"Wait, what? You. . . you're pregnant? What the hell Astrid. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Hiccup asked wide eyed and in complete shock at what she had just said to him. Pregnant, Astrid was pregnant with his. . . no their baby. The anger came out no where and he narrowed his eyes the slightest bit as he watched Toothless quickly run off not wanting to get into any fight. "Why. Why did you not tell me!" He demanded pacing back and forth in annoyance and stomped his foot the slightest bit even if it were childish.
"Because I couldn't. . . and also because I wanted to keep it a secret for awhile, but I knew I would have to tell you eventually, especially now seeing as you have to go, and it's starting to get noticeable as well." Astrid replied quietly with some frustration edging her voice but she barely noticed it as she spoke. She was also worried that he'd start yelling at her even if she hadn't meant to hurt him.
Hiccup heard the rest of her words, but his mind edged on three of them. "Because I couldn't, isn't an excuse, Astrid." His voice still held the same flat quality he head learned as chief, but there was a rising emotion behind it. "Why couldn't you say something? Why? Is it something I said? Did I hurt you some how? Enough that you wouldn't be able to trust me in telling me about this?" There was a hurt tone as well as annoyance behind his voice as he spoke to her.
"I don't know, maybe I was just shocked that it happened? After we did it a few times and nothing happened, I honestly wasn't expecting it to happen and it just did. I just keep thinking that I'll fail as a parent some how and I don't want that to happen at all." Astrid replied pausing for a moment but still avoiding eye contact with him as if trying to avoid getting into a fight.
Astrid's words did little to channel or neutralize Hiccup's anger at her. "You just didn't care enough to tell me, wanted to pretend that saying nothing would protect yourself." He muttered, a sharp edge to his tone. "I can't believe it! One of the most important things you could have told me. . . yet you didn't. Do you realize how much that hurts, Astrid? To know that you can't trust me enough to tell me. After you promised."
Astrid turned her attention back to him giving him a concerned look before sighing as tears ran down her cheeks yet again. She couldn't help that, with the hormones as well as the stress she could feel a break down about to happen at any second. She could feel she was about to loose her temper but at him so she didn't respond to what he said, as his words hurt her the slightest bit at least until she knew what she could say in a response. "Because I was in denial." She replied quietly. "I trust you. . . I just couldn't find the words to tell you when I found out."
Astrid's tears brought Hiccup's words and feelings back to him, and showed him what he was saying. His expression softened, he approached silently, not reaching out to touch her, uncertain if she even wanted him nearby. "I-I'm sorry. . . it's just. . . kind of a shock? And I wish you would have told me sooner. So I can help you out. I'm here for you, Astrid. Please don't ever think otherwise. I love you so much." He whispered quietly but still kept his distance from her.
Astrid ignored him for a moment before sighing thinking over her next words carefully, speaking up once again yet her voice was quiet. "It's nothing you've done. . . or said. I just wasn't sure how it happened and with so much going on well. . . it slipped my mind for awhile and I wasn't thinking." She sighed again avoiding any eye contact as she looked out over the ocean. "I love you to, Hiccup. I'm sorry that I hurt you by not telling you."
Hiccup closed his eyes for a moment, looking for the correct words in the moment of darkness, before looking over at her, still a bit nervous. He wanted to bridge the gap between them, and show her that he cared, and he loved her, but wasn't sure how, afraid to touch her and break that gap. "I'm sorry that you. . . didn't feel you could tell me before. . . but Astrid, that's still great, really. I can't believe it, we're going to be parents." He wasn't sure if she wanted him to leave, or if he should hold her close, so he did neither.
Astrid eventually looked over at him with sad eyes and sighed the slightest bit moving closer to him after a moment and taking his hand in hers meeting his gaze for a moment before glancing out over the ocean once again. She was almost afraid that he was mad at her, and would stay mad at her as well as. Then she started to believe that she had hurt him somehow by mistake.
"I can't honestly believe it either. But the only reason why I didn't tell you until now was because I was scared that something would happen, and with so much else going on at that time I didn't want you to stress out at all. I was worried for you, that you'd be worried about me. You already have so much stress on your shoulders I didn't want to add to that." She whispered under her breath.
Gently Hiccup squeezed her hand, and pulled her a bit closer, trying to show that he was trying, trying hard, not to be angry, and that he cared. "You don't need to worry about that. . . of anything that could possibly stress me out, it's the stress I mind the least." He whispered. "Gods, I know it'll be hard. . . but that's great, really. A family. We're going to have a family." He added, just as quietly, glancing over at her to see what her reaction to that word would be.
"If nothing happens to you while you're gone." Astrid managed to say voicing her main worry as quiet as ever, closing her eyes and leaning into his side taking a hold of his other hand and gently placing it on her stomach. She was still worried and nothing was about to change that any time soon either as that worry would always remain until she actually knew that this time for sure she knew it had happened and she would be a parent, a mother.
She only opened her eyes after a moment to meet his gaze. "Go ahead and yell at me for not telling you sooner. I know you're mad at me. . . and I'm sorry."
Hiccup's met her gaze, trying to keep any anger out his face. Yes, he was angry, and he knew that soon enough, there would likely be fights about it again. However, right then, right at that moment, it wasn't the time. It was time to try and celebrate, or at the very least be peaceful, and not fighting. "I'm not going to yell at you, or anything like that." He replied quietly. "I'm just going to say that. . . this is exciting, and I don't want to spend this time fighting with you, Astrid."
Astrid sighed once again closing her eyes and squeezing his hand gently or at least the one she was holding gently. "About eight months and then quite possibly we'll have a family. I'm just scared right now. . . thinking about it and what can happen if something goes wrong. I don't plan on ever leaving you anytime soon. . . especially not now when we've been given something like this." She whispered gently placing her other hand over her pelvic muscles and meeting his gaze. "We'll be together for this. Always." She whispered in his ear before gently and slowly kissing him on the lips.
Hiccup met her lips, kissing her gently, his eyes closed. This would be hard, for both of them. Despite what they might think, they were still so young, even if this was their second chance. He pulled away from the kiss, and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her gently. "I'll take care of you." He promised quietly, the words just a breath between them. "Nothing will happen. I love you so much. It'll be okay."
Astrid didn't pull away this time, instead she just gently wrapped one of her arms round his back and rested her head gently on his shoulders. But instead of saying what was on her mind, she sighed quietly knowing that they were still both so young yet they had months until or if they would actually become parents. She could only hope for the best. "Now can you see why I don't want you to leave any time soon without me coming with you as well?" She asked quietly. "Even if it is just for a week, it's dangerous and I wouldn't be able to bare loosing you. . ."
Hiccup closed his eyes, head bowed slightly. He knew her doubts, and just wished there was some way he could protect her forever. Still. . . with what was coming, he wasn't sure he could protect himself. "Oh, Gods, I wish I didn't have to go. I wish I could skip it, more than anything. . . but I can't. . ." It wasn't worth trying to reassure her that he'd be fine, when the dangers would still be there. In past years, sometimes less than half the ships came home.
Astrid pulled him closer into a tighter hug as if never wanting to let him go and the fear of loosing him would always be there until that day actually did come and he'd either return or not. Her breath caught in her throat at the thought before tears started to run down her face yet again our of a fear that just wouldn't go away. "I wish that you didn't have to go either, Hiccup. I don't think I'd be able to survive without you. Gods, I wish you could just bring Toothless with you." She whispered rubbing his back gently as she sighed once again.
Hiccup could feel tears in his eyes. "There's so much about this trip that I hate." He whispered, the emotion clear even in his whisper. "I hate it. But as chief. . . my duty is supposed to be to the village, not my family. . . though I disagree with that expectation completely." He added. "You're the most important thing in my life. . . I wish I didnt have to leave, even if just for a week."
Astrid bit her tongue the slightest bit once again knowing she shouldn't say what she was about to say but she couldn't help it and in ways she might have been thinking of herself as selfish. "And you're the most important thing in my life as well, Hiccup. I wish that you didn't need to go to that meeting. It's so far away from here, and in the storm season? They must be crazy." She whispered pausing once again only if it was to try and catch herself from crying. "We should have ran away together. . . live here on this island, Itchy Armpit. . . or whatever you called it. Then we wouldn't have to worry about a thing."
Hiccup wished he could agree, and at times, he did. But he had a home and a mother on Berk, on his island. There wasn't a choice as much as he wanted it. "This trip...it's crazy and pointless. But it's only a week. At least, on Berk. . . it's safe for a family, with food and protection. . . even if I don't come back." He added, so quietly he doubted she could possibly hear him.
"I wouldn't be able to go on without you, Hiccup. I know it's safer there, on Berk, for a family and all that but without you. . . if something happens and you don't come back I couldn't go on. You're everything to me." Astrid replied quietly as tears started to form in her eyes once again. She couldn't even imagine life without him by her side, and if something did happen to him surely she wouldn't be able to go on. "I love you. . . so much, Hiccup. Even if we aren't married yet I could never let you leave me."
Hiccup closed his eyes for a moment, wishing that this pain didn't exist, that they could just be joyful. "I love you too...more than anything. I don't want to leave you, not for a minute, but what happens, I have no control." He paused, taking a shaky breath. "I'll do everything in my power not to leave you, I promise."
Astrid closed her eyes holding back the tears that wanted to fall yet she held them back as much as possible. "Why does life always have to be so unfair? That there's always something that can ruin happiness at all the wrong times. It just isn't fair." She whispered quietly as she sighed once again. Rubbing circles into his back as if in hopes of reassuring them both that they still had time together before they actually had to worry about this meeting that had to be taken by boat.
Hiccup sighed slightly, wishing that there was some way to change the inevitable that was coming. He gripped her just a bit tighter, not enough to hurt her. "It's horrible, I know, but it's not for a few months. And we're thinking what-if's. Maybe it will be a calm year, and we'll get no storms at all. Maybe, we'll get lucky." He added at the end, another idea tacked on to his sentence. It was true though, they were panicking over something that was months away. Who knew what would change? It would be a weight in Hiccup's mind until he was home safely. . . but he wanted to comfort her, in some way.
Astrid sighed the slightest bit not sure with what to say or do about it knowing that there honestly was little that could stop him from going she just couldn't bare the possibility of losing him so easily. "We can only hope that's what's going to happen. That we'll get lucky and you'll get home safely. I'll always wait for you. . ." Was all she managed to say as finally the tears managed to roll down her cheeks slowly but they were there. "It just isn't fair. Gods, even if it isn't going to be for awhile I can't stand the thought of living without you. . . especially now."
Hiccup pulled away from their hug enough that he could meet her eyes, trying to show that his words were serious and true. "If, for some reason, I don't make it home right away. . . wait, wait for a while. Don't give up right away. Sometimes, ships go adrift, but do come back." He added quietly, looking for her promise that she would do so. He'd come back to her as long as he was able to, and he just hoped she wouldn't give up on him.
"I'll wait. . . but I honestly don't want you to leave it just isn't fair. I wish they could understand what we've been through and just leave us alone. We have a family, Hiccup. . . and I couldn't go on without you." Astrid replied quietly meeting his gaze and staring into his forest green eyes with a worried look across her face. Even if it were a few months away she still could even bare thinking about it. She sighed the slightest bit before resting her hand on her stomach still meeting his gaze. "We're going to need each other to get through this. . ."
Hiccup nodded slightly, his eyes clearly worried though he was trying as far as possible to hide his angst from her. It may have been months away, but it, as well as her pregnancy, were definitely going to cause worry for both of them, in fear of losing the other or being hurt once again. "You know I wouldn't go unless I had to. . . and I have to, as much as I hate to say it." He whispered. "But, until then, and past then, and forever. . . we can work together to get through this, I promise. We can do it as long as we have each other."
"We can do it as long as the other is always there. I wouldn't be able to go on without you and I know you wouldn't be able to go without me. But now. . . now that I'm pregnant a family has to stick together, Hiccup." Astrid replied squeezing his hand gently as she pulled away once again glancing out at the ocean a new fear that was building up inside of her. Loosing the one she loved, and at the same time the worries of being pregnant and being a parent.
Hiccup glanced out over the water. He had always feared the ocean, but never had he thought so realistically about it, and how easily the expanse of green and blue could become his grave. It wasn't even that it was likely that his ship would be lost or flooded, but the very thought that it could happen, and so easily, put him on edge. When he had a family coming and Astrid to take care of now, every risk seemed unnecessary. "I'll do everything I can to keep us safe. I love you too much to ever leave you."
"And you know that I love you too much to ever let you leave me." Astrid whispered quietly taking his hand in hers and gently placing it on her stomach meeting his gaze and wondering what his reaction would be silently. She still was getting over the fact herself that she was pregnant but as long as they were together she had little to really worry about. She sighed and gently with her other hand placed it on his cheek. "We're a family now. We need each other."
Hiccup let his gaze meet Astrid's, sure it betrayed the fear he was trying to hide. He really was so shocked at her pregnancy, that he could barely come up with a response. He was elated, yes, they would have a family. Still, at the same time, he was fearful. If something happened to him. . . he wouldn't be able to stand it. If Astrid was hurt or lost by the dangers of it, or the fate decided otherwise, it would be hard to even go on through the pain without the other there. "We'll always be together, always."
"As long as the other is alive, there's always going to be worth something living for." Astrid replied quietly. Even despite knowing that they had just had a fight it wasn't about to split them apart from the other any time soon and Astrid wouldn't let that happen either. She closed her eyes after a moment followed by a quiet sigh. "I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry." She added quietly still holding his gaze.
Hiccup closed his eyes for a moment, before looking over to her again. "It's okay. . . I understand why you did. . . it just worries me, that's all." He squeezed her hand gently, trying to show that he wasn't just angry. "We'll stay together, always. I love you, and really Astrid, it will be hard. . . but it's also amazing. A family. That's something to look forward too." He added, trying to sound upbeat to some level, and he really was excited.
"Our family. A new kind of hope. And just another reason to stay together." Astrid replied quietly even if she was nervous about the idea of being a mother she was trying to be as brave as possible for both of their sake. But then a small smile showed on her face after a moment. "I love you too, Hiccup. You already know that. I promise you that as long as we're both alive I'll always stay with you no matter what. No matter how many fights we get into, or how much we hate one another at times, I'll always be here for you just like I know you'll always be here for me."
Hiccup was nervous, yes, but he tried to put it out of his mind, even if for the moment. He should let himself just be joyful, even if for a few minutes, before he let the worries crept back to his head. "We'll always be here together. There's no way anyone or anything could change that. Fights or not, I'll be here, I promise, with all my heart." He added, sincerely, gazing into her eyes. He wished he was better at expressing his feelings, but truthfully, there were no words to say, really, how he felt.
Astrid glanced at the sky again before looking back at him once again. "We should get back, it's sort of getting late and I'm still not exactly feeling the greatest. So I think we should consider it." She replied still a little on edge as she waited for their dragons to come back to them where ever they had run off to. But she knew deep down in her heart that she would never let him leave her no matter what happened they would stay together.
Hiccup nodded slightly, and whistled for his dragon as way of an answer. The dragon came to his side within a moment, his best friend aside from Astrid and just another person or more like living creature that loved him. "Let's go home. It is late." he agreed, knowing that each night was one day closer, one day closer to the end, whatever it might be. If it end with him getting lost at sea, or a happy family, or something going wrong, no one knew.
Astrid nodded simply as her dragon showed up and nuzzled her with some worry. But Astrid didn't hesitate with getting onto her dragons back and taking to the air moments after, she wasn't in the mood for waiting and wanted to get home so she could at least try and relax and get the news out of her head as well as the worry of Hiccup getting lost at sea somehow. But she knew as long as the other was alive they would always return to one another and she wouldn't have it any other way.
Hiccup pulled onto his dragon's back, taking to the air after a moment. He sped up to catch up to her, flying in a straight path as opposed to his usual way of flips and rolls, not today. Maybe some other time, but right then, he couldn't help but keep an eye on Astrid. He wouldn't let anything happen, not on his watch, not if he could do anything to prevent it. He'd make sure that they all made it. If it was under his control, he'd make sure plans and events unfolded in a way that wouldn't possibly hurt any of them. That was his promise.
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Yet another chapter completed and I hope you're all enjoying it as well. I guess it's safe to say that Hiccup isn't exactly sure how to react to this type of news but he's definitely going to be overprotective of her for a long time.
PLEASE REVIEW! It only takes a few seconds of your time and is always, always apprecaited.