus had the ice shipped in from Equestria and got stuck with the ice King Sombra was sealed in.
Princess Celestia: "Well, we've sealed King Sombra in the ice. Now what?"
Princess Luna: "Sister! A being from another world wishes to purchase ice from us for a Cold Room he's building."
Princess Celestia: *Trollface*
And now it is time for some mood-whiplash!
"Have a nice day, Keldeo." stated Virizion.
"I will, Virizion!" went Keldeo happily.
Keldeo ran to find Meloetta, whilst Virizion goes off to find Terrakion.
"Looks like today is going to be a good day!" exclaimed Keldeo.
For some reason recently, Keldeo has felt so upbeat, and he feels like nothing in going to get him down.
Twilight Sparkle: "Morning in Ponyville shimmers
Morning in Ponyville shines
And I know for absolute certain
That everything is certainly fine!"
(Keldeo chuckled)
Well compared to what's gonna happen in this story, everything actually was fine in Magical Mystery Cure.
So I meet up with Meloetta and Mew, but Mew seems worried about something.
Mew looked at both of them, then sighed.
"I was... on duty last night..."
"'On duty'?" questioned Keldeo.
"Arceus made a rota of legends who would petrol the Hall at night, to make sure no being gets in."
"I see. Continue."
"Well, I was patrolling near the Cold Room, when I noticed Darkrai going into the room.
I hid to see what he was doing.
He sat down and did nothing.
After that, I didn't know what happened, I must of fell asleep.
The next thing I heard is a big bang.
I rushed into the Cold Room and saw that Darkrai was gone."
"Huh..." went Meloetta.
"One other thing. Have you ever seen the massive ice structure in the Cold Room?"
Keldeo nodded.
"Yes." replied Meloetta, curious.
"I found a massive hole in the ice. It looks like someone broke it."
"Jeez!" said Keldeo.
"The ice type Pokemon liked that structure." affirmed Meloetta.
"They'll be really upset about it."
"Kyurem's already threatened to kill anyone who damaged it..." murmured Mew dishearteningly, then composed himself.
So basically, it's stuff we either already now or can infer.
"Nothing broke in.
Besides, the second thing is, the ice looks like it was broken in from the inside."
"So, that means...?" went Keldeo, figuring it out.
"That's right." stated Mew.
"Someone didn't break into the ice, someone broke out."
Mew looked worryingly at Keldeo and Meloetta.
"What ever broke out, is still among us.
I haven't told Arceus.
What ever it is, I think it's dangerous.
That's why I'm worried."
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on! A Sealed Evil in a Can has just busted out, and you haven't told Arceus? The lying Swords of Justice were bad enough, but this takes the cake. I mean, there could be a serial killer running amok through the Hall of Origin, and you decide to keep it a secret? What, are you afraid of getting in trouble? Well, I'm pretty sure whatever fair punishment Arceus would dish out for you wouldn't be as bad as seeing your friends murdered! And from what Darkrai said, we can infer that this Zalton guy is a murderer. I mean, for goodness sakes, Mew! What other catastrophes are you hiding from us?
Mew: "An evil Pokemon broke out of the ice in the Cold Room!"
Keldeo: "Oh no, this is terrible!"
Mew: "But don't worry, I'm sure that's not as bad as the atom bomb in the closet."
Meloetta: "Oh, alright then- WHAT!?"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Think, Mew! THINK!
So our three heroes return to the scene of the crime where all the Ice-type Legendaries are gathered together.
Articuno has a permanent anime shock face expression.
Regice is on the floor
Since it's hard to know what she's expressing, since her face it dots, one can assume she is crying over the structure.
Kyurem, however, is extremely angry.
The Ice Dragon loved this structure, and for someone to wreak it, makes his pissed.
You know what bugs me. None of them seem to be aware that there was something trapped inside of it. I mean, aren't you supposed to be able to see through ice? Did nobody notice a dark shape inside of it? Well, Darkrai knows, so I guess he put it there, put shouldn't he have told somebody that, oh, I don't know: "BEWARE! THERE'S AN EVIL POKEMON INSIDE THAT. . .structure. . ."
And another thing, they call it a structure. What does that mean? Is it a statue? Is it a crystal? Is it a cube? Is it that weird modern art that doesn't look like anything? Would you mind describing to us what the structure looked like?
Well, Kyurem is really angry that it was destroyed, and pumps our heroes for info. And Mew decides to throw Darkrai under the bus.
"I didn't see who did this, but before it happened, I saw Darkrai come in here."
Kyurem's eyes sparkled.
"Darkrai..."
ARUUGGHH!
The three flinched in fear of Kyurem's roaring.
"I'LL GET THE BUGGER!" Roared Kyurem.
Kyurem stomped off in anger.
You know, there is that whole, "it was broken from the inside" clue that you're leaving out, that might have been useful information. . .in saving Darkria's life!
Speaking of lives, our heroes discover a death threat scratched into the ice.
Mew floated over to the structure's hole, and inspected it, when he saw something.
"Look!" he pointed.
Keldeo and Meloetta came over and saw something strange.
Extremely hard-to-read writing has been engraved in the ice, with several claw marks in the ice.
"What does it say...?" asked Meloetta.
Mew looked at the writing intensely.
When he finally knew what it said, he paled.
"What ever broke out..." started Mew, eyes widen in fear, turning towards them.
"...is extremely dangerous. I think the legends sealed it here."
"What...does it say?" questioned Keldeo.
"Are you sure you don't want to know?" replied Mew with a question.
"It will make you say 'I wish I never asked that.'"
Monty Python Army: "GET ON WITH IT!"
"What does it say, Mew?!" demanded Meloetta, annoyed.
Mew glanced at both of them.
"Don't say I didn't warn you." he started.
"It says 'Zalton has returned.
I will have my revenge.
He will die!'"
"WHAT?!" yelled Meloetta, shocked.
"What does that mean?"
"I have no idea." replied Mew.
"I haven't a clue who Zalton is."
Well, I seem to vaguely recognize the name, but I'm interrupted by Terrakion.
"Hey, kid!" yelled a voice.
The three turned round and saw Terrakion walked into the room.
Keldeo rushed over to his master, while Meloetta followed.
Mew, however, stay where he was.
"Is it me, or is Terrakion looking weird...?" he thought.
What Mew is thinking is true.
Terrakion is smirking, and not in a good way.
Oh come on, couldn't you at least try to be a little more subtle! I mean, could this be any more obvious? Why couldn't you give us some surprises, maybe a little suspense? This is as bad as having Hannibal Lector as the killer in The Wolfman!
Not!Terrakion: "I ate the real Terrakion's liver with some fava beans and some Rare Candy! Hshcshschschsss!"
So yeah, since Not!Terrakion is stupid and doesn't have a clue where Cobalion went, he decides to go for broke and kill me right then and there.
Suddenly, Terrakion's Sacred Sword appeared, in all it's glory.
The shadows where Terrakion's eyes are disappeared, revealing them to be blue instead of the usual orange.
Keldeo stood back in shock.
The way the eyes stared is in a sadistic way.
"...I'LL END ALL HERE!" roared Terrakion, going to strike Keldeo.
"Wha..." went Keldeo, still due to shock.
"KELDE!" screamed Meloetta, scared
"MOVE!"
Mew just watched in shock, as Terrakion is attacking Keldeo.
Oh no! It's not like I can just block it or move out of the way. . . oh wait a minute, I can. Why don't I just block it or move out of the way?
…
…
…
…
…
Okay, do we really need these big spaces where nothing-
CLANG!
GAH!
Keldeo stood back in shock.
The prince of the shadows, the king of nightmares himself, Darkrai, is currently blocking Terrakion's Sacred Sword, despite him being a dark type.
And, oh yeah, he's doing it with a sword.
"Samurai Jack! Back to the past! Samurai Jack! Watch-out!"
Well, at least we get a decent explanation for why Darkrai's using the sword. Since he's a Dark-type, the Fighting-type move Sacred Sword would be Super Effective against him. But if he blocks it with a sword of his own, he can avoid all of that damage, and put up a better fight against Fighting-types. Really clever.
"Sacred Sword, and it's variant, Secret Sword, is made out of pure energy.
This kind of energy is so strong, it can cut through steel." explained Darkrai, before Keldeo could explain.
"Now, look. Terrakion cannot cut through this blade, which is made out of steel.
There is one of two possibilities here."
"Grr..." went Terrakion.
"The first one, Terrakion hasn't been training that much recently, and lost some of his strength.
Before you say, it's impossible for Terrakion to do that, since he trains all the time.
That leaves the other possibility."
"What is it, Kelde?" asked Meloetta, turning to Keldeo.
"..." went Keldeo.
"I'll say it." stated Darkrai, his eye not showing any emotion.
"This Terrakion isn't the real Terrakion. This one is an imposter."
"WHAT?!" yelled Meloetta.
No kidding! I mean, he only tried to kill me!
"Heheheh..." chuckled 'Terrakion'
Keldeo stood forward.
"Tell me something, Terrakion."
"Hm?"
"You've always told me a quote about possibilities. What is it?"
"I have no idea what you are talking about, brat."
"You'll not the real Terrakion."
'Terrakion' moved back and grinned.
"I see now..."
"The quote the real Terrakion is: 'Once you eliminate the impossible…
whatever remains must be the truth.…
This isn't the time to go quoting Sherlock Holmes! Get on with it!
Monty Python Army: "GET ON WITH IT!"
So after what feels like an eternity of dialogue, Zalton finally reveals himself!
"Hehehehehe..." laughed Zalton.
The imposter Terrakion changed into a dark figure.
This dark figure is a Zoroark, but it isn't like any other.
It's a foot taller than a regular Zoroark, and it's claws are sharper.
But the most notable difference is three scars.
Two small ones going down the middle of each eye, and a larger one down his chest.
"A Zoroark...?" questioned Meloetta
Patrick Tatopoulos: "That's a lot of fish."
Now, since this is an action movie where all the heroes are stupid, we get to watch Zalton do his Evil Speech of Evil while everyone just stands there and watches instead of attacking.
"I was trapped in that ice for many years by the nightmare dude here." started Zalton.
"As for who I am, I am Zalton, know as the 'Phantom of Unova'
Nobody one knows who I am today, because I've been gone so long."
Zalton turned to Keldeo.
"I was trapped in the ice because I did something truly horrifying, and I enjoyed doing it."
Zalton grin sadistically.
"And now, since my first attempt to kill you..." he said, going all serious.
"...basically failed, time for Plan B.
Keldeo, meet me at the Moor of Icirrus at 11:00pm tonight, or else."
"Or else what?!"
"Your masters will be slaughter like little Weedles being squashed."
Or they could attack you right now! Why is everyone so stupid in movies? The guy is outnumbered! He's a killer! It's okay to gang up on him!
Well after doing more evil gloating, Zalton continues to use what he learned from the Hannibal Lector school of acting by getting inside my mind.
"Today, a dark truth will be revealed to the legends.
So dark, only a few legends know of it."
Zalton points at Darkrai.
"You know of it, Darkrai.
You were there after all."
"..." went Darkrai.
"Why was it covered up?" asked Keldeo.
"Does it have to do with you trying to kill me?"
"Oh, yes.
Yes it does." replied Zalton, smirking.
"The reason why it was covered up, is because it is so brutal, that it will cause outrage with the Swords of Justice, and all of your friends, including little Miss Melly here."
"Hey!" said Meloetta, angrily.
"Leave me out of this!"
"I'm afraid you got involved the moment you became friends with Keldeo."
"...What does the dark truth mean?" finally inquired Mew.
"What was covered up?"
"A certain incident.
All incidents in this world are record by the legends, but this one was kept a secret."
"What incident?"
"6-DL Incident."
Darkrai glared.
"I should of known..."
"If you want to know more about this incident, ask nightmare boy here." pointed Zalton, at Darkrai.
He then turned to Keldeo.
"If you want your masters to live, come to the Moor, at 11:00pm, on the dot.
The outcome of it, will be interesting..."
Zalton's eyes glowed, and a Night Daze was formed, blocking everyone's eyesight.
When it cleared, Zalton is gone, a note left behind.
Meloetta picked it up and read it, which it said:
'Portal room!
A great idea!
Thanks for the escape!
Yours brutally, and insanely,
Phantom of Unova.'
"For someone so evil, he's awfully nice..." muttered Meloetta, distastefully.
I guess he was a card carrying villain.
"BOOOOO! BOOOOO!"
Alright, alright! Sorry! Gosh!
Actually, he kind reminds me of a more psychotic version of Gentleman Ghost from DC Comics.
So, since the security around the Portal Room is the worst in the world, Zalton escapes. But now Keldeo wants to know about this "Dark Truth".
After the incident with Zalton in the Cold Room, Mew had to go lie down, as he is shaking with fear.
Yeah, just shoo out the clowns. So I guess it's just Keldeo, Meloetta, and Darkrai. . .no Arceus of course, or any other Legendary Pokemon that could stop Zalton in 10 seconds flat!
"Zalton was a deadly Pokemon back in the Unova Civil War.
As the humans fought, many Pokemon wanted the war to stop, but a handful wanted it to continue, for chaos to rain.
Zalton was hired to create this chaos.
He would, like a spy, disguise himself with his illusions, and infiltrated both sides of the war, to create chaos, and hatred.
BLU Scout: "Oooh, big problem. I've killed plenty of Spies; they're dime-a-dozen back-stabbing scumbags-"
The humans thought that a ghost, a phantom killed the important figures.
And since the same type of killings were happening all round Unova, they began to call it the Phantom of Unova killings.
To this day, it is still the bloodiest time in Unova's history, but unsolved.
Zalton took pride in that name, so he called himself 'Zalton the Phantom' or 'The Phantom of Unova.'
I don't know the reason why Zalton is like that. I heard that he killed his brother by accident, but something in his mind made him like it.
He is a twisted and psychotic Pokemon."
Darkrai picked up the file about Zalton.
"You'll find in this that his killings stop all of a sudden, like a someone disappearing into thin air.
No one knew where he went."
"But, the truth is, you froze him." stated Keldeo.
"Why?"
"Because of the 6-DL Incident." replied Darkrai.
6-DL? Where's that? Next to City 17? What, is Zalton working for Dr. Breen.
And the idea of someone killing their brother by accident and enjoy it is kinda messed up. How do you even kill someone by accident. Were they having a battle and fought too hard or something? How does a Pokemon kill someone by accident? How does that work?
(Keldeo's eyes widened in terror)
Oh no! It's like- it's like-
"Aura Sphere!" A ball of white energy was shot at Pikachu.
"Oh please I've thought Lucarios before IRON TAIL!" With a flick of the tail Pikachu flick the ball right back at Lucario as he was just over whelmed with the force and thrown back into a tree in which Pikachu heard a sickening CRACK!"Oh Arceus! I didn't mean to kill ya." Lucario, however, just started laughing.
"I've been wanting to die for a while child. I guess I knew hunting Buneary down was a death wish. Don't let this effect you. You're a good kid. Like you said it was an accident."
Ohhhhhhhh- alright then.
"I finally knew that Zalton was too dangerous to let him be free.
I froze him, so he won't hurt anyone any more."
"Why not kill him?" asked Meloetta.
"Because I'll be as bad as he is." remarked Darkrai, angrily.
"Besides, I wanted to protect someone from him.
Is that ok?"
(Keldeo had a confused look on his face.)
Um. . .no. I'm sorry, but when someone is a serial killer and criminally insane, there's something called "Capital Punishment" that is the only way to keep the insane criminal from hurting others. "Capital Punishment" does not make you just as bad as the serial killer. When someone becomes so depraved and destructive, you have to enact justice and execute them. If you don't, stuff like this can happen. They either serve their sentence and leave or break out! So, yeah, Darkrai should've killed Zalton. Justice; pure, blind, and simple.
And if you really did want to protect someone, you would've killed him. I'm sure Arceus would've had a trial, found him guilty, and struck him down with a Judgement attack. But right now, I'm not even sure if Arceus knows who Zalton is!
"The 6-DL Incident. Tell me more about it."
"..." Darkrai went, sitting down.
"I don't want to tell you."
"Zalton said that the dark truth revolves around that incident, and that has to do with me." affirmed Keldeo.
"I would like to know what it is about!"
Meloetta turned to Keldeo, concerned.
"Kelde..."
"You don't want to know about the incident." stated Darkrai.
"Tell me."
"You'll regret it dearly, and wished you never asked."
"Tell me, now."
"Fine."
Darkrai sighed.
"Each incident is name after where it finished, the geographical co-ordinates.
6-DL is the co-ordinates for the Moor of Icirrus."
How are 6-DL coordinates? What does 6 mean? What does DL mean? Aren't coordinates supposed to be North something South something?
Keldeo blinked, and mouth dropped faster than the bass.
"Wha..."
Meloetta looked at Darkrai.
"What are you talking about?"
Darkrai looked at both of them.
"The 6-DL Incident is know as the Great Fire of Icirrus."
SLAM!
Meloetta jumped, and saw that Keldeo had slammed his hoofs on the table, with shadows covering his eyes.
(Keldeo reacted exactly the same way he did in the story, complete with all the anger and drama.)
Alright. . ..I don't kid around with this, so tread lightly DragonNiro!
I mean, it was bad enough when that animated Titanic movie said that evil sharks sunk the Titanic, when it was just a huge accident. But to say that an evil Zoroark just set the whole Moor on fire just because he was evil? I mean, wow, just wow. Turning a natural disaster into a case of good vs evil? Wow! I mean, just look at my reaction when Darkrai confesses to starting the fire. . . wait, what?
Darkrai shifted and crossed his arms, and looked away, sadly.
He sighed, and then looked at Keldeo, his expression of sadness, guilt, the look of burden and emptiness.
…
…
…
…
"I caused the Great Fire of Icirrus."
…
…
…
…
"..." went Keldeo, silently, just staring unblinking at Darkrai.
"Is this true...?" quizzed Meloetta, at Darkrai.
Darkrai shivered and looked away.
He nodded.
"...That is one of the dark truths...
I can guess what Keldeo felt the day after."
Darkrai glanced at Keldeo, who had a frown on, but still unblinking.
Unbeknownst to Keldeo, tears began to form.
"The pain of losing everything...
I can only imagine...
But, at the same time, I must tell you this...
Imagine, a whole race burning, screaming because their flesh is melting, and they're dying...
And it's all your fault...
The guilt of what Keldeo has over the years is survivors guilt, that he is the last living of his race.
But, what I had, is the guilt of causing the deaths of his race.
Both of us are carrying burdens..."
So. . .you have this evil Zoroark just sitting there, a perfect blame target, and yet the author decides to have Darkrai be the one who started the fire? Wow. . . . Maybe, DragonNiro more clever than I give him credit for. I mean, any other author would've just had Zalton be the one who caused the fire, but having Darkrai be the one is quite the twist.
The only problem is that Darkrai doesn't EXPLAIN!
How did he cause the fire? Was it an accident? Did Zalton trick him? Was he fighting with the Keldeos? Why did he do it? Darkrai doesn't say that. Instead he just goes on a monologue on guilt and sadness and pain, and I'm fed up with it, so I call him out on it!
"DON'T!" yelled Keldeo, unblinking.
"...Compare yourself to me!"
Darkrai glared.
"You are evil!" shouting Keldeo, pointing at Darkrai.
"You are the king of nightmares. You caused suffering for everyone with the nightmares you cause, you can't be trusted, and you expect me to believe that?!"
"Yes.
I'm serious."
"You're evil and I'm good!
Wh-"
"At the start of every story, there is a good guy and a bad guy.
But, as the story plays out, you find there is no good guys or bad guys.
What it means, there isn't any good people or bad people.
You just view them as that.
Everyone has seen me as evil, but do they really know me?
Do they assume, that I give out nightmares for fun?!
No!
I hate my ability!"
(Keldeo looks like he's about to laugh)
What?!
Darkrai pointed at Keldeo.
"And don't you dare go spout all that 'Swords of Justice' crap!
Many Pokemon consider you guys as the good ones.
But what if you stopped someone you thought was evil, but was trying to warning of something destructive is about to happen, and it happens?
You lot will be considered the bad guys!
I'm not evil, and you aren't good!
It's all neutral!
It's how others see us!"
Darkrai slammed his fist on the table.
"You may think I set the Moor on fire on purpose, but I can assure you, that I didn't mean it.
Trust me."
Well, okay this is getting really deep and philosophical, but. . .isn't there an evil Zoroark in this story somewhere? I mean, hello! Zalton has the Swords of Justice captured! Yeah, no hurry!
And also, this doesn't erase the fact that you started the fire that killed an entire race, so if you really expect me to forgive you, you have to EXPLAAAAAAAAAAAIN!
Now, as I said, if the information did come out, you, Keldeo, will try and kill me, to avenge your parents.
And the moment you did, you would have been kicked out of the Legend order."
"...Wha..."
"If a Legend is found guilty of killing another, they will be forced to live a lift of Solitude, and anyone comes in their way, will disappear from existence, making their life a lonely and suffer able one.
I did not want that to happen to you."
"...Why...?"
"Because I made a promise to someone, that I'll prevent any more suffering in your life, that I'll protect your life in exchanged for mine."
Keldeo stared at Darkrai.
A silence followed.
…
…
…
…
…
…
Okay, these big blanks spaces are getting-
"But how does Zalton fall into this?" questioned Meloetta.
-annoying!
Darkrai turned to Meloetta.
"That is the other dark truth."
Darkrai then turned to Keldeo.
"Listen here. This is crucial.
What I am going to tell you, will make you angry, and will turn you into a monster.
Once you become this monster, you will go after Zalton to kill him.
I know, because I tried to do before, but failed, because I already killed a whole race that night.
I didn't want another death that night.
Understood?"
(Keldeo looked around nervously)
Okay. . .am I going to become a werewolf or something? Isn't the plan to go after Zalton to kill him anyway? Cause trapping him in ice sure didn't last long! And I doubt metal bars and concrete walls will work either
Keldeo nodded.
"Good."
Darkrai sighed.
"As you may remember, your father saved your from the collapsing tree while the forest was burning, and when you woke up, you found his dead body, correct?"
"Yes."
"You assume that he was killed by the tree, correct?"
"Yes."
"That's not true. He did not die from that tree."
"Huh?"
"You fainted after your father manage to save you and himself from that tree.
Your mother turned up, afterwards, and your parents spoke for a bit, to decided what to do.
Then, Zalton turned up."
Darkrai looked down, in sadness, then looked up.
"There was an argument.
I knew what it was about.
Zalton was caught only once for his crimes, but escaped due his powers.
The Pokemons who caught him was your mother and father.
Zalton was furious about what happened, and vowed revenge."
Darkrai looked at Keldeo, seriously.
…
…
…
Oh here we go, another big blank space.
…
…
…
"I'm sorry to tell you this, not even your masters knew about this, but..."
…
…
…
Oh come on! Two in a row? Okay, I guess it's to create a dramatic pause where we're supposed to be in suspense, and yeah, that's cool. The problem is that its used too much! Here would be the perfect time to use it, but it's already been used a bunch of times already that we're sick of it.
…
…
…
Oh gosh. Well, we all know where this plot is going now. If Darkrai started the fire, then that means:
"...Zalton, the Phantom of Unova, murdered your parents.
That is the second dark truth."
M. Bison: "OF COURSE!"
"WHAT?!" roared Keldeo, in pure fury.
"He... did that...?"
Darkrai looked away, in shame.
"Yes. I was too late to save them."
CRASH!
The table is spilt in half, with the contents on the floor
Keldeo, in his Resolution Form, had shadows among his eyes.
…Drip...
...Drip...
Tears dripped from Keldeo's eyes.
How do you hear tears dripping? How big are they?
He turned and began to walk out.
"Where are you going...?" questioned Meloetta, very concerned.
"None of your business!" yelled Keldeo.
"If it's going to do that, I don't blame you." said Darkrai.
"I should of done it a long time ago..."
Keldeo walked out of the room.
Dr. Horrible: "It's a brand new day,
And the sun is high,
All the birds are singing,
That you're gonna die!"
So instead of going with Keldeo to fight Zalton, Darkrai just stays behind and talks about how sad he is with Meloetta.
Keldeo had turned back to his normal form.
He walked, with shadows, towards the Portal Room.
"Keldeo!" yelled a voice.
Keldeo turned slightly, and saw that Mew is rushing towards him.
"Keldeo!" exclaimed Mew.
"What did Darkrai say?"
Keldeo said nothing and began to walk towards the Portal Room.
"Keldeo..." went Mew.
"Where are you going?"
Keldeo stopped, shadows over his eyes.
"Isn't it obvious?"
…
…
…
…
….
Time for another dramatic pause ladies and gents!
…
…
…
How about this? Take a shot of Iron every time there's a dramatic pause. I guarantee that after this story, you will be able to take a Super Effective move to the face and be able to keep on battling without a single wince!
"I AM GOING TO KILL ZALTON!"
(The Evil Popcorn Guy from "Free Willy" appeared!)
Okay so we now we go to the next part, "I Know What You Did In the Dark," where we pick up right where we left off-.
"Ow..." went Keldeo, waking up, rubbing his head.
He looked round, and saw that he is in the Hall of Origin Hospital Room.
Or. . .we can skip to a time and place that makes no sense. What happened?! Is this after I had my fight with Zalton?
"How..."
"So, you're awake..."
Keldeo looked over and saw Arceus across the room, glaring silently.
"So, you learned the true extent of 6-DL." went Arceus.
"For that, I am sorry."
"Grr..." growled Keldeo.
"You knew of it?!"
"I'm the one that ordered Darkrai to Unova, and he is the one who reported it back.
I made it a secret, so you and your masters will never find out.
So much for that plan..."
"Why?"
"Hmm...?"
"Why did you cover it up?"
"The Great Fire of Unova was one of the greatest tragedies in in the world.
Many of the legends agree that it was a tragedy, many have strong feelings about it.
Now, imagine, if they found out that Darkrai was involve with the incident.
There will be an uproar, some defending Darkrai, while others calling him to be killed.
It will probably escalate into a full-on war, between legends, which will ravish this world.
Not only that, as Darkrai may of explained, you may kill him, and be sent to a loner's lifer.
That would break many of your friend's hearts, including Meloetta."
"Now, you would see why it had to be covered."
"I see..."
"I'm sorry that it had to come out like this.
I thought Darkrai has already killed Zalton, not froze him."
Oop! Well, it looks like Arceus should've double checked with Drakrai about that! Ha-ha-ha, wow is he bad. . .
"Arceus."
"Hm?"
"Why did Darkrai try to protect me?"
"I particularly don't know.
Darkrai...well, is a bit of a loner.
He keeps his thoughts about stuff to himself.
He's been through a lot.
I asked him after he reported the incident to me, and he said he'll make sure you'll be safe.
I asked him why he did that, and he replied he made a promise to someone..."
(Flashback)
"A promise...?" asked a unsure Arceus.
"What do you mean?"
Both Darkrai and Arceus are in Arceus' private quarters, and Darkrai is staring, with his blue eye, deeply at Arceus.
"At the Moor, I broke a promise. A promise to make sure that Zalton doesn't kill again.
I failed that promise.
But, at the same time, I was made to take another.
I promised that I would protect the Swords of Justice's new student, Keldeo, from Zalton.
Zalton had tried to kill him before, and if he gets out of that ice, will try again."
Wait! I thought Arceus didn't know that Darkrai froze him? Oh great, now there are plot holes!
Well, you've probably noticed that Darkrai keeps mentioning a promise he made, but he never says who he made the promise to.
"This promise..." went Arceus, narrowing his eyes, scowling.
"Who made you take it?"
Darkrai stared at Arceus for a few minutes, silent.
Darkrai then turned and floated away.
He stopped, and glanced at Arceus.
"That's none of your business, Arceus-Sama."
Well, Sama is a respectful title, kind of like Mr or Sr, but I kinda think telling the king of Legendary Pokemon that something isn't there business and walking out on them is kinda rude. I guess Arceus respects the secrets of others and is benevolent?
Keldeo looked up, and saw Arceus reading a typical hospital magazine.
There's a serial killer on the loose and Arceus just sits around reading a magazine like an idiot?! I don't think he even cares what's going on. It's like he's mocking us.
"Lord Arceus."
"Huh? What is it, Keldeo?"
"How...did I get here?"
"Meloetta knocked you out."
"WHAT?!"
(Keldeo muffled his laughter)
Okay, that's kinda funny. Point added.
Arceus nodded, then sighed.
"She said you weren't you any more. She saw what you said about Zalton, and decided that you have become a monster.
Point deducted! What, is Superman a monster when he's fighting Lex Luthor or Brainiac? And don't I have a time limit or something? Didn't Zalton say that he'd kill the Swords of Justice at 11:00 P.M.? Don't I kinda have to fight Zalton?
I saw her knock you out, and then she jumped into the portal before I could say anything."
Keldeo is wide eyed.
"She...S-she..." stuttered Keldeo, shocked.
"She's g-g-gonna get killed!"
Eh- what? Did she really think she could beat Zalton in a fight? Talk about carrying the Hero Ball!
Keldeo jumped out of the bed, and rushed out of the room, leaving Arceus by himself.
Arceus scowled deeply.
"This won't end well..." he mused.
"For tomorrow, is 'Densetsu no hi no shi o'...
I will miss whoever will leave us...
I should of stopped Meloetta, but it is her choice after all..."
Arceus sighed.
"Latios, be prepared for a Legend to join you..."
So. . .you're just gonna sit here and do nothing. . . . ?
YOU! ARE! ARCEUS! You're the most powerful Pokemon in the world! You could take down Zalton with a single Judgement attack! If you're going to miss whoever dies, how about defeating Zalton yourself before anyone dies! You've got the power! You can stop Zalton's reign of terror! So use your mind, get off your lazy behind, and DO SOMETHING!
Skroob: Do something!
Dark Helmet: Do something!
Sandurz: (into PA) Do something!
(Keldeo covered his face with his hooves and moans, shaking his head)
Oh. . . biscuits. . . I'm so sorry, but Arceus should not have made an appearance in this story. I see no reason why he couldn't have taken care of Zalton. Arceus should've not been present, like, he's vaguely. . .somewhere else balancing universal forces. . .I don't know! I'd rather have him do anything than sitting around reading a magazine!
Okay, so meanwhile, Zalton has the Swords of Justice all chained up. And before you ask, no, they can't just cut themselves out with their Sacred Swords. They couldn't possibly bend their necks that far.
"LET US OUT OF HERE, YA PUNK!" roared Terrakion, bounded up, at Zalton.
The Swords of Justices and Zalton are at the Moor, in a clearing.
Cobalion, Virizion and Terrakion are stuck together with chains, and they cannot move.
Zalton, however, is relaxing near a tree.
"Nah..." went Zalton, grinning like a manic.
"Don't feel like it..."
"Hmph!" went Cobalion.
"You're disgraceful, using a cheap trick to capture me!"
"Hehehehehe..." chuckled Zalton.
(Keldeo backed away apprehensively)
Uuugh!
"But worked, didn't it?"
"Tch..."
"What do you want with us?" calmly, but seriously asked Virizion.
"You're bait." replied Zalton, looking away cleverly, smirking.
"For your student."
"What do you want with Keldeo?"
"I want to kill Keldeo."
"YOU WHAT?!" yelled Terrakion, furiously.
"YOU'RE NOT GONNA TOUCH OUR STUDENT, YOU BAS-"
"Silence, Terrakion." stated Cobalion.
Cobalion turned to Zalton.
"Why?"
"Hahahahaha..." laughed Zalton.
(Keldeo shuddered)
Uuuugh!
Okay, here's the problem with Zalton. He's waaaaaaay too happy. I guess the idea is that he's insane, but do insane people really laugh so much?
"To cut a long story short for you lot out there..." started Zalton, smiling like a psychopath.
"Darkrai caused the Great Fire of Icirrus, and I murdered Keldeo's parents. Does that satisfy you?"
As Zalton said that sentence, he had the pleasure of watching the Swords of Justice's faces fall down in shock, and became pale.
"W-what...?" murmured Cobalion, extremely pale.
"What did ya say?" asked Terrakion, shivering with fear.
" .Fire." said Zalton, treating the Swords as if they were stupid.
" .Student' ."
Virizion tried to move back away in shock.
"Seems like you got the picture..." grinned Zalton, leaning back to relax.
Okay, now he's really acting like The Joker from The Dark Knight.
Zalton: "You wanna know how I got these scars?"
(Keldeo waved his hooves frantically in fear)
No-no-no! Go away! Go away!
Zalton: "Why so serious?"
AHHHH!
(Keldeo covers his eyes)
Terrakion's face is full of fury.
"Cobalion, once I get free, I want to kill this Pokemon."
"Go ahead, me and Virizion won't stop you."
"Agreed."
Zalton looked over at the three, while they are talking.
"I'm sorry, but you won't be able to do that." he stated.
"How come, you monster?" quizzed Cobalion, frowning.
"Because once I'm done with your student, you three will be next."
"Darn it..." went Virizion.
(Keldeo imitates Virizion's voice)
"Yes. Darn it! I was sure that you weren't going to kill us and were just going to let us out of these chains and sit still while we attack you- I'm making an idiot out of myself, I think I should just shut up."
"Now, you are probably wondering how I managed to get all three of you."
"No really. I want to kill you, ya punk!"
"Silence, Terrakion."
"Thank you for that, Cobalion." thanked Zalton, dearly. "Now the fat one can be quiet."
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"
(Keldeo deadpanned)
Terrakion isn't fat. He's just big.
Zalton: "Why so serious?"
AHHH! Stop that!
"Anyway," started Zalton.
"I couldn't of got you all by myself.
Cobalion, yes, but what if I ran into trouble?"
Zalton jested towards the trees.
"You can come out now, my slaves."
The Swords look towards the trees, and a another Zoroark and a Zorua walk out, the Zoroark being angry and the Zoura being scared.
(Keldeo's eyes widened in fear)
Oh my gosh, he's breeding. . .in the couple of hours after he escaped. . .wow, talk about speed dating.
"BOOOOO! BOOOOO! BOOOOO!"
Alright, alright, that was an off color joke, I'm sorry. . .won't do it again. . .I promise.
"Grr..." growled the Zoroark. "You'll pay for this...Phantom..."
"I'm scared, Meema..." shivered the Zoura, out of pure fright.
"I don't want you to die..."
(Keldeo looks horrified)
WAIT A MINUTE! That's. . .Zorua and Zoroark! What are they doing in this story? And why the heck did they help Zalton catch the Swords of justice?!
"What the hell did you do to them?!" Virizion snapped at Zalton.
"Hehehehe...!" chuckled Zalton.
You know, I just realized something: not even The Joker laughs this much!
"It's what I call, 'Blackmail'"
"Blackmail?!"
"After I caught your foolish leader here, I had to find a way to get you two here as well.
I encountered these pathetic excuses of my race, and forced them to help me.
I held that female Zoroark up by the throat, and threaten that I'll murder the kid right in front of her, if she doesn't meet with my demands.
For the kid, I just had to give him the illusion of me killing his precious 'Meema' to get him to work for me!"
That's it? That's it? This Zoroark can fight the three Legendary Beasts to a draw without breaking a sweat, and she can't take on this lunatic? How did he even beat her? Was there a battle? Did he just sneak up on her? And if he got her to obey him by holding her by the throat, well, she's not being held by the throat now! You could always hit him while his back is turned, ya know! And if you're worried about Zorua getting caught in the crossover, just tell him to, oh, I don't know, run really fast!
Okay, I'll forgive not using your illusions like you did to Kodai because either Zalton is more powerful or all Zoroarks are just immune to illusions, but how about a scene that shows us that Zalton could kill Zoroark in a fight, cause I'm not convinced that he's stronger than her. Sure, he's taller and has sharped claws, but that doesn't mean anything.
And you know what else stinks? They already got blackmailed and almost got killed once by Grings Kodai, so why is it happening again? Are they cursed? Why does bad stuff keep happening to them? They don't deserve it, I can tell you that with certainty! What did they ever do to repeatedly go through living Hell?
"YOU SICK SON OF A BI-"
"Please be quiet, Mister Sword..." whispered Zorua. "Meema is the strongest Pokemon I know. If that nasty ghost is strong enough to threaten Meema, I don't want anyone else hurt."
Okay, I guess that's kind of an explanation. . .
Terrakion just stared at the Zoura, for a few mintutes.
After a while, he said: "Sure thing, kid. I'll be quiet."
Terrakion looked at Zalton, who is smirking mischievously.
"Screw you, Zalton...!"
"I'm gonna take a nap!"
What?!
announced Zalton. "If I find any of you lot gone, including you two..."
Zalton pointed at Zororark and Zorua.
"...I'll tear everything single thing in this world to find and kill you!"
Zalton closed his eyes, and then went to sleep.
And so Zoroark ripped his throat out Zalton dies. The end!
This is Keldeo the Critic and I was wondering. . .do you got any Darumaka Lunch Boxes! PLEASE! I really like Darumaka Lunch Boxes! Come on, feed a Colt Pokemon, huh? Come on, please?
Thank You
(Keldeo frowned)
You know what stinks? THAT'S NOT THE REAL ENDING! He's asleep and they have the perfect opportunity to take him out. I'm sure a quick blow to the head would leave him unconscious for a while, allowing you restrain him. But instead. . .well. . .lets take a look.
The Swords look at each other, whilst Zororak and Zorua look down in fear.
Virizion turned calmly to Zoroark.
"You said 'Phantom'." she said. "Why?"
Zoroark looked extremely nervous.
Zorua looked scared as well.
"Well..." started Zoroark. "There is a story. I thought it was a story to scare naughty Zoruas into behaving..."
"What was it about?" asked Cobalion.
"It's of a Zoroark, like none other. It killed for fun, pleasure. It didn't really care about anyone one.
One say it killed a whole party of humans, by ripping of their limbs, and leaving them to bleed to death.
It laughs in agony, chuckles in suffering.
It becomes happy when others are mourning their loves ones, maybe because the Zoroark killed their loves ones.
It can get away with anything."
Zoroark looked over to Zalton, who is fast asleep, but still grinning.
"That Zoroark is the one there." continued Zoroark. "Zalton, the Phantom of Unova."
Well, that's actually kinda cool. Zalton appears to have a place in Zoroark folk lore. He's like the Boogeyman, I guess. I can only imagine how it went we he showed up.
Zoroark: "It's time for bed, Zorua."
Zorua: "No! I don't wanna go to bed yet!"
Zoroark: "If you don't got bed, Zalton will get you!"
Zorua: "Aww! He's not real!"
Zalton: "Ahem!"
Zorua and Zoroark turn to see him standing in the cave entrance.
Zalton: "Why so serious!"
Zorua and Zoroark: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Terrakion tried to make a joke, to lighten the mood.
"Heheh... Hey!" he went, to Zoroark.
"Want to free us?"
"No." stated Zoroark.
"I rather stay alive than get gutted by that monster."
"I won't get on his bad side!" chimed Zorua. "Nasty ghost Zoroark is bad!"
"Tch..."
Why is everyone so stupid in this movie? And why isn't Arceus destroying Zalton!? Sorry, I'm still on that.
The group remained silent.
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Okay, this story is obsessed with the long silent parts.
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Oh, wow, it's even longer than the other ones. This is too awkward.
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Oh come on! The silence is killing me! Someone do something! Say something! Anything!
"HEY!" yelled Virizion, at Zalton, causing the others in jump in shock.
"DEMON KITSUNE! WAKE UP!"
(Keldeo stared blankly for a moment, then he furrowed his brow.)
Yeah, where are we on the Idiot Meter?
(A meter depicting the images of various character faces appeared below Keldeo. Virizion's face slowly moved across it.)
Let's see, we're past Finn and Jake from Adventure Time. . .Scrat and Sid from Ice Age. . .which puts us right between. . .
DING!
Jar-Jar Binks and Patrick Star! WOW! How far you have fallen, Virizion. I am shocked!
Zalton didn't wake up, and continued to sleep.
"VIRIZION!" whispered Terrakion harshly.
"WHAT THE HELL?!"
"He's sound asleep, I was checking." very quietly said Virizion.
That's right, apparently the Phantom of Unova is a heavy sleeper. Well then, why not try attacking him!
"If we move silently, we can escape without him noticing."
(Keldeo gave an annoyed sigh)
Alright, so Zoroark carefully tries to file her way through the chains.
"Ok then."
Zoroark quietly walked over to the ropes of Virizion, and began to cut the rope.
Wait a minute. "Rope"? I thought it was a chain. It clearly said it was a chain! I guess it was a mistake. . .
"I have to be quiet..."
"I understand."
Elmer Fudd: "Shh! Be vewy, vewy quiet!"
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I don't get it! Why do we need these big blank spots? We know, it's quiet and tense and suspenseful, but just having dots is just annoying. If you did it once or twice, that would be fine, but it happens, like three or four times a chapter! Why don't you use words instead? I mean, come on, I could do better! Watch!
Zoroark slowly, slowly, ever so slowly gripped the chain in her claws. Her heart pounded in the eerie silence as she moved her sharp claws across the chain, quietly scratching into it, flecks of metal falling to the ground. The Swords of Justice watched her anxiously as Zorua trembled with fear of being caught by the sleeping demon a few feet away. Terrakion swallowed a large lump in his throat as Virizion held her breath. Cobalion merely closed his eyes and meditated, hoping that this plan would succeed. The seconds turned to minutes as Zoroark worked on the chain, very much aware of the dark presence right behind her. Slowly, slowly she scratched away at the chain, the breaths of her son and allies mingling with the beating of her fearful heart.
THERE! See how much better actual words look compared to a bunch of dots!
Well, because our heroes were too stupid to attack Zalton directly, he wakes up Zoroark ends up getting caught! Big surprise!
Suddenly, a sharp pain hit Zoroark in the left arm, and that arm is raised in the air, seized by Zalton.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?!" rhetorically asked Zalton, seriously.
Zalton no longer has his smirk on.
He has a deep and evil scowl on, and his eyes are narrowed, scars almost connecting.
Zoroark tried to pull her arm away, but can't escape Zalton's grip.
"You were helping them!" accused Zalton, angry.. "Don't you dare deny it!"
"So what if I was?!" resorted back Zoroark. "You're an evil man!"
Wh-what?! Did she just call a Zoroark a man? Are you kidding me? Okay, I'll bet anything that when writing this, DragonNiro was thinking of Grings Kodai. That's the only explanation. I don't care how evil he is, Zalton isn't a man!
"She and her son are innocents in this!" shouted Virizion.
Zalton laughed.
"So what? Innocents are always caught up in war. No one cares about them.
Innocents die in war, and no one bats a lid. But when a single guy wants revenge and innocents are involved, everyone loses their idiotic minds!"
(Keldeo scratched his chin)
You know what? I think I've figured what Zalton is. He's a combination of Grings Kodai, The Joker, Hannibal Lector, Bane, any of the Redwall villains, and any other of those hypocritical social commentary villains. This is sadly starting to make sense.
"L-l-let go of my M-Meema!" stuttered Zoura.
Zalton grinned, and then huffed.
"Fine." he said. "I'll let your mother go."
Zoroark looked at Zorua, afraid of what Zalton is about to do.
"R-really?" asked Zorua.
"After her punishment for defining me!"
What happened next, will stay with everyone who is watching this scene for the rest of their lives.
Zalton twisted Zoroark around to face him, and grabbed her left arm.
"W-what are you doing?!" yelled Cobalion.
"THIS!"
SNAP!
Pain roared through Zoroark's arm.
"ARGGH!" she screamed, in pure agony.
"Meema...?!"
Zorua went extremely white.
"That..." murmured Terrakion, going cold.
"...monster. He's..."
"...breaking her arm..." stared Virizion, too shocked to comprehend.
"...Right in front of her son..."
"..." Cobalion is speechless.
He had never seen such a crueller Pokemon.
Zalton, starting from Zoroark's hand, moved up each way.
"This little Tepiggy went to the market!"
SNAP!
"ARRGHH!"
(Keldeo jumps back in repulsion)
AH!
"This little Tepiggy stayed at home!"
SNAP!
AHH!
"This little Tepiggy had roast beef!"
SNAP!
AHHHHHH!
"This little Tepiggy had none!"
SNAP!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
"And this little Tepiggy cried..."
SNAP!
"'wee wee wee' all the way home!"
SNAP! BAM!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Keldeo abruptly stopped screaming and took a deep breath. He cleared his throat and went to say something-)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
IN THE GHOST WORLD. . .
Zalton is sitting on a floating platform when his right ear twitches. He looks up and smiles wickedly.
". . .aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. . ."
"That's my music!" Zalton said with a smile, "My creation is beginning to take its toll on Keldeo. Making me stronger. . ."
Zalton stared at his claws. A red aura was surrounding him.
"Yes. . .the Horcrux is using Keldeo's fear as a power source. It's feeding energy into me. . . energy I can use to leave the Ghost World. It won't last long, but this power should allow me to exist in the living world long enough to get what I need. All I need is that USB drive, and I'll be able to use the Ghost Girl to gain the souls I need to permanently escape!"
Zalton laughed evilly as he turned to a brick wall floating nearby. He tapped a brick, and a portal formed on the wall. The evil Zoroark chuckled darkly as he stepped into the portal, which sealed shut behind him. However, his evil laughter can still be heard echoing from the other side.
We'll be right back!
The comments expressed in this review are written in such a way so that negative aspects are used to create jokes. There will NOT be any bashing or ranting. Also, good things in a FanFic will be praised. Particularly bad FanFictions WON'T be totally thrashed, but expect to see major grievances addressed.