When Jane woke up the room was dark, she was only supposed to be her during her lunch hour oh well; Frost and Korsak would have called if something came up. As her eyes came accustomed to the darkness she saw an empty bed Maura "Maura?" she ran out of the room looking for her friend "Maura where are you?" she looked everywhere, could it be? She went to the house door the chain was still on; Maura is still in the house.
Jane went back to the room with her hand covering her mouth as she started to study the room when she noticed the faintest light coming out from underneath the bathroom door, "Maura?" Jane pushed the door softly to find the M.E laying in the tub her back leaning on one end with her right index finger softly moving between the bubbles making small lines. Jane released a sigh of relief, she went to Maura's side and kneeled to her level "you gave me quit the scare" Jane said quietly Maura didn't respond and Jane wasn`t waiting for one, she kissed Maura`s head and started collecting Maura`s clothes that were all over the bathroom floor.
"it`s ok"
The voice was just above a whisper, Jane turned to look at the doctor who had her sight fixed to the bubbles. Did she dream it? Maybe it's her mind doing tricks on her
"you don't have to know what to say all the time" Maura`s voice was quit. Jane was glued to her spot, " if you`re scared…. It just shows that you care" Maura`s face turned from blank to sadness , hate then anger and she turned her head as if she was ashamed of herself.
"Maura?" Jane didn't know what to say "Maura…." Jane`s voice was pleading. She hesitated at first, but decided to give Maura her privacy, if Maura was feeling shame talking to her naked is not the best idea "um… I'll just go check up on ma I'm sure she fixed us something to eat…ok" Jane was a little hurt , her feeling doesn't matter right now the most important thing is that Maura was back, right?. Maura is back right?
Maura started making circles in the water surface as memory flew back in her brain. Dad and Henry are so close; I wish I was this close with dad. Every time Henry would achieve something dad would always say' as expected from my child' I want to hear him say that to me too, I want him to be proud of me too
. the academy is having an honoring ceremony for children with spatial skills, they said that I`m the most honoring student since my brother, dad would be so proud when I tell him .dad requested to see me and Henry, he told Henry that it was important not to miss the family meeting tomorrow, I was blushing as I tried telling him about the ceremony."Dad….uh the academy, they say…" I was tripping over my words when he cut me off to worn Henry again about the meeting 'sis`s academy ceremony is tomorrow, I hear great things about her' Henry said making me blush even more
'It's not as important as the family meeting, I don't think I'll make it' dad said quietly
'Then I don't think I'll be attending the meeting because I'll be at Maura's ceremony, having a family member is mandatory for the ceremony' dad lets out a sigh of defeat
'Alright then, I'll go with your sister, you go to the meeting' I was over the moon and Henry turned facing me smiling for winning the argument with dad.
Maura curled her hands into fists and smacked them to the water making it splash all over the place and onto her face. She looked again with face dripping with water and decided to get of the tub.
When she got down stairs she found Jane setting the table for them "hey, ma made some soup and burgers, if you think you can eat the burger or maybe just some soup, um … if you want anything tell me or, um this is your house ... I just, just see which your comfortable with" Jane was a bit nerves, this is the first time Maura made it down stairs since she got back from the hospital. She let out a nervous chuckle and motioned to the table smiling.
Maura looked at Jane and then started studying the ground with quivering lips "um, Maura?" Jane took a hesitated step toward Maura; she was still scared that Maura would freak out.
"How is it?" How is it … that someone like you could tell me what I needed to hear the most right now? How is it that someone like you would be here by my side crying … for me Maura sniffed bringing a hand and taking the end of Jane's shirt in her hand. Maura looked like a scared kid holding her mother`s clothing to comfort her. Jane was too scared to move and waited for Maura to make a sound, any sound but Maura was looking at Jane's shirt in her hand. Maura then took a step closer to Jane and wrapped her arms around Jane.
Jane was taken back with Maura's embrace but she welcomed it. It's been long too long since they both shared a moment like this. Jane placed a hand on Maura's head with her fingers drowning in the golden lacks while the other found her way around Maura's waist pulling Maura even closer. Jane barred her face in Maura's hair with Maura's aroma filling her lungs and her whole being , she squeezed her eyes shut not wanting this to ever end .as they broke apart there was a single tear on Maura's cheek, she smiled sheepishly at Jane and wiped it away with her hand .
Ever since the day I sprained my ankle dad and hennery stopped talking to each other. they never said anything about it , I can see it when they pass the rooms without plinking at one another ' Maura, come with me I'll teach you a new move, Henry learned it when he was eight .I'll show you how it's done and then you give it a try ok?' this is my chance to make dad proud of me too, I won't disappoint him. My fist is killing me but I won't whine, I couldn`t do it. 'You`re no Henry, maybe it's still too soon for you' my dad sighed and left leaving me alone in the park.
I won't let Henry win I'll learn that move no matter what, I practiced and I practiced, 'sweetie'
'Yes mom?'
'Let me see your hands' mom started massaging them as she smiled at me saying 'don't overdo it ok?' she kissed my hand and I left again to practice once more.
'Dad, can you come with me to the park today?' dad sighed
'I already told you Maura, it's too soon for you. It wouldn't matter if we went there every day' dad said quietly
'That's not it, I learned it, I just want you to see' I smiled at dad .I was so proud of myself as I show dad the move
'Very good' no dad, that's not what I wanted you to say, I wanted to hear you say as expected from my child. Dad turned around facing me and kissed my forehead 'as expected from my child .my sweet Maura don't be like your brother' I was flying right now. Dad has said those words to me
. 'Mom, am I a replacement for my brother?'
'Sweetie why would you say that?'
'Dad only started training me when he fought with Henry' mom sat down next to me and said
'Your father worries about you two, as a child gets older our worries grow with him. your father may tell you stories about your brother all the time, but when he`s with me you are all that he talks about sweetie'
Maura woke up facing the ceiling in her bed room, with an empty face. She didn't know what she was suppose to be feeling right now as she remembered how worm that family made her feel, how loved . She turned her head to face a sleeping Jane Rizzoli, just how Jane's family makes her feel, how Jane makes her feel. you lack hatred henrys voice echoes through her head and her eyes go dark you are weak Maura , she bites her lower lip hopping that the sensation would past weak … foolish little sis ….hatred Maura grabs her head and shuts her eyes as if to shut the voices out. Maura tries taking deep breaths calm down, concentrate on your breathing and the sensation has passed, for now at least.
These are not her own thought, those are not her voice, yet it keeps hunting her day and night demanding to be acknowledged. Listening seems so easy right now. No, she can't give up, not now, not after everything she has accomplished since. She has to stay strong; things are not what they used to be anymore. Now she has people that care about her, that love her. She has to be strong, she has to. Going back to her life, to her work isn't going to be easy but it's something she has to face. Sunday dinners went normal; it turns out that if you kept your mouth shut and plastered a smile on your face no one would realize that something was wrong. Jane noticed how Maura would sometimes bring her hand up to her temple but that could be the nothing. It could be a simple headache or the weight of the night finally getting to her.
Being in the solitary of her morgue is the hardest thing now, with no one there by her side she can feel the voices drowning her, consuming her core blood…kill….you know you`ll love it Maura…. Having that much control over people's life… playing gad Maura shook her head for the hundred times that day. She never told anyone about it, they don't have to worry about her haven't you caused enough pain to the people you love Maura? You're so selfish for even thinking about telling them. You can handle it on your own. The more you ask for help the more you depend on those people, the more they have the chance to hurt you .no they are my family, they will never hurt me. Wasn`t Henry on of your family too? Look at what he did. The voices got louder and lauder, ignoring them wasn't an option anymore
"Hey, Maura?" Jane entered the morgue to find the body abandoned with a newly opened y-incetion, Maura never leaves a body in the middle of an autopsy. Jane was looking around the morgue when she heard the faintest voice
" shut up shut up shut up shut up…" it was being repeated over and over again, fallowing the source of the voice Jane found Maura crouching on the ground , both her hands on her head with her eyes squeezed shut and visibly shaking .
"Maura?"
"Shut up shut up shut up" Maura grabbed harder on her head and greeted her teethes
Jane knew that Maura wasn't talking to her; she hesitantly kneeled down and placed a hand on Maura's shoulder "Maura, honey? Its ok, you're ok. Open your eyes. Look at me" Jane whispered with a soft tone as she placed her hands on Maura's forearm trying to loosen Maura's grip over her own head
Maura`s eyes opened slowly "Jane?" Maura's voice was broken
"It's ok sweetie. It's ok" Maura placed both her hands on her face and shook her head
"No, it's not ok. It won't stop, it won't stop" Jane took Maura in her embrace as Maura's shoulders shook
"Shhhh, we`ll get through this. Whatever it takes, I'll always be here for you"
'I`ll always be here for you' remembering henrys words Maura's body tensed at once. She pushed Jane away from her and stared at her friend. Jane saw the look of pure fear in Maura's eyes, did she say something wrong? Maura broke her gaze and started studying the ground beneath her
"Jane, I need you to promise me something" Maura's voice was barley audible
"Anything"
"Don't say that again" Jane didn't understand and Maura was doing everything in her power to not meet the confused and hurt gaze that Jane gave her.
"Please" Maura pleaded
"I … o-okay" Jane responded still confused at her friend request.
" ok then" Maura got up and extended her hand to Jane to help her up " I'm sure your dying to know what killed this on, come on" Jane took Maura's hand and got up . Jane knew that Maura was avoiding the subject and she let her, for now.