Hawkeye had had a long workday in the office and was relaxing in her apartment in the women's quarters.
Her mind was blank, her small radio filling the air with a colorless classical symphony.
She set down her tea coaster just as she heard a knock on her door. She looked in the door's eyehole. "Just great," she thought. "He's got some nerve to show up here." She opened the door to an immaculately dressed Mustang, complete with fedora and a boucquet of roses.
"What are you doing here?" Hawkeye folded her arms and asked him.
"I-I coulnd't confide in you earlier today, and I came here to apologize," Mustang took off his fedora.
"So? Why are you here now?"
"I'm sorry, Riza," Mustang said. He hoped to sound especially remorseful.
"Apology not accepted," Riza tried to close the door. Mustang stuck his foot in between the doorway.
He yelped as the door closed on his foot. "Riza, please hear me out. I can't help being an idiot sometimes, you know this."
"After all the lengths you went through to ignore me, why should I listen to another word?" She let go of the door knob.
"Because I wanted to tell you, I really did."
"Tell me what?"
"That I don't know how I can choose between a military life with you and a civilian life alone," Mustang uttered.
That disarmed Hawkeye. She opened the door and let him in. Then she closed the door on his foot one more time, albeit with less force than the first time.
"Oh come on! Please just let me in," Mustang threw his hands up in the air.
"I've told you on more than one occasion, Roy. I'd follow you anywhere," She told him as she took his jacket and hung it on a clothing rack nearby. She took the bundle of roses and set it aside on her coffee table.
"But I don't want you to!" Mustang blurted out. "Riza, you've got a wonderful career in the military. You could rise to the top on your merits as a soldier alone."
"Hush, not so loud!" She closed the door gently. "And it's not your choice-"
"If I leave, you'll leave too, isn't that what you said? Luckily, I've come up with a decent solution. I thought it through, and I think you should transfer to another unit."
Riza's faint smile disappeared. She stood silently contemplating his words as a cold rage seethed inside of her, oblivious to Mustang.
"That way, we can both remain in the military. You won't have to clean up my messes, I won't have to worry about a civilian life or climbing the ranks for a while. A few more years, and we'll see if old Fuhrer Grumman is still kicking around."
She opened her mouth but nothing came out.
"Eh? What do you think, Hawkeye? Pretty clever, eh?" He nudged her on her arm playfully.
Suddenly she snapped. Letting out a furious roar, Riza dove straight into Mustang and tackled him to the ground.
"You-ungrateful-clueless-wretch-" She uttered an insult in between each breath as she clobbered his face.
"Oww, let go, lieutenant, no-not my arms, what're you doing?"
Hawkeye twisted his arms together like a pretzel and pinned his face against the wall. Her expression was a mixture of fury and satisfaction.
"you-selfish-arrogant-buffoon!"
"Ouch! No, not the face! What do you want from me, woman?" Mustang groaned.
"Just relieve me of my post, if you're so desperate to see me go!" Hawkeye pinned his arms closer together, making Mustang yelp in pain.
"No, not a chance," he grunted.
"Come on, I dare you, Colonel Mustard," She pressed on his back and whispered into his ears.
"I'd rather you break my arms," Mustang gritted through his teeth.
"That can be arranged," She grunted and pushed harder. She heard something snap. Was it a bone?
Hawkeye heard Mustang gasping for air from the struggle. She came to her senses and felt an immediate pang of utter shame. She loosened her grip and let him go, mumbling nonsense as she felt herself shaking.
Mustang coughed and wheezed, he could barely stand. He hadn't had a fight like that in years! And to think it would be Hawkeye who would give it to him.
"I-I" Hawkeye felt the room spinning. What had she done? Was this a nightmare? She'd always resisted her urges to speak her mind, to retaliate for any reason at all against Roy's blunders. But today she'd reached her breaking point.
Mustang coughed and laughed. His heart was pounding, his back ached and his arms felt numb. He didn't know at all why; he took her hands into his own and gave them a squeeze. She looked up at him with uncertainty. Too late to stop it! He followed his instincts and pulled her toward him for a kiss.
She kissed him back reluctantly. A wave of relief washed over her. And then, the urge to hurt him came flowing back. She slapped him with enough force to stagger him. Then she grabbed his face and kissed him roughly.
"Wait, let's talk-"
"Shut up, Roy," She pushed him against the wall and kissed him all along his neck, biting down occasionally. "Yeowch! Not so rough!" He bemoaned.
Riza ignored him: "You've had this coming for a long time..."
She was aroused by his tiny yelps of pain and ripped his shirt off. She kissed him on the scars he'd gotten from the fight with Fuhrer Bradley.
That woke Roy Mustang up. He felt the blood rushing to his Netherlands and clawed at her back. That only made her want it more. She tore off her top and shimmied out of her uniform trousers.
"What-about"
"What?!" She dragged him to her bedroom.
"What-about-" Mustang stripped down and got into bed with her.
"I can't hear you!" She yelled and nearly ripped his undergarments off of his legs.
"Regulations-" He stopped mid-sentence as he joined with her in unison.
The lovemaking seemed to last for an eternity until it was over. When their furious tango subsided, she wouldn't let go of him, so he fell asleep in her arms.
The next morning, Riza woke up to the smell of eggs frying. Had anything important changed between the two of them? "No, but it's nice to air out the laundry once in a while," she thought with a smile.
"I don't know about you, Riza, but I think the military is really missing out," Roy handed her a plate of sunny eggs.
"On what, sir?"
"Oh, you know-the hanky panky," Roy winked. With his eyepatch, Riza couldn't tell if he was merely struggling to blink.
"I can't believe you just said hanky panky," Riza said through a mouthful of runny eggs. "You really are a softie, aren't you Roy?"
"Shhh...can't let the higher ups know about that. Those wolves are constantly sniffing for signs of weakness."
"You're such a dork, you know that? You've got a soft heart underneath that shell of mockery," Riza teased.
"Why, I'll just take that as a compliment coming from you, Eliza," Mustang grinned.
"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," she grasped his hands.
"Well, this changes everything," Roy slid his hand out of her grasp and lifted his jacket from her clothes hanger.
"Roy? What do you mean?"
"I'm sorry I haven't been honest with you lately. The truth is, I haven't been honest with myself in a long time. Not since those Elric brothers left," Mustang replied as he put on his clothes.
"I don't think I can carry on this charade any longer. Grumman was right to push me out," he put on his uniform and opened the door. "I just hope civilian life will suit me somehow."
"Colonel, let's talk about this," Riza got up and approached him.
"Call me Roy, Eliza." Mustang grinned.
"Roy, You know I'll follow you anywhere, but this is a drastic change for you-"
"Maybe Major Armstrong will have some thoughts," Mustang walked out the door.
"Stubborn man," Hawkeye whispered and followed behind. But when she peered out the door, he had disappeared without a trace.
As soon as he was out the door, Mustang sprinted left and downstairs to hide from Hawkeye. He panted and almost ran into a young enlisted soldier. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Miss, wha-"
"Hey! Male soldiers are strictly forbidden from female quarters, wh-don't I recognize you? Aren't you Colonel Mustang?"
"Oh ho that's close, but no cigar, sergeant Keene!" Mustang quickly read the nametag on her uniform and lied to her:
"My name is sergeant Fuery, I serve Colonel Mustard. I was just trying to find a shortcut to the infirmary and got lost on my way over," he said.
"Infirmary is on the first floor next to-"
"Well gotta go, time flies and the early bird gets access to medical care first!" He sprinted past her and took the flight of stairs down to the infirmary.
He slammed the door open and was relieved to find that no one else was in line to see the attending doctor.
"Doctor! Oh, it hurts bad, doctor," He moaned as the nurse applied a cold pack to his shoulder.
"Your shoulder is not dislocated but it looks like someone stretched your arm back quite a bit. That's why you're feeling a lot of joint pain along your shoulder and elbow. What were you doing, colonel?," The nurse explained.
"Oh? I was just stretching, morning calisthetics, haha!" Mustang scratched his noggin like an embarassed schoolboy.
"And the bite marks on your neck?"
Mustang panicked. "My...puppy is very affectionate, yes, I keep a secret puppy in my apartment," he said with a chuckle.
"Those look like human teeth marks to me," she replied.
"...Did I mention that I play strange games with my puppy? Like putting dentures inside of his mouth and dressing him up in a cute uniform. I like to give it orders for fun. 'Ten-hut-Salute, boy!' Haha, it's great fun, until of course he bites me along the neck," Mustang cringed at the mess he was making of himself.
"Dear god: please make this nurse believe me! I'll be good from now on," he prayed desperately.
"Ok...? Well That's a pretty intense morning ritual you've got, colonel. Maybe try to take it easier in the morning," The confused nurse joked as she wrapped some bandages around his shoulder. "Take these pills to ease your ache. And-"
"Thank you doctor...Oh my god! I'm late to my post!" Mustang pulled his jacket from the coat hanger and sprinted out the door.
"Oh, Colonel, I was just about to finish with sorting your paperwork for the day," Hawkeye greeted him as he entered his office.
Mustang froze in horror. "Everything's normal. Nothing's changed," he whispered to himself and sat down behind his desk.
Hawkeye approached with the paperwork. Mustang instinctively dodged back. Her hair was tied back into a neat bun, and she was immaculately dressed, but his mind wandered to her lithe pale form, lying on a bed covered in rose petals, her mouth biting down on his neck and whispering adoring words to him...
"Roy, is everything alright?"
"Huh-I'm just a bit flustered, Hawkeye. It'll go away," Mustang panted, out of breath and red in the face.
"How did the meeting with Major Armstrong go? Will you tender your resignation immediately, or will you consider taking a leave of absence to sort through your feelings on this matter?" Hawkeye asked.
"AHHGH! Dammit! I-I can't think straight!" Mustang cradled his head in his hands.
Hawkeye put a hand on his shoulder. "Roy, it doesn't have to be-"
Mustang flinched from her touch and stood up. "Ahhh-Hawkeye, watch over things for me, will ya? I'm going to go pay old Fuhrer Grumman a visit!"
"Colonel, don't make any hasty decisions!" She called to him before he shut the door on his way out.
Mustang knocked on Grumman's door. "Yes? This is Colonel Mustard-I mean Mustang. I'm here to see the Fuhrer."
"Do you have an appointment, Colonel Mustang?" Grumman's secretary asked.
"Well, no, but it's an urgent matter. It won't take very long," Mustang replied.
"I'll have to check with the Fuhrer," she replied.
"Colonel Mustang? Come on in, Roy," Grumman opened the door as soon as he heard.
"Thank you, Fuhrer. This shouldn't be long." He shut the door to his office and dropped all pretense.
"You tricked me, Grumman!" Mustang pointed a finger at him. "And to think all this time I thought I had you all figured out! The endless piles of paperwork, the grueling, monotonous assignments for my unit, I thought you were demonstrating your authority over me, but you really want me to resign completely, don't you?!"
Grumman laughed: "I'll be honest with you, Colonel. I've never had such a hard time convincing someone to retire."
"What?! But why?! Haven't I served you faithfully all of these years, Fuhrer?"
"Roy, I'll repeat what I said a while back. You have gifts that are frankly wasted in the military. I just think you'd be a great deal happier as a civilian, now that you've fought your last battle. The Rose Alchemist, the soldiers have taken to calling you. The great pollinator of Amestris, hah!"
"But what would I know about civilian life?"
"Struggle builds character, doesn't it?" Grumman laughed again. "So have you made a decision? I'll respect your choice, Roy. Will you stay or go, or is there some other factor you'd like to talk about?"
"I-I don't want to say," Mustang hesitated.
"And yet you do want to say, because you came to my office to blow up my schedule. Get on with it," Grumman gestured at his door.
"I fell in love with my subordinate."
"As I recall, you've always felt an affection for her that would be considered improper under military regulations," Grumman looked at him like he was stating the obvious.
"I can't bear her serving under me any longer. I can't even stay in the same office and concentrate!" Mustang pulled at his hair.
"So switch units," Grumman shrugged and sipped on his coffee.
"She almost ripped my shoulder from its socket when I suggested it!" Mustang said with desperation.
Grumman laughed heartily. "Oh, she's a keeper, Roy. Is she the reason you've been sticking around?"
"Riza means the world to me, so how can I resign my post if it means that she'll throw away her career to follow me?"
"Do you think my grand-niece is a fan of the military, too? You're even dumber than you look, Roy," Grumman set down his cup.
"No, I-What?! She's your niece?! Why didn't you tell me until now?!"
"Ah, Lieutenant Hawkeye, I've been looking out for her ever since her father died in service. She joined the military out of a sense of duty to continue her father's legacy of service."
"She came to me looking for some advice this morning while you were in the infirmary. Apparently she'd hurt you pretty badly the night before. Some strange argument that you started with her, apparently."
Mustang's ears glowed red at that and he was reduced to mumbling about morning calisthetics.
"Heh, well she came to me with concerns about carrying on an inappropriate relationship with her superior officer. She made up her mind to quit the military to pursue this relationship and asked me if I would consider discharging her, but she worried that her discharge would reflect poorly on you, and your aspirations to remain in the military."
Grumman patted Mustang on the shoulder. "I told her: 'Roy Mustang, that looney case? But you could have the pick of the military's finest men!' She was adamant, though, so I assented to her request. I even told her that you have no plans to remain in the military either, although I didn't tell her that I needed to convince you of that first."
Mustang wasn't sure whether to feel sad or joyful at the news.
"You see? she wants to leave the military on good terms, just like you. Now, If only we had a proper psychiatrist who could talk through these feelings between fellow soldiers, we'd be able to speed this along," Grumman narrowed his eyes at Mustang.
"Instead, our staff psychiatrist is in the hospital with a severe pollen allergy so it falls upon me to be the matchmaker: I wish you both the best of luck, Roy. Take care of her, or rather, let her take care of you. You two make a beautiful couple," Grumman shook Mustang's hand to snap him out of his daze. Mustang stared at him absent-mindedly, unable to comprehend what Grumman was saying.
"Oh, for god's sake, man: Go in peace, you ingrate, and be happy. I mean it! The military's taken some of your best years, enjoy the youth you still have with Eliza."
Grumman continued: "May I suggest taking up gardening? You can buy a house with your military pension, live in a fairy tale of your own making. Grow some roses yourself and smell them once a while. Gift them to your friends, or better yet to your enemies."
Mustang nodded and sniffed as he held back tears. "Oh, I thought I had to choose between a stifling military life with Riza and a lonely life as a civilian! Thank you sensei! Words alone can't express my gratitude towards you!" He bowed deeply to his old teacher and walked toward the door.
"Ahahaha!" Grumman turned to his windows and cackled with malice. "Now that Mustang's unit has collapsed, there's no one to stop me from completely dominating the military! No one will be able to refute my authority!"
"Uh sir, I can still hear you, I'm not out the door yet," Mustang pointed out.
"Like I said, no one! Traditional dress uniforms are back in style! No more enlisted women on the front lines! Pork is back on the cafeteria menus!" Grumman's eyes gleamed dangerously.
"Ok, I don't wanna hear this," Mustang walked out the door to begin his new life. He tripped on Havok, Breda, Fuery and Falman, who had been eavesdropping while they were closely huddled near the floor, falling flat on his face.
Hawkeye and Sheska, who had been standing nearby, looked on with bemusement. "There's still time to reconsider this whole relationship, ya know," Sheska whispered to Hawkeye.
"Not a chance, Sheska," Riza said with a grin. She gave Roy a hand as he got up and led him outside to the courtyard, where spring ruled the day.