Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
Author's note: I am so sorry that this took so long. I could make excuses, and some of you have heard them, but all I'll say is that this chapter was the nightmare chapter. I had so much trouble with it, and I'm still not happy, but that may be because of how long I've spent on it.
Special thanks to my betas Masochisim and amgglekim, who worked especially hard this time around. Thank you for putting up with my awful, awful drafts.
One last thing. I am absolutely sure that this will end up being AU. This is set right now. BD is yet to be published. You will find out what happened in my back story gradually. But Stephenie Meyer will be tying everything up in BD. In my version, there was a fifth book needed, and this is kind of it.
Oh! One more thing. I GOT ACCEPTED ONTO RAMBLINGS & THOUGHTS! Rejoice with me by reviewing!
Chapter Six- Discussion
I sat with my arms curled around the tree trunk, resting my forehead against it, my hair giving me the illusion of privacy. The werewolf girl had gone into the woods now, and I was left alone again.
Every word I had said was sincere. I couldn't be left like this; it was too dangerous. There were no other options, I had to be killed. If I had come as close to killing Brianne as I did, what would happen when it was someone I didn't know? Being a stranger shouldn't be a death sentence, but with the state I was in, I couldn't imagine anything different fate for any stranger I happened across. It's not like I could avoid humans forever. They were everywhere.
In a way, I was glad that I had found Brianne when I did; it was the wakeup call I desperately needed. Nothing had worked better than realizing I had almost killed my sister. Without that, I might have killed some unknown person, purely on instinct. By the time I would have realized what I had done, I could easily make all sorts of rationalizations as to why I shouldn't, or couldn't stop. Then I would be a monster without conscience; being a monster with a conscience was, of course, only fractionally better.
I had quickly accepted a name for what I was: vampire. The implications were not something I had thought about, beyond werewolves and death. If this was all real, then those books were, at least partly, true. I couldn't ignore my sudden desire for human blood, so it must be. That thought made me worry for Brianne even more. What if the Volturi were real? What if Brianne didn't keep it a secret? What if she was in even more danger than I had previously thought? Another worry wriggled in my head. I hadn't told the wolves where Brianne was. How would they find her?
The sound of voices broke me out of my thoughts. The other werewolves had come, and once I told them where Brianne was, they would kill me. I thought I was ready for that, but was anyone ever really ready to die?
"What is it, Leah?" one of them asked.
"You remember the two vampires we killed four nights ago?" she asked him back. I knew this voice; it was the girl I had spoken to earlier. "They left behind a present, a protégé. And she wants to speak with you. She's over here."
They walked through the bracken towards me, almost silent except for their heartbeats. I didn't look up, my instincts guiding me to know that any sudden moves would be the end of me, and the loss of any hope of getting help for Brianne. My sister came first.
They stopped. One of them took in a little gasp of air before breathing out, "Bella".
I knew that name. It escaped me how I knew it, but it seemed familiar. It was more the way that it was said that caught my attention. It was a man's voice, and I turned my head to look at him, letting my hair fall away from my face.
He stood in the center of the group, obviously the leader, as they formed a half circle around me. He was not much older than me, and he looked strangely elated to see me; a glint of hope and life lighting up his eyes, mixed with disbelief. Then his face lost the joy, hardening into a mask. "No, not…" he said, his soft words trailing off into nothingness.
The others on either side of him shifted, embarrassed. The girl I'd spoken with earlier was on the end, and she looked triumphant as she glanced at the man who had spoken. He took no notice of her as he asked me, "What's your name?"
I didn't understand why he would want to know my name. The books had made it seem to me like the wolves wouldn't want to know anything personal about vampires, let alone want to be on a first name basis. But I was at his mercy here, and so I told him. "Samantha Kincaid. Some people call me Sam for short."
This time it was Leah's turn to look startled. She glanced first at me, and then looked at the man on the opposite end of the line. He didn't look back at her, and she quickly glanced back to me, her expression turning bitter.
"Brianne's in the campground closest to the Olympic Rainforest- in the spot closest to the trees," I said. "You're willing to make sure she's okay?"
"Brianne?" the leader asked.
"My sister," I answered.
Leah expanded on my answer. "Her sister knows that Samantha is a vampire. We have to keep her from telling everyone, and get her home safely. She has nobody else here with her."
The leader nodded, not even looking at Leah, and she became angry at being ignored. "Why don't you ask her when she was changed, Jacob?" The sneer that was across her face was apparent in her voice. Spite was not a pretty sound, and it grated against me. I already felt uneasy so close to so many wolves; the scent pervaded my nostrils, and I fought the impulse to run.
Wolves that were intent on hurting me were a far more frightening thought than wolves who were willing to listen to me, whether I wanted to die or not. The sneering tone of Leah's voice made me distinctly uncomfortable. Something was going on that I didn't understand some undertone of power plays and subtle confrontation.
Jacob began to speak. "Leah, what aren't you telling us? Just spit it out."
"Ask her," she snapped. Leah had not spoken to me like that before, and I knew that this anger wasn't directed at me, but I disliked the conflict. If there was any anger, shouldn't it be directed towards me?
"Alright, fine. Samantha; when were you bitten?" He said my name very carefully, and though I didn't understand why, I felt nervous about it. Something didn't seem right.
"Four nights ago," I said quietly. The pain was not something I could forget easily, and the memory of it flashed through my mind before it disappeared. I looked around, trying to gauge their reactions, but was greeted only with stony stares. I hadn't come here to find friends; I had come to find an enemy who was willing to kill me. From the looks on their faces, I could see that was exactly what I'd found.
"You see!" Leah said. "She was there! Those vampires we killed, they'd bitten her!"
A sudden flash of memory hit me. "I was in the tree," I said, moving slowly so that I was facing the werewolves. "They had been fighting about not whether or not they should kill me here. And I heard running, lots of creatures… like a horse, four-footed, but heavier, faster… That was you?"
"Yes," Jacob answered, not giving anything away.
Leah walked forward to meet him, crossing in front of me. "If you hadn't been worried about crossing over into what used to be vampire territory, she would be safe at home. We failed that night, Jacob. We failed because of you. She wants to be killed. Are you going to order us to kill her for something that was your fault?"
Jacob looked at me. "You really want to die?" There was something in his eyes that made me want to shrink away, but I didn't. I slowly turned away from the tree to face him, my arms palm out in front of me. The wolves shifted, and one or two of them trembled, but they stilled as Jacob looked at them.
"Didn't Leah tell you what I almost did to my own sister? I'm sure you know what newborn vampires are capable of," I said softly, only looking at Jacob. The wolves were silent, listening intently to my words. "What happened to me… happened. It doesn't matter. I was dead anyway, from the moment I met the vampires, drained or bitten. So will you please just kill me and get it over with." I set my jaw, prepared for whatever pain was coming.
"No." Leah spoke, her eyes flashing with anger that was not directed at me. It was directed at Jacob. They stared each other down for a few moments.
"Why not?" I asked, breaking into the silence, letting my frustration color my tone.
"Most humans at least get a last meal," Leah said, still watching Jacob, challenging him. "We aren't going to give you that, obviously, but we can do something else. Did you want to talk with your sister?"
I shot my head up. She had gone utterly insane. "If I see Brianne, I will kill her. I just can't."
Leah laughed. "Alright, who brought the cell phone?" She turned to me. "You do know the number to call her, right? She has a cell?"
"Yes. She has a cell. And I know the number." Hope bubbled up in me; I had not expected this kindness. I could make sure Brianne was safe. My parents may have paid me to take her to Forks, but I intended to stick to my end of the deal as much as possible. She was my sister, and I cared about her.
"Here," said the man on the end opposite Leah. I turned around so that I was sitting next to the tree, arm outstretched. He walked forward and handed the phone to me.
"Thank you…" I said, not sure of what else to say, but he seemed to think I was asking for his name.
"Sam," he said, as Leah looked away.
"Thank you, Sam." I bit my lip. "Do you mind if you all… back away, or something? I would like to pretend that this is a private phone call, if I can."
The werewolves all looked to Jacob, who looked at me for a moment, and then nodded. They all retreated into the bushes as I carefully punched in Brianne's number. Normally, she didn't answer strange numbers. After some of the horror stories that I had told her, both real and made up, she was careful about answering her phone. I hoped that she would make an exception now. It rang, once, twice… Please let her pick up… three times…
"Hello?" Brianne's voice sounded breathless and scared.
"Brianne, it's me, Samantha."
She let out a deep breath, the fear draining out of her voice, replaced by relief. "Sam, I have been so freaked out and worried…"
"I know, Brianne, I know."
"Please tell me you're not calling from some dead hiker's phone. They could trace that, you know."
"No, this is one of the werewolves' phones. No dead hikers for me."
"Good." She sighed. "So what happened? Who bit you? How?"
So I told her everything, from Arden and Lenore, to finding Brianne last night. I skimmed over the hunting part, and even though I mentioned meeting with the wolves, I didn't tell her that I was planning on letting them kill me.
"But what happens now?" Brianne asked.
"I don't know," I lied. To distract her, I changed the subject. "So am I declared lost or something? Are people out looking for me?"
Brianne hesitated. "Well…"
I had a bad feeling about this. "Brianne, is anyone looking for me?"
"No. No one knows you're missing."
"What?"
I could hear her shifting nervously, and she got the placating tone she used when trying to reduce the time she spent grounded. "I told Christine and them you were still not feeling well. You'd left that note, anyway, the one that said not to get freaked out because you were gone, and I got it the next morning. So when they asked if I wanted to go up to Seattle and Port Angeles with them, I said yes. And then I said yes when they invited me to La Push."
I sighed and closed my eyes, resting the heel of my free hand against my forehead. "Brianne, I was gone for three days. Three days, Brianne. Anything could have happened. That note was only meant for the hour or so I was out walking."
She swallowed. "I'm sorry, Samantha. I know that I should have told someone, but I figured that Mom and Dad would come and take me back, and I really wanted to see everything… But this works, right? You'll have to fake your death, and it'll be easier this way, now that people haven't been looking for you." I quietly laughed at the irony so that Brianne couldn't hear it. Fake my death. I was going to do one better.
"Yeah, I guess it will be easier that way," I answered. Then I swallowed, and began to speak slowly and clearly. "Brianne, I need you to listen very carefully to me. Have you told anyone that," I swallowed, "vampires are… real?" I never thought I would hear myself saying something like that.
"No. I would have had to tell everyone about you, then. And then they would take me home."
"Okay. Don't tell anyone. I mean it- nothing about the werewolves, about the vampires, about me. I will die a normal but tragic death, and that's all anyone needs to know."
"Even Mom and Dad?"
"Even Mom and Dad. Knowing is dangerous, Brianne. Think about it. What did Bella have to worry about once people knew she knew about the Cullens?"
Brianne gave a sharp gasp. "You mean, the Volturi?"
"Yes. So to keep you safe, to keep our parents and friends safe, you can't tell anyone. No one will ever know."
"Will I ever hear from you again?" Brianne asked.
I was the one to hesitate this time. "No, Brianne. You won't ever see or hear from me again." But I would let her imagine that I was living out there somewhere, happy. I wasn't going to tell her I was going to die. In this final action, I was protecting her, like I was still just her older sister.
"So this is goodbye, forever?"
"Yes, Brianne. Some of the wolves are going to come and see you. Be polite, even if you don't like the characters in the books. They're going to help you, like I can't."
"Samantha?" she asked, her voice quivering the way it did when she was trying not to cry.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry if I was rude to you, about fighting over Edward and Jacob." Jacob. I knew that name. And Bella… Suddenly everything made sense. Leah, the wolf in love with Sam, who had flinched at hearing my name. Jacob, the wolf who had loved a girl named Bella… He'd called me Bella. Did I look like her? I hoped not.
"I know. It's okay. I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too," she said. I hung up then. I didn't want to spend forever on goodbyes that I didn't know how to say.
"I'm done," I called, and the werewolves came back into view.
"That was a very kind thing you did," Jacob said.
I looked at him. If I had been human, I would have been fighting back tears. But there were no tears. "Kind?" I asked him. "She's my sister."
"And you didn't tell her what you asked us to do. You must love her very much," Jacob noted. He looked at me in a new light, studying me. "Do you really want to die?" I couldn't tell if his question was out of curiosity, or coming from something I didn't understand.
"What else can I do? I know what I am. There is no going back, and I don't want to be a killer. On my own, with my instincts driving me, I would be just that, a murderer and a monster." I held my hands out to him, and he took the phone back.
One of the wolves who had previously been silent spoke up. "She's an enemy, Jacob, she's not one of us. She's not human. It's a leech, and for once, they're making it easy on us. It's like she's been gift wrapped and hand delivered. Why don't we just kill her?" He wasn't as pleased at the idea as his words made it sound. I guessed that very few vampires seemed as human as I did at that moment. And it was harder to kill someone who was like you, who had a little sister, who cared about people... I never should have spoken to Brianne.
"Paul, there's no fun involved if she isn't running," another complained, and some of the others laughed, breaking the tension. I looked away from them, back to Jacob, who was handing the phone back to Sam.
"What alternatives do you have, Jacob?" Sam asked him quietly.
"She can't die."
"You can't save her. She isn't Bella."
"And you aren't the Alpha anymore."
Sam's voice got quieter, but I could still hear it. "It's been eight years, Jacob. Don't you think it's time to let her go?"
"I think I know the difference between Bella and a newborn vampire. Bella chose her life. She can live with the consequences." Jacob's voice turned bitter and sharp.
"Then why…"
"I don't know why. But I'm not going to let her die."
"Doesn't my opinion count?" I asked, breaking in on their discussion.
Jacob turned to look at me with steady, dark eyes. "No. This is a pack decision. And therefore, being Alpha, it's my decision."
"How are you going to stop me from killing people? Keep me tied to a tree in the middle of the forest and throw bears at me?"
"Hey, Embry, she's got a sarcastic sense of humor. Must be your future wife," someone called out, jabbing his neighbor in the ribs.
He also began to join in the laughter, and added, "A match made in heaven! They'd fight all the time, and enjoy it!"
The wolf being teased glowered. "Shut up, Quil, Jared."
I turned my eyes from the laughing wolves. I was being serious. How could they joke about it? "There's something else I want to know." I paused. "All the people from the books are real? You're that Jacob?"
Jacob winced. "Yes. Not even our names were changed," he said softly, and I knew instantly that I had made a mistake in asking him. The sudden change in his demeanor showed that he was expecting some sort of verbal retaliation from me. Of course, I had seen the damage that rabid Edward lovers could do in the presence of Jacob lovers. How bad would it be with Jacob himself?
I regretted saying anything about it. "I'm sorry, I just thought… Jacob is a common enough name, you know."
"It isn't your fault people come to La Push with pitchforks," Leah said. "It's hers." Jacob snapped around to glare at her, and she fell silent. For once, she had gone too far. The other wolves, sensing the tension, stopped laughing.
"So, what are my options here, since I don't get a say?" I asked, interrupting the tense silence.
"The only option I see is to get you to a place where some… vegetarian vampires can take you in."
"Where are they?" I asked.
"There are only two clans we know of; one we've lost contact with. The other is in Denali, Alaska."
I bit my lip, suddenly aware of how sharp my teeth were. "So how do I get there without killing anyone on the way?"
"We take you. Any volunteers?"
Paul said, "You can't be serious."
"I am completely serious," Jacob responded.
Leah looked at Sam for a moment, and then at me. "I'll go," she said. Her voice had a small tremor in it that I wouldn't have heard had I been human.
"Anyone else?" Jacob asked. No one responded. Some shuffled their feet and looked at the ground. All were avoiding eye contact.
"I guess I'll go, then. Sam, you are in charge until I come back. You can go back to your duties now."
"Jacob, I don't think…" one said, coming up to his shoulder.
"Thinking or not, that was an order. Go back to your duties." They all reluctantly left, glancing back at me, leaving just Leah, Jacob and me behind.
"Why do you have to come?" Leah asked sullenly.
"You think you can handle a newborn werewolf by yourself, Leah? Becoming too confident is going to hurt you someday."
"So I can't do it on my own. But it's not like she's running anywhere. She wants to do what we tell her."
"And when we cross a human's path? How reasonable is she going to be then?"
Leah scowled. "You know why I want to go. And I want to go alone. I can handle it."
"No." Jacob's tone was final.
"Why not?"
He looked at her. "Because vampires don't sleep. We won't be taking the highway. Avoiding humans will make our trip longer than you'll want to be without sleep."
"How do you know that the vampires are still there?" I asked.
"We don't."
"And if they aren't?"
"We'll figure that out when we get there."
"Don't they want to kill you?"
"Ah. Third book, am I right?"
I nodded. "Blame my sister- she's the one who's obsessed."
"We… reconciled our differences. We fought, and the leeches lost. But we let them crawl away to lick their wounds. So they owe us one."
"I'm not sure you're making the right choice," I said softly. "Even if I can gain control, there's nothing to say I won't… slip up."
Jacob's eyes were pained. "I know that. But the fact remains that you came to us for help, after we had failed you. Whether or not this is the right thing to do, well, that's a matter of opinion."
"I came to you so you could kill me."
"Would you rather die? I am giving you the chance to live."
I met his gaze, and saw something there that I couldn't name. He wasn't doing this for me alone. He had some sort of a stake in this; I just didn't know what it was. "Alright," I agreed. "But if I become unmanageable, if something happens and you can't stop me any other way, you have to kill me. Agreed?"
Jacob nodded. "It's a deal."
"Shall we go?" Leah asked, looking as if she had just swallowed something she didn't like.
"Not yet. We have some things to do first."
"Like what?" I asked, my curiosity taking over.
"Like getting you some clothes to travel in that aren't covered in blood, for one thing."
"Oh."
"And faking a death." He cracked his knuckles, and Leah began to grin.
"I've never done that before. This should be fun," she said.
Jacob smiled as well as he looked down at me. "So, Samantha, how would you like to die?
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