Gerontophobia - The fear of people older than you.

Well that's one of the definitions I found for that word and it suits this chappie quite well.

The first one of these Lil' Rems that's not really long enough to be a one-shot by itself. It's kinda too long to be a drabble though...

Maybe it's a drabble-shot.

It's here because I decided it's been too long since the last one but I haven't got good enough longer ones lined up.

I mentioned this to Beckett Simpleton when she wrote "Along Came A Spider" (which you should read by the way because it is actually brilliant) because this could be a "X-many" years later of that :P

I've tidied it up a bit since back then and decided it's now pretty much worthy of you guys bothering to read.

On with it.

"That is such a cliché," Juliet snorted, grabbing something from the cupboard. "You seriously expected me to run out screaming because a big hairy thing found its way into the kitchen?"

She walked past where Artemis was sat on a breakfast-bar stool with his feet firmly off the floor and crouched down on the tiles.

"Come here little fella..." she murmured, scooping the critter into a glass with a piece of paper.

Artemis leant well out of the way as she came back and watched closely as she opened a window and gently tipped it out. He didn't glance at his bodyguard, close by as always, already knowing the smirk that would be playing around his friend's face.

"Well from your original reaction I presumed they scared you," Artemis said stiffly.

"Nah. It just gave me a bit of a fright. I'm not scared of anything really," Juliet grinned, putting the glass in the sink. "Why? Are you?"

"No. I..." But he fidgeted, straightening his tie, and the younger Butler caught the movement.

"You are, aren't you?" she shrieked - delighted.

Her brother, who was cleaning one of his lesser-used guns, laying each piece out separately on a cloth on the breakfast bar, looked up to check his charge wasn't about to be attacked by his sister and returned to his polishing.

"Not scared of, per say," Artemis grumbled. "I would just rather they didn't inhabit the Manor."

Juliet laughed, disappointed that she'd missed out on a golden opportunity now that Mr. Spider was back outside but ecstatic she'd found something new to tease the Fowl heir about.

"It's only natural to have some irrational fears," Artemis mumbled, red-faced. "You must have some too, even if you won't admit it."

"Hmm..." Juliet pondered the question. Butlers weren't supposed to be afraid of anything. She remembered some of the training she'd dreaded. "Well I am a bit claustrophobic I s'pose."

"Reasonable." Artemis nodded.

"You know what I wonder?"

"I have a feeling you're about to inform me," Artemis sighed.

"I wonder... what Butler's scared of," Juliet stage-whispered. The subject of the wondering looked up from the slide he was cleaning. The look he gave her was enough of an answer.

"Keep wondering, Jules," he grunted. "And when you find something, tell me, so I can tell you you're wrong."

Juliet thought hard. Nothing came to mind. "Oh come on Artemis, help me out here. You guys spend all your time together - you must have heard him squeak at something."

"Juliet, are you acquainted with your brother?" Artemis asked mock-seriously. "I don't think his vocal chords are even capable of such a sound."

"Thank-you, Artemis," Butler said, thankful that the boy was on his side with this one.

"Wait!" Juliet yelped. "I just thought of something!"

"What?" Butler said warily. This was the girl, his loving little sister, who had spent over a decade of her life following him round and occasionally pulling pranks with amusing effects - for her. She could come up with anything.

"Butler is scared of..."

"Yes?" Artemis was curious despite himself.

"Well you know how he acts around people? You know all wary and that?"

"That's part of the job description, Jules," Butler flicked the duster he was using at her.

"But there are some people you're really suspicious of..." she said, patting him on the shoulder as she made her way out of the room slowly.

Butler scowled, a vague idea of where this was going coming to mind.

"Go on?" Artemis frowned. Surely he would have noticed whatever Juliet was about to announce.

"My brother, the toughest guy in the world," she said, sighing. "Is scared of..."

This should be interesting, Artemis thought, glancing at Butler's sullen face.

"...little..."

A pause as she made her way to the door, calculating her escape.

"...old..."

Butler picked up a missile to throw at her.

"...ladies!" Juliet guffawed and sprinted out of the room before her brother could throw the tin of polish at her.

"You know," Artemis said, safe in the knowledge that his bodyguard wouldn't throw anything at him. "She does have a point. Ever since the..."

"The fish restaurant thing, I know," Butler growled irritably. "I'm more cautious about benign looking opponents, yes I'll admit that."

Artemis let out a quiet snigger. Butler scowled.

"You might remember that that particular old woman was a part of my death," Butler pointed out. "The first one."

"Yes but you really needn't give every elderly female the..." Artemis waved his hand in place of the words.

"Glare of death," Juliet supplied from behind the safety of the door.

"Oh shut up the pair of you," Butler grouched.

They laughed at him. Perhaps the only two people in the world to survive such a feat.

Survive, yes, but that didn't mean he couldn't get his own back. He smirked, clicking the gun back together and Artemis stopped laughing. Juliet peeked round the doorframe to see why.

"Why have you got that 'I'm-going-to-be-seriously-evil-and-enjoy-it' look on your face?" she asked cautiously.

"No reason," Butler shrugged. "Just to warn you that if I hear any more of this you..."

He pointed the butt of the gun at his sister. "Are going to wake up in a box."

Juliet audibly groaned.

"And you..." he pointed at his charge. "Are going to wake up in a bed full of spiders."

Artemis froze and, if possible, paled. There was a silence. Butler's turn to laugh.

"Ah... Butler?" Artemis said after a moment.

"Yes?" the bodyguard, brother and quite possibly evil-tormentor, asked, as innocently as a man of his stature and history can ask.

"You are joking, aren't you?"

"Oh am I Artemis? Am I indeed?" he left the room chuckling.

Artemis and Juliet looked at each other.

"I think I just did something stupid," Artemis said in disbelief.

They appeared to have awoken a monster.

"I think we did," Juliet agreed.

So, yeah. Ta Da.

I'm just gonna shut up now.

Tarrah till next time.

Unless you review. Because I will always reply.

Almost always, anyway.

Wolfy
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