Izaya also wondered and he hoped that he would never find out. Shizuo muttered something.
"And you, Izaya. What's so fun about pushing his buttons? Shizuo is an easy target! You can't be all that great an informant if you pick the weakest link in the chain to mess with."
Izaya rolled his eyes.
"I hardly think Shizu-chan qualifies as 'weak'."
"Mentally, up here."
Dr. Phil tapped his temple, the light bouncing off his shiny bald head. Izaya shrugged.
"You can't blame me for the fact that he's a simpleton."
"M'kay, so what do you call someone who takes advantage of a simpleton to play mind games with? A jerk! That's what you call him! A jerk!"
Shizuo nodded as soon as the translation reached him. The lag made it look truly stupid since he only reacted after a delay thus giving the impression that he needed to turn things over, even the simplest of things. And Izaya bet it endeared Shizuo to the audience.
"That is your opinion."
"Oh no it isn't."
Dr. Phil smiled like a lawyer about to land a suit. Izaya did not at all care for it.
"I do not live by popular opinion."
"That's good because if you did you'd have to hide under a rock. All the people we interviewed were unanimous in saying that you're a jerk."
"You didn't ask Saki, then."
Dr. Phil ignored this altogether and made some notes with a pencil. Izaya would bet his apartment that he had not actually written anything.
"Tell me about this nabe party of yours. To our viewers at home, nabe is a kind of hot-pot dish and it's eaten when friends and family gather together. It's a very popular Japanese tradition, a bit like we have barbecue in Texas."
Izaya was beginning to wonder if Dr. Phil was only interested in the Texan audience and the other 49 States were simply not that important.
"Why, you did quite a lot of research on my country."
"Don't go dodging the bullet now, what happened with your nabe party?"
Izaya knew that he could not lie, this dreadful Dr. Phil must know everything about it. Shizuo stared curiously as if suddenly he too was interested.
"Well, you know how life in the big city is. People are always busy with one thing or another and they cannot spare a minute. Unfortunately that as what happened to my nabe party. But I had a wonderful time with a beautiful woman, Yagiri Namie, around the hot pot table."
Izaya smiled as tamely as he could.
"Huh uh. The same Yagiri Namie that works for you? So, the only person you could get to actually come to your party works for you? And if I understand correctly, she did not even want to go either! She was afraid you'd fire her otherwise, m'kay?"
It was with difficulty that Izaya did strike back with a snappy retort. Shizuo chuckled.
"I assured you that we have a most wonderful time together."
"Even if you did, the fact remains that the one person that attended your party, reluctantly I may add, is on your payroll! More, it's hardly a party with just two people!"
"So it wasn't a party. It was an intimate date. I don't suppose you'd want to turn it into an orgy?"
Dr. Phil bobbed his head up and down in a dismissive attitude that Izaya truly loathed.
"How come none of you ever had a girlfriend?"
Shizuo blushed furiously and stammered something or other. Izaya shrugged anew. At length Shizuo gathered some of his bearings.
"I'm no good with girls, they're afraid of me...because I lose my temper and things fly, girls don't like me."
"And with good reason, m'kay?"
"I guess, m'kay."
Dr. Phil's eyes turned into bullets for the briefest of moments. Izaya noticed it. But Shizuo did not mean any harm, he just ended up adopting the expression.
"How about you? What's your excuse?"
He turned to Izaya now.
"I am not suited for relationships. But rest assured that I have a very healthy sexual life."
"Oh, I'm sure you do. A different girl every week?"
"It suits me and the girls involved as well so everyone wins. Feel free to ask them. Besides, relationships bore me. I get bored rather easily."
"Don't see you getting bored with Shizuo."