I suck. What sucks more? Everything about last night's episode of Glee. Here's the next chapter.
I own nothing.
"Just be gentle."
Kurt's words were running through her head as she walked slowly up the stairs to her fiancé's bedroom. She shouldn't be surprised that he knew why she was here when he invited her into their home. He probably also knew that Noah had been the only person to really get through the stubborn haze that she'd surrounded herself in.
Rachel found herself staring at Finn's door. She took a moment to close her eyes and mentally prepare herself. Smoothing out the invisible wrinkles in her clothes she raised her hand to knock on his door.
"Come in."
Rachel exhaled slowly before entering his rather messy living space. A grin lit up his face when he saw her standing there and she bit back a wave of guilt.
"Hello Finn." Rachel greeted him with a tight smile.
"Hey Rach!" Finn replied happily, jumping up from his bed and pulling her into a hug.
Rachel hugged him back for a few moments before pulling away. She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the bed, making sure to leave some space between the two of them as they sat down.
"What's up Rach?" Finn asked curiously.
Rachel stared at her fiancé for a moment, wishing that there was a way to have everything she wanted.
"I thought that maybe we should talk." Rachel answered lightly.
"About what?"
"About our futures." Rachel answered tensely.
"Futures? You mean our future?" Finn asked blankly.
Rachel shook her head and pulled her hand from his grasp gently.
"No Finn. I think that perhaps we need to think about our futures. Separately."
Finn continued to stare at her blankly.
"What are you talking about?" He asked with a nervousness to his voice.
Rachel looked away from him for a moment, her gaze travelling around the room as she carefully planned her words. The two of them had so many memories together. As Noah would say, this sucked balls. Huge ones.
She sighed deeply before her eyes met his again.
"We've been through so much together Finn and I love you in a way that I've never loved anyone else. Do you remember when we reunited last year after Nationals?"
Rachel's heart cracked a little as she saw the happy smile on Finn's face.
"Yeah, that was awesome. Sucked when we lost but it was so great to be together again."
"Do you remember what the terms of our reunion were?" She asked carefully.
"Yeah. We agreed to be together for our last year of school and then you were going to New York and we'd break up."
Rachel stared at him just willing him to understand. He seemed to understand that she was waiting for him to say something else.
"But then we had sex. And I asked you to marry me and you said yes. So that changes the original plan right?" He asked hopefully.
Rachel stared into his eyes and wished she could say yes.
"I don't think that it does Finn." Rachel answered honestly.
The confusion was back with a vengeance and she realised that she was going to have to explain everything.
"You still want to go to New York?"
Rachel nodded sadly.
"But what about me?"
"Can you picture yourself in New York?" She asked with very little hope.
"No. It's so big and my life is here." He answered quickly and without hesitation.
Rachel studied him for a moment before accepting that there wouldn't be a last minute stay of execution.
"Finn. My life isn't here. I've spent my whole life doing everything I could to live somewhere else. New York is where my life is."
"But I'm here." He reminded her.
"I know Finn."
"So I'm gonna be in Lima and you're going to be in New York." Finn stated hollowly.
"I can't stay here. And I can't ask you to leave Lima when you don't want to be in New York."
Finn stared at her for a few moments and she could see that he knew exactly where she was going with this.
"So how are we going to make this work? Make us work?" He asked hopefully.
Rachel looked at the floor for a moment, picking at his duvet with anxious fingers. She felt the tears pooling in her eyes despite her best efforts to remain calm. She looked at him and smiled sadly.
"We don't."
Finn didn't react angrily in the way that she had expected. Although the anger would no doubt come. The two of them sat there quietly before he spoke a while later.
"Why did you say yes?" He asked bitterly.
She considered lying but she knew that he deserved the truth even if he'd hate her for it.
"My NYADA acceptance letter got lost in the mail," She admitted, burdened by the guilt as she looked away from him. "I thought that I wouldn't be able to get out of Lima. I was a wreck and you made me feel good. I love you and I decided that if I couldn't have my dreams than I'd get the guy."
He didn't answer until she finally looked back up at him. She saw the resentment there and tried not to recoil.
"So you settled." He spat out, standing from the bed.
"I love you but I should never have said yes. Marrying you isn't settling, but my reasons weren't good enough to say yes. I'm sorry." She admitted, willing the unshed tears to stay unshed.
He stared at her miserably before sitting back on the bed with a few feet of space in between them. It wasn't a metaphor that Rachel particularly enjoyed.
"I'm sorry." She whispered as she got up from the bed.
She began to pull the ring from her finger.
"Please don't." He pleaded.
The tears began to fall as she placed the ring in the palm of his hand and kissed his forehead softly.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered before turning and walking out of the room.
She was down the stairs and heading out the front door when the sound of things being thrown around upstairs reached her. She noticed Kurt's sad shrug and Blaine's soft smile and smiled weakly in return before leaving the house. Having caught a ride with Blaine she began to walk home. The tears were flowing freely as she followed the familiar path towards her home.
She'd been walking for five minutes before she realised that it had started to rain. Grinding her teeth in frustration, she pulled her sweater more tightly around herself and picked up the pace. The rain began to pour and the tears were coming just as quickly when she heard her name being called. She looked up and saw Noah's big red truck pulled to a stop across the road.
"Get in Berry." He ordered and she ran towards the vehicle without hesitation.
"Jesus Berry. You're soaked-" He took a real look at her face as she climbed into the truck. "And you're crying."
She shook her head numbly and he restarted his truck as she buckled her seat belt. The two of them sat in silence as he drove towards her house. Her eyes were on the road and she was thankful that he had come by. She was still twenty minutes from home when he picked her up.
His truck pulled into her empty driveway and she was thankful when he didn't ask where her dad's cars were. Vegas this week, maybe Chicago.
"Thank you for the ride Noah." Rachel said, reaching for the door handle until Puck's hand stopped her.
"I know you want me to pretend that you haven't been crying this whole time but I'm not gonna." He said gruffly.
Rachel stared at him and considered yelling at him. He had after all been the one who caused all of this. Well he had been the one to point out her mistakes. With a sigh she mentally conceded that the whole thing was her fault and not his.
She reached up to wipe away her tears and his eyes widened at her bare ring finger. He raised an eyebrow at her but said nothing.
"You can brag and say I told you so if you'd like." She snapped bitterly. "Puck."
She watched as he shook his head and stared out the window for a few moments.
"I didn't tell you anything you didn't already know Princess," He answered tightly. "I'm not going to call you on being a bitch today. But today's the only day you get to treat me like shit, got it?" He stated angrily, still glaring out the window.
Rachel felt anger bubbling up inside of her and she had to rein in the impulse to lash out. Her anger was directed at the wrong person. He'd been a good friend to her through all of this. He'd done nothing but do his best for her. She was making a big mistake and he called her on it. He let her talk it out and sang to her. He picked her up as she pathetically walked in the pouring rain, crying over lost love.
"Thank you." She whispered and she meant it.
He nodded a little stiffly and she realised that for today, she was no longer welcome in the cab of his truck.
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