Note: This is where I left off before the administrators asked me to edit the story due to content. So to my past readers, this is a new chapter for you all. Please review and respond. This chapter is one of my favorites that I have written. I feel like it explains Jax and Tara and some of the dynamics as to why they were so unhappy after the break-up. And although I am not a huge fan of Wendy (I actually dislike her character tremendously) I do fell badly for the abandonment she must have felt when she was pregnant with Abel.

By the way, the song "It's All Over but the Crying" by Garbage is one of their best, in my humble opinion. Check it out guys. It's sad and haunting, hence why I chose it for this chapter. Although ten years passed since their break-up, in my opinion, in those ten years, Jax and Tara were never truly happy. It's the perfect song for them.

Thanks a bunch for all the support.

Rated M for content. Enter at your own risk.

Chapter 7: It's All Over but the Crying

Certain things just happen when you make no plans

And love can really tear you up and it can break you down

Everything you think you know baby

Is wrong

It's all over but the crying

Fade to black I'm sick of trying

Took too much and now I'm done

It's all over but the crying

Baby we're done

If I could I would

I'd change everything

Cause I can't forget you though you don't believe me

Now I can't walk back

I can't leave behind

Where does it go all the light that we had?

Everything you think you know baby

Is wrong

And everything you think you had baby

Is gone…

-Garbage "It's All Over but the Crying"

The place looked pristine—almost as if no one had lived there for the past years.

Tara looked around one last time before shutting the door behind her.

This is it.

Determined to leave the nightmare that had become Joshua Kohn, Tara decided to move back to Charming and the idea terrified her. Climbing into her awaiting cab, Tara thought of the harsh realities of her life in Charming.

When she moved away ten years ago, she had shut the door on all things she hated about the place. She hated the everyday routine of it all. She hated knowing every citizen of Charming and hated knowing that every single one of them knew her. She hated the fact that she was always being judged—judged for her mother's suicide, judged for her father's alcoholism…judged for being Jax Teller's Old Lady. When she left, she vowed never to return and yet here she was, returning to a place she swore she would never step foot in again.

Charming. So many memories, both good and bad.

There was a time when she thought that she could remain in Charming for a little while longer, if it meant that Jax would join her in her exit. Together they could conquer the world, she thought. How stupid and naïve she was. Jackson loved the club almost to an obsessive level, claiming that one day it would be theirs; that they, together, would rule Charming from behind the gavel.

But Tara knew she couldn't stay in Charming—not in the long run. The deeper she got in with Samcro, the more she felt as if she were losing herself. As much as she loved Jax, during those last months, she hated to look at herself in the mirror. She had become a hybrid of him…stubborn, temperamental and demanding of his time. It got to the point that all she wanted to do was smoke weed, drink, ride behind him on his bike and make love to him. For a moment, she had forgotten about her aspirations of becoming a doctor and moving out of Charming. She remembered thinking: what's the point in leaving when I have my whole world standing next to me?

Tara loved the liberty that came with the MC life. She loved going on long protection runs with Jax. She loved it when they would pull over some random gas station and they would go into one of the bathrooms and have quick and rough sex, without a care in the world. She loved strolling out of the bathroom, lips swollen and hair all over the place because she knew that everyone knew that she was his Queen just like he was her King. She liked to claim her territory just like he loved to claim his.

That's why during one of those runs, he beat the crap out of one of the Sons in the Tacoma charter, after the guy made a pass at Tara. The guy didn't know that Tara was the Princess of Samcro. Afterwards, Jax made a point of making everyone know that Tara was his and that no man was to look, talk, or touch his Old Lady the wrong way. After beating the guy to a pulp, Jax dragged a furious Tara to one of the rooms and fucked her into oblivion, making her scream loudly multiple times. Of course he did that purposely so everyone could hear her and know that she belong to him and him alone. Afterwards, Tara was slightly embarrassed but that didn't matter since she knew that Jax loved her as much as she loved him.

Her whole fucking world revolved around Jackson fucking Teller and it nearly killed her. It killed her when he refused to leave Charming. She cried herself to sleep for a couple of nights, but she had made up her mind. She was going to leave Charming no matter how much it hurt her to leave him behind.

One of the reasons behind her departure was the fact that she feared for her life. She feared that one day she would wake up and want to end it all just like her mother did when Tara was nine. For three years, her life consisted of school and Jax and after she graduated it just consisted of Jax, and she knew she could not live like that. She couldn't put all her happiness on one person.

Then there was Samcro itself. For the last year of their relationship, Samcro caused havoc in the lives of Jax and Tara. After being patched in, Jax's involvement with the club increased tremendously. More often than not, he would leave Tara for days at an end without telling her where he went and what he was doing. There were nights that Tara would wake up to him sleeping next to her, him smelling like gunpowder. Once she went to visit him at the clubhouse and she saw droplets of blood in his usually white sneakers. Jax was showering when she entered his room, so he was unaware of her discovery. When he finished, she decided to play ignorant to what she saw. When he got out of the shower, Tara saw how conflicted he was…saw it in his eyes that he had some sort of guilt he was trying to deal with…but she remained silent, instead choosing to remove his towel and give him one hell of a blowjob so he could forget whatever was plaguing him.

God, the sex was amazing.

Amazing it was. They would make love as much as possible, whenever possible. There would be days were Tara would be so swore that it would hurt to walk. Jax knew what drove her to a point of no return. He studied her body, knowing every nook and cranny of what made her moan or scream. In return, she knew how to make him beg for more. He could never get enough of her; he would often say so himself. They also didn't discriminate to where they got it on. Tara remembered how wild they were; when they wanted it, they went for it not really caring who was around or where they were. The clubhouse, her room, his room, the Teller-Morrow office, even the table with the Reaper had all been witness to their sexual passion.

Weeks before her departure from Charming, their sexual drive was out of control. As soon as they were alone, they were ripping the clothes off their bodies and just fuck until they couldn't take it anymore. Back then she didn't understand why her body sought his so desperately but now she knew…subconsciously, she was saying goodbye to him. She wanted to take some part of him with her to San Diego. That's why she would let him cum inside her…she wanted to take him with her

Miraculously, you didn't end up pregnant.

The thought made her freeze. It wasn't that long ago when she decided to…

Don't think of it. It had to be done.

Looking out the cab window, Tara decided to let her memories drift to a happier time in her relationship with Jax. The best moments were when they were still getting to know each other, walking around the track or sitting by the tree in their mellow. They talked about anything and everything. There were no filters between them. For three years, Jax was more than just her lover and boyfriend…he was her best friend.

He was probably the only person alive who knew how she felt towards her mother and father just like she was the only person who knew how he felt about John, Gemma and Clay. When she left Charming, she not only left behind the love of her life…she left behind the only person who knew her…the real her.

But I needed to get out; needed to find a place for myself in this world. I couldn't just be Jax Teller's Old Lady.

So she left one summer day, without looking back. She cried on the bus ride to San Diego. Cried so much that by the time she got off the bus, her eyes were so swollen that she could barely see out of them. When she settled into her small room at her father's cousins' house, she continued to cry. And for months it went. For a whole year, she focused on school, trying to forget it all…she really tried to forget him, but she couldn't. As hard as she tried, his face plagued her every thought.

For the first year, she didn't have friends. Like she was accustomed to, she kept to herself and only answered necessary questions. Her sophomore year was slightly different; she made friends with the people in her study groups. She thought of him less and less with each passing day, but she would still think of him…at least once a day. By the middle of her second semester, she fooled herself into believing that she was over Jax Teller. She laughed more and mingled with different people. For the first time in her life, she wasn't worried about her past and the damage it had caused her. She was free from the chains of her childhood town—or so she thought.

One night she went to one of those college parties and got drunk to the point that she didn't know what took over her. She picked up some random blonde guy and went back to his dorm room with him. She did things with him that she was too embarrassed to admit, but she did them—just like she had done them with Jax. When she reached her orgasm, it was Jackson's name she called out. She screamed it at the top of her lungs, liberating months of oppression that came with her fooling herself that she was over him.

It was then that she realized how much she continued to love him and how much she will continue to love him until the day she died. That's why she pick-up the blonde haired guy for the random hook-up—because he looked slightly like her biker god.

"50 bucks, madam."

Tara snapped out of her thoughts. Paying the cab driver, she loaded her luggage into one of those airport carts and walked towards her airline in order to obtain her ticket.

While she waited for her turn, Tara thought back to her college years.

Sophomore year was truly a turning point for her. With desperation, she tried to forget Jax so she threw herself at her studies. Although she hated to admit it, it was during her sophomore year that she started having random sex with her fellow peers. She would get drunk at parties and sleep with whichever guy caught her eyes first. Even though they weren't many one-night stands, they were still there. With each guy, she tried to push her thoughts away from Jackson Teller, but at the point of ecstasy, it was only his face she saw. By the end of that summer, she gave up trying to forget him. She surrendered herself to the memories of him and to this day, he still haunted her every thoughts.

"Next!"

With a sigh, Tara gave the necessary documents to the lady standing at the counter. Once she got her boarding pass, Tara walked to her terminal.

Back to Charming. Back to my past. Back to him…

Once she boarded her plane, she looked out her window.

Goodbye Chicago.

And for the first time in years, Tara felt at peace with herself.

The place reeked…there was no better way to explain it.

It was stuffy and messy, clothes thrown everywhere.

"Wendy! WENDY!"

Shuffling out of the bedroom, Wendy came out to the living room. She looked…out of sorts. Her blonde hair looked like a beehive, tangles framing her face. She had dark shadows under her eyes, and the sweater she swore was too big for her small frame.

That's what scared him…she looked too thin for someone who was suppose to be in her last trimester. He had seen pregnant women. They glowed and were round at the face…Wendy looked haggard and her face was hollowed in.

He continued to study her. Not once did she look up to meet his eyes, deciding to look past him, straight ahead instead. She looked sickly…too sickly.

Softly he spoke, "What's wrong, Wendy? Are you okay?"

She snorted. Although she continued to look straight ahead, she replied, "Am I okay? You got some fucking nerve asking me that, Jax. For the past couple of months, I have been carrying your child, and now is the time that you ask me if I am okay? Seriously? Not once have you come with me to get a sonogram. You left me. Again. While I am carrying your fucking baby. Am I okay? Yes Jax, I am fucking peachy."

Jax felt his temper snap. Thru clenched teeth he replied, "I told you I didn't want a baby. Told you this multiple times, yet, you decided to keep it. Why? To trap me? So I could remain by your side? You think a child was the solution to all our problems?"

A pregnant pause followed the diatribe. "Why did you marry me Jax?" Wendy asked calmly.

Her question caught him off guard. He expected screaming, name-calling, everything under the sun but not the question she just finished asking. Lost for words, Jax just looked at her.

"Be honest for once, Jax." Finally she looked into his eyes. Eyes that were once so full of life were now brown and empty…No life behind them.

"Honestly Wendy, I don't know."

"But you do Jackson. You do know why you married me. You thought I would be your ticket out."

"My ticket out?"

"Yes," she replied coldly. "You never loved me. You lied to me. You wanted me to be her replacement. I was your ticket out of a broken heart but that didn't work, did it? I could never meet up with your expectations. I never measured up to her, did I? I was second best at everything I did for you. I could tell by the way you treated me; by the way you looked at me. I was never good enough. Will never be good enough for the great Jax Teller."

Jax remained silent.

"That's why you didn't want him. Why you wanted me to get rid of him. I wasn't Tara Knowles and to you, Jackson Teller, was the biggest sin I ever committed. Not being her."

"Him?"

"Yes, him. Congratulations, you are having a son." And without a glance back, Wendy turned, walked back into the bedroom and slammed the door behind her.