Chapter Six

Alcohol & Food

"But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine. Sit talking up all night..." ~ The Script

"You make me feel good, you make me feel safe, you make me feel like I could live another day..." ~ Jessie J

"Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? You build up hope, but failure's all you've known. Remember all the sadness and frustration. And let it go..." ~ Linkin Park

I stepped away from the bed and gave the defibrillator paddles to a nurse. The medical monitor's continuous beep indicating that there was nothing we could do. I looked at the clock in the operating room announcing time of death. I removed my bloody gloves and surgical cap leaving the room. I cleaned myself up, my heart racing. I should be used to this by now, but losing a patient never gets any easier.

I did all I could in there. I knew it and so did the rest of the staff. But it still felt like I failed. I have failed myself and I have failed the patient's family. I made the dreaded walk back to the waiting room, my hands shaking, my heart beating fast in my chest. The family got to their feet when they saw me approach. I looked at them each in turn before I spoke. I gave them the same speech I always did. The same speech every doctor recites. I did all I could, the surgery wasn't a success etcetera etcetera. And every time I have to see the family's world be turned upside down. I left the family to mourn their loss, and headed back to my office.

I sat down behind my desk, resting my head in my hands and closing my eyes. I took a couple of deep breaths trying to keep the panic attack at bay. It didn't work, the walls were closing in around me, my heart racing and my breaths coming in short painful gasps. I gripped the edge of my desk, forcing myself to calm down.

It took a few minutes, but I relaxed, the panic attack subsiding. I got up from behind my desk and grabbed my hand bag, ready to go home. I hurried out of the Hospital, getting into my car and driving off. The sun was starting to set when I pulled into the Motel parking lot. I got out of the car and headed to the room I was staying in. I closed the door behind me, dropping my handbag on the end of the bed and sitting down.

I took off my shoes and got out of the dress I wore to work. I pulled on a tank top and short pyjama shorts, heading to the mini fridge. I took out the unopened bottle of wine and opened it, pouring myself a drink. I switched on the clock radio, and took a seat on the floor wine glass in one hand and the bottle in the other. I sipped on the wine contemplating life. After another two glasses I came to the conclusion that life sucked.

I poured myself another glass when someone knocked on the door. I ignored it and took a swig of wine. "Ava?" Alex called from the outside. Alex's the Sergeant-at-Arms of Sons of Anarchy which, in layman's terms, basically means he made sure there was no unrest within the Club and town, and to do the Club's dirty work. And in the weeks I've been here and the time I spent with Jax, Alex and I got closer. We hit it off when we got introduced to each other, and we've become good friends.

"Go away, Alex," I called gulping down the last bit of wine.

"C'mon Ava, open the door."

"It's not locked," I said emptying the bottle of wine into my glass. Alex opened the door, appearing in the room with two six packs.

"You look like crap," he observed kicking the door shut.

"I feel worse," I said honestly. Alex took a seat next to me, placing the beer on the floor in front of us. "What's happened?" he asked opening a bottle of beer.

I took a sip from my glass shaking my head. "Life."

"Tell me about it."

"Do you think it'll ever get better?"

"Better?"

"Maybe I should say easier. Do you think life gets any easier?"

"Better, maybe. Easier, no."

"That's what I thought," I concurred downing the last of my wine.

"Rough day I take it."

"Rough year," I corrected taking the beer Alex offered me.

Alex put his arm around my shoulder and I rested my head against his shoulder. We each took a gulp of beer, lost in our own thoughts. We sat in silence drinking our beers and listening to the drone of the radio. "What's happened?" I asked breaking the silence.

"Life," Alex replied. We took another swig of beer in unison. After a few moments Alex spoke, "well, on the bright side we can still get drunk."

"I'll drink to that," I replied toasting the fact with Alex.

I woke up the next morning with a terrible headache. Alex was sprawled, face down, next to me, snoring softly. I looked down at myself glad to see that I still had on all my clothes. I laid back, pulling the blanket over my head blocking out the harsh ray of sunlight. About mid day I startled awake when Alex moved. He scrambled out of bed reaching for his phone. I sat up rubbing my eyes, my head still throbbing.

Alex yes and ahhed, before he snapped his phone shut.

"Trouble?" I asked crossing my legs.

"When is there not," he replied, grabbing his shoes. He came over and leaned in giving me a kiss on the forehead. "See you around," I said as he left the room.

I fell back pulling the blanket with me. There was a knock on the door before Sasha waltzed in. "Was that Alex Trager who I saw driving past me?" she asked closing the door. "Yes," I replied getting up. "Ava," Sasha chastised, crossing her arms.

"We only talked," I said. Sasha raised an eyebrow giving me her I-don't-believe-you-face. "Hey!" I said offended. "I did not sleep with him. Well, we did sleep together but in a purely platonic way."

"If you say so," she said sitting down on one of the chairs. I took a couple of aspirin for my headache, washing it down with a gulp of water. "Rough night?"

"Same old, same old," I said sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Just wanted to know if you wanted to go get lunch."

"Oh God yes! I'm starving!"

"Okay then," she said getting up.

"Let me just jump in the shower," I said heading to the bathroom. I climbed in the shower, the water glorious on my skin.

"I'm sorry about your patient," Sasha yelled from the other room. "Shit happens," I said getting out of the shower. I went into the room and got dressed.

"God, Ava. We're not in high school anymore."

"Oh my God, Sash. You've seen it all before."

"You're just so damn perfect."

"Hardly," I said pulling my hair into a messy ponytail. "Done," I said grabbing my handbag. We left and I locked the door. "What do you feel like?" Sasha asked getting in her car. I got into the passenger side, "something greasy and yuck."

"That sounds perfect."