Note: Again, I do not own OUAT or its characters. I am just a fan.
She sat in her car, her hands continuing to press against the wheel. She didn't want to go in at the same time she wanted nothing more than to be inside that hospital. She wanted Regina's eyes to be open and looking at her. She wanted Regina to see in her eyes that she was sorry and that despite hurting her, there was no one else in this life for her.
But Emma knew Regina's eyes wouldn't be open. Snow had told her on the phone that Regina had woken for only a moment. Still it was Emma's name she had said.
That had been hours ago. She hadn't rushed to the hospital. She hadn't done anything, but make an encouraging comment to her mother and double checked that her parents were keeping Henry over night.
She had needed some time alone, yet here she was sitting in her car in the hospital parking lot way past visiting hours.
When would this hurt stop?
She got out of the car and walked in. The nurse in the ICU gave her only the barest of lectures about visiting hours, but Emma told her some lie about needing to check Regina's condition for the case against the two street racers. She didn't know if the woman believed her or not, and at this point she didn't care.
As she stepped into the room she realized this was the first time she had been in there alone. She had always been with Henry. After all what possible reason would the sheriff have for visiting Regina alone?
A small amount of light illuminated Regina's still body. Emma took a seat but unlike Henry, didn't reach out to touch her.
"You made that kid the happiest ever today by waking up," Emma said. "Snow said he was already coming up with a plan for how to care for you back home when you're discharged. It looks like you will have your very own kid butler."
She paused, turning toward the window for a moment.
"I don't know what is going to happen when you wake up and that scares me. The truth is you scare me, you always have. Not scared like I am afraid of what you will do to me. I am scared of you and how you feel about me. The whole fuck buddy thing, it was easy. I got to be with you in the only way I felt I could. Even that night you told me to get out, I knew something like that was coming because I saw how you looked at me. What used to be a look of lust, had turned into love.
"Do you remember after our first time?" she smiled. "You practically threw me out of your house. You were so concerned that I leave before Henry found me there. And after that it became a game – where could we find a private place to devour each other? What nights would Henry be at a friend's house? Could I use my magic to transport me into your bedroom?
"It was hot and you were so irresistibly sexy that there was never going to be a time that I wasn't going to rush over to your office if you had some spare time and your secretary was gone for the day. I have memorized every curve of your body and I know how to guide that body into so much pleasure."
"But you had to ruin it. You had to keep pressuring me to talk about what it meant or how I felt," Emma said, trying not to let her emotion spill over. "You know what my history has been like. You should have known better. I may have made Storybrooke my home because of our son, but you know that I am a runner. Why wouldn't I run from this?"
"We were happy. Don't try and say that you weren't, that you didn't get a thrill every time I would undress you. We didn't have to bring feelings into it. We could have just been us. I just … I just wanted to … "
"You want to know how I feel, fine, yes I do have feelings for you. But if you couldn't tell that when I was holding you in my arms, our bodies pressed together, my lips grazing upon your smooth skin, then what is the point of saying it out loud?"
Emma shook her head and stood up. She leaned over the bed and kissed Regina's forehead. "I need you to wake up. I need you to help me, to tell me what I am supposed to do. It wasn't just sex, you know that. You know that because for every time we had sex there were hours of talking. You became my best friend and I need my best friend to tell me how to not keep fucking this up. I need you lend me your strength because there is no one else in this world who can."