Chapter Six
Hermione went to Blaise after leaving Severus, and asked him if he wanted to go out somewhere for dinner; rather a more timid confrontation than Severus had suggested; in fact not really a confrontation at all.
But Blaise was more than happy to spend the evening with Hermione, telling her to get dressed as up, as he wanted to take her to the nicest restaurant on the island. Hermione laughed at the irony of the situation as it occurred to her that this was their first proper date, after a month of sleeping together. But it was so nice being with him, to feel wanted. It made her forget all the bad things that had happened between them; his snide comments, the argument with Ron, even Harry getting involved.
But after talking animatedly about her research with Severus, the conversation was suddenly very stilted. Hermione wracked her brain for something to talk about after Blaise's one-line answers to her questions about how he was finding lessons; what career he wanted to go into; how his family was. So she went back to telling him about her research, asking him questions on what he thought and any suggestions he had.
She stopped at the darkening look on his face.
"You talk about Professor Snape more than we've spoken the entire time we've been together." He sounded like a petulant child.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Blaise shrugged, looking more infantile than ever.
"I don't know, I'm just saying that you spend all your time with him, and when you aren't with him, all you do is talk about him."
"About my research! I thought you understood how important this is to me! And what about you? All you ever talk about is how wonderful Pansy is, how much you miss her, what you should say to her to make her less angry with you, to make it up to her!
Are you cruel or just insensitive?"
Blaise hissed at her across the table.
"Keep your voice down! Everyone in the restaurant is looking at us. And I don't remember ever agreeing that was an exclusive deal. We aren't even in a relationship, as far as I'm aware."
Hermione stood up, placed her napkin carefully onto the table and walked out of the restaurant to apparate back to the hostel. She had known in her heart that it wasn't going to work out, if it wasn't even at a stage where he wanted to ask her out, but she had fallen head over heels for him – or at least the idea of him, and was devastated at this turn of events.
Hermione was changing into her pyjamas when there was a knock at the door. She knew at once that it was Blaise, seeing as she was barely speaking to Harry and Ron, and Millie had more or less moved in with Draco.
"I'm sorry."
He moved to stand behind Hermione and wrapped his arms around her, kissing along her neck and whispering,
"I'm sorry," between kisses.
Hermione didn't say anything, but Blaise assumed correctly that all was forgiven, and she was putty in his hands.
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Hermione woke unusually early and tossed and turned, unable to get back to sleep. She looked at Blaise's peaceful face as he slept, leant over and gently kissed him on his full lips. She was never normally the one to initiate anything between them, she always waited to see what he wanted. But she was fed up of it, she had argued with everyone over being with him, and now that he had cruelly confirmed that they weren't in any sort of a relationship, it didn't matter how much she tried to please him.
To Hermione's surprise he started kissing her back, and rolled on top of her. Hermione was so caught up in the whirlwind of emotions and passion that she barely noticed him removing her pyjamas as he covered her with kisses. Everything was wonderful, she savoured the moment while it lasted.
And then Hermione's bubble of happiness burst, as the reality of the situation hit her. At breakfast he was all over her, apparently liking this new, more feisty Hermione. But all she noticed were the snide comments from his friends about what they had been doing all morning, and the looks they gave her. She felt no better than a common whore. Hermione couldn't bear to look up at Harry and see his face, to know that he had been right. Despite knowing they weren't in a relationship, Hermione was too scared to risk losing him.
"You're pathetic." She muttered to herself.
When the comments and insinuations didn't stop throughout their morning charms class, Hermione knew that she couldn't stand her entire year group thinking like her about this.
She confided in Neville, who was the one friend who had stayed by her side when she had argued with Ron and Harry, that she thought she might have to end it with Blaise. She had made up her mind that she was going to tell him later that day that she couldn't do this anymore. She hoped that he would tell her that he wanted to be with her, but was kidding herself if she thought that would actually happen. It was time for this to come to an end. Neville hugged her, understanding how difficult this was after coming to blows with everyone else over it.
Hermione knew that Blaise had a free period after charms, and decided not to go to herbology, so that she could get it over and done with. As they walked out of the classroom together, a wolf-whistle from behind them confirmed in her mind what had to be done.
"I can't keep doing this. I can't sleep with someone I'm not in a relationship with."
Blaise asked her what she meant by that, and she replied that she didn't know. Come on Hermione, she scolded herself, you can do better than that! You took on Deatheaters, but you can't break up with a lowlife like this?
"I mean it, Blaise"
"I know," he said.
Why was he being so totally unresponsive?
"Seriously, I can't sleep with someone I'm not in a relationship with. And I know that's all this is to you, so I guess that that's it…"
"Why do you think that?"
"You're an eighteen year old boy. It's what you all want. So I guess that that's it."
The damage was done, she'd finally ended it. Hermione walked away, not daring to look back at him.
She was half expecting him to come after her, or at least to say something to try and stop her. She wished he would, but he didn't. What had she really expected?
Not even five minutes later there was a knock at her door, and she jumped up to answer it, quickly checking her reflection in the mirror and patting her hair into place. Except it wasn't Blaise, it was Draco. Blaise had told him to tell her that it was not just sex, she was more to him than that.
"If he cared enough to sort it out, he would come after me himself!"
Draco looked awkward.
"Hermione, I don't know what's happened, all I know is that you were together, and you wanted more, and he wants things to stay as they are. And now he's confused because he thought you were happy with how things were too."
"Then he's an idiot." She said acidy.
"Hermione – I'm his friend, and I feel bad about stirring things up, but do you know what you are getting into? He's left a trail of girls behind him, and the only one he truly loved broke his heart over the summer, and he never really got over her."
The door swung open, and Blaise stormed in.
"Why did you think it was just about sex? Because it wasn't just about that, that's why I didn't sleep with you every time I stayed here, I didn't want you to think that. And neither of us have been with any other people since this started, so it has felt like we are in a relationship anyway.'
"But you want to be single!" Hermione exclaimed,
"you made that clear."
"I don't, I want to be with you. What do you want? It's up to you now."
It took Hermione a long time to think about what he was offering. She had wanted to be with him in an official relationship for so long, she needed the security of it, to be secure in the knowledge that she was with him and he with her and no one else.
Carefully, she brought up Pansy, saying,
"It seems that you still like Pansy too. Nothing is really making sense to me at the moment."
"Look, I like you more than I like her, Okay?" he insisted,
"And yes I wanted to be single, but minds change, and I want to be with you."
Hermione knew that she should make him wait for an answer, because if actually liked her and wanted to be with her then he would wait. It was all too convenient that she said to him she couldn't have sex with someone without being in a relationship, and next thing she knew, he wanted to be in a relationship.
"If we are together, as a proper couple, will you tell Pansy that? Because I don't want her to hate me, or you, when she finds out."
"Hermione – I don't want to upset her, it will only make things worse. I don't want to be with her anymore, but I still care about her."
Was he doing it on purpose? Could he not see that it hurt her that she wasn't good enough for him to be in a relationship with for all to see, for fear of upsetting his ex-girlfriend.
"Blaise, I don't know if I can do this, this whole thing has been such a mess from the start. I'll talk to you later, okay? My arithmancy class starts in five minutes."
Hermione left Blaise in her room, completely confused as to what had just happened.
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Skipping lunch, Hermione went straight to the potions lab, knowing that Severus would come to find her there.
Sure enough, after realising she wasn't at lunch, Severus came straight to the lab.
"So it didn't go so well with Zabini, then?"
Hermione looked at him, as if questioning how he knew.
"I've got to know you pretty well Hermione, and you are as easy to read as an open book. Speaking of, I was in a second hand book shop in town this morning, and saw something which made me think of you."
Severus went to his desk and pulled a brown paper bag from one of the drawers, giving it to her with a guarded look on his features. Hermione pulled three books out and looked at them with something close to reverence. They were the three volumes which made up a first edition of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. They had been beautifully restored, with the leather binding in pristine condition, and the slightly yellowing pages having the characteristic musty smell of books this old.
"I hope you like them." He said gruffly.
"Severus!" Hermione gasped.
"They're perfect. But I can't accept these; they must have cost a small fortune!"
"Nonsense, they are a gift."
"But Severus, really! I can't!"
"Don't you know it's rude to turn down a gift?" Severus said sternly, the twinkle in his eye letting her know that he was not serious.
Hermione thanked him, and stood up on tip-toe to press a light kiss on his cheek in thanks. Severus was at a loss for words, and hurriedly started asking her about their research.
Hermione began to answer, and then something occurred to her, and she asked what he had been looking for in the shop in the first place.
Severus mumbled something unintelligible, that Hermione accurately suspected translated to 'nothing', and he turned back to his work, embarrassed.
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Hermione and Severus worked in companionable silence, Severus leaving for an hour to teach a class, but that was their only interruption.
When neither turned up for dinner, Blaise appeared at the classroom door. He winked at Hermione, and nodded at the Professor, who stared frostily back.
"I've been waiting for you, 'Mione. Come, let's go to your room."
Hermione didn't think her cheeks could get any redder as he so obviously advertised what he wanted to do, and couldn't meet Severus' eye as she packed up her belongings.
Although she hadn't said so, Hermione decided to herself that she was going to make him wait and see what he did. She stopped Blaise as he started to slide his hands under her blouse, suggesting that they talk, or perhaps go out somewhere.
"Where?"
Hermione couldn't hide her exasperation.
"I don't know, I'm sure people have gone out before! Dinner, cinema, stuff like that."
"Cinema?"
Hermione remembered that he would never have heard of a cinema before, and explained the concept to him. It was like dealing with an excited child as he insisted they go at once, and had her explain it to him several more times on the way there. Hermione laughed fondly at his excitement. And she would never have said it aloud, but she breathed a sigh of relief that there wouldn't be any awkward silences like the previous night.
Blaise cuddled up with her in bed that night, but Hermione had too much on her mind, knowing that she couldn't do this with him again until she decided what she wanted. After she had tossed and turned, unable to get to sleep, Blaise sat up with a sleepy sigh.
"Do you have any baby oil or anything?"
"What for?" She was confused.
"I want to give you a massage, it will relax you."
Hermione found the oil and gave it to him, but inexplicably was suddenly extremely shy when it came to taking off her pyjama top, a massage felt so intimate for some reason.
"Nothing I haven't seen before." He teased, making her feel an iota more comfortable.
Hermione lay on her front, head resting on her hands, as Blaise kissed his way down her neck and back, before massaging in the oil, gently kneading her tense muscles.
As he stopped, he rolled Hermione onto her back, leant forward and kissed her. His hands stroked her hair off her forehead, and he kissed her again. As she wound a hand around his neck to pull him closer, Hermione knew deep down that she shouldn't be doing this, it would only complicate things. But she was caught up in a blur of sensations, his hands stroking down the sides of her body and his kisses on her neck, and a vague awareness of her pyjama bottoms being pulled off and discarded. With the knowledge that this was probably their last time together, she suddenly needed him desperately.
Hermione woke up to see Blaise at her desk, signing his name on a letter he was writing. He looked at her proudly, as if waiting for recognition. She returned his look with a blank one of her own, and got up to read over his shoulder. It was a letter to Pansy, telling her that she was married, and he was with Hermione now, so they both had to get on with their own lives.
With a feeling of disbelief, Hermione checked it again, seeing if she had read what she thought she had. How did this happen? It has been the most tumultuous relationship of her life, and she had been so ready to end it. And now this?
"It's what I want, but only if you want to be –"
Hermione ignored the niggling doubt in the back of her mind, threw her arms around his neck and assured him that yes, this was what she wanted. Her glance fell on the set of Pride and Prejudice books, and Severus' words about Blaise echoed in her mind.
"Yes," she said more firmly, disregarding everything else.
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Neville looked at Hermione's happy face questioningly in their herbology class. He didn't say any words of discouragement, knowing that she had heard them all before.
"I don't know what's happening with you and Blaise, but don't you think it's about time you sorted things out with Harry and Ron? Harry's really upset about all this."
"Neville, it doesn't matter, I'm just so happy! And I have news for you, I was going to tell you yesterday, but I was too caught up in what was happening with Blaise.
"Severus and I..."
"'Severus' " Neville raised an eyebrow questioningly, and then looked around to check if the man is question was nearby.
"Oh that's not important, what I was saying, is that we went to visit a Shaman, and told him about what we are trying to do, and about your parents, and he is going to help us!"
"Hermione, I don't know how I can thank you. What can I do to help? Say anything."
The expression on Neville's face suddenly put everything into perspective; it didn't matter about her and Blaise, it all seemed so irrelevant.
Hermione practically lived in the lab for the next few weeks, dreading the thought of uprooting and moving to Warsaw; having to regrow all their potion ingredients, and start brewing afresh. In an attempt to reconcile their friendship, Harry now joined her in the laboratory whenever he had time to spare, helping her where he could and offering suggestions.
Hermione welcomed his company; she had missed his friendship, but the backlash was that Severus was much more closed up around Harry, to the point where he hardly spoke to her. Even when Harry wasn't around, it seemed like there was a distance growing between them, and Severus' face darkened whenever she mentioned Blaise's name, or he caught sight of the boy.
For Severus, it was one of the hardest things to do; he would rather have faced Bellatrix, but he knew it had to be done. He didn't open up to people easily; Albus had been one, Lily Evans another. And Hermione's friendship had brought some warmth into his life, he felt himself looking forward to seeing her, watching the clock to see if he could spare a minute in the lab with her. Not quite understanding why, he had felt enraged as he learnt what was happening between her and Zabini, and that she had taken him back. He told himself that he was just protective of this witch who had seen so much and was mature beyond her years, but yet was so vulnerable.
But then he had seen the book store and for the first time, his mind had jumped to Hermione rather than himself, as he wondered what book he could get her that would be absolutely perfect. And then she had kissed him. That simple kiss on the cheek had sent a jolt of electricity and desire rushing through him, and he had realised that he had to distance himself from her; it was inappropriate, and entirely unfair on her.
So Severus was left longing for things to return to how they had been, while Hermione was confused and hurt, wondering what she had done to bring about this coldness.
And that was how things had to stay, Severus told himself firmly, as he observed the girl working in silence, and yearned to hold her in his arms, but knew he never could.
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Thank you again for reviewing, please keep them coming and let me know what you think, and what ideas you have for this.
I've written the epilogue, and do have a vague idea of where this is going, but for the most part the words just fly onto the page without me thinking about it! Hermione's story with Blaise is based on my own, so it's been very hard to put onto paper, but it just felt right somehow.
Anyway, please R&R.
Lehayim.