Christmas Crackers

Sherlock wasn't one for making grand, elaborate declarations of love; or even simple ones, for that matter. But he did love Molly and so every now and then he found himself filled with the desire to do something romantic.

It was a delicate operation and required a steady hand to cut into the Christmas Cracker, rummage among its contents, remove the cheesy joke, and replace it with his own message of love, before sealing the tube up again and leaving no trace that it was ever tampered with.

He had gotten the idea from a serial killer who had done much the same thing for his targeted victims, except that the messages of love had been threats of violence. Hopefully Molly would not have the same reaction of revolution and fear as Dan the Cracker's victims had.

He was just glueing down the bow over the slit he had made when Loki told him, "Careful now."

Sherlock jumped out of his skin, knocking the pot of glue all over the cracker in the process.

"You've ruined it!" Sherlock growled. "I'll have to start again now."

Loki held up his hands. "You're going about it all wrong. There's no need to cut into it, just open up one end."

"It doesn't surprise me that you've done this before."

"It's just common sense that you open up one end."

"Why are you here?"

"I'm on a tea break. And I think you need help."

He picked up the sticky cracker and tore it open, tipping out its sorry contents: pink paper hat, flimsy plastic comb, and, of course, Sherlock's clumsy declaration of love written on a small slip of paper.

"It's not much, is it?" Loki said, tossing the comb aside. And then he spotted the piece of paper. "Oh, but what is this?"

"Nothing. Leave it."

Loki cackled loudly as he ran into the living room, Sherlock chasing after him.

"Loki, give it back!"

Loki leapt onto the sofa and was jumping up and down on the cushions as he read out, "How do I know that Molly Hooper is full of Beryllium, Gold, and Titanium? Observation, because she is Be-Au-Ti-Ful." Loki stopped bouncing; he looked at Sherlock with a smirk. "Oh, that is lovely, just love – ARGH!"

Sherlock had just rugby tackled him around the waist, knocking him over the arm of the sofa and onto the floor.

"I mean it!" Loki shouted, as Sherlock scrambled over him to retrieve the slip of paper. "Do you have any more?"

"None of your business."

"Oh, go on. That one was really sweet."

"You'll only laugh again."

"Yes, but so will Molly. But not in an unkind way!" he added hastily as he saw Sherlock's face fall. "I laughed because it was surprising in a cute, sentimental way. And Molly will think so too. That's what you want, isn't it? Also, it's chemistry themed. That's a clever personal touch. She'll appreciate that. Shows you've put thought into it."

"Do you really think so?"

"I do. Besides, they're going inside Christmas Crackers! They're meant to be corny."

"Oh, very well."

Loki's eyes lit up when he saw Sherlock retrieving more slips of paper from his pocket.

Sherlock cleared his throat and read, "Molly, do you have 11 protons? Because you're sodium fine!"

He looked for Loki's reaction who waved his hand in a so-so way.

"Well, how about: Molly, we're like two atoms sharing a covalent bond. We complete each others valence shell."

"A little laboured, but I know she'll understand."

"Last one: Molly, we have great chemistry together, so let's try some biology."

Just as predicted Loki laughed. Hard. "Yes, put that one in. She'll love that one."

"Maybe for later in the evening."

"Still, though, if you're tying to woo Molly then you could do better than a toy comb and a paper crown."

"It's just what comes in the Crackers. The toys are always cheap. You wouldn't believe how many plastic paper-clips I obtained in my wild youth."

Loki had returned to the kitchen table and was turning a Cracker over in his hands, wearing a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Now, I know that I can improve -"

"No!"

"You didn't let me finish."

Sherlock folded his arms. "Thank you for your kind offer of help, Loki, but I'd rather you didn't tamper with them. It wouldn't exactly be romantic for Molly and me to pull the cracker and be blown up, now would it? Yes, it would be hilarious to you, but I'm trying to do something...tender for Molly, so please, please, as a friend, just let me do this my way. Okay?"

Loki nodded. "Understood. I promise not to interfere with your crackers."

"Thank you." And then Sherlock went over Loki's words more carefully in his mind. "Loki, I also don't -"

The Trickster had vanished.

As promised Loki did not interfere in any way with Sherlock's Crackers, but that did not stop him from toiling all night to create his own and making them look exactly like Sherlock's and then leaving them where the couple would find them.

In his defence he had only been trying to help Sherlock in his own misguided way. In his mind there was no way Molly would be impressed or romanced by the meagre offerings of the humble mortal Christmas Cracker. Really, Sherlock was only setting himself up for failure. So, once again, it was up him – Loki of Alfheim, god of Helpfulness - to assist the mortals whether they craved assistance or not.

It was unfortunate that Loki had overlooked the obvious pattern in his life, just as he always did whenever he tried to put of his plans into action: he was a habitual screw up.

At least it would give him something new to discuss with his therapist.

AN: Next chapter will cover what happened when Molly and Sherlock pulled one of Loki's Crackers.

Crackers are meant to remind people of the way logs will spark and crack on a fire. They look pretty on the outside.

The chemistry jokes came off a website.

Thanks for reading!