I had called the Hamburger Bastard and the Eyebrow Bastard the other day, and they decided to meet me at my house since they were around anyways.

I was waiting for them to show up; they'd said they'd be there at 2:30, roundabout, but it was 2:45 and there was no sign of them yet.

Trust them to stand me up…kind of… whatever! That doesn't matter!

Finally, around three o' clock, they showed up.

"The HERO has arrived!" The Hamburger Bastard made his entrance dramatic.

England, on the other hand, made his presence known with a simple, "Hello Romano. I trust you are well?"

"I would be 'well' if you two weren't late by about half an hour!" I yelled at them.

What? They deserved it.

America simply laughed it off (he freaking laughed) but England had the decency to look a little ashamed.

"Sorry about that." He apologized bashfully, before directing a glare at America. "America…took some time getting, err, ready."

America snickered. "Come on bro! I got ready real fast; it was you who took forever! You kept adjusting your tie!"

England turned a strange shade of red. "You were the one who was scarfing down burgers like your life depended on them!"

"My life does depend on them!"

"Okay you two! Shut up!" I had had enough. "I do NOT want to see your…lover's spat."

"HEY!" Two simultaneous cries were heard.

I ignored them. I seriously didn't have time for this. And plus, they were giving me a headache.

"Now you better listen to me, damn it!" I hissed. "Netherlands is acting suspicious."

They gave me identical looks of disbelief.

Do I look crazy to you?

"Say what?" America looked at me weirdly.

What the hell! I am perfectly trustworthy! Right!

Or maybe it was because I didn't really explain what was going on…

Wait! I did, over the phone!

Those bastards can't fool me!

Caterpillar bastard furrowed his huge-ass eyebrows (hence the name). "You mentioned something about the Netherlands over the telephone the other day…"

"But you can't remember."

Needless to say, I was pretty damn pissed.

I took time out of my precious schedule (that might not exist. Might) to fill him in, and I foolishly thought that maybe, just maybe, he could be a smartass for once and tell the Hamburger Fatty.

But noooooo~! Let's procrastinate and never tell America! Then let's forget the whole thing all together! That's sounds wonderful!

Not.

Unfortunately for me, I had no choice but to explain the whole thing to them again. As if that wasn't enough, they kept interrupting me!

Whoop-de-doo!

"So wait, you went to almost every nation's house!" England would ask, caterpillar eyebrows mounting up to his hairline.

"Aw, that sucks for you!" America would say, laughing. "You should probably take along a hamburger! You get lots of energy from it!"

"It also makes you fat, you fool!" England would hiss, and they'd start arguing all over again.

After the sixth time it happened, I got pissed and hit them with a frying pan that was…conveniently sitting on the table.

"OW!"

I ignored their screams of pain, a decision which I thought everyone should've taken (ignoring them was an ideal way to make them shut up). Our lives would be a lot easier.

Then I ordered them to sit the hell down, and told them everything that transpired.

Okay, I didn't order them, I'll admit it. Now shut up before you take away my manliness, goddamn it!

"Hold on bro. I'll summarize all of this. You think that the Netherlands most probably kidnapped Spain because he told you that Spain is probably going to turn up at your doorstep tomorrow, or something like that?"

"Yes, damn it!" I hissed, my patience wearing thin. "You'd better not question it!"

America held his hands up in mock surrender, amusement lurking in his eyes. "Cool down bro."

"Romano, have you tried Turkey?" England had a strange expression on his face.

Did I try Turkey?

No I didn't. But you can't blame me! The dumbass tried to conquer me, damn it! And then Spain of all people had to save me!

Spain!

That was the single most embarrassing moment in my life, and be glad I'm even telling you this shit!

The only reason he needed to was because of my height disadvantage okay? I was pretty tall at the time, but Turkey was a freaking monster and… we'll leave it at that.

"No, I might have forgotten." I lied through my teeth.

England believed me. I think. "Okay, why don't you call him now?"

"No way!" I snapped, catching them off guard.

England looked at me with a strange expression on his face.

America laughed for the billionth time. "No problem dude! I'll do it!"

To say I was relieved would be a bit of an understatement. It must have showed on my face, because England asked, "Are you alright, Romano?"

I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. "No, no! I mean, yes! I'm fine! Just peachy!"

I DID NOT squeak. I don't do squeaking. I just…whispered. Yeah.

"Alright." England said weirdly, but didn't question me.

Thank God.

Anyways, America punched a few buttons on his cell and held it up to his ear. The room was deathly silent; I could hear the dial tone and everything.

Finally, a gruff voice answered. "Hello?"

You can probably guess what America did. He laughed. "Yo Turkey! Is it okay if I drop by your hotel for a bit?"

"No!" The voice showed a little panic in it. "Sorry America, I'm kind of busy. You know, DNA and RNA and stuff."

"What?" America was confused, and I was too (as much as I hate to admit it).

"Nothing!" I heard. "Bye!"

With that, the phone went dead.

"Well, that was weird." America stated.

Oh no! I thought that was perfectly normal, acting all crazy!

No shit America!

"We should probably head over to his house then." England surmised.

"What? No!" I panicked. "Not yet! We don't have enough proof! What if he's doing some voodoo shit there! What if-"

"-You're scared, aren't you?" America asked, uncharacteristically serious.

"What? Pfft, no!" Did I look scared?

"Why would he be- ah yes." England said. "Turkey tried to conquer you once, yes?"

"Maybe…" I replied, looking everywhere but him. "But no! I'm not scared!"

"Whatever then," America walked towards the door. "If you aren't scared, then you wouldn't mind coming with us."

England followed suit.

Damn it! Why did I have to call them of all people?

With a long sigh, I trudged out the door behind them.

Might as well get this over with.

Okay, well...sorry?

DON'T KILL ME!

I have no excuses this time.

I will admit it; I was being lazy.

I'll try to update sooner, no promises though. I've got exams coming up soon, so chances are pretty low.

Sorry!

~ beingawesome