XX

Jackson's POV:

"I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to your apartment." Cristina said as she looks at me as I put on my seatbelt. Lunch was delicious and now we were back in the car, away from our comfortable chairs and all the people. It was easy being with her, she isn't easy, she's complicated and amazing and hot, and I love being around her. Even though we haven't really decided what we are yet, I would like for us to last a while, or maybe forever.

"I don't think so either." I replied, watching her carefully, I stare at her mouth for a few seconds without realising, then quickly look into her eyes, as her lips curl into a smile, I know she's thinking the same thing. We haven't kissed since she pulled me over the table and it is taking every inch of self-restraint I have not to kiss her.

"But you need your stuff." Cristina said, staring pointedly at my lips and not helping matters by biting down on hers. She must be doing it to test me, because she doesn't do it when she thinks, which is obviously what she was doing as she trying to find a way not to enter my place, knowing that she wouldn't be able to stop herself if she did. I wouldn't stop her if she did, I wouldn't be able to stop myself either.

"That I do." I replied, eyeing her lips hungrily, I want her to come up to my apartment with me, to finish what we started, but I'm not sure that's a good idea, it is but it isn't. She is still married, I keep reminding myself as I tear my eyes away from her lips and rest them on a tree as I stare out the window. Fully aware that her gaze is fixed steadily on me making me desperate to know what she is thinking.

"I'll wait in the car." Cristina said after a few seconds of silence, as she thought and kept her eyes glued to me. Once again I invest in self-restraint and kept staring at the tree.

She drives in silence, I fiddled with the radio for a few minutes, before realising that every channel is full of crap music, ads and some douchey radio talk show host talking about something idiotic. I stared at the road, trying not the think about what happened last time she came to my apartment, trying to block all of those memories out of my mind, I wouldn't be able to control myself if we went back up there, I am sure of it.

"Why did you kiss me?" I blurt out, no longer able to suppress the question that was bubbling up inside me, I don't know why I was so desperate to know, but I was.

"Which time?" Cristina replies immediately, her eyes still trained to the road, hopefully not because she doesn't want to look at me but because the road is full of cars and she doesn't have a death wish.

"At lunch." I say, not knowing what answer I want to hear, but wondering what answer she will give. Was it because she wanted to kiss me or because she wanted to prove something to Linda, who stood behind me in the queue and attempted to flirt with me, I had to know.

"Honestly, I don't really know. I don't know what pushed me over the edge, but I do know I have been wanting to do that for days." Cristina says, her cheeks glowing red as she cuts herself off, she had obviously said more than she intended to.

I don't know how to reply to that, the only way I can think of is to kiss her, but she is driving, and also if I started to kiss her, I wouldn't be able to stop. She was still married, she is getting divorced but she was still married. Looking out of the window I saw that we were only a few blocks from my place, she didn't even super focus on the road, she looked as though she knew the route off by heart, even though as far as I know I am the only one that she knows who lives out here.

Bursting the bubble I was inflating I remembered that Alex lives with me, no doubt she had dropped him off, picked him up and visited him countless times, and April too. Before I know it, the car is stopped and Cristina looks over at me, smiling shyly, as I smile back at her.

"I won't be long." I manage to say, as I push the car door open, shut it carefully behind me and head towards the doors attempting to keep an even pace, but I couldn't help remember staring down at this piece of pavement as Cristina left, as I watched her leave, moments after our relationship changed forever.

The stairwell engulfs me as I take the steps two at a time, attempting to focus on the steps alone, the sounds of my feet hitting the slabs beneath my feet, ignoring the thoughts in my heads, ignoring everything but the stairs. Too soon I am by my door, pushing the key into the lock with realising it, all this done by habit, I could find my way up here blind, if I can do it exhausted or blind drunk I can do it when my thoughts are consumed by Cristina.

Shutting the door behind me, I scan the apartment for signs of life before remembering that no one could be here, they are all at work, doing busy things, saving lives, or filling in paper work. Leaning my head against the cold wood of the door, I take a deep breath and count to five before pushing all of the memories of that night out of my mind, and ignoring all of the possibilities that night had to offer if she had already been divorced, or I had a little less self-restraint.

Twenty minutes later I emerged out of the front doors of the building, bags in tow, striding towards the car. Cristina must have had her eyes trained to the door because by the time I reach the car, the back door is open and she is back in the driver's seat, her head rested against the window as she watches me out of the corner of her eye.

"Is that everything?" She asked, as I sit down beside her and do up my seatbelt. Checking over my shoulder I see my two bags and smile over at her as I nod, she widens her eyes only slightly. Before realising that I can return to my apartment without fear of being suffocated by bad memories, or of the possibility that I will run into Owen and have to engage in conversation or see his sad eyes follow me around as I pack my things or walk out. I can easily go back for more, she can't.

"Where to?" I asked, as she starts the engine and pulls out into the traffic, looking even more exhausted than she did when I headed into my apartment to grab everything that I needed.

"Mere's." Cristina answered, indicating before turning the corner and speeding off down the street. I don't say anything in reply, just bite down on my tongue to stop myself from saying anything I'll regret.

My heart beat pounds in my ears as she smiles again, causing me to flashback to the night of the party, all those years back when I pushed her up against the wall and kissed her, and she kissed me back before remembering Owen. If they hadn't been together, how different would our lives be now? Would they be better or worse?

My thoughts sunk deeper and deeper into that possibility, spinning web after web of ideas, the only sound that drew me out of the pit was the sound of the engine cutting off. We were at Mere's our new home, until boards were over anyway. This house would test my resolve for every second we were both in it, she would sleep only a few doors down, maybe only a wall would lie between us.

We both remained silent as we unpacked the car, me dumping all my stuff in Izzie's old room, because Alex still hates that room and I didn't want to force him to take it. Cristina took George's old room, leaving April in the attic, where Lexie usually sleeps, but is now staying in April's bed at our apartment, to avoid this mad house. It didn't take long to bring in all of Cristina's stuff, and I headed to my new room without looking back at her as she climbed the staircase her final bag in hand.

I couldn't even look at her, I knew I couldn't and I knew she couldn't. We were alone in this house together, and my resolve wouldn't last much longer, so I shut the door firmly behind me as I threw myself face first onto my bed, letting my exhaustion take control. Luckily the bed was already made, so all I had to do was kick off my shoes, peel off my clothes, leaving me in my boxers before climbing underneath the sheets and closing my eyes.

"Jackson?" Cristina whispered, she was standing in front of me, I opened my eyes just a fraction to find her wearing an oversized red tshirt, her curly hair falling past her shoulders, as her eyes glued on my lips, noticing that I was biting down once more.

"Yeah.." I mumble, on the brink of sleep.

"My beds not made and the room is really…" Cristina starts, keeping her voice low, which is strange for her to do, not that she isn't considerate but usually she wouldn't care about waking someone up but this was different. She wanted for me to remain half asleep, almost as she knows I will say yes to shut her up without thinking over the repercussions or the possibilities that this may lead us to.

"Get in." I say, cutting her off midstream, pulling the blankets back, I only slightly notice her eyes widen a fraction as she sees more of me than she ever has.

She climbs in beside me, pulling the blankets over us both, her back turned to me. For a second I consider shuffling to the other side of the bed, in an attempt to separate us, but why fight the inevitable.

Wrapping my arm around her body I pull her close to me, so that our bodies fit together like pieces of a puzzle, so that her hair touches my face, so that part of my face rests against her shoulder, so that her scent wraps around me and pulls me to sleep.

She can no doubt feel my heartbeat against her back, and my breathing against her ear, but I am too tired to notice other things. I am too tired to kiss her and too tired to fight the urge to pull her even closer to me as she wraps her fingers around mine, and sets her breathing to match mine, her chest rising and falling with mine as we fall to sleep.

XX