"Jesus Christ!" Arthur jumped at least half a meter up in the air when his husband decided to sneak up behind him as he was buttoning his shirt. "You're wet!" he pointed an accusing finger at the Frenchman, who smiled cockily and started towel-drying his hair.

"You don't usually complain about that, amour" Francis winked as he rubbed his head vigorously. How he could look attractive even in this ridiculously stupid moment, Arthur would never understand. Instead of attempting to solve this mystery, he just sighed and fixed the collar of the light blue shirt he was wearing.

"So, how are Gilbert and Antonio? Tired of playing the waiting game yet?" the Brit enquired eventually.

"Oh, au contraire, they seem to be having quite a bit of fun. It looks like taking care of your brothers combines their twin passions - messing with people and not doing anything."

"I guess you have a point there" Arthur agreed, rolling up his sleeves, as it was quite warm outside. "Well, I'm going to go to the store and buy some baking supplies, mom seems to have run out. Will you be okay on your own?"

Francis rolled his eyes. "Cher, I am not ten years old, I can handle spending a morning with your family and my own children."

"You say that now…" Arthur muttered, but he didn't press the matter any further and ignored Francis' snicker. "Anyway, I'm taking my mobile with me, just in case. I anything happens - call me. I don't want to come back and find the house burnt to the ground or anything."

The Frenchman finally put his towel down and wrapped his arms around Arthur.. "You need to stop treating your family like they have a fire hazard. I'll be perfectly fine. Stop worrying about everything so much, your blood pressure will go up." He moved the Brit's fringe from his eyes and kissed his forehead, causing him to roll his eyes.

"Alright, mr. Sap, I'm leaving now. Unless there's any more medical advice you would like to bestow upon me, that is" he raised an eyebrow.

"Again with the sarcasm. You may find it hard to believe, but I actually do care about you, Arthur. I wouldn't have married you otherwise."

Arthur rolled his eyes, and pushed Francis' arms off of himself. "Right, I'll make a note of that. But now, if you'll excuse me, flour and chocolate chips are calling me from the shop. I should get going if I want to make it back before dinner, Margaret is sure to keep me talking for way longer, than I would have liked." Francis raised a questioning eyebrow, and Arthur raised his arms up, suggesting his innocence. "The cashier. Don't ask, it's a long story."

"Should I be jealous?" the Frenchman took a step towards his husband, but the latter stepped back quickly.

"Yes, definitely. I have spent ten years married to an obnoxious french prat, just to decide to cheat on him with a female cashier in Devon, whilst visiting my family. Well, I'll be going now, I have to get a room at the motel nearby."

Francis just chuckled and crossed his arms, watching Arthur roll his eyes again, and disappear behind their bedroom doors. That Brit of his was definitely something else. Ten years together, and it still felt as stupidly amazing as it did at the very start.

He made his way down the stairs to look for his children, or perhaps a stray newspaper he could read in the garden for a while. What he found, though, was Arthurs mother shuffling through the hallway with an armful of papers, books, and god knows what else.

"Mon dieu, Rose! Let me help you with those, you look like you're about to fall over!"

"Oh dear, you really don't have to…"

"Nonsense" Francis concluded, lifting the majority of her pile into his arms. "Now, where to?"

"The living room. Thank you, darling, I was just about to show the boys some photos and whatnot. You know, just souvenirs from Artie's childhood."

Francis raised his eyebrows. "Were you? Well, in that case, I would love to join you. If it's not a problem, of course. Arthur never tells me anything about his young days; maybe it's time I looked for another source" he grinned brightly at his host, who returned the gesture, and started leading the way to where Alfred and Matthew sat on the carpet, bouncing excitedly.

"I'd be delighted to be your source, Francis" she replied, placing her part of the stack in front of the kids. Francis followed suit and proceeded to sit cross-legged in between his sons, who momentarily adjusted and leant against his legs. Rose chuckled at the sight. "You look like you're ready for a story, boys!"

All three of them nodded, Francis with a slight chuckle.

"Alright then, how about we start at the beginning?"

"Is that really dad?" Matthew asked sceptically.

"Yes, love, it is" Rose responded with a small smile, while Francis chuckled.

"How old was he?" Al chipped in, lifting the photograph up against the light, as if that would somehow prove it's legitimacy.

"Eighteen. This was taken right before the Leavers Ball at his school, when he was in Year 13."

"He looks weird" the boy concluded, putting the photo back down.

"What is that on dad's face, papa?" Matt asked quietly, pointing to a small silver element. Upon closer observation, to Francis' great amusement, the element tuned out to most definitely be a lip ring.

A lip ring. On Arthur's face. The Frenchman hoped to God it was real, so that he could tease his dear lapin about it later on.

"It's a very special type of jewellery, Matthieu" he replied, trying to conceal his amusement.

"But wouldn't it make it really hard to talk?" came the confused reply.

"Yes, I imagine it would" Francis nodded his head in agreement. "However, some people get an idea that it 'looks cool'. I can't imagine why though."

"And other people have cunning, backstabbing families who compromise their dignity in their absence" a voice commented bitterly from the hallway. Sure enough, when Francis turned around his gaze was met with Arthurs extremely not-amused expression. "Having fun, are we?" the Brit crossed his arms with a scowl. "Here I am, doing shopping for you, mom. And what do you decide to do in the meantime? Betray me. Throw me to the wolves. You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Rose only laughed amiably and got up. "Don't be so dramatic dearie!" She kissed him on the cheek, only causing his scowl to deepen. "Did you put the shopping in the kitchen?"

"Yes, I did. Enjoy the cost of my pride. I hope you can get the taste of regret out of it, although I'm afraid it might've sunk in quite deeply." Rose only chuckled in response and shaking her head made her way to the kitchen. "I'll call you when dinner's ready, kids" she threw over her shoulder and with that disappeared inside the kitchen.

Which left Arthur alone with his husband and kids.

"Stop grinning like an idiot, Frog, it makes you look even more idiotic that usually."

"Oh lighten up, cher! We were simply spending some quality time together finding out about your past. You're always so mysterious about it…" Francis sent him a charming smile.

"Yes, that's because you seem to be entirely too amused every time you find out anything about my past." The scowl still hadn't left Arthur's face.

"Well, in my defence, that picture of you in a bunny suit was tres adorable, lapin."

"Don't worry, dad" Alfred decided to chip in. "I think you looked kinda' badass. Y'know, like those guys on a poster I've seen in Chad's brother's room once, before he threw us out…"

Arthurs frown seem to loosen slightly at that, and he even let out something that sounded almost like a chuckle. "Thanks, love, but I'm afraid your papa is right, I look quite ridiculous in that picture." By the time he was finished with the sentence, Alfred was already dragging his brother off, already bored of their previous occupation. This child's attention span is awful, Arthur thought with a sigh. Suddenly he frowned, as if remembering something and looked back at Francis. "How come there are ten people in this house, and yet I hardly ever see half of them?"

"The answer is quite simple, Arthur. The half you do see consists of children and people who have children. People in these categories tend to get up a tad earlier than bachelors who are still mentally in secondary school."

Arthur murmured with agreement. "I guess you have a point there, it is only midday, after all."

As if the word exchange was a magic spell, suddenly the sound of heavy footsteps reached the pair's ears. Arthur groaned and slid his palm down his face, making Francis chuckle quietly.

"I'm an idiot! One should never speak of the devil"

"I think you're being a little extreme, lapin."

Francis' voice did that thing, and Arthur knew his husband was clearly amused. However, he decided not to comment on that in favour of exchanging surprised looks with him while raising his eyebrows to a comically high position. The reason for that was an unexpected increase of the noise, which started to sound less like footsteps and more like Noe had decided to persuade the passengers of his ark to take a stroll down the stairs, just to see if they could.

If the racket was anything to go by, they were clearly having serious problems.

"What the…" the Brit left the end of that sentence hang in the air, as Allistor's silhouette appeared in front of them, having finally finished the descend. The wild ruckus, however, continued. The other Kirkland slowly looked up at the two of them. " 'S not me this time. Maybe it's yer friends, they're fucking weird. And they seem to always make a lot'a noise."

Arthur just frowned, so Francis turned to his brother-in-law. "Even more so, mon ami."

It was Allistor's turn to frown. "Oi, what did you call me?"

"I… It was just to be polite." the Frenchman replied, confused. "I just called you a friend. There's nothing to get defensive about."

The frown deepened and Francis sent his husband a questioning look, but he only rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"Well, don't call me that again. I'm no friend of yours, got it laddie?" and with that he was gone, disappearing into the kitchen.

"Charming" Francis concluded, and just when he was about to suggest checking on the kids, the thunderstorm that was currently making it's way down the stairs landed at the bottom with a loud thump followed by a groan.

"Get off'a me, you verdammt redheaded spawn of satan!"

"First of all, my hair is orange, not red, git! Second of all, you were the one sneaking outside my door!"

"I was going to the bathroom! To take a piss! You clearly have some psychological issues!"

"Pfff, as if I'd ever believe that! Who do you take me for, an idiot!?"

"Frankly, yes, because attacking someone for having a piss is something only a complete dummkopf would do!"

Francis and Arthur could only stand at the bottom of the stairs and gape at the pair, mouth agape.

"Did you… roll all the way down?" Arthur finally stuttered out, making Gilbert and Connor look up abruptly.

"No" the former answered bitterly, still trying to shove the other off of himself. "He caught up with me half way and fucking jumped on me. We struggled for a bit. Then I slightly misjudged what would happen if I rolled to the right."

Francis barely covered a snort, masterfully disguising it as a sneeze. "Gesundheit" Gilbert grinned at him from his position down on the floor.

"Hey, I'm not done with you! Did'ya, or did'a not do unspeakable things to my toothbrush and/or my shampoo?" Connor laid his entire body on top of Gilbert's and pointed a steady finger right between his eyes."

"Jee, you have some problems, man! First Antonio in the tent, now me… And in front of your brother, too!" Gil shook his head slowly, as if to show deep disappointment. Connor, however, wasn't that easy to tease. He only narrowed his eyes and leant even closer to Gilbert's face. "Whatever you're plotting… We will know" he whispered ominously, before smirking and adding "And you'd be begging for it before you would even realise what was going on, mate."

At that moment the doors to the backyard swung open, and not long after Antonio appeared, whistling, which quickly turned into a wolf whistle when he saw the two men tangled at the foot of the stairs. "What's going on? Why wasn't I invited? Am I not good enough for you?" he exclaimed with a twinkle in his eye. Those two are enjoying this game way too much, Arthur thought looking between Antonio and Gil, both pretending to be offended, and both equally amused by the situation.

"I believe this was a situation of an aggressive, not erotic nature, Toni. The both of them rolled down the stairs and proceeded to jump at each others throats, so to speak" Francis cleared up with a smirk.

"Oh, but that's the best start! and it only gets better afterwards!" Antonio proclaimed with the bright, innocent smile he always wore, making Francis chuckle and wrap an arm around his shoulders. "Oui, I have to agree with you here."

"You're all of you demented" Arthur muttered quietly, shaking his head for emphasis. "I'm going to take a little walk, because I'm afraid this is already more than I can han- Oh, for fuck's sake!" As the doors were opened a cloud of smoke, quite large in size, engulfed Arthurs face momentarily, causing the poor man to fall into a coughing fit before finally looking up at the offender. "Honestly, is this a mad house!?"

"Hello to you too, brother" came the flat response, however the corner of Andrews mouth was clearly twitching in amusement.

Arthur, now red-faced and clearly distressed, huffed at his eldest brother, looked around the room, opened his mouth, closed it again, sighed, grabbed Francis' arm and yanked him towards the door. "Francis, we're going out."

"But-"

"Shut the fuck up!" he stopped for a moment to glare at him and indicate that he was being completely serious. Having done that, he pushed his brother out of the way, dragging his disoriented and slightly terrified husband towards, and then outside the gate.

"Found you!"

All four men still remaining in the hallway area looked towards the living room, where the voice came from. There, standing in the doorway and clutching his polar bear plushie, with Alfred cheerily pointing at him from behind, was Matthew. Still. Wide eyed.

Completely invisible to them for the last fifteen minutes.

"Um… Hola, chicos…" Antonio started, scratching the back of his neck and laughing awkwardly.

The next sound after that was the smack of Gilbert's palm colliding with his face.

"So… you're saying dad said it?"

Matthew nodded his head quickly, his eyes completely serious. "Twice. And one of them was to papa."

The boys were both sitting cross-legged on the bed Matt slept in, leaning in and whispering fiercely to each other.

"Do you think they're fighting?" Alfred asked carefully.

Matt shrugged. "They fight a lot, but I've never heard dad say that word before…"

Al looked around, panic filling his eyes, before he turned back to his brother and whispered barely audibly "Do you think they'll get… divorced?"

Matthew bit his bottom lip before answering the question. It was a hard one, after all. "I don't know. I've never met any divorced people."

"Yeah me neither, but… Wait!" Alfred suddenly jumped up, evidently excited about something that just came to his mind.

"What is it?"

"Didn't Grandma say she was divorced? That she divorced… Uh…"

Matt's eyes twinkled. "Uncle Connor and Aunt Erin's dad!"

"Yeah!" Alfred jumped up again. "We should go to her and ask her why she got divorced! And if she used that word. Maybe it's a divorce word…"

The younger of the two shook his head. "No, dad's brothers use it all the time, and they're not even married…"

"Maybe that's why" Al suggested with a shrug.

"Maybe." Matthew didn't look convinced. He shrugged as well and started climbing off the bed. "We should go to grandma anyway."

"Yeah, come on!" Alfred seized his hand and dragged him through the entire house, almost causing poor Matt to fall down the stairs twice.

Arthur was practically running down the road, fuming in silence, Francis having to chase after him after he let go of his arm. Suddenly he came to a halt, almost causing the other man to slam into his back.

"I knew this was a bad idea!"

"Cher, why are you suddenly-"

"I'm not suddenly anything! There are mad med in this house, mad men I tell you! And if we do nothing about it, we are going to go mad as well!"

Francis sighed and put a comforting hand on Arthurs shoulder. "Arthur. Antonio and Gilbert are here to help. I thought we went through that part?"

"Well, that doesn't change the fact that they're bonkers!" Arthur huffed, exasperated.

"Yes, maybe a bit, but they have kind hearts and good intentions."

"They-" Francis put a finger on Arthurs mouth before the former could get too carried away.

"Mon coeur. We both know you have a tendency to overreact to things, non? A, a, a!" he stopped the Brit before he could get defensive about it. "Don't. You do, and that is not the point we are discussing." Arthur huffed. "I am simply trying to tell you that both your brothers and my dear friends are clearly… How to put it… A bit extreme. There are going to be situations like this during the next few days. However, they do keep each other busy. Meaning we will have more time for ourselves. So would you please try to take five deep breaths next time, take my hand and imagine we're on our honeymoon again?"

Arthur blushed profusely an frowned, looking down. "I'm not sure that would help…"

Francis chuckled and slid his thumb down Arthur's face. "Perhaps it wouldn't."

The Brit cleared his throat to suggest going back before the situation got even more ridiculous, but frowned halfway as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Francis noticed the sudden change and sent him a questioning look.

"It's… the house phone. Why would they call? They know we'll be back in no time?" Arthur's scowl deepened.

"I don't know, but you should probably pick it up to find out. You really are such an over-thinker…"

Arthur just rolled his eyes and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Dad?"

The man frowned once again. "Alfred? What's going on?"

"Um, n-nothing, but…"

"What did you do?" he was clearly worried now.

"Nothing! I swear, I didn't do anything!"

"Alright, why are you calling then?"

"Well… Grandma said to tell you, that you can't worry too much…"

"Alfred, I swear if you don't tell me what you did, I'm not going to answer for myself…"

"Jeez, dad, chill, it wasn't my fault! And I'm not really sure what even happened…"

Arthur was clearly getting impatient, tapping his foot furiously, and Francis gave him a concerned look, which he promptly ignored. "What do you mean 'you're not sure'? Can't you just describe it?"

There was a short pause at the other end of the line, when…

"… Dad, what's a stroke?"

Arthur went as pale as a sheet. "Good god…" Francis took his face in his hands, his eyes screaming at the Brit. 'What is it? What's going on? Breathe, Arthur!'

"Oh my, dad, did I scare you? Sorry!" Al shouted apologetically. "I just didn't really know what that meant, and grandma told me to tell you that you shouldn't worry, because she didn't have one!"

Now the bushy-browed man was just dumbfounded. "W-what…? Did she have… something else?"

Another short pause.

"I'm not sure. But she left with uncle Andrew, and uncles Connor and Allistor took the other car…"

"What? Where did they all go? Are you boys alone?" Arthur was thoroughly confused. So was Francis.

"They said they were going to a place called…" rustling of paper and Matthews quiet mutters " …Totnes."

Arthur wasn't even sure what the conversation was about, so how could he respond to Francis' wild hand gestures? He just waved him off quickly and focused back on the phone. "Wait, wait, did they go to a hospital, Alfred?"

"Oh, did they tell you already?" Al sounded surprised. Arthur took a deep breath.

"Hold on, well be back as quickly as we can!" He hung up without waiting for any sign of understanding from his son and once again grabbed his husband's hand, but this time it was significantly more gentle and uncertain, even though he was once again pulling him along with all of his force.

"Arthur? What on earth is going on? Arthur, slow down!"

He turned back for a moment, looking dead serious. "No time for this now, Francis. I don't know. It's not…" he swept his hand through his hair nervously.

"It's not what?" Francis asked, not understanding anything from what just happened.

"I don't know, alright!? We're going to Totnes."

"We're… What?"

A/N:

Heyyy, so guess who wins the worst uploader award…?

Heh, I'm really sorry, I feel really crappy about that, but it was due to a plethora of unfortunate situations that I couldn't avoid…

This was written over a couple of months, so it might be… a bit weird. I'm sorry about that. Also, I'm not changing the genre - it's not going to get too dramatic, so don't be too scared, alright?

If you listen to Cabin Pressure, you'll notice I took inspiration for the phone call from one of the episodes… Yeah, soz, I couldn't resist.

I'm thinking, one or two chapters left? Meh, well see.

PLEASE, let me know what you think. It's super important to me, especially now that I've had a massive unintended break.