And Pride Goeth

I am hard at work. The plot monkeys have completely run away with me and things have become vastly more complicated. And lengthy. Also, I feel obligated to mention now, due to the Inquisitor's queasy stomach from her hangover, that there will be no secret babies in this story.

Well, I might let a surprise litter of kittens in, but even if I do they would be in my head canon and you guys would never know about it. So, do not stress over whether or not there will be a mini Solas or mini Ellana or both or a magically induced OctoInquisitor. If I had to add that additional layer of planning to the story, we would probably never finish.

If for some unknown reason someone were to want to use the OctoInquisitor thingie, you have my blessing. It would be very Joss Whedon for her to have some demon babies.

7

Ellana woke with a groan and pulled the covers over her head when some cruel, evil, heartless soul pulled the curtains back in her suite. (Varric had thoughtfully closed them last night when he left, post primp.) Her head pounded from her overindulgence. Her stomach tossed. Her body throbbed and not in a good way. Overall, it did not look to be one of her best days ever.

"Go away!" Her voice was muffled by the layers of deliciously warm fabric covering her. Also, because she was face down in her pillow.

"Ellana, get up."

The Inquisitor decided that her first order of business today would be to demote The Iron Bull to 'Thin-skinned Girlie Calf', whether he liked it or not. "I said, GO AWAY!"

"RECRUIT! You are late for training! Get up!" Without any warning, the covers were ripped off her body, exposing her eyes to the sun and the heavy fireballs it was now firing at her brain. That's how it felt anyway.

She covered her head and eyes with her arms and whined, "Bull. Bull, Bull, Bull. Why do the Chargers get to sleep in and I don't? I'm the Inquisitor! I'm the one in charge!"

"Yes, and because you are the Inquisitor, you need to meet with some ambassador from some dinky island or the other after lunch and therefore you are training this morning. Which you agreed to last night." His voice sounded a tiny bit sympathetic. A teeny, tiny bit.

"Well, I've changed my mind about this whole warrior thing. Somebody teach me to be a mage." These were the ugly signs of pouting.

Bull slung the covers to the opposite side of the bed from Ellana and leaned down over her. "Don't make me get the bucket of ice water."

"Fine. Fine. I'll remember this when it's time to pass out Satinalia bonuses, you know." She started the struggle to sit up.

"Oh, real nice. Hit me in the wallet." He grabbed the hand nearest him (fortunately not the cut one) and pulled her to a sitting position. There was a moment of silence while she sat there rubbing her face and didn't realize Bull was staring at her head. "Whoa. Hey. I bet that looked really great last night."

For a moment she honestly didn't remember. "What are you talking about?"

"You've got bed head."

Her pounding head put on the backburner, she dashed to her vanity mirror. "Oh no! This looks awful!"

Bull had followed her over. "What, you don't remember getting your hair cut?"

She sounded mortified. "No, I can't believe someone would... Oh, wait. Yes. Yes, I did know that I got a haircut." She leaned forward towards the mirror and muttered to herself. "Now, let's see. What did he say to do with... Right, and now fluff this around with... Last, I have to pull this down in front. There. There! He was right, this looks fantastic!"

She turned around to show Bull and get his opinion, but her attention was immediately caught by something that seemed out of place on her friend. "Bull. Why is your face bright pink?"

He shifted uncomfortably and ran a hand over his head, adjusting an eye patch that did not need adjusting. "Oh, that. It's nothing, really. Apparently my apology to Leliana was insufficient, is all."

Ellana smiled. "I've got some face cream here if you want to get it off."

Bull held up his hands. "No, no. Thanks, but no. It was bright yellow when I woke up. Then I washed it with soap and it turned bright blue. After that I tried rubbing it off with whiskey on a rag and got the pink. I'm afraid to try anything else while I've at least got a color I like."

"I'll talk to her."

He shook his head. "I already did and she said the color would wear off as soon as she received some hoity-toity kind of Antivan chocolate and a case of an Orlesian cherry brandy she's crazy about."

Ellana was sympathetic. "The first rule of the Inquisition. Don't mess with the spymaster. The second rule of the Inquisition. Never forget the first rule." She sighed. "Alright, I'll be down in a minute. Have to get dressed first."

"Meet me at the armory. Varric said you cut yourself last night and your hands blistered up pretty well. So we'll get you outfitted in some heavy armor, not that paper thin medium junk you're used to wearing. We'll cut you some slack today." He turned to head back down the stairs.

Her sarcastic "Thanks, Chief!" carried and was acknowledged with a grunt at the bottom.

She heard the door open and Bull say, "Morning, Cole. Hope that tea is extra strong, it's that kind of a morning. In fact, get her a whole pot when you get a chance."

She didn't hear Cole's reply, but he flashed to the top of the stairs with a tea tray for her. The full breakfast he'd brought while she was asleep she'd had him take back before the smell of bacon and the sight of scrambled eggs made her hurl. He'd thoughtfully had the cook put some dry toast with the replacement tray. Take it easy on her queasy stomach this morning and she'd make up for it at lunch after the training session.

"Thank you for bringing it, Cole, but you didn't have to do that. I keep telling you I can walk to the dining room for breakfast like everyone else." She yawned and walked over to where he had set down the tray.

Cole tipped his hat down farther than he usually did and spoke so that it was hard to hear him. "I remember. But I knew you were hurting after last night and I wanted to check that you were alright."

She took a long drink of the hot tea and cradled the oversized mug in her hands. "That's very sweet, Cole. I am sore, but limbering up during training will help that a great deal. I'll just have to live with the headache for today. It was my own fault."

Cole looked up, looked puzzled. "Your hurt isn't from what happened in the Fade?"

She shook her head at him and then held her hand to it with a groan. "No, no. It's from the unfamiliar and incredibly heavy greatsword. And drinking too much wine. Remember how yesterday the Chargers said they had 'tied one on'? That's what it means."

"So... you don't remember your nightmares? Or anything else from the Fade last night?"

"No. It was probably from the alcohol. Not that I want to repeat the experiment to see. But it was the same ol' same ol', right? Nothing out of the ordinary? And it's kind of nice to wake up and not relive them yet again. So let's not talk about it, alright?" Ellana had crossed to her closet and was pulling out her same ol' same ol' wardrobe. Really, she needed to go shopping.

Cole dropped his head and was quiet for a moment. "Alright," he said. "We won't talk about it. I'm going to go eat with Varric now." And in a Poof! of smoke he was gone.

(AN: Well, alright he didn't poof. Or smoke. But how many different ways can be used to describe a person teleporting away? It's kind of a grand thing isn't it, disappearing instantly and reappearing somewhere else? But it's not a color or a size or a flavor for which one can whip out Roget's Thesaurus. I would hate to 'blah-blah' it, but we may have come to that point. What? Oh, right. Sorry!)

A few minutes later, Ellana entered the Main Hall and headed towards the doors. She was stopped enough times on the way there by well wishers (Darling, we just LOVE your hair!) that she entirely failed to notice Varric and Cole talking in Varric's corner. The Inquisitor marched out the door with a spring in her step, regardless of her hangover, because she felt good about her hair if not her uniform.

Cole and Varric watched her leave with matching sighs of relief and resumed their quiet conversation. Varric was, as usual, feeling that he was two steps behind whatever question the spirit was trying to ask. "Okay, kid, it's very early. Break this down into small steps for me. What happened first?"

Never had Cole been more frustrated with his struggle to communicate. "You know that I watch her dreams, at night, in the Fade. To wake her during her nightmares?"

"Creepy, but yeah."

"Last night I waited and waited and she didn't come." Cole spoke earnestly on this point because he wanted Varric to know he had not failed in his duties.

The dwarf scratched at his chin and tried desperately to not think about what he had done for Ellana last night. "Yeah, well, the Inquisitor had a hard time getting to sleep last night, what with the drinking and the cut hand and the cut hair and all. I saw her safely to her room, but it was only about two hours before sunrise."

Cole stared a minute at Varric and then his eyes got wide. "You're the one who...!" Suddenly, he had a dwarf's hairy hand slapped over his mouth.

The spirit of Compassion was on the business end of the stare that won Varric record concessions with the Merchant's Guild every month. "Her hair was already cut when I found her, she'd cut it herself. That's how she cut her hand, right? Nod if you understand me."

Cole nodded slowly twice, helped along by Varric's hand pushing his head up and down.

Varric wasn't done yet though. "I found the Inquisitor and helped her to her room because she'd had a little too much to drink." The dwarf switched to a slow, wheedling tone and moved Cole's head side to side. "And you're neeever going to tell anyone any different, right?"

Cole moved his own head side to side and so Varric removed his hand and wiped it on his (fresh) handkerchief. "Thank you, Cole." Varric's thanks could have been spelled out in fresh butter they were so smooth.

But Cole looked puzzled. "I understand not to tell anyone, but Varric, you helped the hurt. She is in less pain because of something you did. Why should that be a secret?"

Varric looked Cole in the eye, back to his normal jovial self. "For two reasons, kid. One, you don't do nice things for people to get thanks or be appreciated. You'll have a very long wait before either happens; until, I don't know, sometime in the middle of the next age. You do them because they make YOU feel better. My friend feels better today and I am happy because of that, not because I'm the one who was responsible for it. Make sense?"

Cole smiled. "Yes. Yes, it does. We both help the hurt. I like that."

"Me, too, kid. Me, too." Varric shrugged nonchalantly. "And the second reason is that men who cut hair get a... well, a certain reputation. I'd never be able to sell a crime serial again. It would be all "Swords and Shields" and "Brothers In My Arms" and "My Winter On Sundermount Guarding Sheep." And I would never be able to quit that. So, we'll keep it just between the two of us, right? What happened next?"

Cole leaned closer to Varric and whispered (which with all the Orlesians present was actually common and in no way made the conversation suspicious) "I went looking for her around the castle, in the places she goes to when she can't sleep. Finally, I checked her room just before sunrise and she was sleeping and obviously having a nightmare. So I Poof!ed into the Fade."

Curious, Varric tilted his head. "Ten sovereigns says the plot twist is coming up. What happened?"

"She was there and Solas was there and they were surrounded by Solas's wards and a bunch of demons and they WERE TALKING." Cole ended on a stage whisper.

Varric, for his part, was considerably startled. "What?"

"Solas was there and they were talking and she asked me to leave and wake her up and now, this morning, she doesn't remember any of it." Cole kind of coughed at the end of his hurried speech. He still sometimes forgot he had to breathe. He started again, slower this time. "She doesn't remember any of it, the nightmares, Solas, anything. She says it was probably because of the alcohol but she didn't want to talk about the Fade because she was in a good mood. So I didn't get to tell her. And now..."

Varric's face was grim. "And now you wonder if Chuckles blanked her brain the way he tried to whammy yours." Because of his friendship with Cole, Varric had known from the beginning that something wonky happened between Solas and Ellana when they were both in the Fade.

The spirit looked relieved that his friend understood. "Yes. I know he loves her greatly, I feel it every time we meet in the Fade. But I can never sense his reasons or his plan and so I do not know what to do, Varric."

"I'm going to have to think about it, kid. You can't take me to him in the Fade for a quick chat, can you?" The spirit shook his head no. "I thought so. And we don't know where he is. So the only thing we could do is tell her about it and see if she remembers then. But is that the right thing to do for her? I've got to think about it." He pushed back from the table and stood up, gesturing for Cole to do the same. "We'll talk again before tonight. In the meantime, let's go see what Bull has in store for our Inquisitor today."

Meanwhile, on the second story of the armory proper, Bull and Krem were with the Inquisitor in the heavy armor accessories section. "Okay, Ellana. There isn't any heavy armor in your size, really, so we'll go to the undercroft and pound some out later. But in the meantime, Krem here will lend you his practice gear and help you find some gloves, boots and padding that fits. I'll see you two outside. Krem, she's all yours." And Bull took his leave.

Krem gave a casual salute with a pair of gloves in his hand. "Right, Chief. Okay, Inquisitor. Hold up a hand." She did and he matched his bare hand to hers. "Right, these gloves are too big. I'll keep looking while you take your uniform off and put on these terribly itchy but they'll keep your armor from chafing shirt and trews. Love the hair, by the way."

The Inquisitor was good friends with Krem and knew his special circumstances. And since the Dalish are not body shy, it did not bother her to disrobe in front of him. "Thank you. I had not realized how heavy my hair was until it was all gone. It feels very freeing."

"I remember. Cut all mine off getting ready to leave Minrathous. Glad I never have to grow it back out again. Ever, ever again." He smiled as he took her uniform shirt and passed over the weighty under armor garment.

Ellana grimaced as she took the shirt. "Eww, that IS itchy. I don't know if I will ever grow my hair out again, but that's one nice thing about being the boss. If I don't want to, I don't have to, do I?" She pulled the shirt on over her head and gave an "Ugh, how do you stand this?" as she pulled it down.

Krem grinned at her. "You don't stand it. This is the beginner gear. If you stick with it, you move up to something a lot more comfortable."

Ellana looked up in surprise. "You didn't think it would be okay to give me the good stuff? I have to itch AND meet with an ambassador in a diplomatic session this afternoon. That's really unfair."

Bull's second in command laughed at her. "Chief's orders. Sorry. We'll do it just this once and then get you into the good stuff after."

She handed him her pants, having sat down and taken her boots off already. "I suppose that's something." She pulled the other pants on with a grimace. "Really? These are horrible! Is this a practical joke that gets pulled on the new recruits?"

"I promise it's not. It MIGHT be the old stock that we don't use anymore, but again, it was the Chief's orders and not something that I would ever have repeated out loud." Krem held a finger up to his mouth in a shushing motion.

"Well, that tears it. He is definitely NOT getting a Satinalia bonus. Or he's getting something really foul. I'll decide later." Ellana accepted Krem's help buckling her into the heavy plate. While he was kneeling in front of her and strapping the greaves on, she asked, "Do you do this by yourself once you get used to it?"

"What, put on your own heavy plate? Ah, that would be no. You've got a lot of schematics available, we'll try and find something you'll like better so you can dress yourself when you're out on the road." He stood and stepped back. "Okay, move your arms, walk around a bit." She did. "Jump up and down once or twice." She did that, too. "Good, I think this will work for a while. How's it feel?"

She tried to shrug without much luck. "A little heavy. A little awkward."

He grinned. "That means it fits."

A few more minutes playing with boots and gloves and the two were headed out to the courtyard where once again the warriors of Skyhold were waiting, plus two. Those two being Varric and Cole. Krem would never tell the Inquisitor, but he walked downstairs first to keep her from tumbling ass over teakettle down the stairs if she happened to fall. She'd just knock HIM down instead.

The audience looked up at the clanking noise headed their way. Varric couldn't help but laugh. "Ah, here they are. Krem 1 and Krem 2."

Krem pretended to take offense. "You're mad, dwarf. I work this ensemble much better than the Inquisitor ever could."

"He's so right about that. I just took minus fifty points to my grace and coordination attributes." Ellana wasn't exactly struggling to walk, but she wasn't going dancing in that get up any time soon.

Bull spoke up as they reached the little group. "Okay. For the onlookers today, we will sit back and relax as the Inquisitor jogs twice around the battlements of Skyhold."

Ellana laughed at him. "That's it? I normally run six laps a day when I'm here. I've got plenty of stamina. This armor isn't going to make that much difference." The warriors just took turns giving each other significant looks.

She'd come to a stop next to Blackwall, who reached out with his bare pointer finger, put it against her chestpiece and pushed gently. Ellana took one step backward, that turned into two, that became running steps with arms waving trying to regain her balance, that ended in her landing on her back on the ground.

Ellana rolled to her right side. Well, she tried. Same with the left. And with her attempt to sit up. The turtle had been flipped over onto its back and there was nothing to be done about it. She held up her arm and pointed her finger at each one of them just like she did from the throne at judgment time. "No one had better laugh."

Varric and Cole stood looking at each other as the warriors turned as one and walked off. "Two laps, Inquisitor. Run two laps." Bull called over his shoulder. Each of the warriors had a good laugh at her expense as they walked away. The bastards.

The two rogues did their best to look both innocent and completely invisible at the same time, which is harder than it sounds. And it didn't work because Ellana glared straight at them. "Varric. Cole. Don't just stand there. Pick me up."